*Written by Rob Rimes.

I had a long weekend but it is now over. My time in Gainesville with my cousin and friends was a blast, as I haven’t actually been partying too hard over the last month. This trip was a good way for me to drown in bourbon, Irish whiskey, tequila, Long Islands, Guinness, ginger beer and Pabst. I’ve been trying to be healthier in an attempt to lose weight and potentially live a somewhat longer life but even with my more health conscious attitude, my inner party monster still needs to be entertained and unleashed every now and again. What better time than with other party monsters that I genuinely cherish in a wild college town during graduation weekend? There was no point in taking any prisoners, as we ran roughshod over downtown Gainesville leaving no bottle unturned. A few days later, my stomach still hurts and my head is still swimming in a sea of 86 proof delirium – a special shout out goes to 1.75 liters of Old Crow Reserve.

To those who might find my more health conscious behavior a bit unsettling, there is no need to worry. It’s not called selling out when you do it because your liver hurts and you’ve been pissing blood. The blood part was not related to the booze but it was still a wake up call to straighten my shit out some what. Have no fear though, I will not go soft and become a shell of my former self like so many writers and artists who went clean only for their work to suffer and lose its appeal. Trent Reznor immediately comes to mind, although his Academy Award for a very boring and minimalist film score probably proves me wrong but only if you take the Academy seriously and turn a blind eye to their petty politics.

Anyway, my first night in Gainesville on this latest trip was intense. It started almost immediately with two Guinness Draughts and four Long Island iced teas while I watched my friends play pool. I didn’t participate in the contest because I was enjoying my own game of drown the writer in the dark and dingy corner of smoke and neon light. It is a one-player game but the odds are always steep and the challenge is never dull. Needless to say, I won the bout and went on to fight in other bouts in other venues for the remainder of the 48 hour tournament.

The weekend wasn’t all about completely succumbing to vices however. I mean, I never came across any other substances to entertain myself with and that’s fine, the booze was enough. I did get to spend a lot of the time talking politics and economics with the college kids, some of them a part of the Occupy Gainesville movement. Now while we didn’t see eye-to-eye on solutions, we did agree on the vast majority of the problems. My job, from my standpoint, was to try and get them to understand that you can’t just blame the banks for the madness. The government is just as responsible as is the Federal Reserve. Truth is, they were really receptive to a lot of the things I was saying. Now I had half a dozen conversations with a dozen or more people but for the most part, other than two or three close-minded joiners, they got what I was saying and left the conversations with the intent to look into their new perspective on these matters themselves. One of them even promised to pick up some of the books I wrote down for him on a napkin (titles by Ron Paul, Murray Rothbard, Ludwig von Mises, F.A. Hayek, Henry Hazlitt, Milton Friedman and more modern authors Jeffrey Tucker and Stefan Molyneux – who has a ton of free e-books).

One interesting thing I discovered among talking to multiple college kids, is that their only real beef with Ron Paul is his pro-life stance. I told them that it is an issue I also disagree with Dr. Paul on. However, I told them that if you look at the rest of his platform and like it, writing him off over one issue is a bit careless. Especially since Dr. Paul thinks that it should be an issue left up to states and not the federal government regardless of his personal opinion on it. Most of these kids understood that but had a hard time envisioning a country were states’ rights were protected, at least on this issue. I explained that you cannot pick and choose issues and that the rule had to apply with everything. If you make one exception, you will make plenty more. They got and respected it but still had a bug in their ass about it and I get that. I then spoke to them about Gary Johnson who is basically a clone of Ron Paul policy-wise but is pro-choice instead of pro-life. Most of the people I talked to had not heard of Johnson and were actually pretty excited upon finding out his stance on the abortion issue. They also liked that Gary Johnson was not a Democrat or a Republican. I didn’t bring up all the issues they said they had with Obama however, as there were a lot more than what they had with Paul. Regardless of this, they will probably vote for Obama again even though they claim they are opposed to war, Gitmo and a plethora of other issues he has failed them on.

Now don’t get me wrong, not everyone was cordial. There were those few dumb bastards in the mix and fucking with them and sending them off in a self-conlficted rage was quite amusing. One kid was calling for anarchy and at the same time was calling for government to step in and regulate the banks more. Point is, this kid’s whole world-view was completely hypocritical. On one hand, this kid (and those like him) want to scream “Fuck the man!” and “Fuck the police!” while on the other hand want the government (the man and the police) to step in and regulate everything even more than they do now. I don’t understand how so many young people can’t seem to make a correlation between these two things? You want the government who is bought and paid for by the banks to regulate the banks? You can’t see how this is completely asinine, let alone how this is what has caused all these problems to begin with? Your solution to the problem is more of the problem itself? Does the meth addict break the cycle by taking more meth? No, the meth addict dies! Common sense is like a disease in the hipster socialist-anarchist psyche.

The ones who are so passionate in their ignorance don’t even care about the real crux of the problem. They want to continue to buy into their conflicted and hypocritical indoctrination and smash anyone who doesn’t swim in their sea of shit. On top of that, they don’t want to better themselves, they want to stay at the bottom so they can continue to bitch as they wallow in dirt and filth because if they were to try and actually get out of it, they’d be outed as a “sell out” or even worse a “hard-working capitalist pig consumer”. Yep, keep pointing your Djarum-clutching fingers as you slur your PBR-soaked words kiddies.

Not all is lost on the generation after mine however. Amongst the sea of those I dealt with, only a few were bad apples and completely hopeless. I remember myself at that age, as I had a similar view of the world. It was someone challenging me on my preconceived notions that got me to pay attention and learn how this whole game really works. If at least one of those kids breaks free from the mold and is affected by our encounter, my debt is repaid. I enjoyed the friendly and civil debates and even had fun with the assholes. In the end, it is about standing your ground and living by your own code not the code of some undefined group whose ideology is lesser than the sum of its parts.

I got home, feeling pretty good about how most of the weekend went down. I also felt great for ignoring my responsibilities for a few days while not even paying attention to what was going on in the news. I didn’t really miss anything, other than Rick Santorum finally wiping away his bitch tears to endorse Mitt Romney, which just gave me flashbacks to 2008 when he was riding that Romney train hard. Something tells me that if I had the same debates with Santorum supporters that I had with the college youth of Gainesville, it wouldn’t have been as civil. I hope that all of those sweater-vests the Santorumites bought up like quaaludes at a disco are constructed of Iranian dog hair and Chinese asbestos. It would be the perfect ending to such a vile group of people.

The National Network of Abortion Funds (NNAF), who last month raised over $400,000 for abortions through its Bowl-a-Thon, touted that it provided money for a 14-year-old’s abortion as part of the group’s “real stories of abortion access.”

On its website in a post entitled, “Getting an abortion means getting a second chance,” NNAF highlights the story of Darcy, a 14-year-old who terminated her pregnancy with the help of the group’s “George Tiller Memorial Fund.”

“I’m pretty smart for 14, I think,” Darcy writes. “I love biology, especially the stuff on animals. I’m pretty sure I’m going to be a vet — I definitely want to start my own practice so that I make enough money and when I have kids I can be home with them,” she said.

After finding out she was pregnant, the girl writes she did not want to tell her mother, “But in the state where I live, minors can’t get an abortion without permission from a parent or a judge,” she said. “So I did end up telling her.”

Darcy said a clinic put her in touch with NNAF because the “abortion was going to cost more than our rent.”

“There’s no way that me and my mom could have come up with that much,” she said.

CONTINUED at CNS News.

Catholic leaders upped the ante Monday, threatening to challenge the Obama administration over a provision of the new health care law that would require all employers, including religious institutions, to pay for birth control.

As CBS 2’s Marcia Kramer reports, it could affect the presidential elections.

Catholic leaders are furious and determined to harness the voting power of the nation’s 70 million Catholic voters to stop a provision of President Barack Obama’s new heath car reform bill that will force Catholic schools, hospitals and charities to buy birth control pills, abortion-producing drugs and sterilization coverage for their employees.

“Never before, unprecedented in American history, for the federal government to line up against the Roman Catholic Church,” said Catholic League head Bill Donohue.

Already Archbishop Timothy Dolan has spoken out against the law and priests around the country have mobilized, reading letters  from the pulpit. Donohue said Catholic officials will stop at nothing to put a stop to it.

“This is going to be fought out with lawsuits, with court decisions, and, dare I say it, maybe even in the streets,” Donohue said.

CONTINUED at CBS New York.

*Written by M. Hines.

Rob has been after me for some time to write something reasonable to post on The Swash.  I’ve never really had anything to say, but prompted by the primary in my home state today and recent conversations with good friends, I thought I would share a couple short thoughts. (Not necessarily reasonable, and in no particular order.)

Part A.

It’s hard to decide where to start when the premise of a later subject may be defining what it means to be pro-life by illustrating the severity of our military action in order to set the stage for redefining what it means to be pro-life.

But what the hell, here we go.

“Why are we fighting terrorism? What are the motives here? Who struck first?”

Lately, in the back room, this very argument has been growing. It is growing amongst those who do not know the history of the Middle East region and are not being taught the inconvenient facts by our leadership.

It is understandable as to why this subject wouldn’t be discussed. A brief glance through the pages of history reveal mass involvement from the West in the establishment of what we know of the Middle East today. For example, most are not aware that the modern state of Israel is less then a century old. Even less known is that the roots of the country lie in a backhanded treaty made between the British and French to provision a space for the Jewish people in their process of “re-arranging” the Middle East colonies. This act set the stage for the later violent overthrow of the Arab population living in the area and the creation of what we now know as Israel and Palestine both in border and conflict.

In 1977, the first Islamic Terrorist attack against the US occurred in what was called the Hanafi Siege, a curious event that ironically seemed to consist of Islamic Extremists targeting ultimately other Islamic Extremists. The interesting element here is that popular cause for the Siege is attributed to the their leaders secondary request, which was to have a film titled Mohammad, Messenger of God destroyed as they perceived it to be sacrilegious.

One of the next most notable attacks occurred in 1993 when a small group managed to detonate a truck bomb at the base of the World Trade Center. This attack, which was largely unsuccessful, was planned by Ramzi Yousef. The following can be read in the Wikipedia article regarding Yousef’s motivations:

According to the journalist Steve Coll, Yousef mailed letters to various New York newspapers just before the attack, in which he claimed he belonged to ‘Liberation Army, Fifth Battalion’.[8] These letters made three demands: an end to all US aid to Israel, an end to US diplomatic relations with Israel, and a demand for a pledge by the United States to end interference “with any of the Middle East countries’ interior affairs.” He stated that the attack on the World Trade Center would be merely the first of such attacks if his demands were not met. In his letters Yousef admitted that the World Trade Center bombing was an act of terrorism, but this was justified because “the terrorism that Israel practices (which America supports) must be faced with a similar one.”

Interesting. So, perhaps there is a shred of logical motivation that extremist groups would have for attacking Western Groups. So, what is our motivation?

“They hit us first.” Did they?

Who has been putting their hands in the Middle East and stirring the pot for decades now? Is it possible that the western action of creating and promoting the state of Israel could be likened to China invading Alaska, giving it to the Canadians sending our people to Idaho and saying, “Hey, us and our friends got your back… Forever”. Is it really that unreasonable to say that an action like that might be cause to promote irritation with our way of doing business? Is this not what we’ve been doing for the last sixty years?

I’m not trying to make any definitive statements here, just some things to think about.

It is estimated that our war in Iraq has caused the deaths of some 150,000 Iraqi Civilians since it started…

It is estimated the Nazi’s killed between 160,000 and 180,000 German Jews during the Holocaust.

Part B.

Pro-Life – the term that has become defined-as and synonymous with “advocating full legal protection of embryos and fetuses (especially opposing the legalization of induced abortions).”

I once heard a pastor respond when asked if a politicians stance on abortion was reason enough to vote for them, his response was this, “being pro-life does not simply mean that we protect the unborn, it must also must mean that we protect the living”.

Choosing who should live and who should die on any grounds passes a judgment that only a higher being has the right to make, and effectively assigns a value to a person’s life no different than if they were slaves.

I hope that when put this simply to others; it is as profound as it was to me.

Currently there is a majority percentage of the GOP field that is running on both pro-life and pro-war agendas.

I do not see a way for these to co-exist.

References

Almost everything here is referenced from Wikipedia. If you have a problem, comment with the conflicting facts, and we’ll chat about it. If you don’t have conflicting facts, Fuck Off.

*Written by Rob Rimes.

Here we are again in South Carolina with the last debate in the state before they hold their primary election. This version of the ongoing shit show was put on by CNN. Unfortunately they brought back the throat gurgling champion of Dorchester, MA Mr. John King himself. Unlike last time however, we weren’t subjected to Mr. King’s guttural throat interruptions and in all honesty, he was pleasant to watch this time around.

Now be forewarned, the majority of this debate consisted of pointless bickering and while I did enjoy the bloodshed, the Santorum-Romney-Gingrich ménage à trois was more annoying than entertaining and for the most part it pushed Ron Paul out of the debate several times. I wish John King had been a bit more pro-active in squashing some of these squabbles, as it created an atmosphere of elitist shitcocks stealing the spotlight from the only sane man on stage. However, even with this issue, Ron Paul was not stopped from pulling off on of his best performances to date. When the man had time, he fucking shined. His smack downs to Rick Santorum were also the best jabs of the night and proved that Paul can battle it out with the establishment Neanderthals when need be.

It was a good night for Ron Paul, in fact he got the loudest ovation during the introductions which was refreshing considering how the South Carolinians treated him during the last debate. I’d like to say that the crowd was great and they really won over my support for South Carolina, as I was about ready to hire a witchdoctor to curse the everliving shit out of that state just a few days ago – following the last shit show. I guess it was just the people of Myrtle Beach that sucked because the Charleston crowd was a beast when it came to cheering for liberty and sanity.

