The Longhorn Statists and the Memorial Day Monsters

*Written by Rob Rimes.

What a strange weekend. For those under a rock, it was Memorial Day and even though it started off with a bang it ended somewhat disturbingly. Friday night was full of good friends and lots of barbecue. Of course there were drinks galore and between pints of Pabst Blue Ribbon, Yuengling, Miller High Life and Busch I was able to wedge in a few shots of whiskey as well as some tropical rum drinks. In a failed attempt to not wake up the next morning with a hangover, I filled up on ribs, ribeye, hot dogs and chili. Essentially, it was a booze and meat party which have become synonymous with my life on almost a daily basis. Trust me, there are no complaints here.

The weekend was also full of some great sporting events. Now I don’t keep up with sports as much as your typical red-blooded American male, as I have more important things to focus on – such as everyday life, but I couldn’t miss the UEFA Champions’ League final between Chelsea and Bayern Munich, as soccer is my favorite team sport by far. Chelsea pulled it out even though they were on Bayern Munich’s home turf. I was pleased with the result as I typically side with the British teams when it comes to European football.

The weekend was also full of several huge races: the Monaco Grand Prix, the Indianapolis 500, the Coca-Cola 600 and a V8 supercar race from Australia. Honestly, I just don’t give a shit about NASCAR, so I tuned out for the Coca-Cola 600 but I did find myself captivated by the Indy 500 and the Monaco Grand Prix. Monaco was a decent contest but nowhere near as exciting as the Indy 500, which followed it. The Australian supercar race was more or less eye candy but still falls under my jurisdiction of interest as my favorite sporting event after the World Cup is Le Mans. In the end though, I was glued to the television most of the morning and early afternoon on Sunday. The night was capped off with an ‘Alien’ marathon to get me ready for the series’ upcoming prequel ‘Prometheus” – the film I most anticipate right now.

Despite all of this, I was disturbed over the weekend when I came across the story of a real-life zombie attack in South Beach. Rudy Eugene, who the media now refers to as the South Beach Cannibal, stripped naked, attacked a homeless man, ripped his clothes off and ate the flesh right off of his fucking face! The victim is in critical condition and is severely disfigured. The zombie however, is dead. Apparently this horrific attack went on for over 18 minutes! What turned this man into a rabid monster on a flesh-eating frenzy? They’re telling us that bath salts are the culprit. Yes, bath salts! What the hell ever happened to the good drugs that didn’t entice you to gnaw another man’s face off?

Zombie Rudy wasn’t an isolated incident however. In New Jersey, 43-year-old Wayne Carter stabbed himself and threw pieces of his flesh and intestines at police officers. Officials are saying that it must be due to some sort of mental condition or wild drug use. The scary thing is that it doesn’t even matter, what does matter is this sort of psycho shit is happening more often. Hardly a week goes by where I don’t come across a headline about a sick and twisted fuck who did some sick and twisted thing. However, as insane as these incidents are, they are seemingly getting more frequent and much more bizarre.

Unable to bury my disgust and discontent over our horror movie world, I was then made aware that any hope I may have had that Ron Paul had a chance of winning his home state of Texas (a delegate monster) was destroyed when the longhorn statists hit the ballots and gave the victory to Mitt Romney. Maybe they were confused. Maybe they saw his picture and thought he was Rick Perry. I mean, they both have fantastic hair – let’s be honest. Or maybe living under three terms of Perry rule has made the once bad ass Texans desensitized to big government statism and they had to pick a guy that holds onto those same qualities. At least Ron Paul walked away with 18 delegates but it does seem pretty goddamned insignificant compared to Mitt Romney’s 105. Romney’s big Texas delegate grab also brings his total number of delegates to 1171 which exceeds the 1144 needed to secure the Republican Party’s nomination. Ron Paul now totals out at 140 but as I have stated before, the delegate tally is slightly different depending upon what source you are getting your numbers from. In my case, I’m looking at CNN’s Election Center.

So what this all means is that Mitt Romney is solidified as the Republican nominee regardless of what happens between now and August. The deed is done and the man is the victor. This doesn’t mean Dr. Paul isn’t going to keep collecting delegates in an attempt to make his voice heard at the upcoming Republican National Convention. It would be nice if Dr. Paul could eclipse Santorum’s 266 delegates and knock that Bible-fucking bag of dicks out of second place. The race is too close to the end though but Paul shouldn’t have much trouble overcoming Gingrich’s 144. Also, this doesn’t mean that there won’t be some surprises still ahead. With Paul flipping the script a few weeks ago and winning 30 out of the 31 delegates in Minnesota, after Santorum won the popular vote, another power play or two could move the good doctor forward and maintain his status as a thorn in the side of the establishment.

While it seems like the news in the presidential race is currently moving at a slow pace, there are still developments going on behind the scenes that continue to keep this marathon interesting. Ultimately, we are headed for an Obama-Romney shit show but the movement of liberty-loving people is growing and will continue to thrive despite whatever madness we have in front if us for the next four years. Eventually something is going to break and those with their wits about them will flood into the broken palace and overthrow the tyrants once more. History tends to repeat itself and the massive number of people in this world will always find a way to topple their handful of leaders.