*Written by Rob Rimes.
This was the most religious debate thus far and with that said, I wouldn’t have even watched it if it wasn’t for Ron Paul’s involvement. Let’s be realistic here, between Bachmann, Santorum, Cain, Gingrich and Perry, the answers to most of these church questions are pretty cut and dry and predictable. I’d rather watch a dead man’s beard grow than have to sit through two hours of these so-called Bible-thumpin’ conservatives tell me about how this country is swerving off of the road paved by Jesus.
In addition to that, this Thanksgiving Family Forum was moderated by Sean Hannity’s chief propagandist Frank “I wear sneakers with my suit” Luntz. The fact that he does wear sneakers with his suits, irritates the bejesus out of me but I guess for douchenuggets like Luntz, looking like an overweight slobbish NBA draft pick is how one wants to be presented on national television. If it weren’t for the man love Hannity gives to Luntz, he’d be the 3rd key shift leader at Champs Sports.
It’s also worth mentioning that the Mormons were MIA from this shit show. I guess they are considered heathens or something. Also, I guess it was understood that most Americans probably wouldn’t want to sit through this since it was not televised: not even on C-SPAN! I had to watch the debate via a live stream.
The forum starts with Michele Bachmann walking around with a pitcher of water, pouring everyone a glass. M’kay, this is already getting really fucking strange. I guess “family forum” translates to an episode of the “Brady Bunch” with Bachmann playing Alice. The deliberately set-up family dinner debate is just atrocious and hokey as fuck. See for yourself!
Yep, hokey as fuck.
The one great thing, probably the only great thing, about this debate is that it actually starts with Ron Paul! Holy fucking shit, did Hell freeze the fuck over?! Luntz asks Dr. Paul that if he is elected president, what do the words “So help me God” (part of the Presidential Oath) mean to him. Ron Paul replies by telling Luntz that elected officials have to swear an oath to take office to uphold and defend the Constitution and the rule of law. To him it means that he isn’t just saying this to himself and the American people but that he is saying this before God, which holds extra weight.
Herman Cain cuts in and says that “So help me God” means that he is “ultimately responsible to God almighty” and that he is asking for God to help him. Yep, just like his sea of advisors, Herman Cain needs God to tell him what decisions to make.
Bachmann, after passing out brownies, Jesus-friendly coloring books and crayons, points out that “So help me God” was originally used by George Washington. She also said that he kissed the Bible because he literally saw the hand of God rise up this nation. I once saw Cthulhu eat a Snork but I had just snorted some Fun Dip right before that. To suck up to the locals in Iowa, Bachmann says she was born and baptized there. Lady, the only thing Iowa is known for is “Field of Dreams”.
Luntz asks Bachmann about how she recognized that she was a sinner and how she gave Jesus her heart. She said the Holy Spirit knocked on her “heart’s door”. I didn’t know that the heart had a door. Why do they cut people open for heart surgery then? Doctors are stupid.
Rick Perry says that the words “So help me God” are “so powerful”. He says that no one can be president with their own human intellect and that the president needs God to help them. Perry then talks about spending a lot of times on his knees.. kinky. Perry also says that if God wasn’t holding him up, he’d be “scared to death”. So was it God that put “Oops” in his mouth a few debates back?
Luntz asks Santorum what the number one value is that America has lost. Santorum says that America doesn’t abide by God’s laws. He then cites Islam for having their civil laws being one in the same with their higher law. He says that America needs to do the same thing. In a way, he is basically calling for us to adopt the Christian equivalent to Sharia. Good job dork dick. Santorum then says that as long as abortion is legal, Americans will never have rest. WTF? Here’s a cookie cutter religio-douche wanting to force his worldview on a majority that does not agree with him. Fuck this whole idea that this is a “Christian nation”, that’s bullshit. The Founding Fathers, contrary to most of these conservatives dumbed down ideology, didn’t intend for this country to be ruled by the law of God, let alone become a Christian nation.
