Recycled Myths & Renewable Scams

*Written by Rob Rimes.

1. Introduction:

The realm of political rhetoric is filled with many false promises born out of myths and turned into scams. This is not a new practice by any means and it is typically much more prominent in politics than the simple truth. We all know that most politicians are douches and pretty much impervious to real fucking data. In the case of green energy and the environment, this is no different. Truthfully, the ineptitude and complete lack of knowledge about the subject is probably much worse than it is in most areas of politics. Most politicians have bought into this renewable energy scam and are on board to waste our hard earned cash by handing out subsidies in areas that just don’t make a lick of economic sense.

Granted the thought of a world full of pollution and smog is scary but “scary” is what they need to sell their agenda. I don’t think that most politicians supporting the vast amount of money going towards renewable energy are out to fuck us and shit on our economy, I just don’t think that they get it. It’s as simple as that really. Sure, some know that they are throwing money into companies that can’t effectively produce a real viable solution to this inflated problem but most just have the best of intentions without the real knowledge and facts in their corner. I can’t fault these cuntpickles for doing what they truly feel is right but I can blame them for not doing their goddamned homework and taking everything they hear on the subject as fucking gospel. There are eco-fascists out there in a very large number and they must take our money to survive. Well, hear is why they shouldn’t get a fucking dime as far as I am concerned.

I’m going to present some of the “solutions” to our energy “problem” here and explain why they are just pipe dreams and horrible ideas.

2. The Solar Solution:

The sun is really fucking powerful, which is why people want to harness its awesomeness. Hell, Lex Luthor created an evil solar powered nemesis to battle Superman in 1987′s ‘Superman IV: The Quest for Peace’, granted that was the worst Superman film ever but that’s not the point. The point is, that the solar solution is an incredibly popular one and an idea that has been around as long as I can remember. As a child of the 80′s, I was often exposed to science teachers who had a raging hard on for solar power. I have to admit, it sounds like a grand idea and growing up, I was a big fan of this seemingly ideal alternative.

However, even back in the day, I remember hearing that the technology for solar energy was still in development and that it had to be further studied and experimented with. That is totally understandable, as all new and innovative technologies need to be tested and refined until they are perfected. Even then, they will continue to be tested and refined until the end of time because more use creates more trial and error and more trial and error creates more refinement. Also, other technologies tied into it will affect it’s overall evolution and growth. Over 20 years later, I am still waiting for this shit to take off. I just don’t think it is ever going to happen, at least not in the near future anyway.

Reason being, solar power is unreliable. The sun cannot shine all the time and because of that, the technology would have to be able to collect as much energy as possible and then store it for use on those rainy days. This is of course, keeping in mind that it also has to be used for everyday activities while it is simultaneously storing energy for the possibility of the next day’s less than stellar weather. What are you supposed to do in the winter? In most large cities in the north, there would barely be any sun in the winter months. Can we really store enough energy to hold until we are freezing our asses off trying to pump this stored energy into our heaters?

When taking this knowledge and applying it to what I see now, it just doesn’t seem like a practical idea. I mean, look at all the experimental solar cars. They store energy to run but they run at a slow ass bitch speed! Also, the fuckers can’t travel all that far if the sun isn’t shining. Even if the sun is shining, the power the car needs to run is greater than the power it can collect, so essentially, you will always be running on close to empty. Over 20 years later, you’d figure these scientists would have this shit figured out a bit more. At least Lex Luthor knew that he had to use a combination of solar energy, nuclear energy and DNA from a strand of Superman’s hair to even make the technology effective. In the end, Luthor and his plan failed anyway.

The other issue with solar power, and really all alternative power, is that it is too expensive compared to fossil fuels. To start, even if we could store enough solar energy to supply power to every American on demand morning, noon, night summer and winter, we could only collect it in really sunny areas like the Southwest. Can you even fathom how much it would cost just to build new power lines and substations across America to supply this energy to everyone? We would have to keep the existing power plants active, there is no way around that. If that’s the case then, what’s the point in even trying to implement solar technology on a nationwide scale? It is incredibly counterproductive.

One misleading thing about the solar sales pitch is that panels and equipment supposedly last for at least 25 years (home units are typically warrantied for 20 years). What this tidbit of information omits is that the battery bank life of a panel is 5 years. Those batteries would have to replaced and for small home units they are costly (around $100 a piece). Imagine the cost on millions of super sized panels out in the desert far from the Northeast who needs it most. Even if they don’t have a similar battery system as the stand alone home units, imagine what the price would be to maintain the massive battery bank that stores all the energy for the solar plant. In addition to that, what about the cost of maintaining the battery banks at the substations stretching from Arizona to New York?

