Woodrow Wilson: Destroyer of Liberty, Lieutenant of Hell

Thomas Woodrow Wilson, not to be confused with Thomas F. Wilson – the actor who played Biff in the ‘Back To The Future’ trilogy, was one of the human names of the demon Astaroth: a lieutenant in Hell and one of Satan’s most trusted allies. As a demon he was powerful and a destroyer of worlds and dimensions across the multiverse. As a human he was a destroyer of liberty and the United States economy. However, he did come off as somewhat of a boring pussy even though he led the United States through World War I. At least there is a bridge named after him that connects Virginia to Maryland over the Potomac River just outside of D.C.. Late at night, that bridge is used to transport demons into the greater D.C. area.

To dig deep and give a comprehensive history of Astaroth would take up volumes and volumes of thick books stacked to the heavens. So we will stick to what is important from an American history perspective, his 2,197th human life as Woodrow Wilson, the 28th and probably worst President of the United States.

Astaroth’s human life as Woodrow Wilson started in the year 1856 when he was “born” out of Jessie Janet Woodrow, the wife of Reverend Joseph Ruggles Wilson. Satan chose a reverend and his wife because he loves irony and he chose the state of Virginia to taint it’s legacy after giving us Washington, Jefferson, Madison and Monroe: four out of the five first presidents. Also, Satan hated the University of Virginia, where he once served as dean but was destroyed by thirteen clones of Jesus Christ-grey alien hybrids posing as students.

As a child, Lil’ Wood learned about owning slaves from his father, who was a chaplain for the Confederate Army. This, of course, would be lessons he would later implement in life when his master plan of enslaving the human race would come to fruition. Wilson’s father helped found the Southern Presbyterian Church after they split from the Northern Presbyterians just like secession. Lil’ Wood learned his Jesus lessons but had a hard time learning how to read, as he was distracted by his hobby of hunting small woodland creatures at night and draining their blood for use in enchantments. However, his apparent dyslexia, caused by the fact that it is hard for a demon’s mind to focus in a human host, would not prevent him from being the leader of the free world. He taught himself shorthand and moved to South Carolina so his father could oversee his studies when Papa Wilson became a professor at Columbia Theological Seminary.

Lil’ Wood, now growing up to be Medium Wood, transferred to Davidson College then Princeton and then he went to law school at the University of Virginia, where he uncovered Satan’s old teaching notes hidden in a barrel of old coffee beans. His education there didn’t last long and he later went to Johns Hopkins University to study history and political science. He had to brush up on those subjects so he would have an easier time infiltrating the elite. He also went to some other universities but I’m tired of pinpointing them all. I think his dyslexia was so bad that he just showed up at the wrong school everyday. Finish what you start Hellspawn!

After college, Woody was a big critic of the United States government, that is until Grover Cleveland showed up and gave him someone to look up to. Cleveland lost the Oval Office however but due to Wilson’s dark alchemy, Cleveland regained that office four years later. However, four years after that, the Oval Office went to McKinley then to Teddy Roosevelt and then William Taft, who helped open the door for Wilson’s attack on freedom and rise to tyranny. While Wilson went from being President of Princeton University to the Governor of New Jersey, the seeds for his enslavement of America were planted. In 1912, Woodrow Wilson won the election to become President of the United States of America as a Progressive Democrat.

Enter President Astaroth, the demon who held the highest position of authority in the world!

Astaroth as Wilson, pretty much destroyed freedom in his first year as leader of the once free world. Sworn in in 1913, Woody wasted no time in creating the two biggest enemies of liberty in our nation’s short history, the Federal Income Tax and the Federal Reserve System. If you don’t know how these two things have destroyed liberty than you need to go back to watching ‘Jersey Shore’ because I’m not going to waste time explaining it. To put it bluntly though, the income tax grows and grows, even to this day, and it rapes our wallets like Roman Polanski at a middle school dance. The Federal Reserve (or the Fed) has devalued the dollar to the point that it finds more use as a bookmark than actual currency. Wilson’s enactment of these two major variables in the U.S. economy led to the Great Depression, the formation of the IRS and opened the door for further tyranny by future progressives.

So, those are the two most common things that Woodrow Wilson is known for, as far as fucking things up on a mega ultra scale. So what else did Woody Woodcock do that was so evil? Well, to start, he was the first president to come out and criticize the Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, the Bill of Rights and the Founding Fathers. Of course, now that is common practice but you can thank Woodrow for getting that ball rolling.

Wilson was also a fascist by nature. He rejected the principles of “separation of powers” and “checks and balances”. Wilson wrote, “Government does now whatever experience permits or the times demand….”. Oh no he didn’t? Oh yes he fucking did! He also scoffed at the principle of individual rights when he wrote, “No doubt a lot of nonsense has been talked about the inalienable rights of the individual, and a great deal that was mere sentiment and pleasing speculation has been put forward as fundamental principle…”. In an essay, Woody wrote that a “true leader” uses the masses of people like “tools.” He also talked shit about Thomas Jefferson.

Wilson, being a demon and all, was a natural warmonger. In fact, he looked at World War I as a “splendid thing” and an “opportunity”. Being a big British fanboy, Woody wanted to help them in the war and actually took part in the massive navy blockade of Germany which caused Germans to starve. All while this was going on, Wilson was claiming “neutrality”! There was no American interest at stake during World War I but our involvement cost us the lives of over 100,000 Americans and left more than 200,000 other Americans wounded.

Woody also created the Committee on Public Information, which was a propaganda powerhouse used to lie to the American public in an effort to gain support for Wilson’s agenda. Wilson also pushed for what he called the Sedition Act, which banned the press and citizens from criticizing the federal government during times of war. Essentially, Woodrow Wilson was trying to ban the First Amendment of the Constitution and strip away freedom of speech and freedom of the press. Wilson used his power to unconstitutionally shut down 75 different periodicals while the Department of Justice arrested tens of thousands of American citizens without just cause. Wilson and the Department of Justice then created a real police state when they introduced the American Protective League, who were essentially the precursor to the Gestapo. The League rounded up 50,000 American citizens who were considered seditionists or “draft dodgers”. They were also a part of the infamous Palmer Raids. If you don’t know what that is, do a Google search.

Woodrow Wilson also created the War Industries Board, which was an industrial dictatorship that attempted to take over all industrial production for the state. If this isn’t a step towards communism and fascism than what is? By controlling the industries, they could control the war time economy.

Wilson’s Fourteen Points and the Treaty of Versailles brought World War I to an end but it was a major factor in bringing about World War II and the rise of the Nazi Party. By focusing on his bullshit League of Nations, the Fourteen Points and the Treaty went to shit and Germany became a weak, corruptible nation. It wasn’t long before Hitler took advantage of that.

After the war, this fucksack, Wilson, was at the end of his presidency. He destroyed liberty, fucked over Americans and the world and left Germany in shambles so that the Nazis could come in and dupe the starving masses into following their seemingly noble agenda. Within a few years, Woodrow Wilson was dead, as Astaroth already caused as much damage as he could and he no longer needed to be limited by weak man flesh. Woodrow “died” and Astaroth went back to Hell to plot his next move.

The horrendous thing is that the history books paint Woodrow Wilson as a great man and one of the best presidents. Well, Wilson was the King of Progressives and that is what most liberals are and since schools are liberally biased propaganda mills, this shouldn’t really surprise anyone. Woodrow Wilson was an evil dickbag demon and one of the worst human beings to ever live. Oh yeah, he was a racist too!