Man, the last few days have been horrendous as far as the primaries have gone. Saturday night we got the results of the Nevada caucuses, which had Mitt Romney just barely getting the majority vote at 50.1 percent! Yes, Ol’ Mittens got the majority vote! Gingrich came in second with just 21.1 percent with Ron Paul in a close third at 18.8 percent and Rick Santorum in last with a dismal 10 percent. The thing to look at is that this was a horrible night for Santorum, who one would think would bow out at this point but luckily for himself, he didn’t, as you’ll see why shortly. Paul did well but not well enough even though he was just behind Gingrich. Romney killed it however and really solidified the fact that he is the man to beat in this race.. well as of Saturday anyway.

Now when it comes down to it, the race is really about delegates and even though Romney walked away with the most at 14, both Gingrich and Paul got a decent number: Newt at 6 and Paul at 5. Ricky Boy only got 3 in this contest. Now while Mitt Romney owned Las Vegas and Reno, Ron Paul had a strong finish in the south central part of the state in the largest county Nye, as well as neighboring Esmeralda County. Gingrich only took Mineral County and Santorum took none.

Now while these results might seem fine and dandy to some, there has been a number of reports pointing to voter fraud in Nevada. As I have mentioned in a previous article, voter fraud was suspected in the Harry Reid-Sharron Angle midterm election for Senate back in 2010, so this almost doesn’t surprise me. It’s funny how in the primaries where Romney has won, or was originally announced the winner, there has been some form of foul play reported. I’m not saying that Romney and his people are up to something, I’m just saying that shit doesn’t add up and homeboy is constantly the benefactor. Realistically, I shouldn’t spend too much time on this, as I need to look into it deeper and don’t want to speculate without all the evidence. Feel free to look into it yourself but I did post a story about it on The Swash a few days ago.

Moving away from the disappointment of Nevada, we come to the next stop on the campaign trail which is actually split between three states: Missouri, Minnesota and Colorado. The godawful insane truth about this dark Tuesday night was that Rick Santroum walked away with a victory in all three states! America got rick roll’d and hard! The guy who has been the biggest dork dick in this election who should really have no chance at winning, just gave Mitt Romney a stiff uppercut to his man meat! Mittens, who was sure he had this whole show sewn up, was left with some seriously rotten egg on his face. To top that off, Gingrich wasn’t on the ballot in one state and only got third place and last place in the two other. Man, Newtie Bootie truly suffered on this dark day in American history. One positive however, is that Ron Paul, despite Santourm’s incredible performance, rock and rolled so hard in Minnesota that he blew Romney and Gingrich out of the water.

In Minnesota, Santorum got 45 percent with 6 delegates, Paul got 27 percent with 4 delegates while Romney got 17 percent with 2 delegates and Gingrich got 11 percent and 1 delegate. So even though Santorum did really well and so did Paul, neither still earned enough delegates to really sock it to Mitt, who is still riding high from those 50 delegates he ripped away from Florida last week.

In Colorado, Santorum and Romney were literally neck and neck by the time I fell asleep. Actually, last I remember, Romney was ahead by a point or two. In the end, Santorum got 40 percent with 17 delegates, Romney got 35 percent with 13 delegates, Gingrich got 13 percent with 2 delegates and Ron Paul only walked away with a single delegate after finishing at 12 percent. Colorado, another state where Ron Paul was bringing out the people and generating large crowds, ended up being all for naught for those of us who support the Constitution. I guess the Evangelicals were too numerous to be stopped in the Rocky Mountains. It’s truly exasperating to see Dr. Paul get so much strong support from the people yet somehow it doesn’t translate into votes. I guess there are more people in the boring religious sect, that are hiding in the basements of those megachurches, than we realize.

Missouri is another state that Santorum took by storm. However, winning Missouri is kind of pointless, as there were no delegates to be awarded. Santorum, Romney, Gingrich and Paul all walked away with no delegates, regardless of how the race went. Apparently they are supposed to hand out delegates sometime next month but the state’s whole caucus system is goddamned confusing and these caucuses were really just some sort of over-hyped straw poll. Regardless, Santorum got a disgusting 55 percent, which just makes me hate Missouri. He also won every county, which makes me hate the state even more. If Vincent Price didn’t come from that Jesus freak acid trip of a state, I’d lobby to have it removed from the United States. Romney got 25 percent, Paul got 12 percent and 4 percent went to some mystery candidate that only goes by the name of “Uncommitted”.

I’m really kind of speechless at this point, as I can’t believe anyone would vote for Rick Santorum, the worst choice for president, let alone three whole states worth of people! I guess this goes to show a few things. First, there is no super strong candidate, as the Republican collective isn’t backing just one guy. Romney may have been pulling away with this thing but Ricky Boy just stole his thunder. Secondly, due to the fact that there isn’t a strong candidate, the guy that Americans are choosing is different from region to region. This is a very regional race and despite what part of the country each candidate caters to, it is going to be the candidate that caters to the larger states that walks away with this thing. The final observation, based off of the two previous observations is that we’re completely fucked.

I will say this, the race has been so topsy turvy it’s insane and it provides for some real entertainment. This is like the World Series mixed with a trashy reality show and blended up with a circus sideshow; there is no other way to describe it. However, as much as it entertains, amuses and even gets under one’s skin at times, the results of this shit show are really what is important and at this point, those results are looking pretty damn horrible.