The first question went to Newt Gingrich and it was about his ex-wife, who came out earlier in the day saying that he was a monster that ended their marriage because she wouldn’t give him permission to cheat. Without even answering or addressing the concerns brought up by John King, Newt brushed it off to a loud ovation. Gingrich said that he was “appalled” at the media for promoting this scandal and extremely upset that the subject kicked off the debate. As he continued to bash CNN and John King for their “despicable” actions, the crowd shot up to their feet! Honey Badger don’t give a shit! Newt finally addressed the issue after a long-winded smack down and said that the story was false and claims that he offered real witnesses to ABC that would debunk the story but apparently they weren’t interested. He went on to say that companies like ABC are just out to bash the GOP and protect Obama as he tries to get re-elected.

Now I understand Newt’s frustration and do agree with his feelings about the media but he was really just acting like a cornered dog – snapping at anything he deemed a threat. Whether the incident happened or not, it was well over a decade ago and the fact that the media and his ex-wife are bringing this story out now just shows that they are only out to hurt him. Frankly, as I’ve said before, I don’t care what a politicians dick does; I just care about how they lead and the decisions they make.

In an effort to save himself from looking like an ass, John King asks the other candidates their thoughts on the issue. Santorum skirts around giving a real answer and just mumbles about morals, leadership and Jesus. Romney says “Let’s get to the real issues.” Ron Paul warns about the corporate run media and how they can shape public opinion.

Ron Paul is then asked about whether or not we need the federal government to set up specific plans to help solve the unemployment problem. Paul says that we need sound currency and for the federal government to get out of the way. He calls for a near zero percent income tax and for regulation to be reduced in order to help create more jobs. He explains that we need to get rid of our excessive debt and malinvestments. He adds that the government shouldn’t be bailing people out and that they need to just stay out of everything. He says that they should focus on enforcing contract laws and bankruptcy. On the same subject, Newt says that we have to eliminate Dodd-Frank. He also talks about tapping into offshore natural gas, as that industry could create tons of jobs. He adds that we should look at overhauling the Corps of Engineers.

King switches the discussion over to Romney and Bain Capital. I’m so tired of this damn subject. Newt claims that Bain’s business model destroyed companies. Romney, like a fucking coward, diverts the whole issue and goes back to talking about job creation. Mittens blames Obama for using crony capitalism which is just a soulless attempt at getting cheap pops from the crowd. He then rambles about unimportant nonsense but throws “capitalism” around for even more cheap pops. It gets to the point where all I hear is “Capitalism!” “Capitalism!” “Capitalism!” “Capitalism!” and applause. Santorum jumps in and says that he “..still believes in capitalism.” Man, this guy is funny! He then tells stories about Iowa just so he can make an Iowa connection and brag about how it came out earlier in the day that he actually won Iowa and not Romney.

Ron Paul is asked if the federal government should help veterans get jobs, as statistically the unemployment problem hits vets the hardest. Paul says that he is concerned about soldiers coming home and trying to adjust to regular life again. He says that the vets do need help especially in regards to health. He talks about how veterans traditionally get shortchanged. He also talks about helping them with their mental health, as the suicide rate for veterans is very high.

Santorum is asked the same question as Paul. He feels that there should be special preferences for veterans. He then turns that into a rant about Obama wanting to cut the military and says that it is “disgusting”. On the same subject, Romney says that while he was governor of Massachusetts he helped vets with college and job training. This isn’t about you asshole. He then spins it into typical Romney rhetoric and finishes by saying he will build a military so strong, no one will dare test us. What about people who like challenges Mr Romney? Someone will always test it. Gingrich then talks some smack about Ron Paul which turns into him calling for a transition program for veterans, which is essentially the same thing Paul was suggesting.

On Obamacare, Mitt Romney says that an executive order won’t kill the bill. He says that we have to go after a complete repeal. He adds to his point that the American people need to stand strong and united in order to influence Democrats to help end Obamacare. Mitt then says that he will replace Obamacare with his own program. Huh? Wait.. what? Mitt claims that he will protect people and give them insurance options. He then says that he’ll help save health care with “free market principles”. Oddly, none of this sounds like “free market principles”. All Romney proposes to fix government intervention into health care is a different form of government intervention into health care. Government intervention is the opposite of free market.

Continuing on with the health care portion of the debate, Newt Gingrich tells parents to vote for the GOP candidate because they’ll create an environment that’ll get kids out of the house and off of their insurance plans. Santorum disses Romney and starts a Romneycare rant. Ricky Boy then starts dissing Gingrich for being in favor of individual mandates. Rick then talks about how he was the author and architect of a private health reform project that no one but him was interested in. Romney responds to Santorum saying that Romneycare wasn’t a government run system. He then points out that people in Massachusetts still approve of Romneycare 3-to-1. Mitt also claims that insurance rates dropped under his plan. Ricky Boy jumps back in and says Mitt’s facts are wrong and then reveals that Romneycare was the model for Obamacare! Dude, that’s like really old fucking news. Romney and Santorum then go back and forth for what seems like forever on Medicare and Medicaid.

Gingrich then jumps in, making it a three man dick-wagging contest. He calls Santorum “mildly lazy”. He then says that he led the charge against Hillarycare and that he was the guy that helped Rick Santorum try to gain traction with his private health reform project. He then challenges Obama to a Lincoln-Douglas style debate, which causes Santorum to make fun of him for suggesting that without having yet earned the GOP nomination. They then go back and forth as John King tries to bring Paul, the only doctor on stage, into the health care debate.

Ron Paul admits that the likelihood of repealing Obamacare isn’t good. He then talks about how he practiced medicine before government got involved and describes how well it worked back then. Paul points out that Santorum, regardless of his claims, expanded government control over health care based off of his policies. Paul then gets into the massive spending on the military and talks about how if we can bring that down, we’d have more to use elsewhere, even though he plans to attack the budget on every front.

Rick Santorum is asked about Newt Gingrich’s recent comments that called for Santorum to drop out of the race. Ricky Boy looks kind of hurt by the question, poorly shrugs it off and says that grandiosity is Newt’s style. He then points out again that he won Iowa and had twice as many votes as Newt so Newt should STFU and GTFO. Ricky Boy then claims that he was 2-0 going into South Carolina, which is a blatant lie. Then, comparing himself to Gingrich, says that he is steady and solid and even if he isn’t charismatic and doesn’t have good soundbites he is still a top tier candidate. Santorum basically said, “Hey, if you didn’t know my faults, here they are! Vote for me! Lulz!”

Gingrich then immediately gives us a Reagan name drop, as well as a Jack Kemp name drop. He goes on to describe his record versus Santorum’s and says that Rick isn’t qualified to be president. He adds that we need real leadership that can take on big projects and makes it known that Santorum can’t carry the ball at that level. Ricky Boy snaps back, getting personal, saying that under Newt, the House of Representatives was “undisciplined”. He then says that Newt doesn’t have the courage to stand up against rival leadership. Newt then lists off all the shit he did that he feels is bad ass, in an effort to prove that he is a rebel.

Continuing with the pot-stiriing bullshit, John King asks Romney about him calling Gingrich an unreliable leader. Mitt diverts the question in typical Mitt fashion and instead, talks about how the spat between Newt and Rick is why we need “a guy that’s lived in the streets to run this country.” By streets he means inside of the gated community. Romney filibusters for so long he pauses, looks at Newt and literally asks him “where are we at?” because he can’t even remember the original question and apparently can’t follow his own train of thoughts. Mitt comes back though and takes a shot at Newt saying that if he and Reagan were so tight, why is he only mentioned once in his diary.. oh snap! Gingrich doesn’t even flinch, he just name drops Reagan again, ignoring Mitt’s comment about them not being homies. Suddenly everything starts to fall apart on stage and we are stuck in another long-winded three man dick-wagging contest. There was almost some full-on full frontal fencing between the three swashbucklers.

The issue of releasing tax returns is brought up. Ron Paul says that he is afraid to release his as he’d feel embarrassed to have his income compared to those of the other men on stage. Paul jokingly points out that he isn’t a fat cat like the dick-wagging three amigos who are ballin’ outta control. Romney says he will release his taxes in April when he is done with them. Hasn’t this motherfucker heard of Turbo Tax? It’s January and I’ve got my taxes done already. That shit only took twenty minutes! Romney then wastes everyone’s time to ramble about Obama playing golf while Americans are out of work. He then bitches about the pipeline and Obamacare and doesn’t seem to realize that other people need to answer the tax question. Gingrich says that if there is nothing to hide, then Mitt should release his tax info. Newt adds that he released his earlier in the evening. Santorum says that his taxes are on his computer at home and that he hasn’t done them yet, as he’s been campaigning. When asked exactly when and how he will release his tax info, Mitt says that he doesn’t know and gets greeted with a chorus of incredibly loud boos. However, South Carolinians are apparently gullible as Mitt quickly adds that he “..won’t apologize for being successful”, which causes them all to cheer. I think these people have serious ADD.

Santorum and Paul then get into a spat. Ricky Boy starts by saying he would cut corporate taxes in order to allow us to compete with our foreign rivals. Paul comes in and says that you have to create the right conditions to bring companies back to America. He explains how free trade with China actually helps the American economy, contrary to modern conservative bullshit. Paul then points out that Santorum has damaged the economy by not supporting “right to work”. Santorum snaps back saying that he would support it as president. Sure you would now dicknose because you’re pandering to the people!

The hot button issue of the week, SOPA and PIPA, come up. Just the mention of SOPA gets the crowd fired up to where they boo loudly and uncontrollably. Gingrich is questioned about it first and he responds to King saying, “You’re asking a conservative about the intellectual interest of Hollywood?” In typical fashion, Newt’s clever one-liner got a lot of applause and cheers, however it is just a clever one-liner and pretty soulless as it offers no substance and doesn’t answer anything. Truth be told, whether he’s a conservative and Hollywood is liberal doesn’t matter. Artists have a right to own their own property and not have it infringed upon. Newt doesn’t care about the rights of who he perceives as his enemy however. Now I am not saying this in support of SOPA and PIPA, I vehemently oppose those laws; I am just pointing out how empty Newt’s one-liners are. After his big soundbite, he looks a little befuddled, like he has no idea what all this SOPA and PIPA talk is. He does finally add that laws already exist that allow companies to sue those who infringe on them.

Romney says that Gingrich is right and adds that the SOPA and PIPA laws are too intrusive and too expansive. He feels that these laws would have a “depressing impact” on the Internet and all of the industries attached to it. Romney wants more effective laws to bring the digital pirates to justice and says that these laws aren’t going to do that.

Ron Paul tells us that he was the first Republican to come out and oppose the law. He then says that the bills will not pass but that everyone should be vigilant as similar laws will come back up in the future. Paul feels that the Republicans have been on the wrong side of the issue. He then says that freedom and the Constitution bring people together and this is a great example of it due to the strong opposition to these laws all over the Internet.

Santorum says that he doesn’t agree with the law but then goes on a tangent about how the Internet isn’t a free zone where people can just trample on the rights of others. What the fuck does he know? His computer is powered by musk turtles. Santorum, who is talking against SOPA and PIPA, as the crowd hates it, still thinks that there should be a law like it. He then asks, “Who on the Internet said ‘anything goes’?” Shut up fucktard.

The debate then shifts to illegal immigration and border security, which these fucking guys have talked to death every single debate. I honestly lose interest and find myself staring into an empty bottle of bourbon that was used to wash down the twelve pounds of sushi I ate just a couple of hours prior. I snap out of my sushi-bourbon coma and hear Newt talking about modernizing visas, Ron Paul talking about how taking care of the needs of illegals hurts our schools and hospitals and then I get distracted by porn on the other television.

Gingrich and Romney argue over pro-life shit for quite some time and then Santorum jumps in making it round three of the GOP dick fencing competition. John King steps in after this abortion debate has raged on forever and goes to Ron Paul in an effort to change the subject. The crowd immediately erupts with boos as they are not happy that, once again, the only doctor on the stage was left out of a medical portion of the debate.

Ron Paul, on abortion, says that laws won’t correct the morality of people. Santorum jumps on his shit and says that he only has a 50 percent “right to life” voting record, responding to what he thinks is an attack on him by Paul. Ron Paul laughs and tells Ricky Boy that he is “too sensitive” as he wasn’t referring to him in his comments. Paul then goes on to explain how bullshit his 50 percent “right to life” voting record is, as he follows the Constitution and his record with that is 100 percent. Paul further explains that these “right to life” laws should be handled at the state level and that is how he has always voted. Santorum just stands there like a dork dick with his bitch tail between his bitch knees.

The debate ends with a segment where the candidates are given time to beg the South Carolinians for their vote. They all say what they have all been known to say over the course of this primary adventure and I don’t feel like wasting time typing out the details. This was a pretty good debate, there have been better ones and worse ones. Ron Paul’s time was limited due to the gay three-way the other candidates were having but Paul utilized the time he had brilliantly and really pulled off one of his best performances. Paul was the real winner here and Gingirch, although I don’t like many of his answers, also did well after having a really shitty day due to his ex-wife. Santorum sucked per usual and Mitt just looked like a sack of crap. Mitt getting booed made me giddy inside.

Grading Scale:
Grade A+: Ron Paul
Grade A-: Newt Gingrich
Grade D: Rick Santorum
Grade D-: Mitt Romney

*Written by Rob Rimes.

I’ve lost count of all the debates that we’ve had thus far but thank god we only have another half dozen or so, unless of course they decide to work more into the schedule somewhere. This one was thrown by Fox News and held in South Carolina as their primary is less than a week away. Fox News gave us Bret Baier and Juan Williams with Kelly Evans and Gerald Seib from the Wall Street Journal as moderators for this round. I should mention that answers in this debate have been expanded to ninety seconds, as the GOP field is now narrowed down to five. Yes, five.

