An Exclusive interview, Alex Jones speaks with Sen. Rand Paul on NDAA, TSA undercover on Houston busses, Obama’s overall neglect of the Constitution, his possible impeachment and much more. This is a must see video.

*Written by Rob Rimes.

I was late watching this debate, as I had to check the replay. Unfortunately, I wasn’t home and I was unable to take serious notes on it. I was at my boss’ house due to it being the annual national sales meeting for my real job and between the alcohol and festivities, this thing was hard to watch in any serious sort of manner. I regret not being able to give it my full attention but the whiskey and wine were flowing, the girls were distracting to say the least and the copious amounts of food transplanted from several of the world’s most exotic regions somehow took precedence over watching the most recent episode of ‘Three Tyrants and a Wizard’. I do apologize as I have been trying to chronicle every damn one of these things but there are just so many, seven this month alone, and turning down a chance to literally spend the night at a party thrown at the mansion of the Indian version of Caligula is incredibly hard to pass up. Bourbon soaked tits are better to stare at than three dudes arguing over their dicks and the fourth shaking his head because America’s fallen so far that we’re literally having a debate about three dicks.

Now I did go back and read the transcripts from the debate and I did watch Ron Paul’s highlights – the only important parts, as the other three’s highlights would’ve put me to sleep in my hungover stupor. If it wasn’t for my boss’ brother handing me a Bloody Mary when I walked through the office door this morning, I’d probably be curled up in a ball under my desk hiding from the flickering power-draining headache-inducing fluorescent lights over my head. Needless to say, I am not a Bloody Mary fan by any stretch of the word, as it just conjures up the thought of drinking vodka with some ketchup spilled in it, but that fucking cocktail hit the spot today and I’m about 70 percent recovered from guest-starring in the Bollywood version of ‘Eyes Wide Shut’.

I know I’m rambling about my drunken escapades and that might disinterest you, as you came to this article to experience my certain style of critique on these things, so for that I’m sorry. I will do my best to give you the rundown of the debate, as I saw it between nude champagne showers and Chilean sea bass dodgeball.

So I’m just going to go down the line and analyze the candidates one-by-one starting with Rick Santorum. He started by talking about illegal immigration, border fences and telling the story about his immigrant family for the umpteenth time. He got into it with Ron Paul on foreign policy and failed miserably as he tried to cover up the fact that he’s a goddamned idiot on the affairs of Central and South America. I’ll write more on this when I get to Ron Paul, who owned Santorum like a twenty dollar prostitute. Santorum goes on to bitch about Fannie and Freddie and in turn blasts Newt and Mitt for playing personal politics and distracting everyone from discussing the real issues. On the subject of space, Santorum said that America is a frontier country and space is the next frontier to conquer. He calls for the private sector to be more involved with NASA but doesn’t fully support government being out of it. On health care he goes on and on about how awesome he is for trying to create health savings accounts. If you were so awesome, you would’ve got it done pal! He then gets into a health care argument with Romney that is neither interesting or worth writing about but what the hell, I’ll give you the nutshell version. Basically it went something like this:

Rick Santorum: “Fuck Romneycare”
Mitt Romney: “But it was only at the state level Ricky Baby!”
Rick Santorum: “I don’t care Mitt! You’re a bitch and you gave Obama the blueprints to evil!”
Mitt Romney: “Ricky Baby, you’re so silly!”
Rick Santorum: “Jesus Bible! No health care for the gays!”

Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich spent most of their time arguing about who was a bigger bastard while both looked like big bastards. Mittens talked about “self-deportation” again. If these guys believe in such a thing as an effective way of handling a situation, can we get them to believe in “self-governance”? If they trust those illegal immigrants to leave on their own accord after sneaking in here in an effort just to come back in a way that is much more difficult, they’ve got to believe that we’re all capable of managing every other aspect of our lives? I mean, they are putting blind faith into something so farfetched that they’ve got to be down with just saying “fuck it” and letting us run our own shit, right?

On the immigration subject, Newt says that Romney is the most anti-immigrant candidate out of the four. Romney gets all pissy and pulls his two Latino cards. The first he pulls is Marco Rubio, the Cuban American senator that came to his defense on immigration. The second card Mitt pulled was Mexico, as his father was born there. I was born in a hospital bro, that doesn’t make me a doctor!

Romney and Gingrich argue about immigration for awhile and then they argue about Fannie and Freddie and who is the biggest crook. Newt, once he gets away from the lame feud for a minute, goes on some tangent about making a moon base. Newt later said that Jacksonville was going to get big pimpin’ because the Panama Canal was widening and would bring them more boat traffic. Shortly after that we were treated to a Santorum-Gingrich-Romney three-way which was like stumbling upon a middle-aged homosexual version of Cinemax at three in the morning. It was a bitch and rant fuck fest that no one in their right mind needed to see, unless of course you’re into middle-aged gay men. If you are, I mean absolutely no disrespect. Do ya thang homegirl!

Fuck all these queens, let’s get to Ron Paul, the only adult in the room. On immigration, he says that if we had a working healthy economy we wouldn’t be so worried about the immigration issue as we’d be looking for workers to fill jobs. He adds that the way we are handling our borders is actually harming our economy. He points out that we don’t have the right amount of resources on the border and that we should pay more attention to our border instead of the border between Pakistan and Afghanistan.

On the Latin America issue, Ron Paul says, “Free trade is the answer.” He throws in the fact that we’d be a lot better off if we practiced free trade with Cuba. He adds that he doesn’t like the idea that America thinks that they can go down to Central and South America and try to dictate which kind of leaders they need down there, as it is none of our business. He says that the best way to influence other nations isn’t by telling them what to do, it is by practicing friendship and free trade. Paul then references Santorum who said that we have to stand up for these nations. Paul explains that standing up for nations often times comes with us imposing ourselves on the people of these countries while picking their dictators, undermining their government and sending them a lot of money. He warns that this sort of tactic always backfires and the people we are “supporting” end up hating us. Ron Paul calls Rick Santorum’s ideas on foreign policy the “bully way”. Paul adds that he knows a better to way to work with people other than using force. Santorum shakes his head, mumbles some stupid crap and then changes his tampon while wiping his bitch tears. Checkmate Paul!