Now I’m not trying to shit on the possibility that one day solar energy may be less expensive and a feasible system to manage but we are a very long way away from that. I understand the argument that maybe we should still work towards finding a way to make it a practical alternative but is the cost really worth it? Where I sit, the answer is “no”.

3. The Wind Solution:

Wind is pretty cool. It blows, which is something I like that ladies do. However it also sucks, which is something else I like that ladies do. However, when wind power sucks, it sucks bad. Wind power is just as stupid as solar power, if not way more stupid. At least solar power uses the sun and the sun is cool (irony?). Now that I think about it, wind is not cool, actually it can be cool at times but mostly it is just a stupid pain in the ass. I lost a pretty bad ass hat thanks to the wind and since I was on a boat and the sea swallowed it, as far as I am concerned, the wind owes me for a new hat. I know I’ll never get the money from the wind because the wind has no pockets, therefore it doesn’t have a wallet. Apart from my bitchy rant about the lame ass wind, let me explain why it is a stupid form of alternative energy.

First of all, it basically has the same fucking issues as solar energy. For instance, it can’t be windy all the time and because of that, wind energy will have to be stored for use on days that aren’t windy. Also, wind power is limited by location, just like solar power. According to a map I looked at, Colorado looks to be a pretty windy state compared to the other 47 continental states, so let’s use Colorado for our example.

Essentially, you would have to create wind power on a wind farm, probably in Colorado. In doing so, you would have to be able to make enough to use on that windy day and also enough to store for calm days. In addition, you’d have to have enough power generated to supply the rest of the country. Just like with solar power, you would need to build new power lines, new substations and have a way to keep the shit stored. It’s just not feasible or economical when you’re sending stored power (if there even is enough) and have to zap it over to Florida and forty-something other states.

Also, the wind has to be blowing at at least 17 MPH for the wind turbines to spin. If the wind is too strong however, the turbines have to be shut down or else they could be severely damaged. Basically you have to work within a window. At least with the sun, the fucker shines and you get energy. There is no throwing blankets over the solar panels on days where the sun is too intense. However, in wind’s defense, it does trump solar in the fact that the equipment is cheaper, has very few moving parts and maintenance is much easier.

Another negative is that wind turbines are invasive to their surroundings. They ruin the natural look of the countryside and they murder birds. In addition to that, the wind turbines are incredibly noisy. A single turbine is one thing but dozens if not hundreds spread out over an area would create serious noise pollution and have a negative affect on the animals in that habitat as well as people living around the area. It is said that one turbine generates the same amount of noise as a car traveling at 70 MPH. Imagine the sound of hundreds of 70 MPH cars! Also, the largest turbine can only generate enough power to supply energy to 475 homes when running at full capacity (not counting energy storage on windless days). So how many would it take to power a town of 100,000? How about a nation of over 300,000,000?

Lastly, wind power costs a lot more than power from fossil fuels. Long term, wind power apart from maintenance could be practically free but even with that, it still isn’t a practical alternative to what we have now. Yet, just like with all green energy solutions, the government is handing out subsidies to the wind power industry like the Joker throwing away money to the crowd in 1989′s ‘Batman’. While it may seem awesome, it is only a matter of time before the flip is switched and that Smile-X gas fucks your whole world up.

4. The Hydro Solution:

Hydro power, in a nutshell, is created by water running through turbines. Seems simple enough to understand and a positive step towards energy independence and alternative power. However, like all other forms of alternative energy, there are several drawbacks and negative points that the supporters of the hydroelectric energy conveniently leave out of their talking points. Those bastards!

Anyway, the first major issue with hydroelectricity is location. You need an area where it is practical to build a dam to hold the turbines. You certainly can’t build a dam on flat land. Well you could but you’d be a fucking moron. The area you would need would have to be like the area surrounding the Hoover Dam; a place with high hills or mountains and valleys to channel the water through. Not to mention that if there isn’t a river there, you would need to redirect one in that direction. The cost of that would be absolutely astronomical but lets look at this from the perspective that all conditions are perfect for building a dam.

This brings me to the second issue: the cost of dam construction. A dam is pretty goddamned expensive and in most cases, must be massive in order to supply energy to the surrounding towns. Creating enough energy for damns to supply the entire nation is another issue. Anyway, not only is the price of the dam’s structure astronomical but the cost of the turbines would also be a gargantuan hit to the government’s pocket, a.k.a OUR pocket. The entire Boulder Canyon Project which included the Hoover Dam and the other smaller dams downstream cost $165 million and that was in 1930! Take inflation into account and the cost today would be a whopping $2.28 billion! Keep in mind also, that the government today is completely inept to the concept of fiscal responsibility, so imagine how much money would be wasted on this project due to mismanagement and general bureaucratic idiocy.