Luntz then asks Santorum what message God was sending him when he lost the senate race. I do have to give sneaker dork Luntz a high five on that one. Santorum gets irritated by the question but laughs it off like a nervous twatbag and flips the script without really answering it.
Luntz asks Gingrich which one value would he like to see re-instilled in America and how would he go about making it happen. Newt says that he wants to make sure everyone remembers that the Founding Fathers said that our rights came from our creator. True, and this is very different than being ruled by God’s law, which many conservatives just can’t understand. Newt also points out that the Founding Fathers didn’t specify that what religious sect that the creator was a part of, he makes it known that there isn’t a particular religion/denomination in America that holds any more weight over any other. Newt says that if we had a system in place that properly taught these points, we would be a dramatically better country.
Santorum then jumps into the Jesus debate to plug his book, which I won’t share the title because it is probably full of more crap than a carnival Port-O-Let. He goes on to talk about how the left has co-opted the academic institutions of America and killed God. Santorum says he is going to take public education back and says that he took the culture back when he was a senator. He talks about how he worked with Hollywood to eliminate the filth coming out of the TV. Yep.. how many ‘Twilight’ movies have come out since you were in the Senate dude? Good job killing those evil sparkly baseball-loving vampires.
Ron Paul steps on Santorum’s nuts and lets it be known that both sides of the coin have a hold on culture and have influenced American culture too much. Oh, the Jesus freaks are rumbling now. Paul says that the goal of government isn’t to mold people and society, its job is to preserve liberty. He warns that we as individuals need to take responsibility for these things. He says that blaming the liberals is basically foolhardy because conservatives go to the other extreme where they force free people to conform to new laws, which stifle liberty. Point being, to those of you that believe in Christ, he died for your sins and instead of using his power to save himself from the tyrants that killed him, he allowed them to crucify him and thus, without proving his greatness, gave the people a choice in whether they wanted to believe in him or not. He didn’t force anyone to follow him but that is essentially what idiots like Rick Santorum and Michele Bachmann want to do. In forcing their Christian viewpoints on any of us, they are going against the very fabric of what their religion is. Unfortunately for us, they are too damn blind to their own bullshit to see reality. Luckily for us, their skewed reality doesn’t sit well with the majority in America today.
Herman Cain says that we are seeing a wider gap of Americans with faith and Americans without faith. He adds that people of strong faith, like himself, have allowed people of non-faith to intimidate them. Cain believes that the faithful have been too passive. Wait.. isn’t that what you’re supposed to be? I thought your whole religious philosophy dealt with not fighting back, turning the cheek and washing the feet of those who are against you because ultimately you will win them over from leading by example? Did I miss something? Why do I, someone who isn’t religious, know more about your belief system than you do, Mr. Cain? Herman ends his sermon by saying that Christians need to fight back and to fight back they need to express their faith, regardless of the setting, without fear of criticism.
Newt Gingrich gives examples of how conservatives are happier because they are faith-driven and how liberals are miserable because they are missing something in their life. Newt also says that he doesn’t feel that liberty means an absence of value, which is his attempt to counter Ron Paul’s last point.
Rick Perry talks about how in Texas, he had a program that brought pastors together with other people to help pray for this country. Rick Perry then challenges all the other candidates to not be afraid of being a faithful individual. He then says that you need to always preach your values because values are what can influence congressional decisions or something like that. Perry then says our values have to shape this country. By our values, he means his Christian values not anyone else’s values.
Ron Paul, straying away from the religiotards, says that “liberty doesn’t mean libertine, it means you have choices.” He adds that legalizing freedom of choice doesn’t mean that you are endorsing behavior that you might find immoral or without value. Paul says that we have to legalize liberty and freedom not designate what people’s beliefs should be. Just because someone may make a bad choice doesn’t mean that we should all give up on liberty. Ron Paul points out that it is the defense of liberty that we are actually losing in this country, which is basically a warning to all the other candidates at the table.
