*Written by Rob Rimes.
There have been way too many debates in the month of November, this one was the fifth and thank Jesus it is the last one. Luckily I get a break from covering all these damn things until the next one on December 10th. This debate brought some extra fire, especially after the very calm church debate we got just three days prior. The subject of this particular debate was national security, which is one of those touchy subjects that really shows a candidate’s true colors. It is easy to tell the true liberty lovers apart from the bastards just with the issue of the PATRIOT Act alone. So with that said, let’s go!
Legend, icon and show stopper Wolf Blitzer graces us with his presence as moderator for this CNN hosted affair and love him or hate him, he is usually always a solid moderator, minus his incessant bullying of last year’s senatorial candidate from Delaware, Christine O’Donnell. Luckily for us, there were no witches in denial on the stage and Wolf didn’t have to resort to picking on a defenseless joke of a candidate. Not that some of these people aren’t jokes but even the battiest has her shit together somewhat. Okay.. maybe not.
The only thing worth mentioning about the introductions is that Ron Paul got the loudest pop from the crowd, Mitt Romney got the second loudest and Gingrich surprisingly got some boos. Rick Perry pimped out his wife per usual and we all found out that Jon Huntsman is apparently married to Mary Kay. I wonder if he gets a big discount on eyeliner? Anyway, these goddamned introductions go on for so fucking long that we didn’t even get the first question until 13 minutes into the debate! Unlike other channels, CNN apparently doesn’t care about fitting in the most substance in their television time constraints. Fuck Ted Turner.
When a question is finally asked, it is about whether or not the PATRIOT Act should be extended. Really? Apparently there are still a shitload of fear turtle zombies that think that giving up their liberty for safety is a great exchange. Yep, safety from a boogeyman threat that is a lot less likely to kill you than a bolt of lighting. Surely these conservative candidates don’t believe such nonsense?
Well, Newt starts off by saying that there is a distinct difference between criminals and terrorists who we are at war with. Newt has been using this talking point a lot lately. He then says that he would support an extension and expansion of the PATRIOT Act. In fact, Mr. Gingrich says that he would “strengthen” the PATRIOT Act. So far every good thing Newt has said throughout these debates is now overshadowed by this idiocy. When it comes down to police state tyranny, he is just a shitcock bastard trying to shackle the feet of the free people he claims to be fighting for and protecting. For a guy who brings so much fire and always has his nuts on display, he sure is a scared little bitch when it comes to the boogeyman.
Ron Paul immediately comes out in opposition to Newt when he says that the PATRIOT Act is “unpatriotic”. Ron Paul points out that it undermines liberty and it does incredibly more harm than good. Paul says that you can’t have safety and security without having to suspend the rights of Americans. Newt responds by saying that Timothy McVeigh succeeded without a PATRIOT Act in place. Ron Paul tells Newt that his example is like saying that we need a cop in every house to prevent child abuse. Ron Paul points out that Newt’s viewpoint is pro-police state and anti-liberty, he’s right.
In regards to the PATRIOT Act issue, Michele Bachmann says that she takes the side of the Constitution. M’kay, does this dingbat even know what that means because the Constitution says nothing about a PATRIOT Act and at its core, would be vehemently against such tyrannical legislation. Nope, she’s a dumb ass and is an example of a so-called constitutional conservative Tea Party hypocrite as her stance is seemingly pro-PATRIOT Act. Bachmann, in typical fear-monger fashion, builds up our fear by telling us that phones are smartphones now and that they aren’t wired into walls anymore. Really shithead? Thanks for pointing that out while trying to get grandma to think that her cellular device is a goddamned Decepticon waiting to bite her ear off. Bachmann then complains that the CIA doesn’t have enough power to properly interrogate terrorists. Aah, so waterboarding torture isn’t tortuous enough for this Constitution thumper. Bachmann citing the Constitution is just like that old adage warning about the Devil citing the Bible.