The reason being, is that Jon Huntmsman dropped out of the race earlier in the day. Huntsman, who was great on foreign policy, jumped ship and announced his endorsement for golden boy Mitt Romney. What’s disappointing about that is Huntsman was incredibly critical of Romney even less than a week prior. Huntsman went as far as to call Romney “unelectable” but now he is supporting him as he sees him as the best chance at beating Barack Obama. Huntsman lost a lot of credibility with me due to his blooming Romney love. Maybe it’s a Mormon thing or maybe it’s because they are both actually cousins, which has been ignored by the media mind you. Whatever the reason, Huntsman is out and he’s now on the Romney train like so many other so-called “conservatives” that aren’t able to see their own progressive ways. At least Huntsman can go back to his regular job of walking around on eight legs and scaring the shit out of Australians.

Newt Gingrich gets the first question and he is asked about his ads that attack Mitt Romney’s business record and if he thinks they are justified. Newtie Bootie says that it is important to look at and analyze job creation. He then quickly gets in a Ronald Reagan name drop and follows it up with a second Ronald Reagan name drop when he said that he and Clinton came up with a Reagan-like program for job creation in the 90′s. Newt points to the fact that Mitt raised taxes in Massachusetts and was actually ranked 47th out of 50 states in the realm of job creation. He stole that talking point from Jon Huntsman. Gingrich adds that if Romney promotes his business skills as part of his campaign then he, as a rival candidate, has the right to question it. He is then asked what he thinks about the Wall Street Journal criticizing him and saying that he is “embarrassing himself” with his attack ads against Mitt Romney. Gingrich responds by saying that he isn’t intimidated by the media just because he is asking questions about candidates.

In an effort to respond, Mitt Romney says that he has real experience in job creation due to his time in the private sector. Mitt says that he learned a lot from working in the private sector, as opposed to the other candidates who have spent much of their time in the public sector. He talks about how four of the companies he helped establish have gone on to create hundreds-of-thousands of jobs. Mitt adds that his record is public and available to anyone that wants to analyze his job creation skills. He claims that he has continually demonstrated a record of success. Romney points out that the unemployment rate in Massachusetts when he left was 4.7 percent. He also throws in that he balanced the state budget every year.

Rick Perry, in an effort to make this debate all about Mitt, is asked about his comments where he referred to Mitt Romney as a “vulture capitalist”. Perry is also asked what he would put in place to curb vulture capitalism. Perry says that his record proves that he is a real capitalist. Really? Tweaking the law and protecting a company that you own a stake in from getting in trouble for distributing porn illegally is the actions of a real capitalist? You mean taking money from Merck and then attempting to force young girls to be vaccinated with Merck products is also the action of a real capitalist? Looks like Perry is a fucking vulture too from where I sit. He then goes on to bitch like a liberal about how Bain destroyed jobs. He then tells us that his record and income tax has been public for years and uses that to call out Mitt and then asks him to release his income tax information so that the public can see how he really made his money. Perry then rambles about killing Dodd-Frank and talks about how regulations are strangling America. He adds that he will get rid of some of the financial regulators. He didn’t say “all of them”.

Responding to Perry, as this is the Romney variety hour, Mitt blames the Chinese and their cheating ways for closing down the steel mills Rick Perry was blaming Mitt for closing. Romney says that he agrees with Perry about regulations but never really defends himself in a proper fashion other than pointing his finger at China. Romney, on the regulations issue, claims that he will end all Obama era regulations. I guess the regulations from the Bush era, the Clinton era and all other eras aren’t important.

So just when you think that’s over, Gerald Seib asks Romney a question! Fucking hell! Romney answers the question, which was abut his experience at Bain. He says that they often times consolidated plants and factories and if they closed one down, the workers were free to move to the new plant or factory. He points out though that many workers didn’t move as the new jobs didn’t come with union support.

Ron Paul is asked about his “scathing” attack ads and whether or not such ads should be abandoned. Well, considering he’s running them, I doubt he’ll feel that they should be abandoned, duh! Paul responds by saying that he is exposing voting records and in that case, his “attacks” are proper. He goes on to say that he couldn’t fit everything he wanted to in his anti-Santorum ad as there wasn’t enough time to get it all in. He then goes on to list all the dumb crap that Santorum voted for.

Thin skinned piss boy Rick Santorum says that Paul is quoting Soros-like leftist groups which discredits his facts because leftist groups attack conservatives. Santorum basically says that being attacked by leftist groups is a badge of honor and he’s proud of the distinction. What a stupid fucktard! It doesn’t matter what the source is, the fact is the facts are FACTS! You can’t just ignore your own voting record and try to spin it to the public as leftist propaganda! Santorum who voted for No Child Left Behind says that he would veto it now. Of course he would, he’s pandering to South Carolinians. He then defends his vote against “right to work” as he says that Pennsylvania wasn’t a “right to work” state. Santorum who is outraged over the attacks on himself is then put on the spot by Juan Williams who asks if Santorum’s own attack ads should be pulled. The crowd boos Juan because they are idiot assholes and Santorum goes on to says that his attacks are “positive”. He then gets all bitchy with Mitt about his attack ads while citing the fact that it is Martin Luther King Day to make some dimwitted point. Why do people support this whiney juvenile brat?

Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum get in a spat about whether or not people who have committed violent crimes should be allowed to vote. I get bored to tears listening to them bicker as basically each candidate is trying to steal time from the other in order to make their lame ass points. While I’d like there to be some blood in these things, pink ass bitch blood isn’t as cool to see as the reddish bad ass real American blood. I was really just staring in awe waiting for these two Tinas to breakout with some limp-wristed slap fighting. And just when you think it’s over, Rick Perry jumps in the battle over who has the filthiest tampon.

Time monopolizer Mitt Romney is asked about Jon Huntsman’s recent criticism even though he came out and endorsed him. He is also asked how he can convince the voter that he won’t change his views in the future as he has a career as a flip-flopper. Mittens rambles on and on about how he was a pro-life governor contrary to popular belief and that he has always opposed gay marriage. However he adds that he is for equal rights for everyone including gays. Okay, so how is denying them marriage equal? Damn these Orwellian characters! Romney ends his soulless rant by saying that everything he has ever done and will do is about “strengthening America.”

In an effort to make himself relevant again, Rick Perry said that Texas was under assault by the federal government and then added that South Carolina was at war with Obama. The cheap pop attempt works and the crowd goes crazy. Too bad Perry is crazier than the crowd, he’s still deader than shit in this race. Perry talks about how the federal government is taking states to task on voter ID laws and immigration. He then says that Obama is at war with organized religion. Damn, Perry likes throwing the word “war” around. I’m starting to think he either doesn’t know what it means or it is just the answer to everything. “Obama is at war with peanuts! Send troops to the peanut farm! Obama is at war with puppies! Secure the entrance to PetLand!” Perry finishes by saying that Obama is out of control yet he fails to realize that he is foaming at the mouth and tweaking like an infant after two double espressos.

Santorum is asked if he would extend benefits for unemployment. Ricky Boy says that we need a reasonable time table for people to find a job but points out that 99 weeks is just too much. He goes on to say that this should be handled by the states and not the federal government. He calls for a job training program to be a part of unemployment benefits. Okay broski, how much will that shit cost? I’d imagine such a program would be expensive and even if we shortened the time one could collect benefits, the cost of this program could make all that moot. Truthfully, with the government being as wasteful as it is, this may cost us a shitload more than our current dilemma of 99 weeks. Also, when the hell has government done anything well? They certainly can’t offer a jobs program that will benefit anyone.

Gingrich jumps in the mix and agrees with Santorum that there should be a job training program. Okay idiots, what jobs are they training for and what happens when someone is six weeks into a program and decides that whatever they are training for is stupid and they want to get training in something else? Are people allowed to drop out and start over elsewhere and if so, how many times could they do this? Maybe once they start in something they are forced to finish it in order to get their benefits. Realistically, all this will do is waste more money as they will obviously stay in the program, collect the benefits and rack up more debt due to the cost of training them. What happens when they get out of the program? Well, I doubt they’d look for a job in the field they trained in if they grew to dislike it. Essentially this is a lose-lose for everyone but these statist shitcocks are blind to that reality. Newt Gingrich closes his statements on job programs by saying, “I’ll help you if you think helping yourself is good.” I shouldn’t even have to spell out what is wrong with that statement and I’m not going to.

Mitt Romney gives us another soulless rant. In this one he bitches about Obama’s business practices and use of crony capitalism. Romney says that the system of laws we have now work and that we don’t need government regulation. Is he living under a goddamned rock? The system of laws we have now IS government regulation. He adds that we need to open up markets and stop bailing people out. Right, he really wants to have free trade after all the smack he’s talked about China.

The idiot from Wall Street Journal Mr. Seib asks Ron Paul to explain his stance on cutting defense and more importantly on how his military plans would not cost South Carolinians jobs. Really? Is this a real question? Is this the best guy they could find to sit on the moderators’ panel? Ron Paul says that the moderator is confused about his position. He adds that he wants to cut military spending not defense and once again finds himself having to explain to the establishment conservatives for the umpteenth time over the course of these debates what the difference is between the two. Ron Paul says that cutting back on bases overseas would actually affect other countries not the United States. In fact, the U.S. would benefit greatly by bringing our troops home. Paul adds that the idea that this would make us weaker is “absolutely wrong”. Ron Paul is right on this because our presence is spread too thin throughout the world. He then points out that he raises more than twice as much money from the active duty military than all the other candidates combined! Slam dunk bitch! Watching this exchange is like watching Dr. Paul educate ADD-afflicted kindergartners in a college poli-sci class. Ron Paul finishes by quoting Eisenhower who warned about the “military industrial complex”. Paul slam dunks again when says, “We’re supposed to be conservative and that means spend less money!”

All the candidates are asked what the tax rate would be under them. Rick Perry says he will shoot for a 20 percent flat tax rate. Rick Santorum gives a weird answer because he’s probably never thought about this. Romney says that he would get us down to 25 percent but that is still too much. Newt calls for a 15 percent flat tax. Ron Paul then says that he would try to get us down to zero percent! He points to the fact that we didn’t have income tax before 1913 (well, excluding the Civil War era). His proposal is a reflection of how much he wishes to cut spending but the morons in the room can’t put two and two together and probably just think that Ron Paul’s still that crazy kook at the end of the bar. Paul also says that inflation is a tax and if he stopped inflation, we would be freed up from its hidden taxation.

Mitt Romney is asked if he will release his tax records soon. He gargles something about McCain and Bush and says that he hasn’t planned on releasing them. He says that he isn’t opposed to doing it however. He is then asked about his ties to Mexico and the crowd boos at the question. He is asked that if he has close ties to Mexico, why doesn’t he work towards helping Latinos and does he feel like his actions are alienating the Latino voters. Mitt says that Latinos, like all people, are interested in America because it is an “opportunity nation”. Mitt adds that he must communicate to all people that America can be better. He says that illegal immigrants shouldn’t be showed favoritism over those who have been waiting in line legally to enter this country. He then throws in that he would veto the DREAM Act.

Santorum starts pushing some mumbo jumbo about how if people get married before having children it’ll keep them out of poverty. He then blames Obama for everything and bitches about how public schools can’t promote marriage anymore. Santorum says that Obama is “..deliberately sabotaging young girls.” And Ron Paul is the crazy kook?

The moderators then ask Dr. Paul about racial disparities in drug related arrests and convictions. Paul says that it is very clear that racial disparity exists in both those convicted of drug charges and those sentenced to the death penalty. Paul points out that murderers often times get out of jail before drug offenders. He says that the drug war is bringing violence to our border and that it is the real border security issue of today.

Newt Gingrich is criticized about recent comments he made about blacks needing to ask for jobs instead of food stamps. He’s asked if he sees this sort of rhetoric as insulting to blacks, if not all people. Of course Gingrich says it isn’t insulting. He tells some weak story about how his daughter was a janitor at thirteen and how she loved making money and therefore black people should like it too. Juan Williams presses Newt further but gets booed by the South Carolinians in the crowd. What the fuck? Between this and the Romney-Mexico issue, these people are coming off as backwoods bigoted rednecks and people wonder why Republicans have that sort of stereotype! Newt adds that Obama has put more people on food stamps than any other president. While this may be true, it was the Bush administration that really got that ball rolling for Obama. In the end, Newt Gingrich doesn’t explain how his ideas help blacks, he just brushes it off and doesn’t bother dispelling the concerns brought up by the only minority on the stage or on the panel as a chorus of boos continue to be directed at that minority.

Ron Paul is then asked about comments he never made that he supposedly didn’t want to track down Osama bin Laden. Dr. Paul informs the moderators that he never said such a thing and that he voted for the military to apprehend the Al-Qaeda leader. Paul says his frustration was in how the situation was handled as we had the guy cornered before and didn’t go after him, instead we fucked around for a decade and then finally nabbed him almost ten years after 9/11. Paul adds that he wanted a properly executed mission but the whole situation was handled awfully. He then says that we need to respect other nations’ sovereignty and we need to follow proper procedures and not dig bigger holes for ourselves. Bret Baier takes a jab at Ron Paul and says that his stance on taking down terrorists is “to the left of Obama”. Ron Paul points out that we went in and got Saddam Hussein quickly. He then questions why acting quickly, capturing the enemy and detaining them to ask them questions is a bad thing yet waiting a decade and then flat out killing them is perceived as great.

Gingrich is asked if he would go into Pakistan to kill terrorists without getting permission from Pakistan first, even if doing so would end our relationship with Pakistan. Newt doesn’t answer the question, he just immediately attacks Ron Paul and says that Dr. Paul’s stance on foreign policy is “irrational”. Gingrich continues to ignore the question and goes on to just talk shit about Pakistan for continually reaping the benefits of foreign aid but not helping us militarily. Yep, because giving foreign aid apparently isn’t an act of kindness it is a transaction where we buy the countries we “aid”. Gingrich then channels Andrew Jackson and says, “Andrew Jackson had a clear cut idea about Americas enemies…KILL THEM!” This soundbite was met with thunderous applause because just like the establishment dickheads on stage, the majority of the South Carolinians in that building would rather murder someone who doesn’t like us than attempt to work towards a peaceful resolution.