Ron Paul is asked if Mitt and Newt should return the money they’ve made off of Fannie and Freddie and he responds to thunderous applause when he says, “That subject doesn’t interest me a lot.” Paul says that Fannie and Freddie should have been auctioned off right after the crash came. He said that if it was sold, the problem would’ve been “cleansed” by now. Ron Paul says that he’s been trying to prevent this stuff which is why we need to end the Federal Reserve.

CNN’s Wolf Blitzer asks says that Ron Paul, if elected, would be the oldest president ever. He asks Paul if he would make his medical records public to show the people that he is healthy. Blitzer basically wants to paint Ron Paul as a geezer who could croak tomorrow and I find the question to be repugnant, just as I found it distasteful when the same issue was brought up with Ronald Reagan years ago. Paul said that he’ll prove how healthy he is by delivering an open challenge to all the other candidates to face him in a 25 mile bike ride in the heat of Texas. Ron Paul face-palmed the shit out of Wolf Blitzer and the other candidates with that answer. He also took a shot at Wolf himself when he jokingly pointed out that there are laws against age discrimination and that Blitzer should be careful. Wolf, after getting bitchslapped, tries to cover up the stupid question by asking the other candidates if they’d release theirs. What a tool.

On space spending, Ron Paul says that he would only approve funding on stuff that fits under defense. He says that going to the Moon and Mars is fantastic but that it could be done better by the private sector if their hands weren’t tied. Ron Paul then takes a shot at Newt, saying that he has stretched the truth with all his “balanced budget” claims from the days when he was Speaker of the House. Ron Paul is taking solid shots backed by facts and there is nothing that can be done about it when he brings these guys a dose of the truth. Strangely, Newt Gingrich was very polite and gracious to Ron Paul all night and gave him props for his ideas in several areas.

In the end, the debate was lightyears better than the NBC debate a few days prior. CNN does the best job, in my opinion, and I’ve watched every single one of these debates. Kudos to Wolf for rocking the house, even with a few prickish questions. Ron Paul owned the motherfucker, Santorum did decent if you are into his religio-fascist bullshit while Newt and Mitt looked like a few bickering Tinas arguing over the last pack of Lee Press-On Nails at K-Mart.

And that’s all I got because I immediately returned to my whiskey-scented orgy on the south lawn.

Grading Scale:
Grade A+: Ron Paul
Grade C-: Rick Santorum
Grade D+: Newt Gingrich
Grade D: Mitt Romney

*Best debate moment in recent memory:

The Constitution already places strict limits on what the federal government can and cannot do. The problem is that those limits have become stretched over the years to the point that the federal government can do pretty much what it pleases. As a result, Americans have become accustomed to, and dependent upon, the federal government to supervise their lives from cradle to grave.

Most Republicans are about as enthusiastic to confront this reality as most Democrats are in reversing it. Thus, the convenient resurgence in popularity for a balanced budget amendment on the part of Republicans has been driven by an unwillingness — or inability — to flesh out exactly what federal agencies and programs would have to go in order to bring the budget into balance without raising taxes.

Indeed, it’s not a coincidence that the balanced budget amendment wasn’t a priority for Republicans when they were jacking up spending and debt during George W. Bush’s tenure. Now that the Obama Democrats have done the Republicans one better on the fiscal profligacy front, the GOP is really just looking to score political points for the November 2012 elections by hoisting up the balanced budget amendment as a litmus test for fiscal propriety.

While proponents of the balanced budget amendment argue that it would also reign in spending, almost all the states possess balanced budget requirements and that hasn’t stopped state spending from continuing to increase. In fact, the balanced budget amendment would actually end up solidifying the oversized and overbearing federal government we have today. Therefore, policymakers who truly desire a federal government that is smaller in size and scope should concentrate their efforts on convincing the American people that the country would be better off.

Source: Cato institute. Written by Tad DeHaven.

*Written by Rob Rimes.

We are practically 30 debates in and we still have like 120 left. There are so many now that I have to date the debates in the article title. I can no longer write early, mid or late before the month. It’s only the 9th of November and this is the second debate just this month. We still have at least three more in November alone. There is actually another one in just three days. It’s maddening and it is getting to the point where chronicling all these GOP shit shows is taking a lot more time than I ever anticipated. At the end of the day, I do actually like writing about them and bringing you, the reader, my extended two cents. It’s just time consuming and intrusive to my life when I work more than full-time and party on top of that every waken moment. But whatevs, I’m out of mini bottles of Seven Tiki at the moment, so I guess it’s time to direct my attention at something much more important.

This debate was pretty good overall, other than the typical lack of time given to Ron Paul. However, Ron Paul, when given time, was on his goddamned A game! He was hotter in this debate than any other. His answers were on point and exacting. I think in the eyes of the standard Fox News watching conservative viewer, he may have gained some points simply for the fact that this debate was strictly economic. This allowed Paul to hit some home runs without being scrutinized every other question like when the talk of the moment is foreign policy. Not that Paul is wrong on foreign policy, he is dead right but conservatives refuse to accept reason, logic or common sense and instead continue down the path of repetitive stupidity and fear-mongering when it comes to handling our “enemies”. Anyway, this is about the debate, not conservative idiosyncrasies.

CNBC hits us weakly with their subpar video introduction which makes note of the fact that the debate is all about economics and that it is in Michigan, in the backyard of the companies that received the auto industry bailouts. Thanks for cluing us in and reminding us that Detroit is in fact in Michigan. CNBC, after the intro, lets us know that there will be no opening and closing statements, as they want to dedicate more time to the debate. Well that’s nice of them! We can’t have Bachmann wasting five minutes on telling us how her 18,371st foster kid Bruce whittled a recorder out of oak with a wolverine’s broken jaw bone. It is probably worth noting that Michigan native Romney got the loudest pop from the crowd during the brief introductions.