Now taking the cost of a dam system the size of the Hoover Dam’s into account, let’s look at the fact that it only supplies enough power to parts of Nevada, Arizona and Southern California. The Hoover Dam doesn’t really supply Las Vegas, contrary to popular belief. The Hoover Dam’s annual power output is approximately 4 billion Kilowatt-hours (KW-h) according to Enviro News & Business. The United States as a whole needs 4.062 trillion KW-h to sustain itself annually and that was the figure from 2007, as I had a hard time finding an accurate number for anything after that year. So do the math, we would need just over 100 Hoover Dams with smaller dams working in conjunction with it just to maintain 2007 levels! That’s 2 massive dams per state. The cost of that would be $2.28 trillion dollars! Our national debt as I write this is over $14 trillion dollars. The cost of this massive project would be over 16% of our national debt! That cost isn’t even taking into account government idiocy and waste, this is the best-case scenario. I’m also not taking into account the cost of maintenance on the dams themselves and the turbines or the cost of employees to manage and maintain all of the dams. There is a lot more money involved here than one can really quantify with an accurate figure.

Now also remember that location is key. Most states don’t have the natural landscape to construct dams. Even if you could build 100 and had a way to store all that energy for the country, there is nowhere in the country that has enough space for 100 dams. I know what you’re thinking though, that we could use each of these different energy options simultaneously in an effort to have each part of the country run off of it’s most practical natural energy source. I’ll get into why they won’t work further into the article.

Moving forward, these few issues aren’t the only problems when it comes to hydro power. Another problem, which should convince the eco-fascists and green hippies to move away from hydroelectric power, is the fact that they have a negative impact on aquatic ecosystems. The presence of dams can destroy these fragile ecosystems in many ways. First, they can disrupt mating season which will have a huge impact on the survival of species in the area. Also, the change in the force and flow of water can disrupt the life in and around the water near the dam. For instance, fish may have to swim against the stronger stream in order to travel and acquire food. This also creates hinderances on their paths when trying to breed. Another issue related to this, is the fact that animals on a large scale could easily be pulled into and killed by the massive turbines. This is how the fourth Aquaman died in an Elseworlds tale.

The creation of dams and the redirection of a waterway causes plants and animals in that area to suffer. Many trees have to be cut down in order to make way for wider channels to collect more water going into the dam. The wider raging water turns a once calm waterway into a thundering river. Also, the surrounding ecosystem must by brushed aside and disrupted in order to build transformers and power lines to connect to the power grid.

Dam construction also creates large scale human displacement. The people in the area where the new dam must be built will have to be relocated, as the area needed to create a dam is massive. If anyone has ever lived in an area where the government has come in and ordered people to move just so they could widen a highway or build a school, knows how people react when put into this type of situation. Now imagine that on an even larger scale. People have attachments to their land, especially if it has been in their family for generations. Good luck trying to get an entire land to relocate.

Another thing to think about is safety. I hate throwing that damn word around but in a day and age when terror is supposedly on the rise, would you want to live in an area downstream from a dam? If some psycho fucksack decided to bomb a dam or fly a plane into one, the side of your house would be bitchslapped to smithereens by the raging water and large debris of the destroyed dam. If you weren’t crushed and drowned by the damn thing, your house sure as shit would be a big pile of crap floating downstream.

Besides, the government didn’t really want to build the Hoover Dam anyway. We all know now that it was constructed to hide the AllSpark and other Transformers’ secrets. If you don’t believe me, Netflix that motherfucker.

5. The Biofuel/Biomass Solution:

Biofuel is another popular alternative energy scam that the Corn Pimps are trying to sell us on, as a solution to our energy problems. It sounds fucking fantastic on paper and if one takes everything at face value, there really isn’t any reason why we shouldn’t push for this alternative. However, the reality of biofuels is something very different than what the Corn Pimps are trying to sell you. The harsh truth is that biofuels can create an environmental clusterfuck of catastrophic and monstrous proportions.

Let’s talk about one of the know-it-all greenies’ favorite forms of biofuel, that bitch ass vegetable that your body can’t digest called corn. Corn is an idiot and pretty much useless. It ruins our livestock and our own bodies, as it is in absolutely everything we eat. I actually found a corn kernel in a carrot I was eating last weekend. Apart from that, they also want our fucking cars to eat corn. Supposedly it is a bad ass form of energy. I think it’s really a weak ass form of crap. Here’s why corn is fucking stupid.

