More Primaries, More Insanity, Part II

*Written by Rob Rimes.

I’ve been putting off writing this all morning, as I’ve been sucked into the Internet’s new infant beast Pinterest. Damn that website for wasting half of my day! One thing I learned from it very quickly is that it is really easy for anyone to follow you and re-pin your posts. I guess that is good for those wanting exposure and needing to feel some sort of artificial love from strangers stalking them. Actually, it reminds me of about 80 percent of my ex-girlfriends. Anyway, moving on!

My predictions for last night’s shit show was two-thirds correct. I said that Romney would win Maryland and DC while bitch-tears Santorum would take Wisconsin. Well, I was wrong about Wisconsin as Mitt Romney swept all three primaries – sticking it to Rick Santorum hard and pretty much solidifying the fact that Mr. Santorum will soon be out of the race and shipped back to his own personal hell. Well, at least I was right about Ron Paul getting second place in DC. That doesn’t even matter though, as the winner takes all of the delegates there and Romney won the thing with a whopping 71 percent!

So the delegate count after these three contests is as follows: Mitt Romney now has a staggering 654 delegates compared to Santorum’s 270, Gingrich’s 137 and Paul’s 71. Romney is well over the halfway mark in earning the magic number of delegates required to win the Republican nomination. So is this whole thing coming to an end finally?

Hell no it’s not! Rick Santorum just won’t go away and he will continue to bitch, whine and throw temper tantrums until the Republican Party finally sends him packing in disgrace. Honestly, that won’t matter anyway because in four years they’ll have him back and probably make him the nominee going into a race where we will be slaughtered by whomever the Democratic candidate might be in 2016. Gingrich has cut a lot of his staff and believes that somehow a miracle will happen in a few months at the Republican National Convention which will propel him all the way up to the top where he’ll be the nominee. I could make a case against these guys for not bowing out gracefully and accepting their fate but then I’d also have to point that finger at Ron Paul, who is also staying in this race even though he’s currently dead last and yet to win a single state (even though Maine was stolen from him). Paul’s case is somewhat different however, as his presence in the race is about his message: the message of liberty.

Unlike the other losing candidates in this race, Dr. Paul is winning. Sure, he’s not winning the nomination per se but he is winning over the hearts and minds of millions of people and even if devious tricks, demonic sorcery and voter fraud prevent him from making as big of an impact in the delegates department as other candidates, his message hasn’t been stripped from the minds of those who support him and the principles he represents. Because of that, he won’t and can’t leave the race until the GOP makes their final decision. However, Santorum and Gingrich can fuck off for all I care and we’d all be in a better place if they did. Now I am not saying that Romney is any better than those two but what’s done is done and he is going to run away with this thing regardless of how any of us feel about it or whatever tricks the other candidates may try to pull.

I just wish this race would hurry up and be over. The Republicans just need to prop Romney up as their choice and send him off to get beat by Obama. I can’t believe that we have to wait until November for all of this to be over. I wish I had some words of hope to throw in the tail end of this article but I don’t. I’m going to go grab a cigar and some whiskey now, as I have better things to do than overanalyze the crap out of this race. I’ve spent the last several months trying to make sense out of madness and I’m over it. Plus, I have a fucking migraine.