The moderators for this debate were pretty decent and straightforward for the most part, although this was overshadowed by the fact that they had Jim Cramer from “Mad Money” on the panel. This guy is a fucking dickwad that claims to be a real capitalist while calling for more regulations and other ridiculous bullshit. Not only that but Cramer is just a loud obnoxious moron that sounds like he is cutting a wrestling promo against his opponent whenever he asks a question. Having Jim Cramer as a debate moderator is like having the Ultimate Warrior read children’s stories after he rubbed angeldust on his gums. He’s a about as colorful, as scary and as unfunny as a clown’s dick. I’d rather have CNN’s John King throat gurgle through the entire debate than listen to Cramer ask even one question.

Another thing worth noting, moderator Steve Liesman looks like Todd Packard from “The Office”.

I’m going to start off with Rick Santorum, just to get him out of the way. Per usual, he was ineffective and barely noticeable in this sea of shitpickles. His inclusion in these debates has gone beyond just being a joke and has gotten to the point that he is wasting everyone’s time, even his own. He needs to graciously bow out and just support whomever he feels he needs to latch onto to stay somewhat relevant. Problem is, Santorum staying relevant is like a stripper staying on the night shift after her 30th birthday.

It’s hard to even pay attention to Santorum, as he just spews his relgiotarded nonsense to the point that even the relgiotards aren’t listening anymore. His poll numbers are dismal and if Gary Johnson isn’t invited to most of these, Santorum shouldn’t be either. The same could be said for Jon Huntsman but I’ll get to him in a sec.

All I learned from Racquetball Rick this round is that he was a coal miner’s daughter. There was talk of Jesus and tennis but none of that really funny whining and crying he is synonymous with. Although when Ron Paul and some others were touting health savings accounts, Santorum said that he has been on that train for years and that he pretty much invented them. When everyone is asked about Obamacare, he is the only one without a real answer, as he just uses his time to boast about all the things he has done for health care. None of these things were really solutions, they were just attempts to build up and reinforce his wobbly house of cards with an empty hand. And that’s it for Santorum. He contributed nothing except his douchenugget dorkdick smile.

Jon Huntsman, another ding dong that needs to bow out was at least a bit more engaging than Santorum. At least a few of his answers and points come to mind when looking back, where Santorum gave us nothing.

The first thing Huntsman said that is worthy of a mention is that banks that are too big to fail will cause economic contagion. He also said that he is the president of the 99% but also the president of the 1% because he was going to unify everyone. People aren’t Voltron lions dude; they don’t just come together in times of need. He also said that spending $68 billion on bank bailouts was wrong. No shit cockwart! Huntsman also says that the government needs to charge extra fees to bailed out banks to alleviate the burden shoved onto the taxpayers.

As for Obamacare, Jon Huntsman says that as president, he would sit down with all the state governors and work out state specific health care options. Huh? WTF? Are you meeting with all of them at once or on a one-on-one basis? Cause this shit could take a while homie and we ain’t got the time! I guess it’s better than spending 90% of your time playing fucking golf though. Huntsman promises to find a solution to the high cost of health care. He needs to elaborate on this but really that’s just a waste as there are far simpler options.

On Mitt Romney’s plan to deal with China, which will be touched on here in a bit, Huntsman says that it isn’t a real solution and that he is just pandering. I’m assuming he means that Mitt is pandering to the crowd because I feel the same way. Mitt claims China is manipulating currency but Huntsman points out the the U.S. is manipulating its own currency with quantitative easing. Huntsman then goes on a rant about oatmeal and swords or something and that’s it.

Michele Bachmann was her typical self and just like a throwback to mainstream media Palin bashing, I have to point out this lady’s poor fashion choice. Basically her jacket was the exact same jacket Dr. No wore in his self-titled film “Dr. No”. Granted that was a James Bond movie, but Dr. No jacked the film title like Bachmann jacked Dr. No’s jacket. In any event, I could’ve sworn I saw Bachmann wiping 007′s blood off of her sleeve when she thought the camera wasn’t on her. Sorry, this makes Bachmann bashing too easy but it is hard to knock the guys fashion sense since they all were dapper suits. Being a woman in politics must suck because of assholes like me. Whatever, just stop dressing like a high-ranking member of SPECTRE and I’ll shut up.

Bachmann once again proves that she is just too fucking nice when the moderators give her a the perfect opportunity to go after Romney. She praises him and then switches to her standard Obama-bashing rhetoric. We’ve heard the catchphrases a few thousand times now lady. All I know is that she compared taxes to Happy Meals or something. Um dude, Happy Meals are happy, taxes are sad. I’m not following you.

When asked another question, she doesn’t really answer it. She just informs us, who are apparently clueless, on how Obama is doing it wrong. Well what is the right way lady? People who are supporting this woman are just supporting senseless substance-less Obama-bashing without any real answers, solutions or fixes. Bachmann calls Obama policy “lunacy”. Yes, she described something as “lunacy” and she wasn’t even looking in the mirror.

Michele Bachmann then warns us that the Chinese live in the Pentagon’s computers. I can understand that since the country is very heavily populated and they might want some peace and quiet from the hustle and bustle of Chinese life. Bachmann also points out that they are building secret tunnels to hide weapons and snacks. She says that the American taxpayers are the ones paying for it as we keep borrowing from China. Wait.. have we been paying them back? Damn! Well I want a ride on the Chinese aircraft carrier then!

Bachmann doesn’t say anything else. Well, she does but I have a hard time with my idiocy filter on. Yes, I am probably too hard on her but she is another candidate like Huntsman and Santorum, as she is just wasting everyone’s time. These debates would be so much better if we trimmed the fat. It’s about time for this to start happening. And unless she has some more concert tickets to give away for straw poll votes, her campaign is doomed at this point.