To start, the production of corn ethanol uses more energy to produce than it creates. Essentially, we would have to use an existing fuel source to produce this alternative fuel and we’d have to use more of the existing fuel than what we can make into new alternative fuel. How is that a solution? It is fucking wasteful and retarded! You might as well use your current fuel source and tell this corn ethanol crap to “fuck off!” Hell, that’s what I did.

In addition to that, corn is horrible for the environment compared to other crops. According to greenie website GreenAnswers, corn production uses more than 40% of all commercial fertilizers, while commercial nitrogen is applied to 98% of corn fields and commercial phosphate to 87%. The real reason why the Corn Pimps are working so hard to push this as an alternative energy source is because there is already a shit load of corn in the United States. There is actually way too much, which is why it’s in all the shitty food we eat. But fuck corn, I’m moving on.

Ethanol in general, not just that bitchass corn crap, has many other drawbacks. One of them being that ethanol fuel contains less energy than standard fuel. Because of this, the mileage you would get in your green car couldn’t even come close to the mileage you would get in your non-pussy car. Also, just like the greenies want, your car would have no balls and be just as emasculated as the effeminate eco-fascist fucktards. Sorry dickbags, I prefer going zero to sixty in under fifteen minutes.

Deforestation is another problem that we face if we go the biofuel route. You see, to actually make room for all the plantations to grow raw materials, you need a massive amount of land. So what are they going to sacrifice, the rural areas or the urban areas? Obviously, the rural areas. Also, considering that there are not enough farms in this country to produce the amount of raw material that we need, we are going to have to cut down a shit load of trees to make room to grow these magic crops.

Another issue is that it will have a negative impact on food prices. Subsidized incentives to biofuel will cause the prices of corn, soy and other edible goods to increase quickly. This is already happening around the world in areas where they currently use biofuels. Demand causes prices to go up. As the demand for ethanol rises, the price of all sources of ethanol will increase. This means all energy crops will skyrocket in price. Look to see hefty prices tags on corn, soy, coconuts, sesames, mustard, sunflower seeds, various other seeds and nuts as well as certain types of spices, exotic fruits and other edible items. Even cotton will be impacted, so you can expect your $5 t-shirt website to become your $20 t-shirt website. I mostly wear t-shirts so the thought of this just pisses me off.

Now when looking simply at biomass, it is at its core a grand hypocrisy in the green movement. Why do I say that? Well, the greenies believe that carbon dioxide, the shit plants breathe, is evil and anything that creates carbon dioxide, such as humans, is even eviler. So with that said, biomass, which many of these greenies are pimpin’ like ragged hoes, creates a fuck ton of carbon dioxide and methane, another thing they hate. You see, biomass is the burning of organic material to create a source of heat. By burning organic material, you are causing shit loads of carbon dioxide and methane to spew out into the atmosphere. Of course the eco-fascist cuntdumplings skirt around this fact and consider biomass to be “carbon neutral”. The reason for this is simply because of the bullshit fact that they balance out the amount of carbon dioxide that the biomass spews out versus the amount of that same spewed carbon dioxide being absorbed immediately by the surrounding trees. What the fuck? Exactly. Well, I once met a girl that claimed she was a master of faerie magick and she was liberal as fuck and a hippie greenie, so going on that personal experience alone, I’d have to conclude that they are all insane. Recently, studies have come out exposing the bullshit of biomass, stating boldly that it is not carbon neutral. Oh damn, I knew it! Too bad Lefty Greenpants is a blind maroon.

6. The Geothermal Solution:

Geothermal energy seems really lame to me. I mean anytime we’ve tried to go into the Earth for anything, stupid shit has happened. Chilean miners got trapped, Cobra built a super weapon, we shot the film ‘The Core’ inside of the Earth and it was a gigantic piece of shit and who could forget when a bunch of stupid Japanese miners woke up Rodan. That careless act led to a bunch of havoc and chaos across the Japanese countryside. Granted, Rodan became a hero and a great ally to Godzilla but was the payoff worth the damage? I say “no”. So while the alternative energy nuts are digging for our Rodan, I have to wonder if this is a good source of alternative energy or is it a big pile of misleading and fallacious crap like all the other “solutions”. Signs point to motherfucking crap.

