Gitmo: I Wanna Go!

Wow! I’ve heard all this great stuff about the resort we have for terrorists called “Gitmo”. After hearing how amazing this place is, I really want to go. I guess I have to be a member of Al-Qaeda or some other sick asshole fuck attempting to kill a shitload of Americans to receive such glorious and fantastical perks but I just don’t seem to have that in me. Well, at least this country is currently run by liberals who can sympathize with the biggest pieces of shit our world has to offer because that too is just something I don’t seem to have in me. At least, working together, the liberal ass clowns and terrorist fucksacks are able to muster up the ability to do both things and find common ground: a win-win for both parties! So, with that said, let’s look at why Gitmo is such an awesome place and the top vacation destination for the world’s sourest and vilest douchebags.

To start, let me give you, the masses, a little background on this whole Gitmo thing as it is a subject swelling with controversy. For those who don’t know, Gitmo refers to the Guantanamo Bay Naval Base in Cuba. The naval base has contained a military prison since 2002. The prison, or detention camp, is where “unlawful combatants” from the Afghan and Iraqi Wars are being held. Without getting into a complete history lesson and branching off into another direction, the controversy around Gitmo has to deal with the fact that the prisoners have not been given their rights under what was established within the treaties and protocols of the Geneva Convention. Essentially, the prisoners have been mistreated.

There’s been this whole thing about waterboarding at Gitmo. I wasn’t appalled by this at first because I used to wakeboard, boogeyboard and do all sorts of water sports with boards and waves and tricks and stuff. However, I saw a video on waterboarding and to my surprise, it wasn’t about a bunch of terrorists having fun ramping sharks in the waters of Guantanamo. It was pretty disturbing actually and I decided to support those who were speaking out against it. All people, even the worst ones, deserve certain human rights. To those scoffing at this, I simply state that this is why we are better than them. This is why we are NOT the terrorists and why we are the good guys, that is, if we respect those rights even if they don’t deserve them. However, I do not sympathize with the terrorists in any way, I just think that we should lead by example. When fighting a monster, becoming a monster is counter productive and hypocritical. Granted, I’d still like to stomp on a few terrorist testicles.

Anyway, the point of this article is to show just how sympathetic and pathetic our currently liberal government has become to these brainwashed cuntwart cowards. As far as I’m concerned, they are prisoners, they committed crimes, many of them atrocious acts against American citizens, and they don’t deserve any special treatment. In fact, they should be treated like animals, minus the whole torture thing. Our pussyfoot leaders however feel differently. They now feel that they deserve resort style amenities. Keep in mind that these are the same liberal emotards that are converting hotels into nice places for murderers and rapists to live in on our dime.

So, after investigation, it has been recently discovered that Gitmo detainees now have Playstation 3s, Nintendo Wiis, Skype, Cable TV, Internet access, radio and a library with such titles in it as “Twilight” and “Harry Potter”: sounds like choice reading for American-hating Muslim extremists. They are also being provided with gardening activities and some form of social rehab to indoctrinate them with American culture. Sounds to me like the government nimrods are planning on making them free men within our own country: typical liberal logic. Now we are going to have terrorists running roughshod through America while pledging allegiance to Voldemort as they bomb Team Jacob fan club HQs. Maybe those Dave Matthews CDs will calm them down; one can only hope.

I’m hoping that I am not the only one who sees how incredibly fucking bullshit this whole situation is. I mean, shit, I bust my ass, work hard, pay taxes and all I’ve got is a PS3. Now, with my tax money, these sick American-hating asshats get both a PS3 and a Wii! Give’m Wii Fit while you’re at it. We don’t want these cold blooded killers to get out of shape before you release them into American society. I bet these bastards got to watch the World Cup! I can only assume that they are eating Chick-Fil-A and drinking Yoohoo as well! I bet they had Arizona Iced Tea too until the liberal nutsticks took it away after the whole immigration fiasco started. Leave it to liberals to boycott a New York based company simply for having the name “Arizona” in it. Once again: liberal logic is as magically sensible and rational as a unicorn giving a werewolf a blowjob.

So, instead of working and attempting to be an outstanding citizen, maybe my life would be better and more complete being locked up in Gitmo. I can talk to all of my friends on Skype, read trashy tween books, plant a geranium, watch “Golden Girls” on Hallmark and game all day. I wonder if they’re getting “Fallout: New Vegas”? Hell, for a free ride like these terrorists are getting, I’d take a few waterboarding sessions. Drown me, resuscitate me and throw a game controller in my hand; it’s all good! I wonder how good they are at “Metal Gear Online”? I should add a few to my Squadron. It’s Skull Squadron by the way, to any of you out there that are Level 15+ who want to roll out and squash some opposing PMCs.

Anyway, Gitmo is pretty tits for those imprisoned there. If you’re an activist trying to stop Gitmo, maybe you should reassess why you want the place shut down. If I were to find a reason, it’d be because my tax dollars are being wasted on video games and Comcast. That shit is a lot more expensive than water, boards, straps and towels.