Another candidate that should definitely hang’m up, especially after this debate, is Texas Governor Rick Perry. This debate was career suicide for Perry and as much as I severely dislike this guy, I almost felt sorry for him. The biggest fuck up in debate history that I can remember came when Rick Perry went to tell us the three government agencies he would eliminate. After he listed the first two, his mind drew a 53 second blank on the third. The extremely awkward moment was capped off by him staring at the moderators completely dumbfounded until he uttered, “Oops”. The fact that he can’t even remember the basis for a huge part of his platform is fucking scary!

See for yourself:

Knocking Rick Perry on this is just too easy and the world has given him enough heat already. He’s still an asshole in my eyes and always will be but damn, I’d be surprised if he could win a fourth term as Texas Governor at this point.

There are some other notable Perry moments from the evening. The first is when Perry sends a message to the big banks when he says, “If you are too big too fail, you are too big.” M’kay? Perry then spends time pimping out his tax plan and other ideas he has, it only took him months to get his shit together and give us something. All previous debates were sprinkled with, “I’m working on it! You’ll see it soon at RickPerry.com! Yeeeeeehaaaaaw!!! (accompanied with gunfire)”.

Perry also goes on about how America needs to get energy going. He tells us that regulations are killing America. He then gives props to Santorum, thus giving the audience a little Rick on Rick love. I bet Santorum gives Perry tennis lessons.

When it comes to the Obamacare questions, Rick Perry says that people need to be given a “menu of options”. He says, “Doctors need to be given incentives on health care rather than sick care.”

He then goes on about how he created a job creation climate in Texas with no regulatory strangulation. He says that his tax plan will help balance the budget in 2020. Yeah bro, that’s like 8 years away. Is this so that you don’t have to answer to critics when your plan fails because just by chance, if you became president, and even won a second term, this would be at the very tail end of your eight year lease in the White House. 2020 is not today, we need a fix now!

Perry goes on a tangent about how universities need to be forced to be more efficient. Okay sir, did you get that idea from Hugo Chavez? Perry then closes out his portion of the debate by bitching about the corruption caused by corporate lobbyists. As he says this, he pauses to check his Wells Fargo app on his iPhone to make sure that check from Merck cleared.

The time thief Mitt Romney was successful at monopolizing every moment he could once again. I don’t blame Mr. Mittens however, as CNBC, just like Fox News, CNN and MSNBC, spent more time asking Romney questions than anyone else. I think Mitt alone gets about 30-40% of the time in these debates. That’s the mainstream media for ya though, proppin’ up their fancy handpicked golden boys.

Romney is first asked if the United States should bailout the European Union. The fact that the moderators even ask this question is proof at how many dumbasses work under the NBC banner. Romney says that the EU can take care of their own problems and that we don’t need to bail them out. Romney goes on to say that Europe needs to take care of their own problems and the United States shouldn’t be bailing out our own banks let alone Europe’s. I can’t disagree with that. When pressed however, Romney admits that he supports the World Bank and the IMF. Yep, I knew he couldn’t give a good statement without finding a way to fuck it up. After this, Mitt claims that he saved the Olympics. From what dude? Did the Skrulls attack or something?

Mitt’s had some other noteworthy quips and I’m not referring to the little swirl at the top of Dairy Queen products. Mitt said that we need profitable businesses that can hire people and the current administration is failing at this. He also says that we need to simplify the tax code but we need to lower taxes first. When asked about Obamacare, he says that health care should be a state issue. He also agrees with Ron Paul’s point that we need to push health savings accounts. Mitt also said that people need the broadest array of health care options.

In the second hour, Romney goes on to explain that Obama is only focused on his re-election. Apparently Romney needs to re-focus on his hair because it’s starting to melt under those hot lights. Maybe his hair is wax! He’s really just some weird bald guy under there!

Disregarding his wax sculpture, Mitt tells us that he promises to not raise taxes and that he will cut spending dramatically. Funny, because Reason Magazine analyzed Mitt’s fix-it plan and discovered that his “cuts” would actually expand the federal budget (read this).

Mr. Romney then tells us a spooky tale about the Chinese boogeyman. He states that he believes in free trade but not with China because they are evil. Actually he calls them “predatory” about a dozen times over the course of two minutes. Mitt says that China is hacking our computers and manipulating our currency. This causes Huntsman to butt in with the QE comment I referenced earlier. All I hear is “I love free trade but..” and “I love free trade but..” Mitt is a doublethinker and doublespeaker. Mitt’s solution in dealing with China is to assault them with tariffs. Yep, great idea ass bastard.

In the shadow of his sexual harassment circus, Herman Cain tried to ignore the media assault in an effort to see if he could fit the slogan “Nine.. nine.. nine” in the debate 999 times. I think he succeeded. In all seriousness, I’m fucking tired of this goddamned slogan and the people en masse are vehemently opposed to this plan. Then again, there are still a shit ton of Cain Brains supporting this inexperienced hack, who quotes Pokemon, can’t answer tough questions and often admits he spoke without thinking. With all of his weaknesses and with it being incredibly apparent that his inexperience is a major hinderance, this guy is still polling insanely well. Well, lets look at Herman Cain Superstar and his performance this debate.

All things considered, with all the shit he has been put through the last few weeks, Mr. Cain did pretty well overall. That is, if you’re into his flavor of Tea. For starters, he gets the first question and being the show starter he tells us that “We must assure our currency is sound.” That’s laugh-out-loud funny coming from a Federal Reserve insider that spends a lot of his time defending and pimping the most tyrannical institution in our country’s history.

Even though the moderators said the debate was to be focused on economics, the NBC-paid moderators are quick to question Cain’s character over the sexual harassment allegations. Cain brushes off the bullshit attempt to catch him in a “gotcha” question. The crowd erupts when Cain essentially says “I did not sleep with that young intern (or the other women either)!” They asked Cain if voters care about character. Cain responded by saying that voters don’t care about character assassination.