Geothermal has its fair share of problems. The first one worth mentioning is that geothermal energy has to be taken from deep within the Earth. The problem with this is that finding a suitable location is a giant pain in the ass. The layer of rock close to the surface has to be soft enough to drill through and once you get passed that, the next level down needs to be perfect as well. There would be a lot of trial and error in trying to find the best spots. We really don’t know until we drill and test the area. Problem is, drilling is fucking pricey. Surveying the land could take years to complete and chances are, the land being surveyed might not be suitable. Hot spots for geothermal energy are hard to find, well unless you want to build a geothermal plant next to a volcano or on a fault line.

Problemo numero dos is that even if a plant is built and is successfully extracting geothermal energy, it can, seemingly for no reason, at any time, run out. This can last for up to 10 years studies say. The point is, that geothermal energy is hard to manage. Between the well drying up and the tedious task of just trying to find a well, that should be enough reason to want to look elsewhere for energy. The negatives don’t end there though.

The cost of geothermal energy is heavy. The constant drilling and searching for hot spots, the building of the power plant, the maintenance of the massive equipment, the complexity of the process as well as many other factors makes geothermal solutions economically wasteful. Yet, the government is handing out subsidies to the geothermal industry like extra burgers on those “Get a 2nd Big Mac for a penny” days.

To give you an idea of the hefty price, let’s look at the drilling aspect. To drill three miles into the Earth’s crust will cost roughly $8 million dollars, according to greenie site EcoFriend.com. Now imagine having to drill repeatedly, looking for a hot spot. In addition to that, EcoFriend.com says that it will cost the plant over a billion dollars just to generate 100 Gigawatts of energy, that breaks down to $10 per kilowatt. That seems incredibly high, so I’m not sure if the site is accurate. If it is, holy fuck!

Most pro-geothermal websites claim that even though the process is costly, it is “likely” to pay for itself in the long run. Of course they fucking say that! If they said that it would be expensive forever, they wouldn’t get any government assistance. Then again, the government would probably still give them some cash because anything that isn’t coal or nuclear is good, wholesome and right! Give them more green welfare!

Looking at the facts that geothermal energy isn’t reliable and there is no way to know if you’re ever going to run out at your current location makes this whole thing seem pretty fucking stupid. There isn’t much that makes the geothermal solution look even appetizing but if there is one thing that the government does well, it’s throwing money away. So between the issues here and others that exist, I don’t see why this is even an option that anyone is looking at seriously. Oh yeah, the federal government is stupid and scientists lie for money, drugs and pussy.

7. Myths About High Speed Rail and Public Transportation:

The debate about high speed rail coming to the U.S. is a very heated one from both sides. In my own state of Florida, my new governor Rick Scott has pretty much nixed the controversial high speed rail project that was going to be built to link Tampa and Orlando. I am one of those evil bastards that completely agrees with the governor on this, much to the dismay of most of my friends. I guess, like Rick Scott, I just see the common sense approach to this situation and am able to understand how wasteful this project is. Most importantly, it will not cut down on the boogeymen carbon emissions like everyone that fears our own breath claims.

I get the attraction to this though, there is that mysterious “romance of the rail” that affects a lot of us. Trains are fucking cool! Shit, being a big Ayn Rand fan and a huge “Atlas Shrugged” fan I cannot not be attracted by the thought of rails stretching across the country connecting cities and communities. Hell, I’d love to travel on a train all the time. It is a cool and unique experience that I haven’t had since I was a child riding on an Amtrak train. However, the reality of the situation is that it just isn’t a practical mode of transportation. What do I mean by that? Let me explain.

First of all, you have to drive to the train station and leave your car there. Driving there is a hassle and leaving your car behind only to pay large parking fees is even a bigger hassle. Once you reach your destination via the train, then what? Well, if you don’t have a ride, you’d have to rent a car. This is assuming that your meeting or your vacation or whatever isn’t comprised of just hanging out at a train station. It isn’t like the train can pull up to the entrance of the Holiday Inn and let you off. Everyone traveling by train needs a way to get to and from the train itself. If you just jumped in a car, you could stay in that car until you reached your destination and not be hassled by having to find a car at the other end or paying for short-term or long-term parking. Besides, if you’re going to be gone that long and need to pay for parking, you might as well take an airplane. At least the airlines offer airport shuttles to and from the terminals. Maybe rail companies should offer the same service. They don’t though because for them it is not economically efficient, which brings me to my next fucking point.

People don’t ride trains. Sure some do, like subways in big cities and shit, but that is a totally different situation because usually your subway station is within walking distance of your point of origin and your destination. This isn’t the case with regular rail systems. There is a famous picture floating around the Internet that shows a coyote curled up in a seat on a train in Portland, Oregon. Why is there a coyote on the train? Well, because there are no people on the train. Coyotes avoid people and go where people aren’t. This coyote chose the train, which says that the amount of travelers was scarce. Maybe the coyote is smarter than the lame ass bureaucrats in Washington and the clueless fucktard supporters of high speed rail.

