*Written by Rob Rimes.
It’s funny that the Republican National Convention is now less than a week away and after turning on the Weather Channel this morning, I learned that there is a better-than-good chance that Tampa – the site of the RNC, may be hit by a hurricane. Yes, according to projections, the growing storm known as Hurricane Issac may provide Mitt Romney and company with some seriously shitty weather. Now while I am not going to the RNC myself, they don’t just let anyone in ya know, I am going to the final official event being held by Ron Paul on the eve of the Convention. Also, those going to that big weekend festival coined “Paul Fest” might have a pretty shitty time when their tents get soaked and filled with mud. Needless to say, the weather may ruin a lot of people’s fun but then again, it is pretty fitting that on Mitt Romney’s biggest day (or week), he’s getting shitted on by the gods above.
Luckily for myself, as I will be in Tampa on Sunday – before the storm, and those going to Paul Fest, will most likely be spared as the projection has the storm hitting the southern tip of Florida early Monday morning. By Monday night into Tuesday however, Tampa may get rocked and the Convention may be shut down by an act of God. What is the religious contingent of the GOP supposed to think? Maybe their God wants Obama to stay in power! OMG the horror! Quick, someone slap some sense into Rick Santorum and his sweater-vest sporting minions!
Being a Floridian and someone who lives right on the Gulf Coast however, I know how inaccurate these predictions are. Chances are, the thing will miss Florida completely and go barreling into the side of Mexico, Texas or Louisiana. Hell, it could turn right, despite the experts warnings and go up to hit fucking Canada. There is no way to tell where this thing is going, trust me, I’ve dealt with these goddamned bastards my whole life. Still, I know it paints me out to be a complete dick, but I would have quite a smirk on my face if Romney’s big week was ruined by wind gusts and rain. Especially after the Ron Paul people have taken over Tampa, made their mark and moved on before the storm. Maybe God just doesn’t want Romney; maybe God wants the only GOP candidate who wouldn’t waste Americans’ money and lives in endless war. This is of course, assuming that God is real, which most Republicans do.
Anyway, the hurricane isn’t the only thing that may be storming into Tampa, pun intended. According to some rumor and reported on by the Drudge Report, the Weekly Standard and other media outlets, Vice President Joe Biden is headed to Tampa the week of the Republican National Convention. This rumor came from a supposed tip by someone close to the Secret Service. It seems as if they have a squad ready in the Tampa Bay Area to escort Uncle Joe around the greater Tampa-St.Pete-Clearwater triangle. Immediately, most people jumped on the lame brain bandwagon of idiotic thought and believed that Mr. Vice President was going to crash the Convention! Of course he isn’t going to crash it! How the fuck would he crash it?! No, Joey B is just going to the area, as the Romney zombies are in full effect, to rally the Obama zombies in an effort to make their mark on Tampa in the shadows of the GOP elite. In retrospect, you basically have a bunch of dudes and ladies waving their cocks around in an attempt to obtain cock superiority. The saddest part, is that it will probably be all of us regular joes that get jizzed on.
Then there is Hurricane Christie to deal with, which is the raging monster that is New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. You see, Gov. Christie is scheduled to give the keynote speech at the RNC and frankly, whether you love the guy or not, this could be huge, pun intended here also. Personally, I love Chris Christie. I don’t agree with the man on several things but honestly, there is more that we do agree on than we don’t and I love the guy’s energy and the fact that he refuses to take shit from anyone. When Chris Christie speaks, it is like a fighter cutting a promo before a major bout and not some juiced up muscle-headed idiot but a bad ass that has a way with owning the words he espouses just as he owns those he pummels in the ring. Chris Christie in the realm of politics is like the Rock in pro-wrestling – when the man talks, you fucking listen. Truthfully, at this stage of the game, there is no one better that Romney could have picked to champion in what many in the GOP feel is a much-needed Republican revolution.
When Chris Christie talks, he roars, but he roars so eloquently. This could very well be the New jersey Governor’s Ronald Reagan moment. This could be the speech that makes this guy a household name nationally, if not internationally. Given this amazing opportunity, if Gov. Christie makes the best of it, he could be leading the GOP charge in 2016 or 2020. Don’t be surprised if this guy is the next rising star among the Republican ranks. He has the “it” factor, he can handle his own and he verbally smacks down any punkass bitches that cross his path. I mean shit, just YouTube this motherfucker and you’ll find countless videos of him standing up to union thugs and angry liberal pissants. Chris Christie could be the supernova of the RNC and really, while Romney picked the best speaker available, it could also potentially bite him in the ass. Reason being, how the hell are you going to go out there and perform after the Rolling Stones in their prime? You just can’t and Mitt Romney may inadvertently find that out the hard way.
We are on the cusp of one of the most important Republican National Conventions of all-time. Unfortunately, the candidate isn’t that strong and it will probably show – especially when a guy who isn’t the candidate outshines him on this massive stage. No matter how this goes down, I feel as if we are approaching the tipping point and the rest of this presidential race hinders on how Mitt Romney looks coming out of this thing. I will be watching, as will the world, and despite all the shenanigans and bullshit we will have to stomach in the form of many of the speakers, the freak show should be well worth the price of admission.
5 Comments
And what makes you so sure this storm is not going to be there early and affect the Paul Fest and all those in their “tents?” You a weather man? This could be a DISASTER! All these people headed in this direction, I read 50,000 people going to the Republican Convention and add all the people going to the Paul Fest and to the Sun Dome, what if this turns out really bad?!!! The people going to the Convention have the money to stay in nice hotels, or turn around and jump on a plane back home! What about all these POOR SOPS who scraped up money to go out there in “tents!” I don’t find your HUMOR in the least bit funny! Your remark stating; “Maybe God just doesn’t want Romney; maybe God wants the only GOP candidate who wouldn’t waste Americans’ money and lives in endless war. This is of course, assuming that God is real….” Did you ever stop and think maybe He doesn’t want all this Chaos from people like U?!
No, because I don’t assume God’s real. And I’m not exactly sure how I am making “Chaos”, as you put it. Also, I am not sure how I am insulting people going to Paul Fest just by mentioning their tents may get soaked and full of mud – that’s an observation based off of the potential circumstances. And what’s makes me think it won’t get there early? I’m not thinking that, I’m going off of the projection, which one can see in the image in this very article. Lighten up, shit. You take things way too fucking seriously. Jesus Christ, this isn’t even worth a real response.
Chaos? Hahahahahaha!!!!!!! How the fuck is any of this chaos? Did the first commenter read the Parental Advisory sticker on this web site’s banner? It’s says pretty boldly, “CONTENTS MAY OFFEND THE EASILY OFFENDED.” Good god, get a sense of humor. The article doesn’t wish ill will on those going to Paul Fest. No one gives a shit that you’re offended. Fuck off and go be a whiney moron elsewhere. People always get so worked up when you mention god. No one gets worked up when you mention science.
No, some Christians get worked up when you mention science too. I mean, because it is black magick and all and just some atheist scientists’ attempt at explaining things that only God could have had his hand in designing.
Since God, if there is a god, can actively bless them (as religious folk often say) with good weather, then it follows he can also thwart them with bad weather. Logical continuity is essential here, and unless you’re cherry picking there is no issue in suggesting maybe God, if there is a god, does not in fact want Romney in town.