The Republican National Convention, Part III

*Written by Rob Rimes.

CONTINUED from “The Republican National Convention, Part II”

9. Day Four, Part I – The Last of the Speakers:

After what has seemed like dozens of speeches and three interesting sessions, we have finally come to the fourth and final day of the Republican National Convention. There are a few speeches I want to mention from the last day and besides the obvious ones by Mitt Romney and Clint Eastwood, I want to talk about the speeches of Connie Mack, Newt Gingrich, Jeb Bush and Marco Rubio. Up first, is the congressman from my own district – who is running for Senate – Connie Mack IV.

Mack strolled out and turned up the energy with his support for Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan. I am reminded about how disappointed I am when Mitt came to my town a few months back and Connie Mack was by his side supporting him. It always left a bad taste in my mouth as Mack is a guy I often times find myself defending against a lot of libertarian-minded people in my neck of the woods. Hell, libertarian icon Judge Andrew Napolitano loves the guy and truthfully, whatever your possible beef with Mack, he has had a really good voting record, as he has opposed NDAA, SOPA, PIPA and CISPA – all things that libertarians have bitched hard about in the last six months or more. I’m not excusing the fact that he supports Romney and ultimately could be an establishment guy, as his family has been in politics forever, but I do think he is one of the good guys – certainly better than that wolf in sheep’s clothing Marco Rubio.

Congressman Mack’s speech was very short. He talked about leadership, the American Dream and how we have two guys who can help put us back on the right track. Mack said that America’s success “is built on our values and our principles.” He added that our values and principles are “under attack”. He continued along that point by stating, “Our commitment to freedom and liberty and to everything that makes our country great, seems to embarrass the ‘blame America first’ crowd.” He then went on to talk about America’s recent achievements, such as winning the most gold in the Olympics and landing a rover on Mars. For someone that had maybe the narrowest window to speak, Mack got a lot out and energized the arena.

Newt Gingrich brought his wife Callista on stage so that they could give a quick speech. I was a bit confused you see, because either Callista’s shirt matched the color of the backdrop precisely or she was wearing some sort of cloaking device that only revealed her head. It was distracting to look at what seemed to be Newt Gingirch and just the floating head of his wife. I was also weary, as the last time two people spoke together at this show, it was awkward and weird (see my comments on the Pam Bondi and Sam Olens speech in my last article “The Republican National Convention, Part II”).

Gingrich and his wife’s floating head go on to praise Reagan and how great he was. Gingrich is once again painting himself as a Reagan guy and I am tired of calling him out on this bullshit, as I have discussed it in several articles I’ve written, primarily my critiques to the GOP debates over the last year-to-year and a half. This of course leads into the Newt and wifey’s head trying to push Mitt Romney as the modern Reagan. C’mon bro! No one believes that! Oh shit, the sheep are clapping! I didn’t know that hooves sound like human hands? Anyway, Newt should have just got up there, yelled at the media and got people fired up like he did in the debates. This was a boring and useless speech that creeped out us sane people yet unfortunately pumped up the Republican zombie uprising of 2012. Newt has always claimed that he was the leader of that horribly named “Republican Revolution” of 1994. Now he can claim to be the head cheerleader of the aptly named “Republican Zombie Apocalypse” of 2012.

Next up, I was pleasantly surprised to see former Florida Governor Jeb Bush. I had heard that he might talk but completely forgot about it, as the long list of speakers on this final night were pretty boring and I was busy watching this at a friend’s house where we were entertaining a lot of guests by having giant pancakes and booze for dinner. Now I know that Jeb is a Bush and that both of the presidential Bush dudes were big government ass clowns that loved war and wasting money, I never had a serious problem with Jeb. That could be because when he was my governor, I wasn’t paying that much attention to politics. It might also be because he is well-spoken and doesn’t continually put his cowboy boots in his mouth like his brother. In any event, I was glad to hear the guy speak, as he has been pretty low key since leaving office.

Upon coming out on stage, Jeb Bush kicked things off with talking about his family and how much he loves his brother Dubya, who he feels kept America safe during his tenure as president. Jeb then addressed Barack Obama and basically said, in much nicer terms than I am going to type here, “Man the fuck up and stop blaming my brother!” Gov. Bush admitted that Obama was dealt a tough hand but he also added that Obama’s policies and leadership style haven’t worked, as things have gotten even worse. Jeb finished his point to Obama by saying, “In the fourth year of your presidency, a real leader would accept responsibility for his actions and you haven’t done it.”

Jeb Bush then moved past his message for Obama and chose to talk about education. He talked about how America needs to work towards bettering the educational system, as we just don’t cut it on the international level. He pointed out that our policies and they way we do things in the realm of education just aren’t working. He talked about solutions and some of the things he has seen work. He praised Florida Governor Rick Scott for his efforts at helping Florida’s children get the education they need. Bush pretty much called for giving equal opportunities for all kids and allowing parents to choose their child’s school. He warned the crowd that “our nation is at stake” and he is right about that. Of course, the real solution, whether Bush wants to agree or not, is the same solution for most of our problems, get the damn federal government out of the way.

