This is the Horizontal Shower from luxury bathroomer Dornbracht. You just lay on the stone pedestal like you’re about to be sacrificed for a plentiful harvest, then let the six water jets soak your body, flooding your ass with cleanliness and washing away any rogue buttcrumbs like paper boats in a stream. Holy shit I should start writing product descriptions.

The shower comes with a controller they call the eTool, which lets you direct the flow from the various jets, and choose between various programmed patterns kind of like a massage bath. You can also use the eTool to regulate the water temperature and intensity.

Or you could, you know, lay down in a regular shower like I do. Sure it’s not as glamorous and way more soap-scummy, but so what? IT’S CHEAP. Plus if you plug the drain with a toe and let the bath fill up your penis will float. Medical fact!

Source: Geekologie.

Forget dog and ghost whisperers, Andre Hartman takes the cake with his current title: shark whisperer. Yes it is as cool as it sounds and we have the photo to prove it.

Off the coast of South Africa, near Dyer Island, Hartman greets a great white shark through the water by placing his hand on its snout to put it in a trance and make it open its mouth, the Telegraph reports in their “Pictures of the day” gallery.

Hartman, a South African diving guide, had his first encounter with a great white shark in 1977 according to an article by X-Ray Magazine.

“It tried to bite me! I was spear fishing at the time and carrying a lot of fish,” he told the magazine. “It came in and tried to take me. I saw it coming, so I gave it the gun. It didn’t like it, so it swam away.”

Years later, the Discovery Channel featured him in the documentary “Great White Sharks: Uncaged” where he swam unprotected with a group of the sharks.

Doug Perrine, the American photographer who was able to capture the classic moment, explained Hartman’s technique behind the hypnosis to the Daily Mail.

“This part of the shark’s body is loaded with nerve endings, and the creature’s sensory system became overloaded from the stimulus,” Perrine told the Daily Mail. “The shark seemed to enter a pleasant, but confused state where it was dreamily seeking the source of the stimulus. So there was no trigger for the shark to attack anything.”

via Andre Hartman, ‘Shark Whisperer,’ Puts Great White Sharks In Trance With Touch Of Hand (PHOTO).

‘I was there to obtain pictures of a shark raising its heads out of the water and opening its mouth – as Andre was able to produce,’ explained Doug.

‘The shark was attracted by the scent of the bait that is put out. Andre reached down and tickled the underside of the shark’s snout, while gently lifting up. …

…  Great white sharks are classified as a vulnerable species because of the threat to their food by fishing.

They are also the victims of the Asian shark fin industry – where these mighty hunters are killed for just a small part of their body – their distinctive shark’s fin.

These are cut off their bodies and turned into soup, which can cost up to £100 a bowl in China.

Doug explained how Andre perfected his amazing technique for ‘hypnotising’ sharks.

‘Andre is a former spear-fisherman, who had encounters with great white sharks while free-diving and spearing fish in the waters of Cape Province, South Africa,’ said Doug.

‘Although initially terrified, like most people, by the appearance of these massive predators, over years of observation he gradually realised that they are intelligent, curious animals.

‘He understood that sharks are not out hunting people, and it is possible to interact with them with little danger once you understand how they communicate.’ …

via DailyMail

My Two Cents: Most of the time, fan films do the exact opposite of wowing me. This one is just bad ass. End Two Cents.

This is a video of a guy destroying a broken plasma screen by attaching a microwave transformer to the thing to overpower it. Did I mention brobro also provides some colorful commentary? Because he does that too. It takes a little while to get going though, so skip to around 1:30 for the real show to begin. Then skip around for a bit, because after that it’s about 13-minutes of the same. I just can’t in good conscious let you watch the whole thing. Because I care. “You tried to get me to cross the street with traffic coming!” I want you dead.

Hit the jump for the worthwhile arcing and sparking action, as well as another video of a different TV that goes faster, albeit less spectacular.

Source: Geekologie.

Look out your kitchen window. Your patio furniture is all wrecked to shit, isn’t it? I know, that last BBQ of yours got out of hand. Shots were fired. Enter the $3,500 bulletproof polo from Miguel Caballero’s Black Label Collection, just the thing you need to protect your neck* while flippin’ burgs or refilling the beer cooler. It may look like a regular-ass polo, but oh no — underneath that 100% cotton exterior comes three different levels of bullet protection. Me? I want the one that can stop a cannonball.

OPTION IIA: 9mm / 40 Smith and Wesson FMJOPTION II: 9mm / .357 Magnum / 38 Super / Mini Uzi submachine gun
OPTION IIIA: Uzi machine gun / MP5,MP9 submachine gun / 44 Magnum SJHP / Stab-proof

Haha — there’s even a stab-proof option! Unfortunately, all of them will only stop bullets from the most amateur of assassins. I’ve played Counter-Strike folks, I only aim for the head. “No you don’t.” Okay so maybe I flashbanged my whole team and got us all killed.

*Protection actually starts below the neck.

Source: Geekologie.

THE SIGN SAYS NO TOUCHING, LADY!

This was the coolest thing on display at the recent Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. Granted I didn’t go, but I showed this video (and ONLY this video. Okay, plus a cat one) to a couple friends and they agreed. It’s a smart window from Samsung – basically a one-way window (people on the other side can’t see in) with a full-pane electronic touchscreen display where you can display info, roam the internet, watch adult films, etc., etc. It can even turn into virtual blinds!!!!!1 Just watch the video. The future, ladies and gentlemen — it’s really almost here!

Hit the jump for the worthwhile video. I know I’m a crappy describer but it really is pretty cool.

Thanks to lilco, who once watched a guy pick his teeth for two minutes straight in a mirrored window not realizing there people on the other side. OMG — what an idiot!

Source: Geekologie.

A massive gas cloud is on a collision course with the supermassive black hole at the center of the galaxy. As this awesome artist’s conception shows, it will be torn completely apart. This is our first chance to watch that happen.

The image up top, courtesy of the European Southern Observatory, shows how the gas cloud will look in 2021, once the supermassive black hole Sagittarius-A* is done with it. Although our own galaxy’s biggest black hole is constantly looking to feed, most of the objects in its vicinity have settled into relatively stable orbits, which means they won’t be consumed anytime soon. This gas cloud won’t be so lucky.

Astronomers have kept watch on Sagittarius-A* since 1992, and in that time only two other objects, both stars, have passed this close to the black hole’s massive gravitational whirlpool. Those two stars managed to survive their closest approach unharmed, but as the cloud gets to within 40 billion kilometers of the black hole’s event horizon, the gravitational forces will start to rip it apart. Half the cloud will speed up towards the center of the black hole, while the other half will be flung back out into space.

Since it’s the only supermassive black hole in our galaxy, Sagittarius-A* is the only one of its kind that is close enough for us to directly observe with any detail. This is our best chance ever to actually see how a black hole consumes giant objects like gas clouds, stars, or planets — but until now, this had all been just theoretical. The action will start within the next two years, and what we learn during that time could revolutionize our understanding of how black holes interact with the larger universe.

Via UC Berkeley. Image courtesy of ESO/MPE/Marc Schartmann.

Source: io9.

Occasionally criticized for “invading” or “colonizing” New Hampshire, the Free State Project is simply “trying to keep New Hampshire awesome!,” according to the organization’s president Carla Gericke. As the movement’s self-described “bus driver,” Gericke is trying to bring 20,000 people to the Live Free or Die state to build a model community for libertarians.

Reason Magazine Editor in Chief Matt Welch sat down with Gericke to talk about the project, why they chose New Hampshire, and the local response to “anarchist toenails.”