Bachmann goes on a tirade about a law that censors pastors at the pulpits from expressing political viewpoints. While that is an attack on the First Amendment, I have been to many churches throughout my life and heard many pastors speak on politics. Shit, any of these candidates watch ‘Jesus Camp’? The Evangelicals in that documentary had little children praying to a cardboard cutout of George W. Bush! Yep, there’s censorship going on. Hey wait, here’s a clip of it!
Yep, that’s not blatant indoctrination or anything. Censored my ass.
In regards to defending the First Amendment, Cain talks about how if preachers preach liberalism from the pulpit, people have a choice to leave that church and go elsewhere. Okay, so he is for freedom of choice over forcing his faith-based ideology now? Well, I guess it works if the end result is people leaving other churches to join a church that has a like-minded philosophy to Mr. Cain (or the other candidates). He then shouts, “My way or the highway! Nine! Nine! Nine! Jesus Pizza! Mother! Fucker!” Yet, even after that, he is blind to his and most of his counterparts’ hypocrisy. “Y’all can’t do what you want to do but if you choose to do what I want you to do, I am for that freedom!” Hallelujah!
Herman then says some tidbit that churches are intimidated by the IRS. That is a meaningless statement. What does that mean? Are you trying to wedge in a 999 plug? Besides, isn’t everyone afraid of the IRS? That’s like saying churches are afraid of hungry wolverines! Dude, we are all afraid of hungry wolverines but what does that have to do with anything?
Ron Paul is asked about what his worldview is. He responds to Luntz be saying that if people are able to have their freedom, they have to accept the responsibility of having that freedom. It’s about giving people the freedom to choose and allowing them to have the personal responsibility to do what is right. He then says that if people can’t live up to their own personal responsibility then they have to face the consequences of their decisions and actions.
Bachmann cuts in with “I have a biblical worldview!” Of course you do honey. Yawn. She claims that God wrote the owner’s manual and she trusts him to show it to her. Yep, and God once reached down from Heaven and handed me a bratwurst with sour kraut and spicy mustard.
Cain then says, “Freedom without responsibility is immoral.” Trying to sound like a libertarian, Cain says that you can have all the liberties you want as long as you don’t infringe on anyone else’s liberties.
Rick Perry goes off on some tangent about liberty, life, morality, Obamacare and his high score in Q-Bert. It’s hard to follow the ramblin’ man but at least he brings us the light-hearted comedy portion of the show. He then goes on about his “start at zero” foreign aid policy.
For the record, it is nice not having time wasted on Mitt Romney tonight. I’d like to hear Huntsman make some points and shit, I’d love to see Gary Johnson up there but I’m pretty sure he is now officially out of the debates for here on out.
Racquetball Rick then channels the Founding Fathers when talking about how God gave us laws and that they should line up with the laws of our land. Sorry idiot, the Founding Fathers never insinuated such nonsense and on top of that, you’re a fascist dickbag for trying to force us to live in Rick Santorum’s America. This is why no one takes you seriously and why you have consistently been dead fucking last in every single poll since you got into the race. America doesn’t agree with your fucking message dude, take a goddamned hint! He even goes as far as to say that right and wrong are “absolutes”. Yep, you’re wrong.. absolutely!
Occupy Wall Street is then brought up by Newt and he disses them and uses them as an example to prove how the left’s ideology is destined to collapse. He then tells OWS to go get a job but to first take a bath.
Cain says that Gingrich gave a perfect illustration of the OWS statement he made weeks prior. Cain says that Occupy Wall Street is immoral as they have freedom without responsibility.
Luntz then asks Cain, who often times touts states’ rights, if the federal government should have the power to step in and dictate these morals and values that everyone in the debate is calling for or should it be a state responsibility. Cain dances around the question and gives his typical ambiguous answer. He then talks about how when the Founders wrote the Declaration of Independence, they set the bar high and that’s the journey we have been on. Huh?!?! How the fuck that does that answer the goddamned question? Luntz, Hannity’s propagandist, just lets this idiotic answer fly. Herman Cain could’ve just screamed out, “I saw Jesus eat a puppy!” and Frank Luntz would’ve been cool with that answer.
Dr. Paul has to point out to these intolerant bastards that the Constitution does not give the power to the government to enforce morality and values and that the federal government shouldn’t have any sort of power over the states. He reminds the candidates that the Constitution is a restriction on the federal government. Which all the other candidates agree with when the topic isn’t religion.
Just like Santorum, Rick Perry plugs his book. The only book worth plugging is Ron Paul’s “Liberty Defined” which everyone should buy and read immediately. Anyway, Perry talks about amending the Constitution and adding a human life amendment which conservatives believe would ultimately protect human life by turning over the Supreme Court’s decision on Roe v. Wade. So basically, Rick Perry isn’t for states’ rights because he wants the federal government to outlaw abortions across the board. Here’s that bullshit hypocrisy that these people think is somehow excused because it has religious undertones to back it up. Perry then promotes a law for traditional marriage and throws out states’ rights on that one too. He finishes his statement by saying that the next president needs to change the Constitution. Um.. the current president is changing it but don’t all you shitpickle conservatives hate him for it?
Cain and Bachmann start bitching about Obamacare and start talking about states’ rights. Santorum then jumps into the Obamacare discussion and basically says “fuck states’ rights” and then goes on a rant about how the federal government needs to fight gay marriage. Jesus, does this fucking guy ever stop talking? Santorum says that states are undermining the values of America. In reality, Santorum is just undermining our intelligence.
An audience member implies that Roe v. Wade will be overturned. He then proceeds to ask Herman Cain if he would allow the abortion issue to be a state issue or would he make a federal law or an amendment to the Constitution banning it nationally. Herman Cain, who says he’s all about states’ rights, says he would make it a law. Hypocrisy knows no bounds. Cain also admits that he would push hard to achieve this.
Weighing in on the topic, Gingrich says that the Fourteenth Amendment has a part in it that says that Congress can define personhood. With that said, Newt would like to influence Congress into passing a new law that says that personhood begins at conception.
On the same subject, Ron Paul counters Newt by saying that he has endorsed the amendment saying that life begins at conception however he doesn’t feel that the federal government should enforce these things, as all other law enforcement against violence is handled at the state level. He reminds us that when we try to nationalize things, we expose ourselves to great danger. He solidifies the point by saying that when a mistake is made in these situations, that the mistake is national. He feels that it is better to officially state when life begins but to let the states handle it in their own way, as they should with everything else, as the Constitution states in the Tenth Amendment.
Bachmann chimes in and says that it is abundantly clear that every human being is made in the likeness of God and that it is important to understand and protect that. Yep, she’s still not getting it and still not understanding that we don’t all see things in the same light as her and her colleagues on the stage. She says that she stands up for the federal government being involved in this issue. Aah.. another Tenth Amendment hypocrite! Go Tea Party! She then goes on a tangent about taxpayer subsidized abortion brought forth by Obamacare. She has a hard time making any statement or answering any question without bringing up her hatred for Barry O. Her tangent then goes into how important it is to repeal Obamacare and that she is the candidate that will repeal it. Yeah lady, every candidate in the race says they will repeal it. What makes you so special with your one talking point?
Rick Perry is asked if the closing down of faith-based adoption agencies due to their rejection of same sex couples getting a child is a federal problem. The question alone by the head of this church group is asinine on so many levels. Rick Perry responds by saying it is a federal issue and that by passing an amendment outlawing same sex marriage will help combat the problem. So is Perry and the religiously intolerant people in the crowd going to take it one step further and have the government rip children away from parents who might just be gay? The thought of this is despicable, especially with countless studies that have been done that have proved that children raised in same sex households aren’t any worse off in any way than children raised by single parents or both parents in a heterosexual relationship. Perry proudly points out that gays cant adopt in Texas. I guess keeping kids in a fucking orphanage is the ideal choice then?
The same question rolls over to Rick Santorum, who can’t wait to spew his religious bullshit on the masses. He says that they can’t wait for the federal government to step in and define marriage. He calls for everyone to go to the states and have the debate because this debate can’t lose. Uh huh, so says the guy who has never not been last in the polls. He closes his statement by saying that it is important for our society to honor everyone (unless you’re gay).
Newt jumps in the mix and says that he would use executive powers to reinstate George W. Bush’s “Conscience Clause” and extend it to adoption agencies and other religious services. He would encourage a bill that would cut off all federal funding to any jurisdiction that discriminates against religious beliefs. The problem with this is that anyone can claim that any jurisdiction discriminated against them. How is going to investigate the claims? How do you effectively determine what is bullshit and what is legit? This just opens up a big ass can of worms that really just grows the government and give them even more power that they don’t need. How much would it cost to make an agency to deal with these issues?
Frank Luntz mentions that Rick Perry has been pushing for term limits for Supreme Court justices. Luntz then asks the audience if they would support the idea and it sounds like most of them clap. Perry then asks how many would support a part-time Congress and the room erupts once again with applause. Luntz then asks all the candidates if there are any changes that they would like to make to the court system and political system.
Bachmann says that we need to limit subject matter jurisdiction. She also says that we need to limit the lawsuits against energy companies from radical environmentalists. She then works in another token Barack Obama jab.
Newt says he would abolish the rule that allows universities to keep students from using any sort of religious language or expression during school functions and graduations.
Rick Santorum says he agrees with both Bachmann and Newt but that he’d go one step further. Oh course this shit clown would go one step further. He is on some bullshit mission from a God that made him lose his last election. Santorum adds that he would abolish the entire 9th Circuit. Dork Dick then says that he is appalled by the fact that the courts are so powerful because out of the three branches of government, they are listed third. He says that the Founding Fathers would also be appalled by this. Santorum is something special. He finishes up by giving us a crappy story about how he has stood up against the courts. Whatever dude, you are still a fucking toolbox.
The debate pauses with a five-minute potty break. When it is over and Luntz calls everyone back to their seats, he points out that Perry wouldn’t sit until Bachmann took her seat. Perry in his Texas accent replied, “Well that’s how my momma raised me.” I think he even tipped an imaginary hat.
Luntz kicks off the second hour of the debate by asking the candidates to share a personal story of a challenge that helped shape them and their spirituality. He points out that the question isn’t a mandatory one but says that if there was every a time to bear their souls, this was it. What the fuck did Luntz snort on his potty break?
Herman Cain is quick to jump in and says that his faith grew with his life experiences. Cain says that the most challenging experience that made him dig deep in his faith was when he was diagnosed with cancer. Cain then takes a long pause for what felt like some alligator tears. Maybe that seems unfair or cruel for me to say but this all seemed like a desperate attempt to try and pull on the audience’s heartstrings. Luntz even says he will come back to Cain to hear the end of the story, since Herman is all broken up. Herman quickly snaps back to normalcy and starts telling the story like his tears were never there. Anyway, the punchline comes when Cain says he turned to his wife and said “I can do this!” and she turned to him and said “We can do this!” Okay buddy, so where does Jesus enter the story?
Next is Rick Perry story time, which brings us a tale of how Perry was challenged and found strength in his faith. His story was about how he was influenced by his Scout leader. He talks about how his town had two churches and the whole town went on a faith walk, whatever that is. Perry then tells us that when he got out of the Air Force he was miserable and sad and couldn’t figure out why. Then one day he realized that “there is a hole in everyone’s heart that can only be filled by the lord and savior Jesus Christ.” Sorry dude, my heart is filled with ribeye and whiskey.
The other Air Force guy on the stage, Ron Paul decides to share a story. He talks about how he joined the Lutheran church and went through catechism. He mentions that his faith helped him through his military career and especially through medical school. He then says that he never had a medical issue like Cain but by being a doctor he shared many experiences with his patients that strengthened his faith and solidified his beliefs.