Jon Huntsman, one of two sane people in the room in the matters of national security and foreign policy says that we need to find the proper balance between security and liberty. I see his point and it is a lot more admirable than mostly everyone else’s proposed policies but I’d prefer to privatize everything, without the government still defining what the protocol for security is. You see, even if we do privatize the TSA, the replacement firm would still have to practice the Department of Homeland Security’s guidelines. He can’t simply privatize it and we can’t simply find a balance, we have to go beyond that.
The next big question asks if the TSA is necessary and if their pat down policy is a violation of liberty. Mitt Romney says that we can do better than TSA policy. He also says that he agrees with Newt’s side of the PATRIOT Act argument and not Ron Paul’s. Mitt reminds us that we are at “war!” Yep, here we go. Mitt says that we have to defend life, liberty and property. Uh huh homeboy, because that’s exactly what the PATRIOT Act doesn’t do.
Rick Perry is up next and he talks about how he wants to privatize the TSA and in turn, eliminate their unions, which he perceives to be a big part of the problem. Perry points to Denver who he says has successfully privatized their airport security. Funny, considering that the Denver airport is considered to be somewhat of a headquarters to the New World Order according to conspiracy buffs. Rick Perry, like most of his counterparts on the stage, says that he would also try and strengthen the PATRIOT Act.
Rick Santorum, who is STILL in this race, says that he would like to see airport security use profiling methods. Israel has been using this technique for years and it has worked with success. Unfortunately, people would rather be politically correct than be safe. Then again they would rather be safe than be free. So essentially people rank political correctness over safety over liberty. Wow, we’re really fucking doomed!
This fucking idiot Santorum actually cites Abraham Lincoln’s abuse of power as a good example of when one should abuse the power entrusted to them by the American people. Santorum says that Abe showed us that at times, you have to sacrifice liberty for a little security. Where’s Ben Franklin to kick this shitworm in the testicles? Santorum also says that he wants a stronger PATRIOT Act. Yep, all these fuckers really love that small government they pimp out so much.
Ron Paul says that people us the slogan “We are at war!” too damn often and too carelessly: a-fucking-men! Ron Paul tries to explain to the clueless idiots that the PATRIOT Act and other similar legislation mixed with executive powers has made every American vulnerable to be labeled a terrorist and/or assassinated. Nope, they are all unaffected by reason and logic, go figure. Scare tactics only work when it’s bullshit, especially their bullshit.
Herman Cain jumps in and refers to Wolf Blitzer as “Blitz” thus fucking up the name of one of the biggest legends in the media game. Cain goes on to say that he wants to implement “targeted identification” in airports which is his stupid way of calling for racial profiling in a way to not look like he is a racist. He doesn’t need to worry about that though, he already looks like a bigot after recently telling his story about how he was relieved to find out his surgeon wasn’t a Muslim. Cain then tries to scare grandma harder than Bachmann when he tells us that terrorists (the Muslim ones) want to kill all of us, so we have to hurry up and kill all of them. During this tirade, Bachmann can be heard through her mic laughing like a rabid dickbag choking on shit.
Jon Huntsman says that we don’t need to nation build in Afghanistan, we need to nation build in America. He is for expanding the drone program in exchange for bringing troops home.
Bachmann feels that Pakistan is the “..epicenter for dealing with terrorism.” She calls Pakistan violent and unstable and drums up the fear again when she warns that their nuclear facilities can be overtaken by jihadists. She also points out that that big evil bastard Red China is trying to influence Pakistan against the United States. However, she wants to keep sending foreign aid to these people because we need to keep them happy and friendly with us. This woman’s intelligence is fucking non-existent. She closes her rant by calling Pakistan “Too Nuclear to Fail!” Derp! This chick is just a series of shitty unfunny slogans pinned to a pair of crazy eyes.