The next time Cain is questioned, he malfunctions (or does he) and starts chanting “Nine.. nine.. nine.. nine.. nine.. nine.. nine..” over and over. He says that his solution is the only solution to the tax problem. Sure, if you believe hype and pro-Federal Reserve rhetoric. When challenged, once again, at how his plan could possibly stay at the rates of 9-9-9 with government being government, Mr. Cain said that it is transparent and that Americans will make politicians keep the rates at 9. ROFLMFAO! Yeah, just like Americans have been able to get those Tea Party Republicans to balance the budget and solve our economic woes as they promised before the 2010 midterm elections. C’mon people, unless we’re going to start cloning Ron Paul, Rand Paul and Justin Amash, all we’re ever going to get is full of shit candidates like everyone else. Maybe Cain just assumes that Republicans and Democrats are never going to hold office again. But wait.. he’s a Republican, so never mind.

Cain spends almost every other question finding a way to insert “nine.. nine.. nine..” in his answers. When he doesn’t say “nine.. nine.. nine..” he says “I have a bold solution” and then winks nine times.

When not shoving the number nine down our throats like the Count on Sesame Street, he does give us some substance. For instance, after referring to Nancy Pelosi as “Princess Nancy”, Cain tells us that the solution to Obamacare is to pass H.R. 3000. Wait, didn’t Cain say he wouldn’t sign any bill longer than three pages? Well H.R. 3000 is 270 pages. Maybe he meant he’ll sign every three pages. If that’s the case, he’ll have to sign H.R. 3000 into law 90 times! Seems like a waste of BIC SoftFeel Retractable Ballpoint Pens. I need to read up on H.R. 3000 but it seems like crap to me.

Towards the end of the debate, Cain actually talks in rhyme a few times. C’mon dude, really? We need a fucking president man! Are you running for the highest office in the land or are you auditioning for the role of Roadblock in the next “G.I. Joe” movie? FYI bro, the role was given to The Rock.

One thing is for certain, Cain is on to something. Every single time I heard the number nine, I felt a pain in my stomach and the need to drop a shit. I have a feeling that the 999 Plan is the long lost key to discovering the legendary brown note.

Now I’ve got to talk about Cain’s sweetheart, Newt Gingrich. Rumor has it that they were holding hands, when the camera wasn’t on them. Newt’s doesn’t care though, Newt doesn’t give a shit. Honey Badger comes out with a bang and with the first question asked him, his answer receives the loudest pop of the night. Not even because it was a great answer, it was just typical Newt. It was how he said it that got the reaction. Newt, who was considered “dead on arrival” by all the expert pundits when he entered the race, is now the hottest muthafucka in the streets since that time Nas dropped his Jay-Z diss track “Ether” back in 2001. Newt’s proving that he’s Stillmatic.

Out the gate, Newt calls the results of Ben Bernanke’s policies “wreckage”. Newt’s right but I love how all these conservatives are loudly applauding Newt’s criticism of the Federal Reserve when he’s just recycling the same talking points Ron Paul has been using for decades. Yet, conservatives still can’t see that Ron Paul IS the solution. Nope, but they’ll continue to jack his policy points and call him crazy.

Some Newt highlights are when he challenges the Occupy Movement by asking if Bill Gates and Henry Ford were a part of the 1% or the 99% when they started out. Point being, the 99% can make something of themselves if they try. The moderators try to “gotcha” Newt a few times but these people are just like the buzzing of flies to him. He treats “gotchas” like steak and devours the fuck out of them! Newt bashes Dodd-Frank and says that if you want the housing to come back, that the economy must come back first.

When his turn comes up on the Obamacare issue, Newt says that it is a state issue and that we need to focus on brain science. He also uses the moment to challenge Obama to a 3 hour Lincoln-Douglas style debate on health care. While that would be great, Obama would never accept the offer because he knows he’d get destroyed like Apollo Creed in “Rocky IV”.

Other Newt Points include him pimping out the Chilean model for social security and letting the world know that college is not a right therefore tuition isn’t free. In the end, Newt just kills it. Like I’ve said again and again, I don’t agree with several of his points but he has the skill and the fire to run the show, more so than anyone else on that stage. However Dr. Paul is still the best all around, which brings me to him.

Ron Paul had his best debate yet; he keeps getting better and better. I hope he keeps gaining steam through January. Truthfully, it was pretty fortunate for him that this debate was strictly economic. It allowed him to hit his economic points without having to defend himself from confused conservatives that don’t “get” his crazy stance on foreign policy.

Ron Paul says that our debt is unsustainable and that we need to liquify it. He says that our current actions are just prolonging our agony and that drastic changes must be made quickly. He calls spending a disease and points out that spending in and of itself is a tax. He promises to work towards eliminating the income tax altogether by cutting a trillion dollars from the budget each year and curing our fiscal idiocy. Paul also promises that he will try to combat price fixing. He says that the market should determine interest rates. He basically gets a “fuck the Fed” in there without actually saying it.

With Obamacare, Ron Paul says that we have to get the government out of medicine. He is the first to bring up medical savings accounts, which gets support from Mitt Romney.

On education, one of the moderators points out that students loan debt is near a trillion dollars and that Americans owe more in tuition debt than credit card debt. She also points out that college seniors have more than $25,000 in debt on average. A video is then played about how tuition rates have increased by 428% since 1990. The moderator then refreshes us on the fact that Ron Paul has said that he wants to get rid of the Department of Education. She then asks, without the DOE, how would he make college more affordable. Ron Paul points out to the idiot moderator that her argument proved that the Department of Education is obviously ineffective and a total failure. Dr. Paul then points out to the moderator that was so sure of her stupid argument, that the quality of education has gone down, the cost has gone up because of inflation and students are essentially getting ripped off and the burden is falling on the taxpayer. Ron Paul then makes sure that everyone knows, which they already should, that the Constitution does not give the federal government the authority to be involved in education.

Ron Paul is asked if he thinks that Rick Perry is a crony capitalist. Ron Paul refuses to answer the question and says that people in this country need to understand the difference between capitalism and crony capitalism as many don’t. With that, the debate is over with about ten minutes to spare on the clock.