An example of rail fail is the Baltimore Light Rail system that before it was built was promised to be an all new way of commuting for business and pleasure. However, the highway running parallel that stretches the length of the rail moves ten times as many people as the trains. In the Seattle-Tacoma area, ridership was down and not growing as projected. However, after connecting the rail to the SeaTac Airport, ridership went up 38%. Even though this may seem like a success, this increase still isn’t enough to make the rail profitable and ticket prices are still much more expensive than what was projected. In Tulsa, light rail has failed to meet expectations, yet Oklahoma is trying to get high speed rail funds from the Obama Administration.

Now there are times of the day when some of these trains are busy. However, that is only for a few peak hours. Most trains are scheduled to run for 18-20 hours per day and that is expensive and wasteful. The average number of people aboard a light rail train is 20-25 people. You can fit that number of people on a bus, which would cost a lot less than having them all ride ghost trains. In addition to that, running and managing a train system is much more complicated than running a bus system due to the complexities that come with rail. Trains usually have cost overrun which causes transit authorities to cut from other areas, like the more practical and flexible bus system.

The other downside of rail is that once it is built, that’s it. It goes where it goes no matter how the population moves. At least with a bus system, if more people migrate to new areas, the routes can be easily changed. Rail cannot adapt to these problems and realistically these problems, over time, will most assuredly arise. Yet rail cries for more subsidies even though it only attracts about 1% of our traffic compared to the 85% of automobiles. This makes the subsidies wasted on rail extremely gargantuan compared to subsidies in other travel areas. So where does all this money go? It goes to lining the pockets of transit bosses and transit unions who are going to fight for even more subsidies to fuel their wasteful industry. Sounds like we got a fucking winner here!

The reason why Governor Rick Scott put a stop to high speed rail in Florida is because of the fact that it will cost Florida taxpayers a ton of money and the costs of the rail will grow and grow as the ridership projections, like with every other rail project in America, are incredibly optimistic and inflated. Also, Interstate 4 from Tampa to Orlando is pretty efficient and apart from rush hour, it only takes an hour and twenty-eight minutes to get from one point to another, according to Google Maps. If you drive like me, you can probably make it in just over an hour.

Now speaking of the point about rush hour traffic, who is going to take the rail from Tampa to Orlando for work purposes? Both are big cities with plenty of opportunity themselves. Why live in Tampa if you are working at Epcot Center or a Tijuana Flats in Winter Park? It just doesn’t make a lick of sense. The rail is really for tourism and so far, tourism in Florida has been doing just fine. In fact, there are lots of services that will bus groups to and from various locations to Disney, Universal and any other big tourist spot in Central Florida. Yeah, lets bitch about the loss of high speed rail people. These same people would be bitching about the loss of their homes had the rail been approved and built right over their land.

8. Myths About Green Cars:

Another thing that the federal government throws subsidies at is green cars. First of all, if you drive a fucking hybrid, you’re a douchenugget and an asshole because chances are, your slow ass hippie car is going to hold up traffic. Do yourself a favor and get out of the left lane. Actually, do yourself a bigger favor and dump that car then kick yourself in the fucking head for being a moron. I mean, I already went through various alternative energy sources and debunked the fuck out of them but I guess I have to debunk the fuck out of these greeniemobiles too.

Why do they suck duck bill mucus? Well, here’s a pretty solid fucking reason: most of these hybrid and green vehicles are fucking small! Of course you get better gas mileage when you’re driving a peanut on a Barbie sized roller skate! Truth is, studies have shown that the Toyota Prius barely gets better mileage than a Toyota Corolla. However, Corolla owners don’t get a $2,000-$3,000 tax credit from the federal government for being fucking hippies.

Another issue is the batteries used in these cars. The Prius battery is extremely dangerous and so high-powered that it can kill a human being on contact. Be careful when your Cadbury Egg sized whip gets sandwiched between two other vehicles. If that battery touches you, sayo-fucking-nara! But it doesn’t end there with the batteries.

These hybrid greenie batteries are extremely horrible on the environment. In fact, the plant that makes the batteries uses nickel from a smelter. This creates a shit load of greenhouse gases. According to Greenpeace, the battery plants are said to create so much acid rain that they have destroyed plant life in the area and soil on the surrounding hills has slid off of the hillside. The area is so barren and dead that NASA actually uses these spots to test their Mars rovers. The production of the nickel-cadmium (NiCd) batteries used in the Prius have catastrophic irreparable effects on the environment.