Idiot Perry then jumps on idiot Bachmann and smugly states that “If you aren’t an ally, you ain’t getting a dime!” Bachmann replies by calling Rick Perry naive. Then to hit her point home she resorts to more fear-mongering per usual and warns that Al-Qaeda, who are essentially dead at this point, could steal nukes from Pakistan and blow up New York City. Jesus fucking Christ lady, just stop it! Besides, how is showering Pakistan with free money going to stop Al-Qaeda from robbing their nukes? You’re own example, that won’t happen, contradicts your whole argument about sending money to a growing enemy. Lady you’re an idiot that needs to enroll in some classes at STFU.
Mitt Romney is asked that if the massive amount of money being poured into Afghanistan is worth it. Without actually committing to an answer and providing a sound bite, which is his modus operandi, Mitt basically agrees with the Afghan War and thinks it is money well spent. Mitt feels that Afghanistan is a breeding ground for terror, yet he doesn’t see that the vast majority of Afghanis want us to GTFO and are getting angrier and angrier by the day over our occupation of their country. Yep, America is turning up the heat on this pot about to boil over. You see, Mitt Romney, like most of the GOP candidates, is of the belief that somehow we can get this country full of warring tribes to become a democratic nation that will be able to stand on its own two feet in an effort to push back all the bullshit in the region. God, Romney and anyone else who thinks this is either blind or has never read any history on the people of that area. You can’t force democracy on those who don’t want it and you certainly shouldn’t sit in their backyard with an entire army waiting for them to finally give it a try.
Huntsman tells Romney that we’ve already accomplished the vast majority of our goals in Afghanistan and that we need to get out. Huntsman once again says we need to nation build at home, not abroad. This gets Huntsman a loud round of applause from the crowd. Mitt disses Huntsman and tries to combat him by repeating his stupid points again and Huntsman slaps him like a hoe and re-solidifies his points to further applause. Mitt Romney responds by saying that Afghanistan has to become a soverign nation and that we can’t stop until they are free of the Taliban and champions of democracy. He says he stands with the commanders on the issue. Huntsman replies by saying that the president stood with the commanders in 1967 and that turned out to be the biggest military disaster in U.S. history.
Newt is asked to chime in but is quickly cut off by Mitt who feels the need to not let Huntsman’s burn stand. Newt says that he should let other people talk but Romney ignores him and tries to throw down more on Huntsman. Mitt just pukes up the same points over and over. We get it dude, it’s the message we don’t like, not how you are interpreting it. Your argument sucks bro.
Newt Gingrich finally chimes in and tells us that we should be furious at Pakistan, as Osama bin Laden was there under their noses this whole time. Imperial Newt is prepared to tell Pakistan to either help us or to get out of our way. Yep, that’d be an act of war if anyone came at us like that. Gingrich believes that Pakistan was protecting Osama bin Laden the whole time.
Rick Santorum gets some more time and says that he agrees with Ron Paul. He then spins his statement stupidly and says that he agrees that we aren’t in a “war on terror”. Oh no, Santorum tells us that we are in a “war on radical Islam”. Jesus dude, stop talking.
The next major question asked of the candidates is would they help Israel if they decided to attack Iran. Herman Cain is the first up to answer and he says that he would make sure Israel had a clear plan on attacking Iran before deciding if he would help them or not. C’mon man, that’s weak. Cain also admits that he would only help them if they had a real chance at succeeding. Okay, so Cain doesn’t like a challenge, he is only down to join up and fight if the odds are stacked in his favor. What a puss. Makes me wonder why Cain is still in the presidential race, considering he is plummeting faster than Lindsey Lohan stock in Hollywood.
Ron Paul says he would not help Israel attack Iran, as Israel is their own nation and can deal with their own problems. Paul points out that the whole scenario of Israel attacking Iran and vice versa is basically ridiculous, as neither country wants to risk killing itself in a nuclear exchange. Ron Paul also points out that Syria’s president Assad called this talk of war between the two nations stupid. Ron Paul then asks “Why does Israel need our help?” He informs us all that we already stand in their way enough and that it is time to allow them to take care of themselves. Ron Paul also points out that we don’t even have a treaty with Israel. He warns us that whenever we try to buy friendship it bites us in the ass, just like what happened in Egypt during the Arab Spring. Paul ends his talking points by proclaiming that we need to stop having such a willingness to go to war.