Luckily for us there were no fights like the last big debate. I mean, that shit was entertaining but in the end, it just took away from the meat and potatoes and made the candidates involved in the bitch and whine fests look like bitches and whiners. This debate just flowed so nice and CNBC did a decent job. Well that is except for including that over-caffeinated freak Jim Cramer. I thought homeboy’s heart was going to explode a few times.

In the end, nothing really changed, everyone looks like they always do. Paul and Newt were on fire, everyone else was typical. Like I said, a couple of these people need to realize that it is time to step the fuck off.

I missed Gary Johnson, as always, but he was tweeting during the debates and in one of his tweets he texted, “I will be proposing a 43 percent reduction in federal spending. 1.5 trillion dollar reduction in federal spending.” God I hope so! He just upped the ante on Ron Paul by half a trillion! If they are going to waste our time with Santorum, Huntsman and Bachmann then Gary Johnson should at least get some time. Ah well, fuck these debate organizers.

Grading Scale:
Grade A+: Ron Paul
Grade A: Newt Gingrich
Grade C: Mitt Romney
Grade C-: Herman Cain
Grade D: Michele Bachmann
Grade D-: Jon Huntsman
Grade F: Rick Santorum
Grade F: Rick Perry
Grade I: Gary Johnson

*Written by Rob Rimes.

There’s been too many debates this month! I’m not necessarily tired of writing about them but a little break would be nice. Hell, I can’t even imagine how tired the candidates must be from all the travel to and fro, as well as all their other events and straw polls sprinkled in between all the televised debates and interviews. In any event, the wear and tear showed in this particular debate. Not to say it didn’t have it’s good moments but everyone seemed to have a little less fire this round and it kind of came and went with a bit of a whimper.

This debate was held by Fox News and Google, which was awesome because typically Fox News has the best debates. Their quality is higher and their shows are just put together like a well-oiled machine. This time was no different except for a few things and the inclusion of Google added an interesting new twist to the debate. Google spent time collecting questions from the candidates from the general public using several of their online services. Many people sent in videos via YouTube which was really cool, as other YouTube users got to vote on which questions were the best. This format was pretty refreshing and well-executed.

One great thing about this debate is the fact that Gary Johnson was invited! I’ve been bitching about his apparent exile from the debates with the princess-like fierceness of a scorned little girl but now I can turn off my diva mode and enjoy the fact that the lesser-known libertarian in the race was given a platform to shine. I would really like to see Thaddeus McCotter in the debates too, as I haven’t even heard from this guy at all yet. Let everyone have the opportunity to shine! As Billie Jean said, “Fair is fair!”

Fox News of course goes to Rick Perry first, Bret Baier says that everyone else has outlined their economic and job plans but that Rick Perry hasn’t clearly defined what his plans are. Rick Perry diverts the question very quickly and says that his plan is coming. M’kay dude, you’ve been in this race for almost two months and participated in about four debates and your team hasn’t prepared an official plan or even a statement on one of your most important platform points?

Fox News then goes to Mitt Romney in an effort to give the two golden boys the advantage right out of the gate. Mitt talks about job creation and cites his awesome business record. He promises to cut taxes for the middle class while promising to protect them. When questioned by the moderators where the income line is for what Mitt considers to be rich, he can’t answer the question or at least refuses to.

Megyn Kelly is beautiful.

A question from an audience member last debate that went unanswered by Jon Huntsman is now recycled and given to Michele Bachmann. That question was “How much of my paycheck should I be allowed to keep?” Bachmann, who is wearing a shirt so red it makes her look like an apple with a creepy head on top, doesn’t really answer the question either. She basically says that your money is your money but then says we have to give some of it to the government. Um.. so which is it lady?

“Mr. Racquetball” Rick Suckscrotum is asked about his thoughts on a possible federal right to work law. He says a bunch of crap and no one listens. Newt then steps in and says that there should be some sort of business training program attached to unemployment benefits. Yeah, sounds expensive buddy! Who’s going to pay for it? I can only assume it’ll be ME! Fuck that, how ’bout no benefits and thus no training program? I mean, is this training program going to be run by the government? One can only assume the answer to that is “yes”. Therefore, how can we be assured that such a program, which will be expensive, will even be effective? Maybe Newt has a lot more faith in the federal government than I do. This idea is stupid lame.

Herman Cain comes into the debate like, “Yeah! Nine nine nine motherfucker!” His plan sounds interesting, I still need to read it but since he has been pimping the plan, there has been no mention of the FairTax. What’s going on dude? You were like a FairTax champion! Cain does have one of the best lines of the night however when he disses Mitt for being a fan of the current tax code. Mr. Cain tells Mitt, “That dog won’t hunt!” Touché Mr. Cain, touché.

Romney has no comeback for Cain, he just reminds us that the middle class is hurting. A middle class that cannot be defined as he can’t figure out where the income line is for those who are considered rich.

Ron Paul finally gets into the debate and kicks it off by telling us he will veto any bill that violates the 10th Amendment. Oh hell yes! For those not in the know, which should be none of you, basically Ron Paul will not allow the federal government to overpower state and local governments. Ron Paul is a firm believer in states’ rights and on his watch, he will fight for them.

The other libertarian candidate Gary Johnson gets some airtime for the first time since the very first GOP debate way back in May. Gary Johnson immediately promises several things. He vows to submit a balanced budget, he promises to veto bills that are wasteful and unconstitutional and he also pimps out the FairTax with colorful flare. Uh oh, Mr. Cain someone’s tugging at the FairTax fan base while you’re mum about it in favor of you’re 999 Plan.