Another problem with hybrid vehicles is that they are incredibly complex compared to regular cars; this is why they are so damn expensive for being such small little morsels that are destined to become deathtraps. A hybrid’s innards contain lots of new technologies that are pricey in themselves. The abundance of all these new high tech components means that the production of the car requires more energy than what is needed to build a regular car. Keep in mind that the energy used to build these cars is typically not the hippie approved green energy, usually it is evil dirty energy. So essentially, the production of a hybrid car is worse for the environment than the production of a non-hybrid car. Greenies that are aware of this fact try to convince themselves that in the long run their hybrid will be better for the environment and thus, have a more positive impact over time than the negative impact they had at birth.

Truth is, most hybrids still produce pollutants. Internal combustion engines take care of some pollutants but they do not take care of that evil bastard carbon dioxide. Carbon, that boogeyman, spews out of hybrids as well. Granted the amount is somewhat reduced but not as much as most greenies think. Hell, most greenies think that it doesn’t spew any CO2 because they buy into the great hippie hype. The only reason why hybrids pump out slightly less is because of the fact that many of their engines stop when the vehicle comes to a halt. So don’t drive it on the highway hippie asshole!

Due to the extra components in the car, hybrids are typically 10% heavier than non-hybrid cars of the same size. This means that the hybrid car takes more energy to move. As I’ve stated in some of the previous sections of this article, green energy is typically not as powerful as non-green energy. Therefore, it would need another extra boost to compensate for that as well.

Also, once you get the crapmobile, don’t believe the bullshit that you are saving the planet just by driving your midget deathtrap. If you are driving on the highway, you’re hybrid will only use the fuel from the gas tank, as it will only tap into the electric component when you are stopping and going like in highly congested traffic areas. If you are going on that cross country trip, not only will your hybrid fail at being green, but you will also look like a jackass in front of the whole nation.

Electric cars are just as stupid as hybrids for several reasons. To start, only a licensed mechanic specialized in electric cars can work on them. Apart from that, they need to be recharged and can’t go very far. The problem with this is that there aren’t electric car charging stations everywhere like gas stations. Hell, I’ve never even come across a single one. When you do charge the car, it uses electricity from the wall like everything else in your house. Where do you think that electricity comes from? Well genius, it comes from a power plant running on coal or nuclear power. Isn’t that the dirty energy you are trying not to use? You just can’t avoid green sin!

The problem with both hybrid and electric cars is the stupid fucking batteries. They are not environmentally friendly and a bitch to properly dispose of. Also, they must be replaced every five years and they are hella-fucking-expensive. There really isn’t much reason to get a green car unless you’re a tool and if you are driving one, everyone else who isn’t knows you are a tool. Hell, I love ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ because Larry David does a great job making himself look like a total jackass. However, where he looks like the biggest jackass is every time he gets behind the wheel of the white Toyota Prius. Sorry Larry, I love ya man but you’ve gotta get off of that Prius thing and get your self-respect back.

9. Myths About Nuclear and Fossil Fuels:

One of the main reasons why the eco-fascist greensters are pushing so hard to find alternative energy sources is because of their hatred and fear of nuclear power and fossil fuels. Another reason why they do what they do is because they are busybody know-it-all fucksticks. The truth is, contrary to the eco-fascist rhetoric, fossil fuels and nuclear power aren’t as evil as they are made out to be. Sure, they cause pollution but so does every other energy source mentioned in this article. Nothing is completely clean and nothing doesn’t come with its fair share of problems. However, the problems that come with all of the greensters solutions eclipse the problems we have with our current energy sources.

I know all you anti-BP shitwits are probably going into an uproar as you read this but truth be told, that oil spill was nowhere near as bad as the pro-eco sensationalist media and our current green administration led all of us to believe. Shit, it happened less than a year ago and all we heard was that it was going to take over a hundred years to clean and for the ecosystem to return to normal. Not even a year later and no one is even fucking talking about it! There was one big mistake in the history of oceanic drilling and all the liberal and hippie jackturds want to shut the whole damn thing down and have. Well, there are accidents in every facet of life. It is what you learn from those accidents and how you move forward from them that matters. Shit, if we applied their logic to everything, nothing would ever get done. The world would be shutdown! Their logic and complete lack of common sense and reason with this issue should be enough to show you how fucking insane, paranoid, fearful and sensationalist they can be. Now apply that behavior to the alternative energy rhetoric and that should explain why they push for all this crap.