Thin skin Herman Cain, who is obviously offended by Ron Paul’s statements on behalf of all the people who supposedly need our help in Israel, tries to argue against Paul’s points but says absolutely nothing worthwhile, thus proving he is still an idiot on foreign policy. I guess he didn’t have any advisors telling him what to do or say before he opened his mouth.
The candidates are then asked if there are any sanctions that could prevent Iran from making a weapon of mass destruction. Rick Perry calls for us to shut down Iranian banks before even considering a military strike. Perry basically says that we need to go ape shit with sanctions. Perry also calls for sanctions against Syria and pretty much wants to make the entire Middle East a no fly zone.
Newt is asked if killing Iranian banks would stop Europe from getting Iranian oil. Newt responds by saying that we need a massive “all sources energy plan” in the United States, so we can become the world’s supplier of energy and thus, strip the Middle East of power. He wants us to develop a good strategy to combat radical Islam and says that if need be, we could break Iran in a year. Uh huh, yet we are still dancing around in Afghanistan over a decade later and are close to approaching a decade in Iraq. Yep, one thing our military management is, is quick and exacting. Newt also says that sanctions to hurt Iranian banks are a good idea.
Michele Bachmann agrees with Newt because her brain is just a pile of forgotten Jello shots left in the dirt at a derelict campsite. Bachmann immediately starts Obama bashing, as that is the only way she can get the drones in the crowd to cheer. She mentions that Obama’s mishandling of the pipeline issue is what has fucked up our quest for energy independence. Nope lady, it’s been a fucked issue before Obama even came to power. Bachmann then tries to scare grandma again by saying that Ahmadinejad is going to eat our children and pick his teeth with the bones of our goldfish or something. Whatever, this chick takes the silly threats of a silly dictator way too seriously but I guess one would have to when their entire campaign is about scaring the shit out of everyone whether the boogeyman is Barack Obama or some Moooslim that wants to murder every single one of us while sitting in a cave eating goat ribs 7,000 miles away.
Santorum is asked if we can afford to continue giving foreign aid to Africa to help combat AIDS and malaria. Santorum says that we have to maintain humanitarian aid all over the world. Santorum lets his true colors fly when he says that we have to use ALL of our resources to promote our values through out the world. By “our values” Santorum means his particular brand of Jesus snack cakes.
On the aid to Africa issue, Herman Cain gives an answer that once again shows his lack of knowledge on everything outside of developing pizza deals. Cain says that we have to sit down and figure out if all this aid is working and then make a decision. What a bunch of pandering jackassery that just illustrates how hard this guy is struggling and trying not to dig himself anymore holes.
Ron Paul reminds us once again, that this sort of aid simply takes from the poor in a rich country, the United States, and gives to the rich in a poor country. Paul calls this sort of aid worthless and says that if we are going to aid or teach these other countries anything, we need to teach them about free market principles and economics. Dr. Paul lets it be known that none of the other candidates up there are conscious of the budget. He also says that the most important national security issue is our financial state. Tou-fucking-ché!
Mitt the bitch gets all upset with Ron Paul and tries to argue a bunch of neocon nonsense to which Ron Paul responds by telling him that “All this talk is just talk.” Paul says they are nibbling away at baseline budgeting and nothing is being cut from the military. He calls Mitt’s stance, and frankly the stance of 6 out of 8 of these people on stage, “..a road to disaster”. Mitt says that the cuts are real and he starts listing examples. He then says that military cuts will prevent us from being able to properly defend ourselves. Occupying a country against their wishes is only called defense if you dine on the same bowl of RINO turds that Mitt eats three times daily.
