Florida: The Black Hole Sunshine State

*Written by Rob Rimes.

I am certainly not happy with the results of the Florida primary. My home state and current place of residence was a big disappointment for those of us that are educated enough to understand what true freedom really entails. For those living in a black hole, Mitt Romney won with almost a majority vote, Gingrich came in second with Santorum in third and Paul in fourth. It just goes to show where the heads of most Floridians are at, which isn’t a good place. Luckily for me, I was at a friend’s house watching this on CNN because if I had been watching Fox News, I probably would’ve broke my TV due to all the blatant Romney love going on over there. At least the mostly liberal CNN crew didn’t seem to have much of an emotional investment in this nickel ‘n dime kabuki theater. So with Romney running through Florida like Wilt Chamberlain’s cock, we’re all left with a little something sticky on our faces – if you know what I mean?

The problem with this godforsaken state is that to the victor go the spoils and in this case, ALL the spoils. Second place doesn’t get you dick in Florida. Shit, I’m talking an awful lot about male genitalia. Anyway, there are 50 delegates in the State of Florida. If you win the primary, you get them all. In other states, delegates are handed out based off of a candidate’s performance. So second, third and even fourth place can walk away with some delegates and make out okay. This fucked up way of doing business is a major problem and it also gives the winner, in this case Mr. Romney, an unfair advantage. Let me give you the rundown of how this has worked out in other states compared to Florida.

In Iowa, Rick Santorum won with Romney in a very close second and Paul in a fairly close third. All three men got 7 delegates and Newt Gingrich walked away with 2. There are also 3 undeclared delegates based off of Rick Perry dropping out of the race. You see, even though Santorum won, he has the same amount as Romney and Paul. In reality, Iowa was virtually a three-way tie. Now New Hampshire was won by Romney who walked away with 7 delegates followed by Paul with 3. There are 2 undeclared delegates due to Huntsman finishing third and dropping out right after. South Carolina is almost as stupid as Florida, as Gingrich won and got 23 delegates while Romney, who was in second, only got 2. Santorum and Paul didn’t get crap for their efforts. In Florida however, Romney got 50 delegates and that’s all she wrote; everyone else got dicked. So after Florida, the delegate tally is as follows: Romney has 85, Gingrich has 27, Paul has 10 and Santorum has 7. Essentially, any of the candidates could’ve ignored the three previous states and pushed hard in Florida over the last month and walked away being first place nationally just by winning this one state. Florida, at this stage of the game, takes every candidate but the winner out of the hunt, at least that’s what it looks like to the casual viewer.

There are 46 more states and even though the Florida winner is light-years ahead of the competition at this point, the road is still going to be a long one. I don’t think that anyone can really be written off until Super Tuesday comes and goes. Besides that, some of the biggest states haven’t even voted yet. The guy that is able to capture either California or Texas or both, is going to be the big kahuna in this race, as far as I’m concerned. Considering Paul is loved in Cali, where he wins straw poll after straw poll, and that he is from Texas, he could very well earn a fuckload of delegates from these two states. With him getting the jump on the competition by campaigning everywhere that isn’t Florida, Paul may pull some power moves that shift this thing in his favor.

The reason Paul wasn’t campaigning in Florida is because of their “winner takes all” delegate system. Since he was pretty sure he wouldn’t get first place, he decided to go elsewhere, where he could actually walk away with delegates. This is unfortunate, as I, a Paul supporter and Floridian, wanted nothing more than to go to an event, see my guy and yell “End the Fed!” at the top of lungs. I never got the opportunity to do this though because my state has a stupid fucking rule that needs to be abolished immediately. I mean, how can Florida expect candidates to give a shit about the state if you aren’t going to throw them a bone even if they don’t come in first in this demographically diverse melting pot of sheep who vote for the candidate with the best hair and fanciest lapel pin?

I shouldn’t be surprised by the shitty Florida result. Our Tea Parties are full of Romney and Gingrich supporters who scream about liberty and hand out free pocket Constitutions. Truth is, they have never apparently read one or tried to really understand it. If they took that leap and really grasped what was written within the pages of those little books they give away like Halloween candy, Ron Paul would’ve crushed Florida. As I have stated before, too many people treat the Constitution like the Holy Bible and only pay attention to the parts that benefit them. Conservatism is like Christianity, as it is just jam packed with so many denominations that you can’t even define what it truly is anymore. I guess in Florida, the most common form of conservatism is the kind that is weak, scared and full of shit. I guess my fellow Floridians support war and wasteful spending; that’s what their votes are telling me.

In the end, if this trend continues into the other states, Obama will win the race and be re-elected for four more years. Ultimately, as much as it pains me to say, I don’t see this going any other way. There is that part of me though that refuses to give up and will continue to support Ron Paul till my last breath, even if the people continue to vote the other way. The establishment status quo just isn’t working folks but you sure as hell keep voting for it. Just do us all a favor and stop complaining, especially since you are the root of the fucking problem.