Ron Paul then responds to Newt by saying that if other countries did to us what we do to them, we wouldn’t be cool with it. He then goes on to use the “golden rule” example and the rude crowd starts booing Ron Paul loudly! These people are sick! They are very vocally supporting murder and want to hear nothing of peace. This is the Republican stereotype that will continue to keep sane people away from their party. Paul doesn’t falter like other candidates however. He powers through his points, despite the evil jeers of the scumbags booing. Those of us that don’t condone unjustified cold-blooded murder and imperialism cheer from our living rooms because the oldest man in the room stood strong against the vehement hatred and hunger of hundreds of establishment zombies who only call a man crazy because they don’t have the brain power to understand him. I think it was Dave Chappelle who once said that people use the word “crazy” to describe things that they don’t understand. At this point, it doesn’t matter how many times Dr. Paul tries to educate the idiots, eventually you’ve got to just accept the fact that some people are ignorant and move on. Hopefully Dr. Paul learned this lesson but kudos to him for not faltering before these assholes. Another lesson learned, South Carolinians are rude as fuck.

So immediately after the sane man made his statements, Mitt Romney essentially went on a rant that we’ve got to “Kill! Kill! Kill!” and he actually said, “A bullet in the head is the right course of action.” Yep, this also got thunderous applause from the pro-murder sect of the Republican Party. Romney then went on to say that he would build a military so strong that no one would test the United States and thus, it would keep us out of war. He does realize that we go to war with everyone else first, not the other way around, right? I know.. I know, I’m giving this haircut too much credit.

Rick Santorum gets in ”Kill! Kill! Kill!” mode as well and starts bashing Obama for being what he deems as pro-Assad because we put an embassy in Syria. Yeah dude, why reach out and try to build a relationship when you can just shove bombs down their throats?! Santorum spins it into Obama being anti-Israel as Syria is in bed with Iran. Of course the racist “bomb the world” crowd cheers and cheers.

Perry has to get some ”Kill! Kill! Kill!” action too! He says that he wants to send a powerful message to Iran, Syria and Turkey. He takes a little bitch shot at Ron Paul because he’s a pandering redneck dickweed. He then goes on to defend the Marines that pissed on the dead Taliban soldiers which gets the asshole crowd on their feet. I get this feeling in my gut that the Sith have finally come out of hiding. Perry rambles on and on about decapitated soldiers in an attempt to excuse the heinous acts of our Marines. He then tries to explain that Obama is to blame as his bad policies affected the military. Huh? What? Is this dude drinking all the left over vaccinations he couldn’t force into young girls’ arms?

Here’s the kicker of the night however. Mitt Romney was asked about NDAA and he actually says that he would have signed it into law as Obama has! Romney gets a chorus of boos from the asshole crowd but this time I agree with them. Mitt demands more time so he can explain himself; time is granted and then he just rambles incoherently about it and about expanding military power. Okay, so unless you have been in the dark for months, Mitt Romney is for a Nazi-like law that allows the military to arrest and detain American citizens without due process! This guy is leading in the polls people!

Oh wait! Rick Santorum is also on board and he even tries to dispel concerns about the law proving that he is completely ignorant on the subject and incompetent as a decision maker. What does that tell you when a guy who has been a Washington insider, as long as Rick Santorum has, can’t understand a law that he is reading. Then again, the prick never even probably thumbed through the evil bill.

They quickly move over to Ron Paul and change the subject. Paul, who has been a big critic of the NDAA bill, requests time to talk about the issue. Paul is given the opportunity by the moderators. He talks about how the bill is tyrannical and how it destroys the 4th Amendment and our constitutional rights. He says that Americans being held indefinitely without habeas corpus is a horrible thing.

On sacred cow entitlements, Romney says that he would adopt the Paul Ryan Plan in regards to dealing with the Medicare problem. He goes on to say that he would provide “..higher benefits for lower income people and lower benefits for higher income people.” Yep, he’s not a progressive shitbag. Newt calls for the Chilean model on Social Security and adds that Social Security under his plan would be voluntary.

Rick Santorum is asked if his jobs plan is crony capitalism as it seems to pick winners and losers. Ricky Boy says that he would cut corporate taxes for everybody, so it’s fair. He then rants and raves about foreign competition. When the hell did our leaders turn into such pussies, so afraid of foreign competition? Man the fuck up and compete bitch! He then goes on to whine about regulations. Wait, isn’t he responsible for a lot of those? Baier signals that his time is up and Santorum snaps at Baier like the little Yorkshire lapdog bitch that he is. No one wants to hear your boring rant dipshit! Not even Fox News who has been the only force pimping you out! Santorum’s tantrum then turns over to Newt and they bicker back and forth and I zone out and go to the kitchen for a granola bar.

Juan Williams questions Mitt Romney’s consistency and asks him how he is pro-gun rights when he was the first governor to ever sign an assault weapons ban. Mitt tells Juan that he worked with both pro-gun and anti-gun groups on the legislation and they all agreed on it. He even mentions that he took a picture with the leaders of both groups when the bill was signed. He then talks about hunting elk and pheasants. Wow, you’re a tough cookie Mittens!

Santorum is asked about his anti-gun history and he goes on to say that all his votes were supported by the NRA. He said that they supported him signing certain laws because if they didn’t something worse might come down the pipeline. Oh c’mon! What a crock of shit! So you eat a small piece of poop today because you fear that if you don’t there might be a big piece of poop tomorrow?! No dude, you stand by your convictions and you kick both piles of poop and call it a day. Santorum is such a weak pushover hoe. He lets fear dictate his life, whether that’s fear of hypothetical future legislation or fear of a God he doesn’t even understand. Rick Santorum is of the old establishment mentality that you have to take away some rights in order to protect other rights. This guy is beyond stupid.

This discussion about guns carries over to Ron Paul who says that gun laws should be left to the state. Santorum then has to make it known that Ron Paul tried to do away with the 2nd Amendment! Really? God, doesn’t the Bible talk ill of liars? There goes Ricky Boy disappointing Jesus again! Ron Paul says that he would repeal anything that would ban guns. He then points out that Rick Santorum is just nibbling away at the Constitution for his own means.

Newt Gingrich goes on to defend himself from being accused of supporting China’s “one child policy”. He says that he never, in any way, supported that policy. He and Mitt then get into a pointless quarrel over Super PACs. Mitt days that he would get rid of Super PACs as they are corrupt and wrong. Rick Perry then closes out the debate talking about troops on the border and “aviation assets”. In his funny Texan accent he promises to “..lock the border down within a year after taking my hand off of that Bible.”

This debate was hard to watch. The audience was absolutely awful and even though I talked some shit about South Carolina, I hope that their attitudes and behavior doesn’t reflect that of the rest of the state. I guess we’ll find out as the next debate is also in South Carolina. If the crowd at that one is just as ridiculous, it’ll deter me from ever wanting to set foot in that state again!

In the end, Ron Paul did well, even with the whole world seemingly against him. It wasn’t his best performance but it was solid enough. I believe that Romney walked away weak, especially after his NDAA comments. Plus he just pandered and filibustered most of the debate. Newt did really well despite the Fox News and Wall Street Journal moderators trying to “gotcha” him to death and hang him out to dry. Rick Santorum is going to end up sucking gay dicks in Hell so I don’t care about him. Perry is probably going to drop the fuck out because again, he’s deader than shit in this race.

I tried to keep this one short and sweet but these idiots just give you so much material to rip apart and bash.

Grading Scale:
Grade B-: Newt Gingrich
Grade B-: Ron Paul
Grade D: Rick Perry
Grade D-: Mitt Romney
Grade F: Rick Santorum

*Written by Rob Rimes.

I described the last Huckabee fourm as “..about as fun as using a power drill on one’s own head.” With that said, I doubt that this second attempt at trying to grab ratings for Huck’s lackluster Saturday night show was any better. Considering that the first forum was so awful and that Ron Paul didn’t even participate in this one, I opted out of watching it and instead went out and had some sushi, ribeye and drinks with some friends to celebrate one of their birthdays. Sometimes life is more important than politics for a political commentator and since this was just a circus of five statist shitcocks claiming to be conservatives, I couldn’t bear to sit through another shit show trying to take itself seriously.

So what could I possibly write about the debate, considering I didn’t even see it? Well, I think it is important to acknowledge it and important to explain why I didn’t watch it, as I already have. Truth be told, it isn’t hard to know exactly how this night went without even witnessing it.

I’m sure Mitt Romney gave us the same old crap about being the King of Job Creation and his claims weren’t attacked by the other candidates, as this was probably like the last Huckabee forum where candidates weren’t allowed to share the stage or talk about each other. Doesn’t Huck know how lame that is? No one wants to see these people not rip each other’s throats out! We want blood! That’s the only way you can separate the bitches and bastards from the generals. Anyway, Romney pimped his job creation skills, talked about how much of a dickhead Obama was and warned that China was going to murder American puppies. I also assume that he was wearing Garnier Volumizing Anti-Humidity.

Newt Gingrich probably ranted about the Romney-Bain issue and spent most of that time defending himself from looking like an asshole for continually harping on ol’ Mittens about it. Newt probably name dropped Ronald Reagan six dozen times. Huckabee probably had Newt explain why he is the thirty-seventh version of the second coming of Reagan. Gingrich most likely pandered to the South Carolinians regarding parts of his platform that might be frowned upon by the people of the South. Newt most assuredly filibustered about everything from his controversial illegal immigration stance to allowing the Confederacy to rise again.

I’m sure Jon Huntsman went on to talk about how no one but him understands China. He also would have talked about bringing our troops home. He probably talked down all of our wars and offered up some good foreign policy points that differ from everyone else in the forum quite drastically. He may have talked in Mandarin or Klingon at some point in an effort to confuse the South Carolinians. He also would have played up his success in New Hampshire as some sort of great win, even though he was in third place. I would gather that he probably said “truth deficit” nine-hundred times give or take a few dozen.

If history is any indicator, Governor Perry talked about sanctions on everyone and pushing our troops back into Iraq to continue on some pointless conquest. Perry probably used a lot of fear-mongering to sell South Carolinians on the idea that every other country in the world wants to steal our wives and sell our children to Martians. He went on to ramble incoherently but got applause for it nonetheless. He was also blind to the fact that he is not just at the bottom of the barrel, he has been nailed, glued and stapled to it.

Gay-hating penis muffin Rick Santorum went on to talk about how awesome Jesus Christ is and how he was going to give him the power to cure fags and revive dead fetuses. With the first power, he would most assuredly put Marcus Bachmann out of business but then again it would be a true cure to the gay disease and Mr. Bachmann and Mr. Santorum wouldn’t have to worry about hiding their ravenous sexual appetites, as they would only be interested in women after the cure. With the second power granted by Jesus, Santorum would build a small army of undead baby zombies that he could use to achieve several evil deeds. For instance, they could be used for espionage work, as they could hide in small areas and move around undetected. They could also be used to clear mine fields before our military moved in to claim another country. Hell, they could even be used as a pack of piranha-like undead parasites that Santorum could unleash on his political enemies, where they would be devoured or zombified – either way making them a part of Santorum’s undead fetus army.

What did Ron Paul do? He sat this one out and probably didn’t even bother watching it as it was just a forum to display the same old establishment bullshit and propaganda. Now I am not sure if Dr. Paul chose to sit this out or if Huck was just a dick and didn’t invite him. Typically, even at shit events like this one, Ron Paul takes advantage of any free time given to him. The only way I could see him not participating, if he was invited, would be due to being locked in to a prior engagement. Whatever the reason, he’s the real winner here for not even being a part of this mess. Besides, the first forum was just a waste of his time.

In the end, I couldn’t care less about this forum. This should be obvious after reading through this bullshit article. I’ve also learned that most of these candidates have nothing more to say. At this point they just need to go after each other in a free-for-all brawl leaving no punches pulled! To take these people, at this point, and put them in a scenario where they can’t talk about each other or even share a stage is just stupid and careless. I know Mike Huckabee wants to be above the bickering and name calling but that’s all we’ve got left! Let them bleed out! It’s time to release the sharks!

There is no grading scale for this debate. Just assume everyone in it got an “F” and Ron Paul got an “A” for not taking part.

*Written by Rob Rimes.

Santorum: 1. The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex. 2. Senator Rick Santorum. – Definition take from the Urban Dictionary.

Politics are amazing. I mean, with certain candidates people are so quick to jump on every potential fault they come across but with other candidates, people are blind as fuck and only see what it is that they want to see. In the case of Rick Santorum, who is now technically a frontrunner, people are either blind or just absolutely fucking insane! I mean, how has this guy come from out of near obscurity to become a GOP frontrunner in just a couple of weeks? Those goddamned Iowans and their stupid caucuses have unleashed a beast on us and if this beast isn’t stopped dead in his tracks now, we will all pay greatly for this Iowan insanity.

Rick Santorum is the worst choice for president out of all the GOP candidates that have come and gone this election cycle and that’s a hard feat to pull off, as most of them are severely flawed. Santorum is a bigoted prick that wants to force us all to live within his corrupt Christian vision. His perfect America would be a Catholic dictatorship with him as de facto ruler. Abortions for rape victims would be outlawed, gays would be in prison or most likely slaughtered and we’d all be forced to stay married to assholes and raise our children as Bible-loving zombies who have to bow to Santorum first and God second. Maybe this seems extreme but after reading through a huge list of quotes from the man, this most assuredly would be his perfect version of the United States.

Hell, Santorum wants to force his brand of Christianity on the world. In fact, he is ready to go to war with pretty much every Islamic nation in an effort to prove his point. It’s actually better if I just let his words do the talking here:

“The idea that the Crusades and the fight of Christendom against Islam is somehow an aggression on our part is absolutely anti-historical. And that is what the perception is by the American Left who hates Christendom. … What I’m talking about is onward American soldiers. What we’re talking about are core American values.”

First of all “core American values” aren’t violence and aggression, his stance on that is “anti-historical”. Secondly, you can look at this and analyze it a few different ways but the point is, he does hold a lot of resentment towards Islam. In almost every single debate where any nation that is primarily a Muslim one has come up, he has preached for aggression towards them. He is so eager to go to war and drop bombs and throw sanctions on everything in an effort to perpetuate a religious war that should have died centuries ago. Rick is of the belief that these people simply want to kill us because we are a free white Christian nation. Santorum, like anyone else that shares this incredibly flawed and dangerous logic, is a fucking idiot that could benefit from picking up a book other than the Bible.

Now I am not trying to attack his Christian views, as I have no beef with any religion, but I am attacking the fact that if he actually read his sacred book and believed the words written across its pages, he would realize that his actions and his motivations are very unchristian. Anyone who believes that Santorum is right and that we should just aimlessly bomb all these “threats” is an accessory to murder. When looking at the bigger picture, the actions Santorum and several of his colleagues want this country to take aren’t that different than the cowardly actions of Al-Qaeda. One nation’s freedom fighters are another nation’s terrorists. Rick and those with his school of thought could benefit from actually listening to the words of Osama bin Laden and other terrorists who have explained over and over why they attack us. Apparently no one is getting the message because the actions that have caused these groups to take up arms against us are still being committed by our government everyday all over the world.

Stateside, his religious intolerance of things he doesn’t understand and doesn’t want to learn about have dug him into some pretty deep holes throughout the years. He has bashed homosexuality and has probably been the most anti-gay candidate since the horse and buggy days. As I did with the last subject, I’ll let Santorum’s idiot mouth spell it out for you:

“Is anyone saying same-sex couples can’t love each other? I love my children. I love my friends, my brother. Heck, I even love my mother-in-law. Should we call these relationships marriage, too?”

He also said this:

“If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual [gay] sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything. Does that undermine the fabric of our society? I would argue yes, it does. … That’s not to pick on homosexuality. It’s not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be. It is one thing.”

And:

“A lesbian woman came up to me and said, ‘why are you denying me my right?’ I said, ‘well, because it’s not a right.’ It’s a privilege that society recognizes because society sees intrinsic value to that relationship over any other relationship.”

God this guy is a fucking moron. I’m sorry and maybe it is my libertarian stance but I just can’t stand people, especially politicians, that are this vehemently opposed to gays. I could argue that this is modern times and not the 1700′s but fuck, everyone was gay back then. Dudes would marry their wives, not because they loved them but because it was a business transaction, and then they would go off with their friends and fuck young boys all night. As twisted as that may sound to some, this was common amongst the aristocracy of the day back then. Hell, the ancient Greeks who gave us democracy as well as major advancements in philosophy, maths, science, astronomy, law and language were some of the gayest people ever. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of pieces of art from that era that depict gay sex. It’s not some new freak thing that just happened in the last few decades. If Santorum had his way however, they’d all be sent to concentration camps or killed and used for dog food.

Santorum’s bigotry doesn’t just end with gays and lesbians, he actually said this about black people:

“I don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them somebody else’s money; I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn the money.”

Why did he single out black people? Aren’t whites, latinos and all other races on welfare? I guess Ricky Boy just sees this as a black thing. It doesn’t stop there, on President Obama’s race and pro-choice beliefs, Santorum said:

“I find it almost remarkable for a black man to say ‘now we are going to decide who are people and who are not people’.”

Jesus dude, this guy can’t be serious, right? Well, it doesn’t just stop with black people, gays, lesbians and Muslims. He said this about Mormons:

“Would the potential attraction to Mormonism by simply having a Mormon in the White House threaten traditional Christianity by leading more Americans to a church that some Christians believe misleadingly calls itself Christian, is an active missionary church, and a dangerous cult?”

Mormonism a dangerous cult? Funny, they’re not the ones wanting to bomb the everliving shit out of the world! They just want to have mad wives and lots of kids. If it is all consensual between the adults, what is wrong with that? Who the fuck is Rick Santorum to say what is and is not acceptable? What gives him that authority? Well, where he sits, it’s his complete misunderstanding of the Bible that gives him that authority.

You know, fuck all this social madness. I think it is pretty clear that this bastard is full of hate and intolerance and would just rather kill you than look at you if you aren’t living up to his moral code. So how does this piece of shit hold up as far as being a politician? Well, several watchdog groups throughout the years have added Rick Santorum’s name to the list of “Most Corrupt Members of Congress”. You see, Santorum is a big government asshole that shows no concern over our country’s economic woes. Truth is, he is a big reason why we are dealing with these economic woes right now.

Rick Santorum’s own book “It Takes a Family: Conservatism and the Common Good” really spelled out his philosophy on government and our daily lives. Basically, the book goes on to argue for more government intrusion into our lives at home. Santorum believes that it is the government’s role to dictate to parents and families how they should live. Of course, Rick wants the government to push a Christian agenda on everyone, which completely goes against everything that the Founding Fathers wanted for America. In his book, he supported several big government programs, such as national service, publicly financed trust funds for children, community investment incentives and economic literacy programs to be put in every school in America. That’s kind of funny though considering that Santorum had this to say about our education system:

“It’s amazing that so many kids turn out to be fairly normal, considering the weird socialization they get in public schools.”

Right, is what he is proposing not a form of socialization? This guy is a classic doublethinker or he just doesn’t think the rules apply to him because he is in the service of a higher power. Yep, that same higher power that told Michele Bachmann to run for president. Maybe people should stop talking to that higher power, he gives shitty advice. Then again, these are idiots trying to decipher something greater than themselves.

Rick Santorum also supported No Child Left Behind, the Medicare prescription drug benefit and other very costly pieces of legislation that were all a form of socialization and a contributor to our budget being out of control. He has always been a big supporter of earmarks and not just in his own state. Santorum was one of the idiots that was heavily in favor of the now infamous “Bridge to Nowhere”. The truth is, Rick Santorum is one of the biggest benefactors of earmarks in congressional history! According to a Rick Perry attack ad against Santorum and verified by Taxpayers For Common Sense, Santorum has received over a billion dollars in earmarks during his time in office!

In 2005 alone, Santorum received $483 million dollars in earmarks for 872 different projects! Defending himself on Fox News, Santorum said:

“I’m proud of the money that I did set aside for things that were priorities in my state instead of having bureaucrats do that.”

Santorum worked closely with Tim DeLay in developing the K-Street Project which was an effort by the GOP to put pressure on lobbyists to hire Republicans in their top positions as well as to reward loyal GOP lobbyists with special access to influential officials. Hell, Rick Santorum is a crony capitalist at his fucking core. This corporatist really needs to have his front lawn “occupied” by protestors. Santorum, like many others, used this as a tool to get free money to flow into his state. Of course there is no such thing as free money as it is us, the American citizens, who are paying for it now.

If you are a free trade person, good for you – that’s awesome. Unfortunately, Rick Santorum has been a long time opponent of free trade and true capitalism. He has spent his entire career backing higher tariffs on goods from other countries. He always has and still supports government intervention in the manufacturing industry. Rick Santorum feels that it is the government’s job to pick the winners and losers. Apparently this guy has never read anything from an Austrian economist or watched Milton Friedman’s series “Free To Choose”. If he had, Mr. Santorum would be very well aware of how his policies damage American interests stateside and abroad and how this just adds to our economic peril and rampant joblessness.

I could honestly go on and on about this worthless piece of shit but I don’t really think it’s all that necessary. Truth is, one could write a book about Rick Santorum and all the bullshit shenanigans this hate-mogering scumfuck was a part of. He is not what this country needs now or ever. He is a big reason why this country is in the shitter and electing him to be president would be the biggest mistake this country could make right now. In all honesty, I don’t see how this guy could be any better than Obama. In fact, I guaran-damn-tee that Rick Santorum would be much worse. You know how you see those signs with George W. Bush that say “Miss Me Yet?” on them? Well if Santorum became president, you’d see the same slogan attached to a picture of Barack Obama. Then again, being caught with such pictures in Santorum’s America would end with you being sent off to be a guinea pig in his Jesus indoctrination camps.

Hell, when your own nephew writes and publishes a piece urging people not to vote for you and instead to vote for Ron Paul, that’s saying a lot. When your own campaign staff is caught at a rally supporting Ron Paul, that should also tell you something. Rick Santorum is a statist shitcock that isn’t above turning the United States into a religious fascist dictatorship that will spend itself into oblivion. Those closest to him have warned us, yet people keep sending this douchebag money. The fact that he has made over two million dollars in the last two days is absolutely frightening.

It’s time to pay attention America!

Here’s a video showing how statist and liberal, yes liberal, this guy is. I didn’t even touch on his love of the Federal Reserve and dislike of the gold standard but this video hits it:

*Written by Rob Rimes.

1. Introduction:

It has been a long fucking journey but here we are! This is the last debate of the year as well as the last one before the first voting starts. This Fox News hosted debate was probably the most notable one for those of us who are supporters of Ron Paul. Not only did it happen at a pivotal moment during the primary presidential race but it was also Dr. Paul’s best performance yet, as far as I am concerned. Considering that some polls have Paul in second place to Newt Gingrich by only a point, there wasn’t a better time for Ron Paul to turn up the heat and make an impact: an impact so hard and solid that the Fox News fear turtles had to ignore him for the last half hour because anymore time given to Dr. Paul would have most assuredly provided him with a win over their two current golden boys: Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney. God forbid someone that doesn’t suck pulls out in front, right?

It’s okay though, Fox News pundits and neocon radio hosts like Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity spent the days leading up to and the day after this debate bashing Ron Paul. The fact that they are dedicating so much time to demonizing the guy is a very very good thing. Considering there is nothing you can throw at the guy, as he is probably the most consistent candidate in at least half a century, these attempts at discrediting Ron Paul just makes these lying bastards look like idiotic assholes blinding themselves to the reality that Dr. Paul’s message is spilling over and spreading out beyond his “crazy” followers. Oh how the establishment hates not getting their way. It’s time for the brats to go to bed so mom and dad can get busy.

2. Hour 1:

At the start of the debate, I find it amusing that Bret Baier tells us that this debate is being sponsored by Fox News as I am watching it on Fox News. Um, no shit buddy. He then goes around and introduces all the candidates to the Iowa crowd. Newt Gingrich got the loudest pop but Ron Paul’s was almost as loud. Unlike other debates, everyone here got some cheers from the crowd, showing us that Iowans are pretty respectful even to the idiots. I’m not a Chris Wallace fan and Baier is okay but I am glad that Megyn Kelly, who is excruciatingly gorgeous on this night, and Neil Cavuto are on the panel of moderators. I really wish Fox News would let Judge Napolitano and John Stossel sit in with the moderators on one of these eight dozen debates. Shouldn’t the libertarian pro-constitution people be represented and allowed to ask real questions? Apparently Fox News doesn’t think so, which is why, even though they allow these guys to have shows, they keep them over on the “B” network.

The first question is already a shot at Ron Paul because they bring up the issue of electability and who could actually defeat Obama one-on-one. The thing is, contrary to what Fox News and Rush want you to believe, there have been several polls taken of GOP candidates going head-to-head with Obama and according to these various polls, Ron Paul is the only one who can convincingly beat the current president. But whatever, truth isn’t news apparently.

Anyway, after the issue of electability is brought up, Newt is basically asked to dispel concerns that people have about him not being conservative enough and not being able to topple Barry O. Newt talks about how Reagan was way behind Carter in 1980 but through debate and his message, he was able to defeat the peanut prince. Gingrich said that Reagan won on truth and honesty and that he will as well. Gingrich claims to be able to destroy Obama in debates and says that there is no way that Obama can defend his horrible record. But wait.. isn’t Newt’s record pretty fucking horrible too? He goes on to brag about balancing the budget and tells us that he gave us the largest capital gains tax cut in history back when he was running Congress. Gingrich closes it out by explaining that his record may confuse people because he changes when conditions change. Sounds like a guy that doesn’t have a real set of principles to me. It also sounds like a crock of shit so he can just brush off all the questionable non-conservative stances he’s taken over the years. I don’t know what type of car insurance Newt owns but his policies are definitely “progressive”.

Megyn Kelly asks Ron Paul to convince the crowd that he is electable and also asks him if he will support the winner of the GOP primary. So Megyn assumes Paul won’t win and she wants to basically make sure he doesn’t run as an independent. Also, as far as electability, she is obviously unaware or ignoring the polls that have said that Paul can beat Obama and she must also be ignoring the fact that this guy has been elected to political office more times than any other candidate on that stage.

Ron Paul replies by saying anyone on the stage can beat Obama. He points out that Obama is beating himself and is essentially making the race to the White House much easier for whomever ends up challenging the liberal king. Paul says that compared to the other candidates, he has something different to offer. He cites his policy positions that vastly contrast those of the Republican establishment. He mentions his stance on monetary policy, which has influenced most of the candidates on stage, and he says that he addresses the major issues that the other candidates don’t talk about.He also states that he is the one candidate that is truly pro-Constitution and pro-liberty. He finishes by reminding us that he plans to cut a trillion dollars in spending his first year in office.

Rick Santorum is asked why he isn’t surging with all the time he has spent in Iowa. He responds by saying that he is counting on Iowa to catch fire for him. Yeah bro, I’m waiting for this chick’s pussy to get wet for me but it ain’t working. You gotta make it happen man or don’t bother trying. Three hundred dollar dinners and Russell Stover samplers aren’t going to get you laid, you’ve got to play the game homie. Santorum who feels he has played the game well says that he has done 250 town hall meetings and visited all 99 counties in Iowa. Ricky Boy sounds like my old roommate who always spent money on chicks, completely missed the point and ended up marrying the first diabolical succubus that saw an opportunity to exploit his idiocy. Santorum, stealing a talking point from Ron Paul, says that he is a clear contrast to everyone else. Yeah, he’s a religiously intolerant dickbag that wants to make our country a fascist Jesus-loving dictatorship ruled over by his soft bitch fists. Racquetball Rick says that he fought for conservatism whether it was popular or unpopular, I respect his drive and his fortitude but he is wrong in almost every way and in the end, he is a clueless dolt that knows he has done everything right, even though he hasn’t, and can’t figure out why he is still sitting at the kids’ table without the respect of his peers. After all those town hall meetings in Iowa alone, the people aren’t receptive to his message. It’s time to hang it up bro.

Ron Paul-hater, Chris Wallace asks Mitt Romney what he thinks about people saying that Newt is a stronger candidate than Mitt. Romney describes people’s struggles and says that they want a president that can get America right again. He says that he understands what will and what won’t work when it comes to job creation and the economy because he has been in the private sector and ran so many successful companies for so long. He then cites the time that he passed on investing in JetBlue and calls it a mistake. He says that he has learned from his mistakes however and he knows how to apply the lessons learned from his successes and failures.

Michele Bachmann is asked how she would counter the Obama campaign if she won the nomination, as they would paint her as “too conservative”. She goes on an all-too-typical rant about how great she is and how she continually wins elections in Minnesota which is a strong liberal state. She says that even though people don’t agree with her all the time (you don’t say?) that they at least respect her sincerity and the fact that she works to serve and she is always taking action. She then says that she spent her first 50 years as a real person. Wait.. huh? Is she admitting she is not human? A reptilian, a terminator, an alien hologram or a wind-up toy maybe?

Neil “Keep it Real” Cavuto flat out asks Rick Perry how he can expect to beat Obama, when he is such a bad debater. That shit was harsh but it is a damn good question and Perry impresses me as he doesn’t get too flustered by it. Perry admits that he isn’t the best but that he has gotten to where he likes the debates and has now gotten more comfortable with them, where he was just so awkward and strange in the beginning. He then goes on some weird tangent about Tim Tebow and how they are similar because Tebow is the comeback kid and he’s a former two-time national champion, where as Rick Perry considers himself to be the “national champion of job creation”. Yes, this really happened!

Watch the video:

Jon Huntsman is asked about his record. Huntsman says that he is a consistent conservative and that he will not pander to anyone or sign silly pledges. He also says that he won’t show up at a Trump debate. He uses that to make his point that the nation has been toyed around with this entertainment politics bullshit. The office of the president isn’t something to just throw around in a silly reality show arena. He then talks about how America has been downgraded and is on the cusp of its third government shutdown. Huntsman says that we have an economic deficit and a trust deficit. He goes on to tell us that people do not trust their elected officials and therefore we need to establish term limits for Congress. He points out that Wall Street has also lost the trust of the people and says that there are too many banks that are too big to fail.

All are asked for a quick answer on how they would lead. Rick Santorum jumps back in and says that he would do what great leaders do and would solve our economic woes. He calls for free markets and free people, yet this tyrannical PATRIOT Act pimping bastard has no idea what any of that shit means. Santorum’s first executive order as president, backed by the PATRIOT Act and the new evil NDAA law, would be to label gays as terrorists and ship them off to Gitmo for the rest of their lives. Rick Perry says that after 3 years the president should have learned how to do the job. He says that we need someone with executive experience. Citing the Super Committee, Perry adds that Obama has walked away from responsibilities and dumped them on others. Mitt says that he learned how to get the respect of Democrats in Massachusetts by learning how to find common ground during a crisis. Mitt says that we need a leader that can actually lead. Newt reinforces Mitt’s points and calls Obama a “Saul Alinsky radical”. He goes on to cite his work with Reagan again. I feel like Newt is taking credit for Reagan’s leadership, which is pretty shitty. Ron Paul says that government is too big, the debt is too big and we have to cut spending NOW! He also says that there are two factions in charge of the economy: warfare and welfare. He talks about how they argue over the money and who gets it and that now it is time to end it and kill the leviathan. Michele Bachmann says that she would’ve made Congress come in and talk to her about the debt crisis. Does she think that Congress is made up of her foster kids? Is she going to ground them? Maybe she wouldn’t be able to hear them as her ears might be too far away (that is a problem for her). She says that she would put her foot down on increasing taxes. She also promises to cut spending and to support the Constitution. Well, except for those bits she doesn’t think are important like the 10th Amendment. Jon Huntsman says that leadership is action, not words. Huntsman pushes for a flat tax and talks about how it created a great business state in Utah. He says that after implementing the flat tax he got 80% of the vote in his second run for Governor because he delivered on what he promised to do.

Chris Wallace starts a segment about DC culture. He goes to Mitt and tells him that Newt believes that Romney should return the money that he took from people or something like that. The question was hard to follow but it is funny that Newt wants Mitt to return money when Newt was getting fat checks funded by American tax dollars when he was rolling with Freddie Mac. Mitt responds saying that Obama will use the same attack on him as Newt. He adds that not every business that he invested in worked out but the ones that did succeed created hundreds of thousands of jobs. Romney talks about his success with Staples and the steel company he built up. Mitt takes a shot at Obama when he says that he will ask him how well he ran General Motors after the government takeover of their business.

Newt is asked about the pro-Freddie Mac comments he made a few years back. He is also asked about how he could say that Barney Frank should go to jail when he too was involved with the same people that caused the housing bubble to burst. Gingrich says that Frank was holding elected office at the time, where he (Newt) wasn’t. Newt tries to make it clear that he was a private citizen engaged in the housing business like any other business. Newt just can’t dig himself out of this hole without sounding stupid. He claims that he always said that Freddie needed more regulations.. that’s not helping your case dude! It also doesn’t sound very conservative. Newt said that we should have a goal of helping as many Americans as possible buy homes. Jesus, Gingrich sounds like a fucking welfare state pushing progressive liberal! When it walks like a duck and talks like a duck it is probably an asshole.

The moderators ask Ron Paul about his negative campaign ads against Newt. He is also asked what his thoughts are on the comments Newt just made. Paul points out that Freddie Mac was a GSE (government sponsored enterprise), which is different than a regular business or a private enterprise. Paul says that Newt was deep in a mixture of big business and big government. He needs to be held accountable for that and own up to it, it is what it is. Frankly, super debater Newt just got got. Ron Paul states that government sponsored enterprise is NOT free enterprise.

Newt poorly defends himself by saying that GSEs do a lot of good. ROFLMFAO! Gingrich cites Medicare and Medicaid as good examples. Damn, that’s hilarious Newt! I didn’t know you were doing standup at the Bijou this weekend! He also says that he doesn’t lobby for anything. Shit, the jokes keep on coming!

Michele Bachmann is asked if she has any evidence to support her recent Newt bashing. She says that her evidence is simply that she knows he cashed Freddie checks. Okay, just because you say it doesn’t make it real. Where’s the solid proof, shit I know it exists but I want to see it! Bachmann says that there is a big difference between Freddie Mac and banks, adding that Newt took $1.6 million to influence senior Republicans in Congress to keep the madness going. Haha, and Newt says he wasn’t lobbying; what do you call aggressively pushing your influence on politicians then? Bachman says that Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae need to be “shut down not built up!”

Responding to the crazy woman’s attacks, Newt says that her claims are not true and that he never lobbied in any way. He tells Bachmann to have facts straight and to not throw around allegations. Bachmann snaps back saying that PolitiFact backs up her claims and she says that you don’t have to be a “lobbyist” to “peddle influence”. Newt says that his policy is to break up Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae. He also claims that he has never once changed his positions over a payoff. Newt says that he has only worked with people who share the same values he has. Okay, so you work with snakes? Doesn’t Honey Badger eat snakes? I guess this one rolls with them.

Newt is getting a lot of time but that doesn’t stop Neil Cavuto from asking him about his negative comments regarding Paul Ryan’s plan and how he now apparently likes the plan he was critical about. Cavuto is digging into Newt’s all-too-common inconsistency on the issue. Newt says that he never referenced Ryan when he made the comments that were perceived as negative. He says that a free society needs the support of the people and he feels that when there is a potential major change on the horizon, like the Ryan Plan, that the people need to be consulted. I can’t disagree with that point.

Romney says that the spending crisis is extraordinary. He then goes on an anti-Obama rant. Closing out the rant, he says that we need to stop giving away funds when we don’t have any left to give. He continues by saying that there are 62 trillion dollars in promises that need to be quashed.

Neil Cavuto tries to “gotcha” Ron Paul when he asks him how he can be a vocal opponent of earmarks when he fights to bring money to his district. It is a good question and out of everything asked the congressman out of all of these debates, this was the best researched and thought out. Cavuto is attempting to put him on the spot and show that maybe he isn’t so consistent and might even be just a little hypocritical. However, Paul then responds and says that he has never voted for an earmark but if the government forcibly takes money away from his district (as they do all districts), then they have a right to apply for it to come back. Touché Dr. Paul, touché! Ron Paul continues by pointing out that earmarks are out of control and that the government earmarks every penny. Paul adds again that he NEVER voted for an earmark but he will fight to get back his constituents’ money back from the tyrants whenever possible.

Cavuto, apparently not getting it, presses on the issue again. Paul says that he doesn’t complain about earmarks and says that if everyone followed the Constitution like he does, then there would be no earmarks. Ron Paul says that as president he wouldn’t look for more power. He doesn’t want to police the world or the economy and says that too many people want a super powerful president and that that mentality is just wrong.

Moving on, Cavuto basically asks Perry if he’s a hypocrite. I don’t really get Cavuto’s point and neither does Perry as he just praises himself. He says that his programs have worked and that he didn’t bail them out. He then says that we need to talk about overhauling DC and cut Congress’ time back so that they can go home and live within the same walls that the American people do. When asked about how many days Congress should work Perry says, “140 days every two years like they do in Texas.”

Jon Huntsman is asked how he would respond to childish moves by China on trade rules. The former ambassador to China says that he would work towards building relationships and respect. He says that he already did a great job with it as ambassador. Huntsman says that we need shared values infused in our relationship with China based in democracy and human rights. He then calls for a greater tolerance of other religions on our part.

On foreign business affairs, Santorum is asked if he would give companies a tax holiday for staying in the United States. Santorum says that if outside companies bring money back and invest it in America, he’d charge them zero tax. He adds that we are no longer competitive. He blames corporate tax saying that there is a big differential between us and our top 9 economic competitors. Santorum says he would use his executive power to repeal anything he sees as anti-business. Yep, he’s still a power-hungry douchenugget.

Trying to tap into his business knowledge, Mitt is asked what industry will create the most jobs in next ten years. Mitt says that the free market will decide that. Sure, if we stay out of it. He goes on to talk about the fact that when the government picks the winners, we all lose. “Let the markets decide!” I don’t know if Mitt is capable of a hands off approach however. Mitt believes that manufacturing in the U.S. will come back again. He also says that our energy capabilities are extraordinary and tells us that Obama prevents that industry’s growth with his idiocy over the BP oil spill issue issue as well as the recent pipeline controversy.

Megyn Kelly asks Newt about his plan to subpoena judges who make decisions he doesn’t like. She asks if it removes checks and balances. She tells him that his critics consider such a proposal to be “dangerous” and “ridiculous”. Newt says that that sort of talk is arrogant and ignorant, uh.. okay buddy. He also says that judges against “One Nation under God” should not work in the courts. He calls that motto “the core base of American exceptionalism”. Newt adds that we do not have a judicial dictatorship and points to Thomas Jefferson and Abraham Lincoln to give examples as to why his stance is okay.

Newt-hater Bachmann is asked if the 9th circuit should be abolished and if it was, what would happen if a Democrat came into power after a Republican president. Bachmann replies by saying that the judges have to follow the Constitution. She says that the president and Congress need to take their authority back from the courts. Bachmann says that the Founding Fathers wanted the courts to be the least powerful governing body in the system. She then gives props to Iowa for attacking gay marriage. She loves how Iowans got rid of pro-gay rights judges. What a bitch.

Ron Paul is asked if Newt is right in his stance regarding judges. Paul says that if a judge is unethical, the proper procedure is impeachment not subpoenaing judges in front of Congress. He also says that it is frustrating but we can’t just get rid of courts because we don’t like how they rule on something. He believes that Newt’s viewpoint on the issue is like opening a can or worms. Ron Paul reminds us that the Founding Fathers wanted a seperation of powers.

The moderators move to Mitt, who is asked about why he nominated Democrat judges in Massachusetts and because of that, how can Republicans trust him to make the right decisions on nominating Supreme Court justices. He clarifies that he didn’t appoint the Democratic judges but that he nominated them. Since the board that appointed the judges was made up of only Democrats, he says that they selected the Democratic choices over the Republican ones.

To close out the first hour of the two hour debate, Megyn Kelly asks each candidate to name their favorite current Supreme Court justice. Santorum rambles about some bullshit abortion mumbo jumbo and doesn’t really answer. When pressed to answer, after making what should’ve been a short answer into a long rant, he said, “Thomas”. Rick Perry also rambles but his rant is about ending lifetime terms for the robes. He says that his favorites are Alito, Roberts and Thomas. Mitt says a bunch of names, he may have named them all. Gingrich says that Scalia is the most intellectual of the supreme justices. Ron Paul says that they are all good and all bad in different ways. Bachmann, like Romney, names a bunch. Jon Huntsman selects Roberts and Alito as his favorites.

3. Hour 2:

Starting hour number two, Bret Baier asks Ron Paul that if he had hypothetical intel that was certain that Iran had nuclear missiles, would he invade them. He also adds that Ron Paul’s stance on foreign policy is “left of Obama”. Wow, Fox News is really trying to influence their malleable viewers. Paul unfazed says that he’s running with the people, who feel as he does. He points to the fact that there is no UN evidence that supports the idea that Iran has or is building a nuclear bomb. Ron Paul tells us that this Iran talk is just war propaganda similar to the bullshit that led us into war with Iraq a decade ago. Paul says that his greatest fear is that we have a president that will overreact (like the majority of the GOPers on stage). He says that a former Israeli statesman said that it would be incredibly stupid to attack Iran over this sort of unfounded paranoia. Paul reminds us that we survived the Cold War without jumping the gun and going to war.

Baier cuts in saying that the question specifically asked what he would do if there was solid hypothetical intelligence that showed that Iran did have a bomb being built. Ron Paul says that all we are doing with our careless paranoid actions is promoting their desire for building a nuke. He clues Baier and the other candidates in on the fact that Iran is surrounded by bombs, so why wouldn’t they want one for themselves to eliminate their vulnerability? Ron Paul also points out that we respect those with bombs better than those without them. He brings us back to when we convinced Libya to get rid of their bombs and once that was done, there was nothing to stop us from invading them, which we did.

Bret Baier, getting flustered, asks Dr. Paul his thoughts on Iran threatening to close the Strait of Hormuz. Paul says that all we talk about is “When are we (the West) going to bomb Iran”. He continues by essentially asking why wouldn’t they close the strait to screw us on oil if we just keep threatening an attack against them. What Paul is saying is that they have a right to defend themselves however they see fit and if we are going to keep bullying them and threatening them from afar, why shouldn’t they take action and prepare for the possibility of our threats becoming promises. Speaking to his sanction-happy colleagues and the moderators, he calls their proposed sanctions an act of war. Ron Paul finishes up with his Iran points by saying that it is time for us to use diplomacy for once.

Still aggravated by Ron Paul, Bret Baier goes to establishment “bomb’m all!” cockpuppet Rick Santorum. Ricky Boy goes on and on about “Damn mooozlums! Damn Eeeranians! Radical theocracy! Al-Qaedaists! Destruction! Anti-Jesusers! Martyrdom! Bleh!!!” That’s basically all I heard.

Mitt is asked about his comments on Obama where he said that the president was weak in his handling of Iran capturing one of our drones. Romney explains that weakness invites aggression. He says a strong America is the greatest ally of peace. Mitt also adds that Obama believes we are entering a post-American century, where Mitt believes that America is going to continue to lead and shape the world.

Michele Bachmann is asked if she would ever send troops back to Iraq if Iran moved in. She says that Obama pulling troops out shows that he has given up on peace and is allowing Iran an open door to exploit. Bachmann then disses Ron Paul on his Iran stance. She tries to scare the shit out of our asses by saying that Iran WILL KILL Israel and us! OMG! Michele Bachmann is genuinely freaked out by everything except herself apparently. Then again, I bet whenever she sees her own shadow, she does a double take because she is paranoid that it is the ghost of Osama bin Laden trying to go somewhere her husband has never been (because he is gay if you didn’t know). She also talks about how the terrorists want to kill us because we are free. I’m so tired of that damn argument. Oh wait!

Defending himself and slamming Bachmann’s idiocy, Paul says that the terrorists don’t want to kill us because we are free. He asks why they don’t attack Switzerland and other free countries. He points out that they even explain that they want to harm us because we are bombing them. I mean, why are these conservative fucktards unable to understand this? Paul asks why are we flying drones and bombing these countries. He says that we need to stop overreacting and that we need to stay out of all these countries’ problems.

Harpie-ass Bachmann yelps like a kicked puppy and calls Paul’s stance an “underreaction!” Bleh! Ron Paul then owns Bachmann for buying into the establishment propaganda when she paints herself as a TeaParty small government conservative. Bachmann interrupts because her skin is so thin it is really just tissue paper smeared with Oil of Olay. Paul gets back on it and says that he lived through the Cuban Missile Crisis and tells us how it was ended with diplomacy between John F. Kennedy and Nikita Khrushchev. Paul keeps slamming all the people slamming him and he keeps throwing out facts and examples that these people can’t combat! Ron Paul killed it on this night! Paul actually killed it so decisively that it must have scared the living shit out of Fox News because the moderators went on to ignore him for the remainder of the debate until the closing statements. No matter how hard they try, the mainstream media can’t beat Dr. Paul because you can only pile shit on top of truth for so long before it stands up and tosses that shit back at you. On this night, Ron Paul was chucking shit back at the lying bastards who were out to destroy him.

To stack the deck against Ron Paul, Newt is brought in by the moderators to back up the wound-licking Bachmann and the bullshit Fox News agenda. Even the great debater Newt Gingrich knows that he can’t combat Paul on this so he goes on a rant about diplomacy and communication problems and attempts to make a lame joke. The assholes in the crowd laugh.

The only other sane man in the room, Jon Huntsman says that we need to get out of this paranoid Cold War mindset. He says that we are now weak and suggests that we need to fix our shit at home. He goes on a long explanation of his point and Baier gets all pissy when the buzzer goes off. Huntsman, who isn’t going to stop talking because Baier was lenient on the time rule with the establishment candidates, continues to speak. He says that we need to adopt a foreign policy that focuses on economics, as none of these other people (excluding Paul) understands the bigger picture. The buzzer goes off again and Baier starts getting more prickish. Huntsman finishes his points.

Rick Perry is asked when he thinks America should intervene in Syria. God, Fox News is so pro-war! The whole phrasing of the question basically implies that we have to go in no matter what. Idiot Perry says that we have a muddled foreign policy and Syria needs to be knocked out of the way as they spend so much time stroking Iran’s cock.

The saving grace, Neil Cavuto moves this debate on to energy, thus freeing those of us with brain cells from hearing anymore idiocy on foreign policy. Newt is the first to get in on the energy portion of the debate. He bitches about Obama blocking the pipeline. He then shows his true dictator colors when he says that he will not back down from acheiving his objectives when they are right and the people are wrong. M’kay, so he just told of us “fuck you”.

Jon Huntsman is asked if protecting land is more important than creating jobs. He says that there has to be a balance. He also adds that we need to have a good energy relationship with Canada and that we need to disrupt the oil monopoly or else we cant have enrgy independence. Huntsman points out that we have more natural gas than the Saudi’s have oil. He promises to bring forth an aggressive energy plan that will benefit us and our allies while pushing us towards being more self-sufficient.

Bachmann is asked to explain her vocal criticism against Obama’s BP shutdown. She is also asked what would have been an acceptable period of time for drilling to cease for her to have solved the problem. That’s a dumb question that no one could answer without being in the situation and even if this happened again, the situation would be different. Bachmann says that Obama’s moratorium hurt the economy more than the disaster did. She then rants about Obama’s handling of the recent pipeline issue.

Rick Perry looking drunk or high and acting weird, talks about “laboratories of innovation”. He’s always got some great combination of words when the drugs kick in. Perry says that he helped all alternative energy industries in Texas by not picking winners and losers. He says that we need 50 states competing with each other on energy solutions as opposed to government intervention.

On the issue of the border, Perry says that if he was president, he would force his attorney general to resign immediately if he pulled some shit like Eric Holder did with Operation Fast & Furious. Perry says that Obama claims that the U.S.-Mexican border is safer than it has ever been. Perry says that his words are bullshit. Perry, based off of his personal experience, hammers down on the fact that the borders aren’t secure. He also calls for a modern version of the Monroe Doctrine. On a side note, Perry says “Hezbollah” really funny.

Santorum agrees with Perry on firing Eric Holder. He then says that we need to pay more attention to our own hemisphere. What? Really?! This warmongering bag of dicks that wants to bomb every country that has “mooozlums” and “damn gays” is saying that we need to pay more attention to our own hemisphere? Santorum needs to pay more attention to life after this race because he sure as shit ain’t going nowhere.

The moderators then pounce on Mitt and want him to explain his stance on illegals aliens, who he has said he would not hunt down and round up. Mitt says that he would create a special ID card. He says that employers would have to verify these cards before hiring. C’mon idiot, you aren’t that dense, are you? This guy thinks that businesses that hire illegals already will suddenly comply with these new laws? Hahahaha! Ever heard of paying people under the table? I’ve never met a big private sector guy that hasn’t hired illegal immigrants to move their shit to a bigger office.

Newt is asked if Mitt’s stance is realistic. Newt says that Rep. Steve King introduced something similar and then goes on to talk about using E-Verify. Newt rants about his stance and not rounding up Mexicans. He also adds that he would drop all of the federal government lawsuits against the states who are fighting immigration how they see fit. Gingrich says that he would cut off federal aid to sanctuary cities violating federal law.

Jon Huntsman says that we need to stop pandering on immigration and just do what needs to be done. He says that we have to secure the border but to not lose sight of legal immigration being an engine of economic growth. Huntsman points out that many of the Fortune 500 companies were started by former immigrants.

Chris Wallace asks Mitt Romney about his flip-flopping. He specifically points to abortion and asks Mitt why he has changed his opinion on it. Mitt says that a stem cell bill came over his desk and it made him change his stance after really studying it. He says that he was wrong and he has since tried to correct himself. Wallace tries to stump Romney like a dick by asking the original question again but this time mixing it up somewhat. It doesn’t work and really, Wallace just looks like the dumb dick that he is. Mitt is then attacked on his questionable gun rights stance for banning assault weapons. Mitt assures everyone that he is very much pro-gun. Wallace then pushes the gay rights issue on Mitt trying to “gotcha” him a fourth time. Mitt says that he doesn’t discriminate against gays. He claims that he had a gay dude in his administration when he was governor. Mitt says that he opposes same sex marriage but says that he is not against gays. That damn Orwellian doublespeak!

Ricky Santorum is asked if he believes Mitt Romney. Jesus Christ in a frying pan, Wallace is really trying to start a fight tonight! This little weasel is fucking scum. Santorum, like the bitch he is, takes the bait and says that Mitt issued gay marriage licenses as governor. Rick would know because he once inquired about it for himself. Santorum than has the goddamned balls to say that he doesn’t discriminate! Well, I guess you can say that when you don’t look at “mooozlums” and “damn gays” as human beings. To counter Rick’s argument, Mitt says that he tried to create an amendment in the Massachusetts state constitution to define marriage.

Michele Bachmann is asked about her comments on Newt being inconsistent on “life”. She says that the GOP can’t get the issue of “life” wrong in this election. Yeah, because out of everything, that is the big issue here. Bachmann doesn’t know though because she still lives in the stone age. I’m not knocking pro-life or pro-choice people but this issue has been beaten to death for decades and it needs to go on the back burner until we sort out the economy. I know that will piss off “true conservatives” and I don’t care. Just like with the immigration issue, most voters just aren’t worried about it. Glory hound whack job Bachmann finishes by saying that Newt could’ve once defunded Planned Parenthood but he didn’t. He could have also said “no” to that Filet-O-Fish he ate last week but he didn’t. Bachmann’s presence in these debates is pointless unless she is just trying to push her opponents up in the poll numbers. I don’t know how she even has 4 percent. That in and of itself is fucking scary!

Newt, after Bachmann’s crazy attack, just looks at her like she’s nuts. Newt, once again, says that her facts aren’t accurate. He explains his stance and says that he believes that life begins at conception. He adds that he was just proposing a commission to look at embryo research back in the day, which wasn’t in anyway an attempt to be pro-abortion. It was actually just an attempt to understand stem cell research and other things. Bachmann steals more time to incoherently Newt bash. Bachmann says that Newt is “outrageous” for saying her facts aren’t right. She demands to be taken seriously because she claims she is a serious candidate. Lulz.. My gin just came out of my nose. Thanks for telling us that but you’re not a serious candidate lady. Newt responds to this twit with, “Honey Badger don’t care!”

To close out the debate, the candidates are asked how they are going to try to win the nomination without weakening the other nominees. Really? Another dumb question here because these debates have been going on for over seven months! This is the last time these people will meet before the first voting begins and they are asking them this? Have they not been paying attention? These candidates have been doing their damnedest to undermine each other while pretending they are all really on the same page and just out to stomp Obama. I guess some people want you to think this is some sort of united front against Barack but it is no such thing by any stretch of the imagination.

Answering the dumb question, Santorum says, “Lets find out who has the best record and can stand up.” Um, not you dude. The guy you are referencing is Ron Paul. Rick Perry says, “Your tail needs to get kicked sometimes.” Uh, okay? Mitt says, “We can handle it” when referring to the attacks they are all giving and receiving. Newt says that he has “solutions” and everyone up there is his “friend” and would be “better” than Obama who is the real opponent. Ron Paul says that the media has a responsibility and that they are messing up this year. Bachmann talks about Reagan Vs. Carter. Ugh, whatever bitch. She says that she will be the best as she gives no props to the others. Thanks asshole. Jon Huntsman, who is the last to speak, says, “We need heightened trust and this type of debate is elevating us all.”

4. Conclusion:

The worst offense of all, to me, about this debate and the few before this is that the issue of the NDAA (National Defense Authorization Act) hasn’t even come up. This is the most tyrannical piece of legislation to rise since the PATRIOT Act. For those that don’t know, in a nutshell, this new law allows for the detainment of American citizens without a trial. Essentially, any American the government deems a threat, under their extremely broad criteria, can be arrested and sent away to some place like Gitmo, where they will never be heard from again. 93 out of 100 senators passed this fucking monster bill yet no one is talking about it. This is much worse than ObamaCare! Conservatives don’t care though because they want us all to be jailed and chained to Bibles. Well, that is except for guys like Ron Paul who is the ONLY candidate to speak out against this evil law.

Fox News fails in their not mentioning it and in their general lack of coverage of it on their regular programming. Apart from that, my biggest complaint about the debate itself is that the moderators continually asked really long questions, as they had to give a backstory as to why they were asking each question. This wasted time and in comparison to the answer time the candidates were allowed, it seemed like the moderators were talking just as much if not more than the people running for office. I don’t remember the other Fox News debates being chock full of long-winded multilayered questions.

In the end, Paul owned this debate like a fucking gangsta and everyone else either sucked or just remained the same. Even with Fox News ignoring Dr. Paul for the last quarter, I don’t feel that it really hurt his performance. In fact, the polls right now have Ron Paul leading. Unfortunately, the shitcock establishment zombies are already out there saying that if Ron Paul wins Iowa, it will discredit Iowa. Right! So, this pivotal stop on the campaign trail that has been pounded into our heads for months and months as the biggest possible win a candidate could get on the road to the White House is now considered insignificant if the one who wins it isn’t who the establishment wants? Are you fucking kidding me? Fuck these people. In addition to that, fuck anyone buying into their bullshit! For as much as Fox News and other conservative media giants bitch about liberal bias in the media, they sure as shit are guilty of it themselves even within their own party! At least the liberals stick together like glue. Just like the old adage, if you point your fat bastard finger at someone else, you’ve got three more fat bastard fingers pointing back at you.

The establishment has never been this scared.

Grading Scale:
Grade A+: Ron Paul
Grade B: Jon Huntsman
Grade D+: Newt Gingrich
Grade D: Rick Perry
Grade D: Mitt Romney
Grade F: Rick Santorum
Grade F-: Michele Bachmann
Grade I: Gary Johnson

*Written by Rob Rimes.

1. Introduction:

Not too long ago, I had no idea who the hell Governor Jerry Brown was, other than being a lyrical flourish in the Dead Kennedys’ epic song “California Über Alles”. And shit, that song was released in 1979 which just goes to show just how long this tyrannical cockpuppet has been on the political scene. The song claimed back then that he was going to be president, well that hasn’t happened yet. Truth is, he is a career politician for sure and he even had presidential runs in ’76, ’80 and ’92. He is more than just the current Governor of Cali, in fact, he was their governor once before for two terms that stretched from 1975-1983. I guess the Golden Staters love this shitpickle maroonish tyrant because they elected him as governor once again, 27 years after he left that position. Well, there is that old adage that states, “You’ve made your bed, now lie in it.”

Governor Jerry Brown is a tyrant, plain and fucking simple. A part of me fears that this bastard will one day run for president again, maybe in 2016 or 2020. God I fucking hope not because his current tenure as Cali Governor has been full of several attacks on liberty and this fucksack hasn’t even been in office a whole year yet! If anything, this article is being written to lay out the tyrannies he’s committed already, in less than a quarter of a single term. By exposing all this, you will hopefully be deterred from ever giving this guy your vote, whether it is for an unprecedented fourth term as governor or a potential presidential run.

2. Eliminating Parental Rights:

One of the biggest things this tyrant has done, is he has made it so that California preteens can choose whether or not they want the Gardasil vaccine, without their parents’ knowledge. The vaccine supposedly helps prevent certain types of HPV. However, this is the same vaccine that has gotten presidential candidate and Texas Governor Rick Perry into a lot of trouble with a big portion of the voter base. Reason being, the vaccination has received a lot of scrutiny due to the fact that it has been proven to cause harm and in some cases death to individuals who have taken it. Some research even states that the vaccine is ineffective and some studies have concluded that HPV doesn’t cause cancer but Gardasil itself does. You can do your own research on it and decide if the pros outweigh the cons but really, should the decision of partaking in such a controversial medical procedure fall on the shoulders of a 12-year-old child?

The point is, Jerry Brown has eliminated parental rights. I’m sorry but that is just fucking scary. I’m not saying all parents are even good, most parents these days seem pretty shitty. However, an adult is more capable of making these sorts of decisions, especially for their own children. It kind of falls under the same category as abortions in certain states where the child doesn’t have to get parental permission. While I understand that teenagers don’t want their parents knowing that they are sexually active, I still think that until a person is 18-years-old (or emancipated from their parents) that they still have to live under the rule of their parents or legal guardians. That might not seem very libertarian of me but a 12-year-old girl shouldn’t even be in a position to have to make this decision and live with the consequences of her possibly naive choice.

So by giving children the responsibility of adults, is the nanny state now assuming that they can also buy beer, cigarettes and drive cars? Hell, maybe they can work in strip clubs or even prostitute themselves out in areas where hooking is legal. I know these are extreme examples but aren’t the actions of Jerry Brown here extreme? I mean, you basically consider 12-year-old girls to be adults in this case but in other cases they are still children? You can’t have your cake and eat it too. This is just another case of forcing us all to comply with the statist quo.

Fact is, the nanny state has been trying to pry children away from their parents for years. This case is no different. The state is letting you know that they are the parents and that you just have to offer your child, now their child, free room and board until they are old enough to go out and live off of the system, as they are being indoctrinated to do already. Don’t trust mommy and daddy, trust the state kiddos. Oh, and while your at it, be sure to snitch to the state about any suspicious activity your parents may be a part of.

The hypocrisy of this is that the state has laws in place to protect children from sexual predators because the state obviously feels that children can’t make well-informed decisions when it comes to sexual activity due to their undeveloped worldview. Yet they are informed enough to decide on whether or not they can get vaccinated before they commence in sexual activity? It’s fucking horseshit! As real as it can be stated, Jerry Brown condones the exploitation of the children in his own state, which he is sworn to protect. Is he getting kickbacks from Merck like Rick Perry did?

And while young girls are now able to make this crazy decision, Jerry Brown has banned minors from going to tanning salons. Truth is, there is no logic behind any of this hypocritical behavior unless you understand the real agenda here. That agenda is that the state is grooming these children to be zombies reliant on the state itself. Unfortunately the people of California haven’t woken up enough to lambast this bastard. Chances are, he’ll get voted in for a fourth term.

Ultimately, as with everything, this is a state issue as this country has been founded on states’ rights. However, California is apparently full of subservient dumbasses that are seemingly fine with this. Well, I’m not cool with it and if I ever do have a child, they won’t be raised in Killa Cali.

Before I move on, here is something Jerry Brown said recently after vetoing a bill that would have forced minors to wear ski helmets:

I believe parents have the ability and responsibility to make good choices for their children.

What a dickbag.

3. Warrantless Searches & Seizures:

Governor Jerry Brown is one of the biggest pro-police state politicians I have seen in recent memory. Recently, he used his executive power to veto a bill, which has resulted in allowing law enforcement in California to be able to do warrantless on-the-spot cell phone searches. This is a direct attack to the Constitution, more specifically the 4th Amendment, which states:

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Well, Jerry Brown doesn’t give a fuck about all that noise. You see, now residents of the Golden State who are either suspects to a crime or just simply pulled over on a traffic stop can be forced to hand their mobile device over to the police, who have the power to search it inside and out. In the digital age this means that cops have access to all your private e-mails, pictures, text messages, contacts, call records, cloud-storage services, location-based services, banking activity and everything else you could imagine. I don’t know about you but I have a lot of idiot friends that text me idiot things that could pretty much incriminate me if the cop wanted to be a humorless dick. Many cops are humorless dicks.

This gives police way too much power. Not only that but it strips 37 million people of their constitutional rights. The 4th Amendment exists to stop the abuse of power from the state and to protect the individual and property rights of the American citizen. What Jerry Brown has done here is unacceptable. This isn’t even an issue of states’ rights, it’s an issue of some vile fucksack coming along and taking a huge shit on our nation’s most sacred document. It is a slap in the face of our Founding Fathers and the millions of Golden Staters that are forced to live under this dark cloud of tyranny. Then again, I guess you get what you vote for.

As is always the way with government, what is to stop them from going a mile when you give them an inch? What is going to stop the corruption of crooked cops from finding just enough suspicion to stop you and thumb through your smartphone on a whim? What’s to stop them from finding just enough incriminating evidence to make your life a living hell? You better not back talk them! Hell, you might as well give them the keys to your entire kingdom because they can just peer inside whenever they want anyway.

If Brown is willing to bring forth this sort of tyranny, what is to stop him from eventually expanding this policy to allow for cops to search your home or your car without a warrant? We’re on a slippery slope of statist bullshit and if you can’t see the correlation between warrantless searches and seizures of your phone and warrantless searches and seizures of your other property, then you deserve to live under the iron fist.

4. Illegal Immigration Education:

Governor Jerry Brown made another Rick Perry-esque faux pas, in the eyes of many, when he signed the DREAM Act, thus giving a free college education, paid for by the state a.k.a. your tax dollars, to illegal immigrants in California. Hasn’t this punkass bitch learned from all the heat Rick Perry has caught in the Republican debates as of late? Oh wait, I forgot, Perry is basically a liberal in a conservative suit and Brown is a Democrat, so they are pretty much policy butt buddies and chips off of that old leftist block. I mean, Perry actually was a Democrat once but whatever, this isn’t an article about that jackturd (I already wrote one about him here). Point being, why would Jerry Brown worry about what criticism Rick Perry’s not-so-conservative policies generate in conservatives when his own policies come from a contrasting ideology? Besides, is the DREAM Act as bad as conservatives make it out to be?

Well, the DREAM Act essentially promotes a path to citizenship for illegal immigrants but it does so at the expense of the tax payer, whether they want to contribute to the program or not. That is tyrannical in my eyes but that just brings up the whole debate about taxation being theft and I don’t want to go there in this article.

You see, the DREAM Act gives illegal immigrants financial assistance for college. While the economy in California is an shambles, this program will cost the state $14.5 million. Now I am all for promoting a path to citizenship and so are many conservatives, or so they claim when under fire, but is this a wise way to do it? Considering that the DREAM Act isn’t just freely given away and that students have to show that they’ve got a solid GPA and intend to use this opportunity to enrich themselves and thus make our country as a whole more prosperous, I can’t really knock it too hard.

Then again, when really looking at it, why does the government need to dangle this carrot in front of illegal immigrants that actually want to become legal immigrants? Why not just make the path easier, regardless of this bullshit stipulation? Is it because the government perceives a college education as a key element to allowing someone the same rights that those of us born here have? With that logic, should I be stripped of my citizenship because I quit college? It doesn’t really make a lot of sense and it just seems like a type of social engineering.

If someone wants to take the path to citizenship on their own and they make a conscious effort, why do we want to deny them that? Why make it hard on the person that wants to earn a buck and live legally within the system? Sure, we don’t want to have a bunch of new citizens milking the welfare system and getting caught in that web of bullshit but truth is, illegal immigrants already receive several forms of welfare in this country and since they aren’t documented, the chances of them taking advantage of the system is even greater.

Now this sort of contradicts what I wrote about in “Conservatives & Aliens” but since writing that, I’ve read a lot more on the subject and have come to understand how the illegal immigrant can milk the system more than the legal one. The real problem is the welfare state. Abolish it, make the path to citizenship easier and let the chips fall where they may. By giving immigrants these freebies, we are keeping them weak and dependent. Then again, that’s probably just part of a bigger agenda.

5. Open Carry Gun Rights:

Recently, Governor Jerry Brown took a shit on the 2nd Amendment when he banned open carry of guns in the state of California. To many gun hating lefties, this is a pretty solid victory for their ilk but to the rest of us, it is just another display of utter tyranny and an attack against the Constitution.

The problem with banning open carry in California is quite unique, as its strange gun laws make it so that getting even a concealed-carry weapons permit is much more difficult. You see, in Cali, unlike other states, a CCW must be approved or denied by the sole discretion of that county’s sheriff. So if the sheriff doesn’t like you, guess what? No CCW. In other states, anyone can get a CCW as long as they pass a background check and a skills test. It is a pretty simple process and helps prevent any police state or nanny state shenanigans. California is just a fucked up ass backwards place however and many of their laws are just borderline silly, especially this one.

This is a classic example of government control by overreaching their authority and thus taking it to the people. It is the 2nd Amendment that gives people the power to defend all their other constitutional rights. This is probably one of the reasons why progressive liberals are always trying to ban guns. Then again, they also just prescribe to the media-hyped fear about gun violence without looking at the real facts. The fact is, to steal an old adage, an armed society is a polite society. You never hear about gun violence at a gun show, do you? With their logic, a gun show should be a fucking war zone. I’ve covered all this in “Gun Control (is) for Dummies“.

6. The Amazon Tax:

Business is good! Well, not in California for Amazon. You see, they had their business stifled by Jerry Brown’s special Internet sales tax law. The shitty law caused Amazon to basically say “fuck it” and leave the Golden State. In another case of the know-it-all statists trying to milk every penny from every source possible, the unintended consequences of these good intention became very apparent, very quickly when Amazon refused to play the bullshit game.

This law didn’t just attack Amazon, it made it so that all out-of-state online retailers that did business in California had to collect sales tax from Cali customers. This was done to “create jobs” and help “mom & pop” compete with the Internet retail monsters. Yep, government intervention always works. Nope, nothing’s going to go south here!

Did Governor Jerry Brown think about the jobs he would effect by pushing these giant companies away? When I buy used books, DVDs, video games or CDs from Amazon, about half of the items come from “mom & pop” stores in California. Cali has a lot of small stores that benefit from the opportunity Amazon gives them to have storefronts on their supersite. Jerry must have a very small worldview and is unable to see how the last true frontier, the Internet, hugely benefits all of us. Damn you prosperity!

The San Francisco Times, which supports this stupid tax, actually printed this laughable sentence:

Finally, because it will be collecting California sales tax one year from now, the door is now open for Amazon to open a distribution center or warehouse in the country’s most populous state.

Do these fucking idiots really believe that? Funny, because Amazon quit doing business with Cali completely! Did Gov. Brown think this would incentivize Amazon and other large megacompanies to move to his state? Dude must have a fat sack of some O.G. kush cause he’s high as fuck!

So is Amazon still on the outs with Killa Cali? Nope, a deal was made. Well, at least for now.

After Amazon announced that they were leaving Cali, the state panicked like little bitches. California gave Amazon a one-year reprieve from having to comply with this stupid sales tax collection law. Amazon, in return, cannot seek a ballot measure campaign to undo the tax during this reprieve. This pissed off the Democrats of the state who were desperate to raise revenue by any means necessary; their feeble minds always turn to this sort of policy which fails time and time again. Either way, this situation is still a mess and it is anyone’s guess how it will pan out a year or so from now.

7. Conclusion:

Governor Jerry Brown is a statist shitcock that has no concern about liberty and freedom but after reading this, you should now be well aware of that. The problem is, people really really like this guy. He’s charismatic, he’s been around forever and he just knows how to work those Cali peeps like no one else. After eight years of that Terminator guy, who pretty much ran the state into the ground, Californians probably just wanted to see a friendly face. Frankly, I don’t blame them.

The problem is, Jerry Brown is not the answer that California needs. He is a career politician and an establishment heavyweight that has a statist agenda that is going to dig Cali’s financial pit deeper while pushing his state further and further towards an authoritarian model. The only two political parties in California will be the Police State Party and the Nanny State Party. At the end of the day, I hope this guy is perfectly content with where he is at in life now because another run at the White House would be scary. Just stay in Cali dude because it’s pretty far away from me.