The next part of the debate goes on forever and is just about unbearable to watch. Mitt Romney and Rick Perry go back and forth over and over, quoting each other’s books while trying to throw each other under the proverbial bus. This is a yawnfest and just bad television. Mitt disses Perry, Perry rebuttals with a diss, Mitt rebuttals with a diss, Perry rebuttals with a diss, Mitt rebuttals with a diss and we’ve got a broken record where the moderators are allowing these two shitcocks to purposely take shots at each other in an effort to monopolize the TV time. It was a clever ploy and it was seemingly obvious that Fox News and these two candidates were in on it. Maybe I’m getting too conspiratorial here but why else would the moderators turn this into a two man tennis match, ignoring the other seven on stage, just so that these primadonna boy toys could reenact a spat from “Girls Behaving Badly”.

Huntsman is up next after that long ass lovers’ quarrel. He tries to channel Ronald Reagan as I tune out and try to channel a pint of PBR. He does call for tax reform and an end to ObamaCare as well as Dodd-Frank.

Cain is asked that if he had to eliminate at least one government agency, which would it be. Cain says the EPA because they are wasteful, tyrannical and they drastically need to be reformed. He wants to break apart and rebuild the EPA from scratch. Personally, I was hoping he would say the Department of Homeland Security but I feel that Cain subscribes to the fear-mongering. I mean, he supports the War on Terror, so why not the tyrannical offspring of the PATRIOT Act as well? I’d like to personally question Cain on DHS and TSA and where he stands on both agencies.

Gary Johnson gets more airtime and promises to cut government spending by 43%. He also promises to abolish the Federal Department of Education. Man, if this guy starts picking up steam, he’s going to piss off a lot of people on the left and the right. I support that. Ron Paul backs up Gary Johnson and says he wants government out of education completely. He opposes No Child Left Behind and feels that people should be able to opt out of it.

Rick Perry is for school choice but then switches the subject to call out Mitt again which turns into another dick wagging contest. I take a break and go off to make a fajita and grab another beer. During the homoerotic exchange, another candidate starts to speak up about all the time Fox News is wasting on the Perry-Romney lovefest but Bret Baier actually says that he wants to give Mitt Romney more time. C’mon Bret! You don’t want to join the fray with those two queens do you?!

Michele Bachmann wants local control of education with strong parental involvement. She also reminds us of her 12,749 kids. Herman Cain wants to cut all the strings between government and education. He wants to empower the students. Get the federal government out! Huntsman steps into the argument but he was so boring I played solitaire until he finished talking.

The next big topic is immigration. Bachmann is for states’ rights on the issue and is pissed at Obama for suing Arizona over what they thought was best for their state. Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney support E-Verify (read about it here if you don’t know what it is). Newt also wants English as the official language of America. Odd, as far as I know, it is. Mitt slams Perry (surprise! surprise!) for allowing illegal immigrants to collect up to $22,000 a year in tuition paid for by the state. Perry and Mitt then go into another spat to monopolize the limited TV time. Rick Santorum jumps into the bitch and whine session trying to wedge himself back into the debate. Somewhere in this petty immigration argument Rick Perry actually says, “You put boots on the ground. You put the aviation assets on the ground.” Uh, what? Don’t you want aviation assets in the air? It must’ve just been a Bush-like mistake. Oh no, wait.. he said it again and then again. Perry must snort sea monkeys.

The conversation shifts to Israel, the Middle East and the War on Terror. Mitt says that he doesn’t want “an inch of space between friends and allies”. He then goes off on Obama’s shitty treatment of Israel and Netanyahu. Herman Cain says that, “If you mess with Israel you mess with America.” Rick Perry wants to make India an ally to help us deal with Pakistan. Rick Santorum wants MORE troops in Iraq! No really, he wants more troops in Iraq! Newt Gingrich says he is willing to go through our foreign aid program and eliminate aid to those who aren’t our friends, especially those who are outspoken against us. It’s always “us versus them”. Newt then gets all fear-mongerish with talks of WMDs and whatnot. Gary Johnson says that we need to promote liberty and peace through free trade; I agree. Johnson is for opening up free trade with Cuba and supports flights from America to Cuba. Bachmann retorts by calling Cuba a terror sponsor. Um.. so is U.S. foreign policy lady. Huntsman wants to bring the troops home. Santorum cries more and mispronounces Afghanistan as “Afghanistein”, as if the country is either a giant metal beer mug or the Middle Eastern version of Frankenstein’s monster. Huntsman then says something awesome when he tells the other candidates that “Only Pakistan can save Pakistan”, as in it is a country’s job to find it’s own path and to map out it’s own destiny, it is not America’s job. Amen homeboy, amen.

As the debate starts to come to a close, we learn that Bachmann opposes the idea of a national church, which was a fucking strange question by the way. Rick Santorum opposes gays in the military and gets loud applause for his stance, proving that my fellow Floridians are fucking idiots. Good jobs fucktards, keep living up to the worst qualities the left says you GOPers possess. Ron Paul, going against the GOP grain, says that abortion is a state issue not a federal one. Fuck man, everything is really a state issue, the federal government just wants to strangle everybody.

Herman Cain then tells us the story about his cancer and how he feels he wouldn’t have beat the narrow odds had he gotten cancer with Obamacare implemented. His story gets a ton of applause from the crowd and even though it was really in-circumstantial to the debate, it won Mr. Cain a shit ton of brownie points and a huge straw poll victory in Florida following this debate. In any event, Cain’s story does add an aura of badassery to his already solid character and charisma. As I’ve said many times, I differ on several things with Cain but I personally like him and out of all the candidates he is my number three (although there is no number four or anyone else after Paul, Johnson or Cain that I would vote for).

Bachmann is questioned about her remarks that the HPV vaccine causes mental retardation. Bachmann says she never made such a statement. Well she did make the statement but to be objective she was paraphrasing what she claims a mother told her about her daughter who was on the vaccine. No kudos for Bachmann for not at least paraphrasing a doctor. Her whole comment could be bullshit and was just an irresponsible thing to say either way. Bachmann flips the script quickly however and reminds us about the connections between drug giant Merck, who made the vaccine, and Rick Perry, who tried to force vaccines on the children.

