Diego Armando Maradona: Maestro of Fútbol, Hater of America

0 Posted by - July 20, 2010 - Commentary, Commentary - Rob Rimes, Humor, Sports & Other Games

messi maradona Diego Armando Maradona: Maestro of Fútbol, Hater of America

Diego Armando Maradona is a celebrity in the sports world. Being one of the greatest soccer (or fútbol) players ever, Maradona has been an ambassador of the FIFA World Cup for decades. Since winning the World Cup tournament with the Argentine national team in 1986, Maradona has been a highly regarded and highly sought after persona in the world of soccer. He became the face of the sport and a hero to many people all around the world. Most recently, he coached the Argentine team in the 2010 World Cup. Never camera shy, Maradona was front and center from day one, giving the people what they love, himself. American fans ate it up. Everyone loves Maradona! Go Diego Go! Oddly enough, unbeknownst to most Americans, Maradona does not love them back. No Diego No!

In August of 2007, Diego Maradona said, “I hate everything that comes from the United States. I hate it with all my strength.” Maradona said this on Hugo Chávez’s weekly television show. Yes, THAT Hugo Chávez. Oddly, when the American commentators were tooting Argentina’s horn and especially the horn of Maradona during the 2010 World Cup this past month, that fact was seemingly omitted and ignored. I guess that they didn’t want to delve into politics while deifying the incredibly charismatic and seemingly lovable King of International Soccer. Then again, ESPN and ABC sportscasters are probably just as clueless about Maradona’s Amerihate as the general public seems to be. However, being the former network of communist bottom-feeding scumbag dickface Keith Olbermann, ESPN probably supports the ideals expressed by Maradona.

While receiving medical treatment in Cuba, Diego Maradona became friends with Fidel Castro. In an almost homoerotic gesture, to show his appreciation and support of Castro and Cuba, Maradona got a fancy portrait of Fidel Castro’s face tattooed on his left leg. Sounds pretty gay to me dude but that was not the end of Diego’s sexy homoerotic communist murderer body-modification. He also got the cold blooded reptilian murderer and ultimate douchesack Che Guevara tattooed on his right arm. Rumor has it that Maradona’s next tattoo is going to be Kim Jong-Il’s little cock tattooed inside his mouth. Maradona loves communism and Cuba’s evil regime so much so that he dedicated his autobiography ‘El Diego’ “To Fidel Castro and, through him, all the Cuban people.”

Diego Maradona is a big supporter of Hugo Chávez. In 2005, Maradona visited Venezuela in an effort to meet with the man he idolized. After they met (according to Wikipedia and backed up by other research), Maradona said that he had gone to Venezuela with the aim of meeting a “great man” (“un grande” in Spanish) but he had met instead, a gigantic man (“un gigante” in Spanish, meaning he was more than great). He was quoted as saying, “I believe in Chávez, I am Chavista. Everything Fidel does, everything Chávez does, for me is the best.” It’s only a matter of time before Maradona ends up with a tattoo of Chávez on his testicles.

Granted, I’ve never been a supporter of Bush II: The Wrath of Dubya but I would never call the man “human garbage”. Well, that is exactly what everyone’s soccer hero Maradona called him at the 2005 Summit of the Americas in Mar del Plata, Argentina. See, Diego was protesting Dubya’s presence in Argentina. He wore a t-shirt that said, “STOP BUSH” and spat his ridiculous message into every media outlet available. A self-proclaimed “hater of imperialism”, Maradona wanted to spread his message about the evils of America to a massive audience and he did at every opportunity.

In December of 2007, Maradona announced his support for the people of Iran. Maradona autographed a shirt and wrote his support on it. The shirt is to be displayed in the Iranian Ministry of Foreign Affairs’ museum. Apparently it will be on exhibit soon, located between the mummified head of Mohammad Mosaddegh and the foreskin of Ruhollah Khomeini’s pet capybara. Anyway, Maradona must be proud of this awesome accolade. When going home a loser after getting his nutsack handed back to him by Germany in the World Cup, Maradona should have thought of his signed shirt in the Iranian museum and known that he is a winner for life!

When it comes down to it, Maradona is an asshole and he hates you. I guess though, if you are one of those Che shirt-wearing shitcocks that pollutes the collegiate halls of America, than Maradona must be a hero for you. I guess it is easy to be an American hating assclown that spits at imperialism and shits on capitalism all while spreading the message of the extreme left when you owe the Italian government 37 million euros in taxes and have only paid them 42,000 of that debt. How about you pay your debts asshole before you start preaching about communism, a system with an economic model for wealth redistribution and forced “equality”. Maybe you should give up some of those nice suits and fancy watches because in your ideal government, you’re just an imperialistic/capitalistic fucktard. Look in the mirror Maradona; the one you hate most will be looking back at you. Maybe homeboy would have a clearer view of how things really work if he wasn’t too busy getting kicked out of the World Cup for drug abuse.

I hate shitting on pop culture royalty (no I don’t) but after witnessing the uninformed public’s idol worship of Diego Maradona, I felt the need to expose who the guy really is and how he really feels about America. Frankly, he’s a fuckwad, a hypocrite and a communist dipshit. I will laugh in four years when he gets castrated in the World Cup again.

No comments