Anyway, fossil fuels are great for a whole slew of reasons. One of them being that the combustion of fossil fuels creates large amounts of cheap usable energy that is more efficient than all these half-assed alternatives. Fossil fuels are also very stable and easy to manage, unlike their alternative counterparts. Oil, coal and natural gas are also much more available than the other types of energy because they don’t have to rely on the weather, redirecting water or making the Earth’s crust into Swiss cheese. They are easily found and can be easily transported as liquids, solids or gases unlike the alternatives that would require the construction of a brand new nationwide power grid. Oil and gas can be easily transported through pipelines. In addition to that, due to its easy travel options and storage, it can be converted for practical purposes much simpler than other energy sources. The extraction and refinement of fossil fuels is not time consuming and can be done quickly and efficiently. Fossil fuels already power more than 85% of the United States today. Coal is the most plentiful resource in the world and is easy to collect by mining or drilling (and not dozens of times three miles deep like the geothermal solution). And also, once again, it is fucking cheap!

Now of course, there is the whole issue of fossil fuels being dirty and harmful to the environment. Well, so are all the other alternative energy sources. Nothing is perfect; so looking for the perfect solution is as wasteful to time as green subsidies are wasteful to money. There is no right answer but when looking at facts, the picture becomes clearer.

Looking at nuclear energy, it has gotten a really bad wrap and for bullshit reasons. Nuclear power is one of those things that makes the greenie fear turtles hide in their little bitch shells. When people start trashing nuclear energy they immediately give two examples of nuclear catastrophe. Those two examples are Chernobyl and Three Mile Island. I briefly touched on this in my article ‘Capitalism: That Damned Dirty Word’ but I should quote it considering the subject matter of this piece. In that article, I stated:

The nuclear reactor accident that took the lives of dozens of people and still leaves the area radiated 25 years later, could have been prevented in a capitalist society. It was the government controlled communist regime that allowed the nuclear power plant to fall into ruin. Do you think this would have happened had the power plant been privately owned? The short answer: fuck no!

I’ve never quoted myself, that was awesome! Anyway, on the subject of Three Mile Island, I stated:

Now clueless lefties may want to counter with the Three Mile Island scare in the United States but in reality, it was just a scare. Public outcry and their overblown reaction were really due to the fact that the film ‘The China Syndrome’ was released less than two weeks earlier. That film, its premise being about meltdown at a nuclear reactor, came out during the big boom of Hollywood disaster films. This was the primary cause of the hysteria that surrounds the incident even to this day.

The fact is, nuclear energy is a fucking dynamo. Its creation is clean as fuck, there are almost zero emissions that come out of the process. It is considered to be cleaner and more efficient than the already super efficient fossil fuels! Also, just a little bit of nuclear energy goes a very long way compared to all other sources, especially the greenie alternative ones. This is good because nuclear power plants can easily produce industrial sized quantities of electricity. Nuclear plants take up a lot less room than solar energy plants or wind farms. Also, the nuclear facilities have a much longer lifespan than all other energy sources. In essence, nuclear energy is our best bet.

10. Conclusion:

As you can see, well hopefully anyway after all this, is that all of these alternative energy solutions are pretty much scams. They have not been proven to be more effective than fossil fuels and nuclear energy and in most cases are much worse. Yes, I am aware that pollution is a problem but I do not believe that it is some catastrophic phantom whose dirty hands are choking the life out of the Earth. Unfortunately, the bureaucrats and the green lobbyists do believe that or at least give off that perception while trying to force us to get in line with their recipe of fear. Well, I’m not fucking buying it and neither should you. If they do really believe this bullshit, then we really do have some weak motherfuckers in power and it is either time to educate them (good luck with that shit) or to get rid of them. Their actions and their stance is proof enough for me that the government funded green movement is just another example of their inability to do anything in a practical manner. The government doesn’t understand practicality, especially when it comes to our money.

The lack of government’s ability to be practical is why utilizing several of these different alternative energy sources simultaneously, won’t work. Even if these things worked like they claim they do, mixing and matching these various sources in a practical sense to where they would work most efficiently would be a wasteful folly. Dumping subsidies into all these scams is painful enough to our pocketbooks already. Imagine if the government went forward with a full fledged plan supporting all of these sources on a much larger scale. We’d be in economic peril deeper than anything we have ever experienced. The new energy infrastructure’s cost alone would kill us.

I’m all for looking for solutions but unlike big brother, I’m looking for practical ones. As I have said before, common sense is in short supply. Moving forward we have to look at all these options with a magnifying glass. We owe it to ourselves and future generations to be responsible enough, fiscally and intelligently, to really make the right decisions when it comes to something that could not only make or break our economy but could also make or break the world.