On the subject of defense cuts, Newt talks about how something is very wrong with the system when it takes the military 9 years to develop something new but Apple can change the world every 9 months. Now, I’m sure those aren’t exact figures but he does make a very good point. Shifting to energy, Newt says that we need to open up oil fields everywhere we can but that we won’t because this country isn’t serious about energy. He says that we need to get away from all this mindlessness and get shit rollin’ again! Then after making the statement about “mindlessness” Newt says he would bomb Iran for regime replacement. C’mon Newt, you were doing alright this round.
Jon Huntsman drops some knowledge on the nimrods when he borrows a page from the Ron Paul manual and also states that we need to face economic reality and understand that our national debt is our biggest national security issue. Huntsman says that Washington D.C. has a trust deficit with the American people because they can’t brush the bullshit aside and start working towards fixing the problems. Huntsman adds that we cant have an honest conversation about cutting some of the sacred cows and that we need to put everything on the table when it comes to fiscal responsibility. He finishes his points by saying, “Our foreign policy needs to reflect our economic policy.”
Rick Perry is asked if he would compromise the Democrats in Congress to avoid gridlock. Perry starts his answer by calling the Super Committee a “super failure”. Perry points out that Obama is not a leader and he passed the buck to Congress instead of doing the right thing. Rick Perry feels that the idea that you can’t work with the other side is dumb. He promises to do whatever is needed to get things done. He also, once again, calls for a part-time Congress. He thinks that Congress should work half the time and get half the pay. It would definitely make the career politicians rethink their path in life.
Rick Santorum is posed with the same issue and he claims that he would not “work against himself” if it came down to having to compromise with the other side. Newt says that we need a series of reforms done to entitlements. Bachmann promises to draw a line in the sand in regards to the deficit issue. She also says that when we pay back interest money to China we are transferring our military might because our military will decrease and China’s will increase.
On border security, Rick Perry calls for a “21st century Monroe Doctrine”. He mentions that Hamas and Hezbollah are working in Mexico and need to be stopped from crossing over. He also says that Iran and Venezuela are working together and pose a real threat to border security, which just compounds the issue with Hamas and Hezbollah working in the same region, so close to us. Perry wants more boots on the ground and “aviation assets”, which is just Texan for “drones”.
Ron Paul speaks out against the War on Drugs and says that it needs to end. He says that we need to stop worrying about the Afghanistan-Pakistan border and to give more attention to our own borders. He calls for better immigration services and adds that free medical care and education benefits, as well as welfare for illegal immigrants, is a burden to us all. Ron Paul calls the Drug War “a total failure.” He points out how the federal government has increased their power, as they continually undermine the states when it comes to drug laws. Paul also points out that more people die from prescription drugs than illegal drugs. These are all very valid points and issues that nearly all of the other candidates skirt around or ignore when trying to scare the shit out of us on the drug issue.
Herman Cain says that an insecure border is a threat. What about an insecure candidate, Mr. Cain? He also says that terrorists are coming in from Mexico. Cain adds that Mexicans feel Mexico has failed, so that is why they come here. I think Cain’s talking points came off of the last piece of toilet paper he used because he’s just talking out of his ass and contributing nothing to the debate on this subject.
Rick Santorum is asked about how we should welcome immigrants. He goes on some wannabe-Reagan rant about shining cities and hills and luck dragons that shit marshmallows. He says something about the economic benefits of legal immigration but he has a hard time commanding my attention.
On the subject, Newt says that we need to attach visas to college degrees in order to keep the good students in America, which will benefit our country. Bachmann states that she is against amnesty and the DREAM Act. Newt responds by saying that we should not punish someone who came to America at 3 years of age that just wants to work to better this country and their own life. Uh oh, the GOPers are getting uneasy, as Newt’s stance does not sit well with the majority of the right-wing crowd. Bachmann tries to battle back at Newt but offers nothing. She tries to do some math but her made-up examples and figures don’t even add up.
