The Art of Liberal Hypocrisy, Part II

One of the first blogs I wrote for TheSwash was “The Art of Liberal Hypocrisy”, which was quickly followed by “The Art of Conservative Hypocrisy”. Being some of the most popular blogs in my catalog, I figured I could follow each one of them up with a sequel. Like the first round, I am going to write about liberal hypocrisy first and then quickly follow it up in the near future with a sequel to conservative hypocrisy. I just typed “hypocrisy” a lot.

Anyway, last round I pointed the finger at Al Gore, the Clintons, Joe Biden and King of the Once Free World, Barack Obama aka Barry Ting Ting. This time, I am going to hit up four new liberals who are guilty of being hypocrites. Shit, I couldn’t let that undead bitch Nancy Pelosi get away unscathed. She had to know this was coming. Oh, and what about her homeboy, Harry Reid? Yep, that punk muthafucka is going to be exposed. I also have to hit up Barney “Dicks? Yes please!” Frank, George Lucas’ first choice to play Jabba the Hutt. The last target in my sights for this round is Stuart Smalley better known by his political stage name, Senator Al Franken. They are all lovely people but even in their loveliness, they, just like most politicians and especially liberals, have been guilty of grave hypocrisies.

First up on the docket of shame, is Nancy “Lady Skeletor” Pelosi. Recently seen in her opponent’s attack ads as the Wicked Witch of the West, Nancy Pelosi has been a busy lady working the top spot in Congress as well as gaining the top spot in her coven after eating all the other heretics alive. There are a lot of different events in Lady Skeletor’s career that you could point at and scream hypocrisy. For instance, she repeatedly refers to the Bush Administration as “corrupt”. She must obviously be a perfect fucking citizen. Well, that just isn’t true. Lady Skeletor is from San Francisco and so is one of her top contributors Starkist Tuna/Del Monte Foods. Starkist employs 75% of the population in American Samoa. Pelosi’s husband, Paul, owns $17 million dollars worth of Starkist/Del Monte stock. Looks like a case of scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours but oh, it goes deeper. In 2007, when the minimum wage in America was raised from $5.15 all the way up to $7.25, Lady Skeletor exempted American Samoa from the raise, so that Starkist/Del Monte wouldn’t have to raise the wages of their workers and the Pelosi family, as stock holders of the company, would reap the benefits of the underpaid workers. You see, without the pay raise, Starkist/Del Monte could keep the price of their products down while the price of their competitors’ products would have to rise: basic economics. Now how fucking corrupt is that hypocrite? And this fucking lady preaches about helping the less fortunate and throwing entitlements at the poor? More hypocrisy! So when the bailout was passed, Pelosi added a footnote to it, giving American Samoa $33 million dollars for “economic development”. There is so much more hypocrisy with this evil bitch that I could write a ten thousand word article about it. However, I must move on.

Up next is Harry “The Master of Misdirection” Reid. You see, Hairball Reid loves anchor babies, he loves them so much that he hopes that that love penetrates their little hearts and that they grow up to be loyal Democrats. It sounds like a pretty good plan from Hairball and I applaud him for having such a big heart. However, legend says that he once had an evil dark heart and hated anchor babies. Say it isn’t so! I wish I could kids but Hairball is a dirty dirty bird and a fucking trickster: most importantly, he is a hypocrite. You see, way back in 1993, Mr. Reid authored a piece of legislation that called for ending the right for babies being born in America to become instant citizens. What the fuck?!?! Yes, it is true! The guy hating on Arizona and laws like theirs once wanted to end the only perk prego Mexicans had. Now, Hairball and his evil minions try to demonize those who are opposed to what he was opposed to in 1993. He refers to Republicans who challenge birthright citizenship as “extremists”. Luckily for Mexicans, the bill went nowhere back in 1993. Since it is 17 years later, this gave Hypocrite Hairball enough time to coerce the non-English speakers into believing that he is on their side. Without lying to Mexicans, Mr. Hairball couldn’t be the King of Vegas but either way, he will always be an asshole.

Cue the Empire theme from ‘Star Wars’, in walks Barney Frank, the Crown Prince of Gay Sith. Fuck, I don’t even know what a “gay Sith” is or if there really is any. Anakin was kind of gay and an emotard before giving himself over to Palpatine.. wait! Maybe they were both gay Sith. Anyway, Barney Frank had a lot of gay little padawans and apprentices under his dark tutelage throughout the years. He even had a gay brothel in his house. However, this is about his hypocrisy, not his gaiety. So how is Barney a bumbling hypocritical fool? Well, he is calling for those responsible for the bursting of the housing bubble to be prosecuted. He wants to hold the feet of those responsible to the fire! Yeah motherfucker! Go get’m Barney! So, who is it that he needs to go after? Well, it is the guy looking back at him in the fucking mirror. No! Seriously! You see, not long ago Bush II: The Quickening asked Congress for an initiative to regulate Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Congress however wouldn’t let Bush do it. In fact, it was Barney Frank himself who said ”These two entities — Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac — are not facing any kind of financial crisis. The more people exaggerate these problems, the more pressure there is on these companies, the less we will see in terms of affordable housing.” So what happened? The bubble burst! Who was the primary catalyst for the worst financial crisis in generations? Barney Fucking Frank himself! So why isn’t he volunteering himself for the guillotine? Just like his buddy, Harry Reid, Frank’n'furter is a master of misdirection. He thinks that if he points his chubby finger the other way, people will forget that he was the center of this fucked up situation. There’s that old adage though: when you point your finger at someone, there are three fingers pointing back at you.

“I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and doggone it, people like me!” Yes, that is what Senator Stuart Smalley says to himself everyday when he looks into the mirror after his AM shower. Smalley is now better known by his political stage name, Al Franken. So how is the former MC of SNL a hypocrite? Well, Al Frankenstein’s entire political career started with hypocrisy. During his race for the Senate seat, he made a big stink about his opponent, Senator Norm Coleman, taking campaign money from Big Tobacco and Big Oil. Minnesota Republican Party Chairman Ron Carey, in Coleman’s defense, quickly pointed out the hypocrisy in Franken’s “holier-than-thou” attitude. You see, future Senator Frankenstein was taking financial contributions from big time Democrat Party supporter Smith Bagley. Mr. Bagley, who passed away earlier this year, has the heir to the R.J. Reynolds fortune. Yes, the same R.J. Reynolds that is a huge part of Big Tobacco. R.J. Reynolds was the company who came under attack by the government (mainly liberals) when their mascot Joe Camel was said to be a marketing device used to attract children to Camel cigarettes. So hypocrite Franken wants to have his nicotine laced cake and eat it too! Maybe Stuart Smalley should adopt the philosophy behind the old adage I threw at Barney Frank last paragraph. But nah! He fucking won’t.

So, as you can see, liberal leaders are full of more shit than the human cast of ‘Wall-E’ with the stomach flu. Then again, many conservative leaders are just as hypocritical. Well, maybe not as much, unless they are the Big Government kind like the Bush Boys, John McCain and Mitt Romney. In any event, a sequel to the conservative side of this argument is coming soon because there is a lot of GOP false prophets who slipped through the cracks last round. Anyway, I was glad I could shit on some more of your heroes.