10. Day Four, Part II – Leading Up to the Main Event:

Getting towards the end of the show, the Republicans claimed that they had an ace up their sleeve. They had invited a guest speaker to come out and address the nation. Someone big, someone huge, an icon, a fucking legend and one tough ass motherfucker! That person was none other than actor, director, producer, bad ass – Clint Eastwood!

Mr. Eastwood was the star of my favorite film of all time, “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly” as well as a dozen or more other movies that were in constant rotation throughout my childhood. I have always looked up to the guy, respected him and looked at him as the epitome of manliness – especially these days when too many dudes frost their fucking hair and wear skinny jeans. You know you’d never see Clint Eastwood in some stupid ass Affliction t-shirt with DJ Pauly D hair. He wasn’t a punkass bitch, he was a real hardcore man’s man that wouldn’t take any bullshit from anyone. On paper, there is no one else that I can think of that would be a better speaker to have come out and endorse your party’s candidate. Unfortunately and surprisingly, Clint Eastwood was a disaster and probably did more harm than good – I’ll explain.

To start, he sounded awful. Now I know the guy is old and I am trying to be respectful of him, as he is a legend and has done nothing but earned respect for decades. However, his speech was weak, he had a hard time delivering what he wanted to say and his strange form of prop comedy was ineffective, as it went on for far too long and it just made him look a bit mad. For those who missed it, although I don’t know how you haven’t heard about it yet, Mr. Eastwood spent ten-to-fifteen minutes talking to an empty chair that was supposed to be occupied by Barack Obama. Now while this is an old routine that comedians have used for years, Eastwood’s rendition of this classic joke was just odd and uncomfortable.

Now there isn’t much to discuss about what Eastwood even said, as it was an incoherent mess and the bits that were clear, weren’t that funny or even that memorable. It was a jumbled mess and he could have benefitted from a better writer and maybe some cue cards or notes. I don’t believe he had any of that. What upsets me is not just seeing a hero of mine come out and look that out of it in front of so many people but it is the fact that he was called up and put out there without someone stepping in and putting there foot down over the bad idea. Not only was it a disservice to the Americans watching, it was disrespectful to Clint Eastwood in my opinion. Now I am not saying that he has lost his marbles, I doubt he has, but someone had to know that he wasn’t in the right shape to go out there. Did they not do a practice run of his routine?

This really has just blown up in the faces of the Republican Party, as even though Mitt Romney gave a big speech – regardless of how good it may have been, it is Clint Eastwood’s speech that is getting all the attention. Every channel I turn on, I see highlights and discussion of Clint Eastwood. I haven’t seen anything about Mitt Romney’s speech, except a little blurb, a few sound bites and some highlights on Fox News. The GOP just created a distraction that they didn’t need and now the liberal side of the media is embracing it. It’s a sad state of affairs when your convention will be most remembered by the American legend who failed to deliver than the Republican hero who many want to take down Obama.

Senator Marco Rubio was the next Republican to come out. He is another guy from my state but unlike Connie Mack, he is a complete fucking dickhead. Why? Well, he is a guy who used the Tea Party to get himself elected and then once getting into office, turned his back on “limited government” and “fiscal responsibility”. Rubio is a hack but for whatever reason, people wanted this freshman senator to be Mitt Romney’s running mate. The people wanting that are fucking idiots and they’re the type that will continue to drink Rubio’s bullshit Kool-Aid completely unaware that he is a tyrannical shitbag and they are just zombies to rhetoric and anti-liberal lingo.

So what did Marco say? Well, he kissed Mitt’s ass, pandered to the crowd, smiled a lot and even threw some Spanish words around to prove he wasn’t the stereotypical “old white male” Republican. He told stories of his dad being a bartender, his family being from Cuba, his parents working hard and how that influenced him. He then talked about how awesome Mitt Romney is. He got into discussing the principles of limited government and fiscal responsibility yet didn’t mention all the big government wasteful ways he wants to unleash on us all with his lust for war and conquest, as well as his love for an expanding police state.

You see, Rubio supported Obama’s invasion of Libya, he wants to go into Syria, he wants to invade Iran, he wants to stay in Afghanistan and to not limit our presence in Iraq. Rubio is a John McCain-styled warmonger that spreads fear over the threat of muslim extremism. He also likes his pork, loves the police state and supported big government programs like NDAA, SOPA, PIPA and CISPA. He also supports the PATRIOT Act, the Department of Homeland Security and doesn’t seem to be all that bothered by the TSA. Marco Rubio is the antithesis to a limited government, fiscally responsible guy. He is worse than bad and is nothing more than a fresh young face slapped over the old GOP banner.

Hey, who better to introduce Mitt Romney, right?

11. Day Four, Part III – Mitt Romney Addresses America: