Original Story here.

*Written by Rob Rimes.

Last night was full of a lot of fanfare, quick results and mainstream media bullshit. I sat in front of my television sipping on a bottle of Cheerwine and munching on a McChicken just as Megyn Kelly and Bret Baier popped up on the screen at the 8 o’clock hour to announce that they already had the winner with only 11 percent of the precincts voting. This was quite refreshing considering the Iowa fiasco went on into the wee hours of the morning just a week prior; plus the results of Iowa left a lot to be desired.

I’m pretty pleased with the finish in New Hampshire however. Granted Mitt Romney won but that was to be expected. One does have to give Mr. Romney some props though, as he is the first person since 1976 to win both Iowa and New Hampshire. While Mr. Romney has made history in his own way, another man has also made history and that man is Ron Paul. The fact that Dr. Paul finished in second place, quite convincingly mind you, just proves that the message of liberty is growing and people are coming out in droves in support of it regardless of how hard the mainstream media devils and the establish Republican ass clowns try to discredit and write the man off. The other big performer was Jon Huntsman, who did really well, as I thought he would, but probably won’t go much further passed New Hampshire. That is kind of unfortunate, as Huntsman like Ron Paul is quite different from the other candidates in this race.

The field was rounded out by Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum battling it out for an insignificant fourth place while the King of Texas Rick Perry only got 0.7 percent! That’s right, out of the entire state of New Hampshire, Governor Perry only racked up 1,762 votes against Romney’s 97,339 and Paul’s 56,601! I know Perry is holding on because he expects to do well in South Carolina but goddamn his performance was atrocious! Even if Perry can bounce back somewhat in the Palmetto State, he is a dead man walking right now as far as the race to the White House goes. Even if he can convince some of my fellow Floridians to throw him some votes in a few weeks, it still won’t matter. Rick Perry is a dingy without an oar in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

Even better than Rick Perry’s fall from golden boy grace is the fact that Rick Santorum’s short stint of relevance didn’t make it past Iowa. Now I am not sure if he edged out Newt for fourth place or not, I could actually give a shit. However, unlike Newt, Ricky Boy has shown that even though he can inspire religio-fascist nutjobs and raise a shit ton of money after a good showing in a state with more corn than people, he is out of gas. Even that corn ethanol crap can’t help him now. Sure, he may do decent in South Carolina but he has no longevity and after New Hampshire it is pretty certain that our favorite dork dick will soon be out of the hunt – officially. It was fun while it lasted but Icarus has finally gotten too close to the sun and there is no one left to throw him a parachute or set up a safety net.

Newt Gingrich isn’t in the same boat as Rick Santorum however. He’s struggling, that much is certain, but Newt still possesses those honey badger characteristics that could propel him to the front of the pack once again. Do I think that will happen? Probably not but one thing I have learned from this presidential race is that you can’t count Newt out until he’s out and I don’t see homeboy leaving just quite yet. Newt is a threat to everyone in this race despite a few bad performances at the last few debates. Keep in mind that not doing well at a debate isn’t usually Newt’s modus operandi and if he gets his shit straight, he could surge again. I’d prefer that he didn’t but Newt has fire unlike most of the candidates and is able to talk his way out of nearly anything.. most of the time. And whether you agree with the guy or not, watching him debate Barack Obama would be awesome. Hell, I’d pay big money to watch them duke it out on pay-per-view.

As I’ve said, Huntsman did well but probably won’t make it much further than New Hampshire. I’d like to see this guy continue to do well as he offers a significant contrast to what the GOP is offering this election cycle and apart from Dr. Paul, he is the only guy worth a shit that is still waving the Republican banner. The only real hope for Huntsman is that he has to turn it up in the upcoming debates. He did fantastic in both of the New Hampshire debates and as long as he can keep the momentum he’s started to build, he may make it all the way to the final three. In the beginning of this race, he sucked at debates. Over time he has become much better, earned my respect and found the footing he just didn’t have six months ago. The fact that he is different than Mitt, Newt and the two Ricks is also going to be a major factor that determines if he will have ongoing success. Jon Huntsman must capitalize on this hard-earned winning streak and just like the gigantic spider that shares his surname, he has to trap these other candidates in a web, immobilize them and devour them. Huntsman, like Paul, will change the rhetoric if he can outlast Rick One, Rick Two and Newt. The ball is in Huntsman’s court and all he has to do is take the shot. The only real hinderance he may face at this point is his financing. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have the resources that some of the other candidates do.

Mitt Romney didn’t really surprise anyone with his victory. New Hampshire has been in his back pocket for years and really, even though he won, he didn’t do it in a way that was impressive or decisive. Yes, he did win both New Hampshire and Iowa, which is a huge feat but he just barely edged out Santorum in Iowa and he didn’t really dominate in New Hampshire like he should have considering his ties to the state. Romney is certifiably the frontrunner at this stage but he is unable to garner the enthusiastic support of someone like Ron Paul. In the end, Paul’s support could grow and really hurt Romney. As other candidates start to drop like flies, where are their supporters going to go? I think it will be split as you have one school of thought that is desperately looking for the anti-Romney and another school of thought that will jump on his bandwagon because they are scared shitless of the truth and common sense that Ron Paul brings to the presidential race. Regardless of what happens, Ron Paul will most assuredly get the youth vote and with the number of independents and those dissatisfied with the Republican Party growing daily, Mitt Romney could be in for a fate he just can’t envision for himself.

The real story of the New Hampshire primary is that this is really now a two-man race and because of that, the rhetoric will in fact change. The moderators can continue to ask their dumb questions at debates but with Ron Paul not too far behind the mainstream media’s King of Conservatism, he will no longer get lost in the shuffle and be ignored. Dr. Paul will get his time to speak and when challenging Mitt Romney, will expose his statist progressive nature and potentially open the eyes of many more people. Mitt needs to count his blessings and really sit down and figure out how he needs to change his approach to this big shit show now that the discussion is about to shift. The best thing that could happen for all of us is that Mitt could just brush it off and go about doing business the same way he has all along. If he does, he might be sitting at home in November cursing the fact that his name isn’t on the big ballot that really counts.

This is an uphill battle for Ron Paul, don’t get me wrong. The media will be on his ass harder than they have ever been and really, it has already started. Eric Bolling and Andrea Tantaros were on Fox Business’ ‘Follow the Money’ questioning Ron Paul as they always do. Tantaros actually said, “Everyone’s for smaller government, everyone’s for personal freedom and then you peel back the layer and start to see what that really means.” Oh my God, really? Idiot Bolling then cuts in and asks, “Why does he have to go ‘all in’ libertarian? Why does he have to have all of it? Can’t he say ‘smaller government, free markets, lower taxes but oh on that foreign policy I think that we really need Israel as an ally in the Middle East so I’ll keep funding that.’” The reason he doesn’t say that you fucktard is because he is not a hypocrite like all you Fox News buffoons and your GOP establishment heroes. Ron Paul stands for something and to those who stand for nothing, he is just too puzzling. They can’t make sense out of it because they are deep in this bullshit game and Ron Paul is soaring above it.

Another Fox News contributor Stephen Hayes had to immediately point out that Ron Paul did so well because voter turnout in New Hampshire was “way down” compared to 2008. Actually it was down but not significantly. In 2008 there were 239,000 who voted and this year there were 228,000. That’s only 4.6 percent! When looking at how well Dr. Paul did in New Hampshire this year compared to 2008, this argument obviously holds no weight. In 2008, Ron Paul came in fifth place with 18,308 votes at 7.8 percent versus this year’s finish of second place with 56,601 votes at 22.8 percent. I don’t think that the 4.6 percent drop off of in voters this year from 2008 can explain Ron Paul’s 21 percent increase! These are the dirty tricks that the mainstream bastards like to play when they are trying to mold the minds of their viewers in an effort to manufacture the results that they desire.

Now they aren’t just bashing, attacking and spreading misinformation to discredit Paul’s success. They are also doing everything they can to pimp out Mitt Romney, as he is their only chance at capturing the White House throne. Tim Pawlenty, a punk bitch who was in this race but dropped out like the weak vanilla box of rotten assholes that he is, went on ‘Hannity’ last night and was sucking Mitt Romney’s dick so hard that it must’ve been as purple as Grimace this morning! T.Paw came on the television and was going on and on about how Mitt won Iowa and New Hampshire and how it has never been done before. Um.. excuse me dicknose? It has been done before, just not in a long time. Hell, Jimmy Carter and Gerald Ford both did it in 1976. Granted Ford was an incumbent but it is not completely unheard of. Tim Pawlenty is just an establishment cockpuppet and he’s playing the game just as badly as the rest of them.

Another show of Mitt Romney support came directly from Sean Hannity, who continually says on every show that he hasn’t picked his candidate yet. Really Sean? When are you going to endorse your guy? After the primaries are over? I know I’ve said it elsewhere but if you are this deep into the presidential primaries and you don’t know who you are voting for, you’re a fucking idiot and a coward. Truth is, Hannity knows who his guy is and it isn’t hard for the rest of us to figure out. His pick is most assuredly Mitt Romney. For evidence supporting this, just go back and watch last night’s episode of ‘Hannity’ right after the primary. When Rick Perry came on, Hannity spent the entire interview lambasting him for being critical of Mitt Romney. Sean vehemently defended his butt buddy Mitt and did everything he could to discredit and interrupt Perry. Shit, I thought Hannity was that scumfuck O’Reilly for a second.

The media is out of control but being dictators to public opinion is their job and they’re damn good at it. No matter what they do and what they say can’t paint this stop on the campaign trail as anything other than a pivotal victory for those who support the Constitution. Ron Paul and everyone who supports him should be relishing in this win.. yes win! While everyone but the top three in this primary are being crushed by their heavy lies and giant skeletons, this race just got real and the big guns are coming out. As much as it is still an uphill battle for Dr. Paul, it is also an uphill battle for Romney. As of right now, these are the only two who even matter in this race anymore. The others aren’t dead but chances are very much in favor of them all getting gunned down in the oncoming Romney-Paul crossfire.

*Written by Rob Rimes.

This last week has been crazy, especially if you are a Ron Paul supporter and believe that he is the greatest choice we have to fill the chair in the Oval Office. Some people claim that he is unelectable, such as the uber-douche billionaire Donald Trump. Others claim that he is crazy. As far as I am concerned, none of these concerns are valid, well unless you consider the Founding Fathers crazy or you think a guy who has been reelected to Congress continually since 1976 (minus a 12 year break) is unelectable. Ron Paul has been bucking the trends of a growing socialist state since the Gerald Ford era! So yeah, let’s sweep the guy under the rug and ignore him; if that doesn’t work we’ll call him names.

The fact of the matter is that Ron Paul scares the everliving shit out of people on the left and on the right. He says things that resonate with people and unfortunately for the two big parties, what resonates with people seemingly isn’t what either party represents at their core, at least anymore. Ron Paul is the antithesis to the modern American political system. He represents a school of thought that contradicts all the bullshit rhetoric and talking points of conservative and liberal pundits. He understands economics, freedom and knows what we have to do, and most importantly sacrifice, to survive and eventually thrive once again. Where all these other conservative candidates on the stage competing to be the one to knock off Barack Obama in 2012 claim to be fiscally responsible constitutional conservatives, Ron Paul truly is the only one that fits that bill. Gary Johnson does too but he hasn’t been invited to the debates lately. Johnson is just another guy that they are trying to ignore and bury. The cold hard reality is that these other candidates are all for the Constitution when it suits their agenda. When it doesn’t they use their platform to justify why they need to violate our constitutional rights. It is a classic example of Orwellian doublespeak and doublethink at its finest. Fuck the establishment cocks.

CONTINUED at Original Post.

My Two Cents: Did Fox Business and Eric Bolling really need to dedicate 7 minutes of air time to this bullshit? The answer is “nope”. Enjoy said bullshit anyway and watch for yourself. After that, lock up your kids because the Muppets are recruiting for Red China’s army. I wish Tantaros could just look hot and not talk. Bolling and Tantaros always play each others’ cheerleaders and overpower their guests with their idiocy. End Two Cents.

My Two Cents: Tantaros is gorgeous. Unfortunately, gorgeousness often times comes with stupidity. This is one of those cases. No hate though, love ya girl. Call a brother! End Two Cents.

*Taken from Mediaite. Video at link.

This weekend, Ron Paul appeared on Fox News Sunday and declared that, were he not to gain the GOP nomination, he probably wouldn’t support the actual candidate if they go against his beliefs. This evening on The Five, a showthat hasn’t been particularly Paul-friendly in the past, that statement didn’t go over all that well with Andrea Tantaros stating that, if Paul felt that way, maybe he should be taken out of the Republican debates.

The comment came after Eric Bolling argued that “this is what’s wrong with Ron Paul, right there.” Tantaros added:

“Well, if he’s not going to support a Republican, then take him out of the Republican debates.”

Bolling agreed that that was a “great point.”

*Written by Rob Rimes.

This last week has been crazy, especially if you are a Ron Paul supporter and believe that he is the greatest choice we have to fill the chair in the Oval Office. Some people claim that he is unelectable, such as the uber-douche billionaire Donald Trump. Others claim that he is crazy. As far as I am concerned, none of these concerns are valid, well unless you consider the Founding Fathers crazy or you think a guy who has been reelected to Congress continually since 1976 (minus a 12 year break) is unelectable. Ron Paul has been bucking the trends of a growing socialist state since the Gerald Ford era! So yeah, let’s sweep the guy under the rug and ignore him; if that doesn’t work we’ll call him names.

The fact of the matter is that Ron Paul scares the everliving shit out of people on the left and on the right. He says things that resonate with people and unfortunately for the two big parties, what resonates with people seemingly isn’t what either party represents at their core, at least anymore. Ron Paul is the antithesis to the modern American political system. He represents a school of thought that contradicts all the bullshit rhetoric and talking points of conservative and liberal pundits. He understands economics, freedom and knows what we have to do, and most importantly sacrifice, to survive and eventually thrive once again. Where all these other conservative candidates on the stage competing to be the one to knock off Barack Obama in 2012 claim to be fiscally responsible constitutional conservatives, Ron Paul truly is the only one that fits that bill. Gary Johnson does too but he hasn’t been invited to the debates lately. Johnson is just another guy that they are trying to ignore and bury. The cold hard reality is that these other candidates are all for the Constitution when it suits their agenda. When it doesn’t they use their platform to justify why they need to violate our constitutional rights. It is a classic example of Orwellian doublespeak and doublethink at its finest. Fuck the establishment cocks.

The problem is, that it doesn’t matter how well Ron Paul sizes up against the competition, it is completely and blatantly fucking ignored. Again and again the media has turned a blind eye to the man’s success and triumphs, especially in what has shaped up to become the biggest presidential election of our lifetime. This past week has been full of several incidents where Paul has been treated unfairly by the mainstream media. In fact, it was the people over at Wake Up 1776 that posted a story immediately after the last debate that no other media outlet except my site TheSwash.com and a handful of others touched. Essentially, Ron Paul was treated unjustly by Fox News and this wasn’t the first time.

The incident I am referring to surrounds their online poll which immediately followed the Iowa debate last thursday night. Before going off the air, debate moderator and host Bret Baier told the audience to make sure that they log onto FoxNews.com and vote for who they thought won the third GOP debate of the 2012 presidential election cycle.

Immediately after the debate, we were subjected to a ‘Hannity’ special with interviews with every candidate at the debate, except Ron Paul. In fact, he was barely mentioned on the show, as Sean Hannity and his chief number fixer and propagandist Frank Luntz used the time to pimp out the establishment candidates like Mitt Romney, Michele Bachmann and others. About the only time Ron Paul was mentioned was when they talked about Rick Santorum taking it to him and challenging his “crazy” ideas. As hard as it was to stomach, I sat through the shit show just so I could see the FoxNews.com poll results. Oddly, the show went off the air with no mention of the poll.

I went online to find the poll, it wasn’t there. So I then signed on to my Facebook account to bitch about it and I noticed a link from Wake Up 1776. According to their story, there was a poll and Ron Paul was significantly in the lead! However, the poll was pulled down. It’s funny because earlier in that day they had a pre-game poll on their site that was asking who was going to win the debate. Ron Paul had a significant lead in that poll too but there was no mention of it on Fox News leading up to the debate. In essence, Fox News was censoring Ron Paul’s support. They denied the average American the opportunity to let their voice be heard because their agenda is not in line with what the average American wants.

Reposting this story brought The Swash a lot of traffic on Friday and truth be told, it was by far the busiest day in the history of my website. In fact, I had a 250 percent increase over my previous busiest day. People were outraged and looking for answers and I was only one of a few sites that apparently had the balls to pass on the truth. This isn’t an attempt to toot my own horn or promote my site; if anything, it is a smackdown against all these media giants who didn’t pick up on it. Truth is, I am sure they caught wind of it, they just didn’t see the point in reporting the news. Why tell the truth when manufacturing the results you want is better for business?

I don’t know if I had anything to do with this or if it was the work of Wake Up 1776 or someone else, but sometime during the next day, the poll magically reappeared on the Fox News website. Granted it was somewhat buried but it was there. At this point, over 12 hours later, Ron Paul still had a significant lead in their poll over everyone else. In fact, Ron Paul was around 48 percent when I looked at it. Keep in mind that there were seven other candidates on that poll! Perusing the Internet, I noticed that he had a significant lead on the Yahoo! poll as well as many others. On Facebook he lead every single poll I came across, except for the one put out by Michele Bachmann’s people.

So later on that day, after a night of drinking and working on another article, I watched the replay of ‘The Five’ on Fox News. They spent nearly the entire show talking about the debate with little to no mention of Ron Paul, even after having their mysteriously disappearing poll exposed. Towards the end of the debate talk, co-host Juan Williams called for the producers to pull up the graphic with the Fox News debate poll results. Oddly, Juan stares at the camera for a second and is told that they don’t have that graphic. Subject changed, poll ignored and they are off talking about something else. Isn’t Fox News the channel that calls themselves “fair and balanced”? Apparently those words have a different meaning at the Fox offices. Apparently they translate to “biased as fuck”.

Watching ‘The Five’ reminded me of an episode of ‘Follow the Money’ I watched on Fox Business after the previous debate months prior. Host Eric Bolling and guest Andrea Tantaros, both co-hosts on ‘The Five’ were spending literally an hour with another panel talking down Ron Paul and his crazy ideas. I specifically remember Tantaros saying that Ron Paul is starting to win people over because he’s not as “crazy” as he was in 2008. Um.. no honey, Dr. Paul is saying the exact same thing he said in 2008. In fact, he is saying the exact same thing he said when he ran for president in 1988. He is the most consistent and unchanging candidate this country has seen in decades. His ideas just seem less “crazy” because of the advent of the Tea Party and the pro-liberty constitutional movement. There are now more people willing to ingest the ideas that Ron Paul has been presenting for years. Ron Paul resonates with people because more and more are waking up and accepting these hard truths. The message is the same and the man isn’t less crazy or even crazy at all. At least Judge Andrew Napolitano’s ‘Freedom Watch’ and John Stossel’s ‘Stossel’ also share and present the same views as Ron Paul. Hopefully they don’t get chin checked by Fox News.

All of this Fox News bullshit reminds me of back in February when they covered the winner of the CPAC straw poll. That winner was Ron Paul for the second year in a row. However, when Fox News’ Bill Hemmer cued up the video of the announcement, there was a game of switcheroo in play. Fox showed us the video from the previous year when Ron Paul was announced and Romney supporters in the crowd booed. This year, when Ron Paul won for the second time, there were cheers and applause. Fox News however “mistakenly” used the wrong footage. Once exposed in the national media, they had to apologize to Ron Paul and then showed the actual footage from the correct CPAC event. I posted a breakdown of this on TheSwash.com here.

Not only did Ron Paul own the competition at CPAC this past year but he also won the straw poll at this year’s Republican Leadership Conference. Fox News did announce him but it was brushed off and treated as just some senseless and meaningless straw poll. Yes, Fox News who bombards us with poll results all goddamned day on every show had to point out how pointless the numbers are when it doesn’t represent their ideal outcome. Cool, well then I’m pointing out that Frank Luntz focus groups are meaningless and pointless too.

So back to this Iowa debate last week, the one thing everyone was waiting for was the results of the Iowa straw poll winner. Well, good thing for Fox News, the winner was their handpicked Tea Party darling Michele Bachmann. However, Ron Paul was in second. He wasn’t just in second however, he was almost the winner. In fact, the straw poll results were so close that if you take the Fox News massive staff out of the mix, as I am sure they voted in this poll over the weekend, Ron Paul may have one. Just kidding, I’m sure Fox News allows their employees to vote however they want. Needless to say, Michele Bachmann won with 4,823 votes against Ron Paul’s 4,671 votes. It was THAT close!

Now Fox News and all the other mainstream media outlets are claiming that Bachmann has “cemented” her top-tier candidate status with no real mention of Paul being right up her ass. I mean, really? Bachmann has cemented her status with 15 months still left before the actual election and with Ron Paul that closely behind? Tim Pawlenty, who was in third, only had 2,293 votes! So then why did Politico just run a story with the headline “Michele Bachman wins Ames straw poll, Tim Pawlenty gets third”? What about 2nd place assfucks? Looks like even the liberal media is trying to ignore Ron Paul. The funny thing is that even with all the props, Tim Pawlenty quit almost immediately after the poll.

Another form of extreme bias that I came across was radio host Mark Levin’s idiotic and anger-laced rant about how “crazy” Ron Paul is. Levin, as always, went on a non-alcoholic drunken rampage without any real explanation as to why he was rubbed the wrong way by Dr. Paul. He just ranted and ranted and ranted like a spoiled brat who didn’t like that his nanny put mayonnaise on his turkey club instead of Miracle Whip. I actually thought of calling in and discussing it with Mr. Levin but as we all know, if he doesn’t like what you have to say he just slams the phone down and insults you for a window of 45 to 90 seconds. Why debate with a guy who is irate and hides behind a switchboard with shaky fingers. Someone needs to give the dude a couple of Xanax and a muffin.

So with mostly everyone in the media working against him, how can Ron Paul persevere and make an impact? Well, he has been doing just fine thus far. The more the media tries to ignore him and the more obstacles they put in front of him, the stronger his support gets. I don’t know if Ron Paul will win the primary but I’m pretty damn sure that he has more of a chance this year than anytime before, despite the mainstream media’s agenda against him.

As voters and American citizens it is up to us to voice our discontent over the unfair treatment of Ron Paul in the media, as well as any other candidate who doesn’t get a fair shake. Ron Paul is my guy but I get equally as mad when other candidates are treated with the same sort of bias, like Gary Johnson. Put the candidates out there, let the people decide and report the fucking truth!

Now I know that this is too much to ask for but this is also why the mainstream media is losing its hold on America. With the Internet and the technology that is available to the world now, ignoring or misrepresenting the truth is quickly backfiring on these archaic media monsters who manufacture dissent and skew reality. Between smartphones, YouTube and alternative media outlets, the truth is instantly and readily available to anyone who wants to siphon through the bullshit and find the truth. Pulling the wool over our eyes isn’t working anymore and all it is going to do is bite you in the fucking ass hard.

My Two Cents: My respect for Eric Bolling just became non-existant, as has my respect for the American Thinker. What a bunch of propaganda-pushing fear turtles! End Two Cents.

My Two Cents: Joy Behar is a fucking shitpickle. End Two Cents.

A few months back I gave you the blog “Five conservative chicks I’d gladly procreate with” (found here). For whatever reason, that is one of my most popular blogs. I’m not sure if it is because of my boasting about my DNA or because the top search terms that draw people to TheSwash are “SE Cupp”, “Diana Falzone Hot”, “Kimberly Guilfoyle” and “Carrie Keagan Breasts”. “Rape” is also a top search result but that takes you here. Anyway, I’m going to once again boast about my superior DNA and present an offer to five more women (in no particular order) who have DNA that is almost as superior as mine. Who are these beautiful and highly impressive lasses? Well my lovelies, read on. However, as stated last blog, I do not really want kids, this is all just for fun. However, I would be willing to sell my superior seed for the right price. We’re talking at least upper eight figures folks. But just imagine being the woman who gets to raise the greatest specimen the world has ever seen, after myself. The bidding starts at noon tomorrow!

The following ladies are not listed in any particular order, they are just my overall top five after my original top five but all are really interchangeable when I think about it.

Megyn Kelly: Ever since Megyn Kelly destroyed liberal idiot Kirsten Powers a few months back, I have been pretty much in love with her. Granted, she was always beautiful and caught my eye but she was not yet worthy enough to make such a list. Once the slaughter of Mrs. Powers was seen by the world, I was sold on the greatness of Megyn Kelly. Seeing her on Fox almost every time I turn the channel on, is a big plus for me, my eyes and my peepee. She’s super hot, super intelligent and has a way with words that can kill the talking points of the world’s best liberal thinkers. Liberal thinker.. heh.. that’s an oxymoron.

Dana Perino: Every time Dana Perino graces my screen, all the sound in the world is overpowered by the sound of Gary Wright’s “Dream Weaver” blaring in my head. The few times a week when she is on Fox & Friends in the early morning before I get ready for work, guarantees that I will have a fantastic and beautiful day. She is the cutest and most adorable woman I have ever seen give or take a few dozen others. I don’t know what she says half the time and that’s not Mrs. Perino’s fault, I just can’t hear her over “Dream Weaver”. Some of my friends have said that she has the most loveliest voice in the whole world and I can’t not believe them. Kudos to you Dana, good luck with your bid.

Andrea Tantaros: This gorgeous lady wasn’t on my radar until recently. Today, she jumped up on my radar screen like never before when she confronted Kelly Bingel on Fox News, who was using her tired liberal “blah blah blah” against conservatives. Andrea served up some serious heat and sent that liberal asstard packing. Ms. Tantaros is sexy, sweet and smart enough to topple the largest liberal towers of lies, deceit and bullshit. She’s quickly climbing up to the top of the mountain of conservative commentators vying for the brass ring of stardom. I think that she’ll be around for a long time and has one of the brightest futures out of all the young up and comers.

Mary Katharine Ham: MKH, as I like to call her, or the Hammer, is one of the sweetest looking lasses on television. She’s the type of chick I’d like to go out for a beer with while watching some college football and eating a fried appetizer sampler at the local sports bar hole-in-the-wall dive. Her segments with Juan Williams are some of the best on the O’Reilly Factor and I look forward to them when they are on the show. She’s well-informed, knows her shizzle and can step up to the plate like the best of them when called upon. MKH, I rarely throw the “M” word around but, if I were going to spend the rest of my life with one person, you’d be a hell of a candidate. It’d be hard for me to deprive the other ladies out there from exploring my greatness, but you may be one of the few who could tame the beast.

Bristol Palin: My oh my, Bristol is my hero. She had a kid out of wedlock before she was an adult and she keeps on giving second chances to that douchebag named after a denim jean company. Bristol honey, forget that loser. I’ve got the seed you need to give birth to the greatest child since myself. Imagine the political powerhouse our two strings of DNA could create! When I first heard that Bristol’s mom was the running mate of Meghan McCain’s dad, my imagination went wild. I had a hard time blocking out the make out sessions in my head, that were most likely going down between Bristol and Meghan on those giant tour busses while their parents were out campaigning. Man, I wish I could’ve been there for that. Call me up Bristol. I’d like to be the meat and cheese in a Bristol/Meghan sandwich. I think I love you. Crap, I take that back! I don’t know the meaning of the word!