The Uncle Joe Jig

*Written by Rob Rimes.

Politics aside, I love Joe Biden. He is by far the most entertaining vice president we have probably ever had, at least in my lifetime. Now I know I have been critical in the past about entertainment in politics – primarily when speaking about Donald Trump and his scheming ways, but Uncle Joe is an actual politician and whether you like what he does and says or not, he is an incredibly interesting and dynamic character that has paid his dues and been a major player in the Capitol Beltway for decades. The difference between an entertaining asshat like Biden and a douchebag like Trump, other than one being a politician and the other one being a self-absorbed media whore, is that Uncle Joe is the guy I would go out and get a drink with to shoot the shit about politics where Trump is a guy I would probably karate chop in the fucking neck for just being an obnoxious pompous bag of dicks.

So with all the press going to Obama and Romney and now Paul Ryan, VP Biden has been on the media’s back burner. Well, that is until the last few days, which has seen the conservative side of the media jump down Uncle Joe’s throat like the liberal side of the media did to Sarah Palin four years ago. Sure, Joe has verbally fucked up a bit here and there but homeboy has got to be tired and realistically, the mainstream media of the right is just blowing this shit out of proportion. I get it though, the righties are mad at the lefties for their attacks on the GOP elite, so they are only giving them a taste of their own medicine. Both sides of the media coin are guilty of the same shit, as they both promote themselves as the more ethical side due to their rival’s childish antics and overblown analyzation of simple human error. All parties are guilty as fucking charged.

To be fair and honest though, Biden has had many gaffes over the years. There was his infamous f-bomb, which conservatives reacted too in the same way a drunk chick would react to a sandroll (*Sandroll – definition: While having sex on the beach or anywhere on sand, the male’s penis falls out of the female’s vagina causing him to quickly re-insert it without checking and wiping the sand off of the penis’ wet tip). Then there was that time that Sen. Chuck Graham was honored and Biden repeatedly yelled at him “get up man!” – completely forgetting that the Senator was bound to a wheelchair. And who could forget when Joe talked about the Irish Prime Minister’s deceased mother only to come to the realization mid-sentence that she was still alive. These are just a few examples in Uncle Joe’s verbal faux pas gallery, as there are many more but fuck all that. Let’s move forward and rundown a few of Joey B’s most recent gaffes and see what all the goddamned fuss is about.

The most controversial comment Biden made that caused conservatives’ heads to spin and spit up pea soup was where he claimed that Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan, as president and vice president would “put y’all back in chains.” He was speaking to a mostly African-American crowd so you can see how the allusion to slavery was made and truthfully, no matter how the context was meant to go, Biden was just playing the game the way Biden plays it. Would I have used such words? No, certainly not but Joe did, it pissed off the right, fired up the left (in a good rallying sort of way) and he wasn’t punished by his party or his boss for it. I am definitely not a fan of playing the race-baiting card and I think it is a cheap tactic but it works and in the case of Joe Biden and the view from the left, the fact that it angered the right so much makes actions like his justifiable from their side of the fence. Now will that attract independents or some conservatives that aren’t happy with Romney over to the Obama team? We’ll have to wait and see but the truth is that this is when politics get the dirtiest. This is when the gloves come off and Biden knows that – he’s been around the block for a long ass time. He is swinging like a cage fighter while Romney and Ryan are just playing the nice card and getting pushed around because of it. I wish people could run on their record alone, not that that would really help Romney, but to win at this level, unfortunately, you have to draw some blood.

Another gaffe that happened this week was when Joe Biden, while visiting Virginia, referred to it as North Carolina. Now it is easy to pick on the guy for that but c’mon, his gaffe was a simple and honest mistake and big game politicians have put their feet in their mouths over much worse than that. Shit, George W. Bush made a career out of gaffes and Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann are pretty damn good at it too. Of course, this doesn’t mean that every conservative with an outlet isn’t going to start ripping the dude’s ass. Unfortunately for Biden, he also referred to our current century as the 20th century earlier this week and that also got Romney’s cheerleaders all irritable.

“America’s Mayor” Rudy Giuliani questioned Biden’s sanity and asked if he was mentally capable of handling the job of president if something were to happen to Barack Obama. It’s kind of funny, thinking of Giuliani questioning someone’s sanity when he has always been quick to want war and promote an insane foreign policy that would generate the kind of blowback that would make events like 9/11 more commonplace.

Sarah Palin took to Fox News, as she always does, and bashed Biden. Really? This dingbat dope, who has stumbled over her words like a Dubya with tits, is going to bash Uncle Joe? She talked about how Obama needed to dump Biden and grab Hillary Clinton for his running mate before it was too late. She then admitted that she hoped they didn’t take her advice because keeping Joe would be detrimental to their campaign. Well, if she doesn’t want to give good winning advice to Obama, then shouldn’t she just shut her fucking mouth to begin with? Palin is a fucking self-absorbed walking gaffe that has been vehemently lambasted for it and the fact that she has the audacity to flip the script and become the one pointing fingers now, just boggles my mind. Well, I guess nothing with Palin should surprise me. I mean being surprised by something Sarah Palin does is like being surprised when you catch the waterboy at the Special Olympics sticking Cheetos in his nose.

The problem with Palin’s suggestion however, is that it became headline news. Maybe the Democrats were even listening, as Obama had a meeting yesterday morning with Joe Biden and Hillary Clinton. Speculation was going wild and most conservative news outlets were reporting that Clinton was going to step into Uncle Joe’s shoes and give Barack Obama that extra edge. Oddly, it was as if conservatives were cheering for that to happen. Alas, it didn’t happen and Joey B is still Obama’s “Number 1″. Reports have since come out saying that Hillary turned down the job in favor of focusing on running for president once again in 2016. Whatever, the media will keep speculating and ultimately, regardless of what happens in this race and on Election Day, nothing will change and we’ll continue down the path of economic insanity.

At least with Uncle Joe, we’ll have a few laughs on the way and I don’t mean that in a negative way. He may be somewhat of a court jester but he’s our court jester and he’s damn good at it. To be frank, I don’t think he is as foolish as he makes himself out to be and how he is portrayed. I think he’s playing the game well and the media and his opponents keep taking the bait. He creates the necessary distractions within the walls of high level politics and that takes tremendous skill. Joe Biden could very well be an evil genius while the conservative media and those who hold so much disdain for him are nothing more than dolls tied to the puppet master’s strings.

I mean c’mon, how bad could a guy be when he passes out hot dogs to troops?

Fuck yeah! Do your thing Uncle Joe!