Bachmann has to get her time, so she tells the story of her parents’ divorce and how she didn’t see her father for a long time. She talks about how her mother had to get a job for the first time and how all the kids had to also get jobs to keep the family going. She feels that God presented her family with that challenge to help them rise above it. She then goes on a long rant about her bazillion foster kids. She also works in a diss to Senator Al Franken, one of my favorite SNL stars ever. And then she goes on a tirade against Obamacare. She just needs to sleep with Barry and get it over with already.
Luntz asks Santorum if he wants to join story time but Santorum just panders at first and tries to get around it. Yep, he wants to tell all of us to live like him but he doesn’t want to tell us how he got there. Feeling the pressure, Santorum decides to participate and he tells the story of how one of his children was diagnosed with a fatal condition. As he tells the story, I can see why he was reluctant to join in. Santorum tells the most heartfelt and saddest yet touching story I have heard in a very long time. His story went on for a long while and it is too long to share here but what he went through and what he had to overcome within himself throughout his horrible experience almost makes me feel bad for the very strong critiques I have been giving him. In the end his story had a happy ending. But none of this excuses the fact that he wants to force his worldview on all of us.
Here’s his story for those who want to hear it.
Newt is next on the docket and he relates to Santorum’s story by talking about his close friends’ who had a child that was born with a severe heart problem. There were only three doctors in the country that could operate on the kid and it had to be done within 24 hours. The parents found the right doctor and the child’s life was saved, however the doctor found out that the child had brain tumors. The child was then in the hospital for six years, as they removed the tumors one-by-one over that period of time. In the end, the operations were successful. The child has a good heart a good brain and went on to live a great life. Newt then uses this story to illustrate a point. That point is, do you want to let the government decide who gets what kind of health care and who doesn’t based off of a percentage basis or do you want a country that truly cares about life?
Frank Luntz gives all the candidates props and tells them that they are all people with great character and that they all have the ability to do great things and contribute to the good fight. He also says that he hopes that they stop fighting, as they have in debates before this one and that they all work together to take the country back. Luntz then asks the group to talk about an event or a situation in their lives that did not go well for them and to tell the audience what they learned from it.
Newt tells us how he was primarily raised by his grandmother at an early age and that she taught him his early religious views. He then goes through his own personal history of his relationship with religion. He then tells us that despite his long-term relationship with God, he got to a point in life where he was working so hard and earning so much from his labor but he just wasn’t happy, he felt empty. He likened his symptoms to that of an alcoholic. It was a friend who intervened and gave Newt some books and advice that helped him re-center himself and brought him even closer to God.
Ron Paul steps up to the plate and talks about the hardest thing he deals with is that he is his own worst critic and he can’t stand seeing himself on television because he nitpicks himself apart. He says that he strives for perfection by trying to learn from his mistakes and trying to improve the delivery of his message. He adds that he can’t really pinpoint just one thing that stands out that he wishes would have turned out different because he has been so pleased to be involved in everything he has done, especially all the great debates he has been in as well as delivering thousands of babies when he practiced medicine.
Next up, Cain talks about how he has been very successful in business and it is because of the help of “God almighty”. He says that he has had several little failures but no big disasters that have stood out. His biggest little failure is that he doesn’t feel that he wasn’t home enough for his kids when they were growing up. Cain gets really emotional again. I think we have another John Boehner here.
Governor Perry says that he always wanted to be a veterinarian. He then says that he took a liking to organic chemistry in college and before he knew it, he was a pilot in the Air Force. He then pimps out how awesome his wife is and says God blessed him and he is, in fact, the most blessed person at the table.
Dr. Paul is asked if he would support an amendment that would define marriage as heterosexual. Ron Paul says “no” and explains that all these problems should be dealt with in a constitutional manner and that it is an issue to be decided on by the states. He goes on to explain that having the federal government deal with this is going in the wrong direction. As an example he asks, “What’s next, the UN defining marriage?” He says that families and churches should handle it. Surprisingly, he doesn’t bring up the fact that he is a strong believer in individual liberty, which this sort of amendment would be an attack on.
