Time for a juvenile rant.

Here I am, just minutes after the “experts” have announced that Ron Paul has gotten third place in the Iowa caucuses and I feel like the GOP elephant itself has stepped on my fucking nuts. Liberty lost tonight and as I type this, the race between Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum for first is so close that they can’t determine the winner, even with 94 percent of the vote in. Does it really matter though? Mitt Romney is a big government piece of shit that has proven again and again that he is not only not qualified to be president but he is so full of his own shit that I’m actually really surprised that he’s not surrounded by flies. Rick Santorum is probably the worst candidate I can think of in recent history, not to mention the most religiously intolerant person in the race. Santorum is a bigoted prick, a statist, a fascist and a relentless war-monger. Somehow, these Iowans want this guy in the Oval Office. I am now officially afraid of and disgusted by Iowa. If I ever go to that state it is because I want to see what Hell is like.

So, if one is to believe that this is the pivotal event that shapes the rest of the presidential race, I guess we can find no solace in these results. We have two statist shitcocks who want nothing more than perpetual war and to legislate their archaic worldview on the rest of us.

The first guy, who provided the blueprint for ObamaCare, the one issue that makes the Republicans scream, is now leading the Republican Party against the man who put it into law! Less than two years after the tyrannical law passed and the GOP in its entirety was in a thunderous uproar, that same party has given the brass ring to the man who’s plan inspired Obama’s! This is one of many reasons why Republicans are fucked.

The second guy is one of the biggest money wasters the GOP has ever had in the Senate. He’s a hypocrite, a weirdo, a lying bastard, a dork dick, a freak.. yes, I know I am name calling.. and a two-bit Bible-thumpin’ asshole that wants to force his religious idiocy on all of us. He’s never been a real candidate and somehow has magically pulled a fucking miracle out of his goddamned urethra! It’s all good though, I guess I have to put these two douchebags on blast and write a couple articles ripping these scumfucks apart.

Damn, I really shouldn’t drink so much if I am going to write but whatever, fuck being objective!

At least Newt Gingrich, Rick Perry and Michele Bachmann fell pretty hard tonight. However, even though she lost hard and was actually mathematically eliminated by the commentators at Fox News with only 1 percent of the votes in (not sure how they determined that), this stupid asshole Michele Bachmann actually gave a speech about how she is going to keep on turckin’ forward because her supporters did great tonight. This woman is certifiably in-fucking-sane! Nothing about her would shock me at this point. Hell, she could rub crack rock on her eyeballs and I probably wouldn’t even flinch. Homegirl needs to go back to Canada and nurse her foster cubs.

Newt Gingrich gave some speech where he talked shit about Ron Paul and then tried to suck Santorum’s dick. Looks like Newt is about to throw in the towel and try to get a VP job from Santorum. Fuck Newt, he’s a fat fucking windbag full of empty solutions and warnings but no substance other than scaring moderators and calling everyone that doesn’t agree with him an “enemy combatant”.

Rick Perry gave some lame speech about being a redneck and hunting toads with potato guns. He said that Texas was made out of big ass balls, cattle and illegal Mexicans with free tuition. I didn’t really pay much attention to his speech because I didn’t fucking care. He’s dead in the water but probably doesn’t even realize it yet. It’s time for the good ol’ boy to go back to Texas and not get re-elected as governor. Maybe the Rangers will let him clean their bats.

When it comes to Ron Paul, when he was projected to win this thing, the asshole governor of Iowa said that we shouldn’t look at first place because the real frontrunner would be second or third. Well, since Ron Paul got third, fuck it, he IS the frontrunner as far as I am concerned. It’s bullshit how this guy fought hard to win and no one would take him seriously because he wasn’t a real candidate. Yet when Santorum magically became a frontrunner, Fox News and all the conservative pundits went ape shit saying that this bag of dicks had arrived and was going to take the race by storm. Yeah assholes, we’ll see. Wasn’t this also said about every single candidate in the race besides Ron Paul and Jon Huntsman? Everyone has had their day in the sun and they have all fallen.

Also with Ron Paul, all these talking head ass clowns are already talking about how he has peaked and how his campaign is dead. Really? Weren’t you saying that second and third place were who we needed to look at? If Ron Paul is first, they discredit him. If he is second, he’s not the frontrunner. If he is third, his campaign is dead. The mainstream media is dictating where this election is all going and everyone is buying into it. Well, not everyone. At least the young people get it and really, I guess that’s where I can find some hope. When all these old shitbags die and the old guard crumbles, maybe then we can elect a guy who will eradicate tyranny. Then again, we don’t have time to wait.

If Ron Paul can’t bounce to the top of the heap in New Hampshire next week, the battle will be damn near improbable to win at that point. I can’t count him out though because he is not out. I can’t buy into this bullshit media hype as their twenty-third golden boy has now risen to the top like that little fucking nugget turd that won’t flush no matter how many times you turn the goddamned handle. You’ve got to be vigilant and call these assholes out on their bullshit and make your own decisions, if the media continues to swerve public opinion, the bastards win. Plain and fucking simple!

As I’m finishing up writing this piece, Rick Santorum is giving his speech and I still don’t know who has won between him and Mitt. 98 percent of the caucuses have reported in and the vote is only 5 points in favor of Santorum at the moment. But as I listen to this speech, Santorum is telling a story about how his father left Italy to escape fascism. Well, look in the mirror asshole. Just because your fascism has Jesus’ mug painted across it doesn’t make it any more acceptable.

I’ll end with something that freedom fighter and bad ass Adam Kokesh just posted on Facebook, which actually keeps some of the hope alive:

Tonight represents a huge victory for Ron Paul. Remember last time? Now, when everyone else drops, it’ll be Ron & the neocon & no one will be able to ignore him! Congratulations, everyone!