Mitt Romney says that amnesty is a magnet. He does say however that he would staple a green card to the diploma of those with great brains. He then goes on to talk about his love of legal immigration and how we should promote the path to citizenship better.
Gingrich says that we cant punish people who have been living here for a quarter of a century, as they have ties to our country, expanded families, etc. Newt makes it clear that we must be humane in enforcing the immigration laws. I fully agree with this point. Sorry conservatives but Newt is right on this one and I know it eats away at many of you. How can you expect to rip someone away from their life and ship them back to a land that they haven’t been a part of for over a quarter of a century?
Herman Cain is asked if he would implement a no fly zone over Syria, he says no. He adds that we have to find a way to get our allies to stop buying Syrian oil. Cain states, “We must have a strong military.” He also says that we must grow the economy. He’s all over the place and he’s boring me at this point. Thank fuck we didn’t get “NINE! NINE! NINE!”every 12.3 seconds this debate.
Rick Perry says that we must make Syria a no fly zone because it would be a huge sanction against them and would keep them in line. Yep, and just like with other examples given, if someone were to do to the U.S. what the U.S. is proposing to do to others, we would view it as an act of war. Rick Perry claims that Syria is in a partnership with Iran in exporting terrorism.
In regards to recent relations with the Middle East, Jon Huntsman says the president has failed with the Arab Spring. He proclaims that we have to remind the rest of the world what it means to be an ally of the United States. Huntsman says that sanctions are not going to work because China and Russia wont play ball that way. He warns that we need to let history be our guide because too often we jump on the side with people we havent had enough time to understand and each time it has ultimately backfired on us.
On terrorism, Dr. Paul says that Al-Qaeda was inspired by the fact that we had bases in Saudi Arabia. He said that all we need to do to inspire them is to just meddle in their area. Paul calls a no fly zone an act of war, he asks what would happen if China forced a no fly zone on us, that is exactly what I’ve been saying! Paul says that we can’t do anything to a country that we wouldn’t want them to do to us. Paul asks, “Why don’t we mind our own business?” Yeah, why the fuck don’t we?
Mitt Romney says that America isn’t just another nation with a flag, it’s something more exceptional than that. He says that a strong military and economy will make sure that no one fucks with us. Romney states that he is not for imposing a no fly zone on Syria.
Rick Perry follows up Mitt by saying that we’ve got to get serious about helping Israel. Ok buddy, we’ve helped them way more than we’ve ever needed to. In fact, we are part of their problem. Lets just let them do their thing. Perry also says that we have to get real serious about Iran and Syria. I thought Texas didn’t scare easily?
In the closing statements, the candidates are asked if they have any national security worries that weren’t addressed in the debate. Santorum says that we need to worry about Central and South America as they are made up of militant socialist regimes with ties to radical Islam. Ron Paul worries about overreaction on our part and people not understanding who the Taliban is and their true motivation. Rick Perry worries about communist Red China and their forced abortions and cyber attacks. Romney worries about China too as well as Iran being a nuclear power. Mitt is also worried a little bit about Latin America. Cain worries about cyberattacks and bad pizza. Gingrich is worried about WMDs, as well as electromagnetic pulse attacks and cyberattacks. Bachmann is worried about constipation, Al-Shabaab and intelligent debate. Jon Huntsman is worried about China but says they are in for real trouble in the future. Huntsman says that our real threat is our problems at home.
In the end, this debate was good for the fact that it showed were a lot of these people stand on these issues. Where many of these candidates agree on most of the fiscal issues, the subject of national security shows that many of them are still just chips off of the old establishment block.
Grading Scale:
Grade A: Ron Paul
Grade B+: Jon Huntsman
Grade C-: Newt Gingrich
Grade D+: Mitt Romney
Grade D: Rick Perry
Grade D: Herman Cain
Grade F: Rick Santorum
Grade F: Michele Bachmann
Grade I: Gary Johnson
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