Rick Santorum is then asked why he feels that a federal marriage amendment is necessary. Santorum says that the pro-life movement during the Roe v. Wade era didn’t have their shit together. Um, that’s abortion dude not gay marriage. Anyway, he gets back on topic and says that he helped draft the amendment and that he feels it must pass. He points out that there was only one vote for the amendment in the Senate and that was because he forced the vote and since then, no one has done anything about it. Could it be because, god forbid, no one agrees with you except for a few crazies? Like less than 5 percent of the GOPers that actually take polls? Santorum then attacks the Tenth Amendment and says that this issue is “too important for that.”
Bachmann feels like she should add her two cents on the discussion about the federal marriage amendment. She boasts about how she backed a similar amendment in Minnesota even though it made people hate her because in her heart of hearts she “knew it was the right thing to do.” Guess what? She takes another shot at Obama and then spews out “One man, one woman, no other definition will do!” Just because you think your holy book espouses this nonsense justly because you can interpret its passages however you want, you can’t force us all to bow down to your version of God.
Herman Cain says he would lead the charge to overturn a Supreme Court decision that overturns the Defense of Marriage Act or DOMA.
A mom in the crowd asks the candidates if they believe in a “common good” and if so, what role they feel that the federal government should play in supporting it.
The first one to take the question is Newt Gingrich, who states that, “The Founding Fathers would’ve said that the purpose of government is to establish the framework within which the individual, the family and the community seek a common good.”
Rick Perry on the subject of the common good goes off on a tangent about securing the border. That’s an issue that drives conservatives batty and Perry is pimping the idea but his track record with illegal immigration is incredibly spotty.
Herman Cain says that we can’t become a lawless society. He also says that the common good is something to establish a level playing field. Um, what? He adds that the reason why America needed the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was because the country wasn’t fair and respectful to all people. So is Cain buying into the progressive propaganda in regards to the Civil Rights Act?
A student in the crowd asks the candidates if it is the responsibility of the schools to teach children right from wrong.
Racquetball Rick snags the question and starts pimping out the fact that he homeschools his seven kids. He says that the American education is fundamentally broken because it is an archaic system established over a century ago. He points out that we have changed a lot since the system was created and it is time for major reform. He also states that it is the parent’s responsibility to truly educate their children due to our shitty ass schools.
Bachmann says a bunch of stuff about her legion of children not becoming wards of the state or something. She says that education has to stay close to the family and the government needs to GTFO.
Frank Luntz asks Ron Paul a great question when he asks what is the moral justification for getting involved in Libya and potentially Syria as well. Paul answers Luntz by first stating that Christ taught about peace that we had a right to defend it. Paul continues by telling us that the church struggled with this in the early days and that because of this, St. Augustine came up with the “Principles of Just War”. Paul says that those principles as well as the Constitution do a good job of mapping out what our rules for war should be. He also notes that every war since World War II has been illegal by definition.
Michele Bachmann said that wars are moral if we are attacked or threatened. Well shit lady, almost every country ever has threatened us in some way. So I guess you are saying that all wars are moral then? Cain says something about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness and protecting self and property and other stuff. Perry says that it is clear that war is moral when America’s interests are in jeopardy. Well buddy, one could always say our interests are in jeopardy. Santorum says something about gays and Jesus and kayaking; I am falling a sleep as this debate is nearing the three hour mark! Yes, three fucking hours! Newt says something about pagans. They’re still around? Sorry reader of this article, I am just losing interest in these warmongering neocons in this long ass debate.
And with that, this debate is over! I swear it was longer than watching all three extended editions of the ‘Lord of the Rings’ trilogy! In the end, Ron Paul owned it and everyone else sucked donkey dick. Well, Newt was good because he is just a good speaker and very engaging.
Grade A: Ron Paul
Grade B-: Newt Gingrich
Grade D: Rick Santorum
Grade D: Rick Perry
Grade D: Herman Cain
Grade F: Michele Bachmann
Grade I: Jon Huntsman
Grade I: Mitt Romney
Grade I: Gary Johnson