Perry then tells us a sad story about why he used the tactics he used. However, after the debate it came out that the story he told actually happened AFTER he used his executive order powers to force little girls to be vaccinated. Perry is a fucking scumbag liar! But somehow, way too many of you fucking morons out there are still supporting this devil in hair gel. Rick Perry said he “erred on the side of life.” Fuck you dude, you erred on the side of fucking greed.

The Lyin’ King Perry then touts his fictitious record again but at this point, anything the guy says is probably a lie. He then gets into it with Romney again in an attempt to monopolize even more time. Sorry homies, just because I’m all for gay rights doesn’t mean I want to see you two fuck each other in the mouth 69-style while your testes slam into each other’s noses. While there is a market for that, this is supposed to be a family friendly show!

The two highlights after the gay porn romp, is when Ron Paul tells the other candidates that they basically suck because he is the only one who foresaw and understood all the recent bubbles that burst. He then calls for an end to the Federal Reserve and a new era where free markets can rule supreme again. Gary Johnson drops an awesome joke about how his neighbor’s dogs have created more shovel ready jobs than Obama. This got thunderous applause but at the same time, that very joke was used earlier in the day by Rush Limbaugh. Johnson said his staff gave him the joke and he didn’t realize it was Rush’s. Realistically, who gives a fuck? Jokes are meant to be told and passed on. Gary Johnson once again pimps out the FairTax really hard. At least someone’s mentioning it, right Mr. Cain?

The moderators then officially close out the debate by asking all the candidates who they would pick out of their colleagues on stage as their VP running mate. What a waste of time. I won’t bore you with the lame details. In the end, this debate was subpar and not much came out of it, except for Herman Cain somehow evolving into a rockstar after dominating the Florida Straw Poll.

Grading Scale:
Grade B: Ron Paul
Grade B: Herman Cain
Grade B-: Gary Johnson
Grade C-: Newt Gingrich
Grade D+: Jon Huntsman
Grade D: Michele Bachmann
Grade D-: Rick Santorum
Grade D-: Mitt Romney
Grade F: Rick Perry
Grade I: Thaddeus McCotter

*Written by Rob Rimes.

There are too many debates this month. This is the second of three and that’s not counting the Palmetto Freedom Forum that occurred just over a week ago. The candidates must be worn out and I can’t imagine how they’ll be feeling come the next debate, which is just a week away! All this hard work is paying off however, at least for my candidate Ron Paul. After the last two debates and the forum, his support has doubled: in less than two weeks! Is liberty shining through all the bullshit? Man, I fucking hope so!

Being the second CNN debate, I was a little worrisome, as last time I was assaulted by the throat gargling of John King. I was pretty hard on homeboy but that shit did get extremely annoying. Lucky for me, John King was a no show and we were treated to the the legendary prowess of Wolf Blitzer, who can be a douche at times but is still a much better choice to head this debate up than what I am assuming is Larry King’s little brother or son or possibly daughter.

Kicking off the debate is a video introduction that looks like they are introducing the Avengers. This summer blockbuster trailer is kind of cool, well until they get to Ron Paul. Everyone else looked powerful and badass but for Dr. Paul they picked a clip of him looking frail, leaning against a shelf. What the fuck man, can the the media hate for the libertarian guy be any more obvious? Fucking dickholes. Anyway, moving on.

So after the intro video of Earth’s mightiest heroes, Wolf Blitzer called them out one by one in what felt like wrestlers running to the ring at the Royal Rumble. However, none of them had any badass theme music. If I was producing this show, they’d all come out to some generic death metal. I do have to say, love him or hate him (I hate him), even without cool theme music, Rick Perry does look like a fucking president walking across that stage. Too bad he’s an evil bastard, then again most presidents have had a twinge of evil bastard in them.

Wolf introduces some chick to sing the national anthem. No offense but shouldn’t this have been done before the show? There hasn’t been a national anthem televised on any other debate, including the first CNN one, so why is it suddenly necessary? I’d rather have more times for questions. Also, this chick singing is pretty atrocious, not to say that I wouldn’t hit it though. Bachmann looks enthralled with her however. I can almost read Michele’s thoughts. She’s saying to herself, “I hope she ate the cheese platter I left her.” I bet Michele did leave her a cheese platter, she is a really nice motherly lady. Enough with this singer though, I’ve heard better from my drunk uncle Titus down at the Winghole on Karaoke Wednesdays.

Next up are the time-wasting introductions.. yawn. Can’t we just get to it already?! We’re thirteen minutes deep at this point! All I got from this was that Ron Paul promises to obey the Constitution and Newt gave a shout out to his homies in 9/12. Odd, considering it is actually 9/12.

Holy shit! Whoa! Stop the press! Wolf Blitzer didn’t start with Rick Perry or Mitt Romney! Are we seeing a change of the guard in the Golden Boy Club? The first question goes to golden girl Michele Bachmann, who isn’t as funny as Bea Arthur, at least not intentionally. The first subject is Social Security.

Michele basically says that she is down with Social Security because it was a promise made decades ago. Basically this pro-constitution fiscally responsible Tea Party darling is cool with socialism as long as it was delivered with a promise. Good job sticking to your guns lady.

Darth Perry who called Social Security a Ponzi scheme last debate, less than a week ago, is now backtracking on that statement. Homie must own more flip flops than Mitt. Perry goes as far as to say that it is “slam dunk guaranteed” that social security will be there for everyone if he is elected president. Romney and Perry then immediately start slapping each other like a couple of old ladies in the Jello line at the nursing home. I tune out mentally and take a big swig of my Stella Artois.

The only people offering real solutions to the Social Security problem are Herman Cain and Ron Paul. Last debate Cain mentioned that we should adopt the Chilean model for reforming Social Security but this debate, he actually has time to break it down for us. Cain’s already off to a great start this debate.

Holy shit, now Newt is on the bandwagon and pimping the Chilean model as well. As he speaks, he gets both cheers and boos and both very loudly. People either love or hate this guy. I’m not a fan policy-wise but I do enjoy his presence in these debates.

Somewhere in the middle of all this Social Security talk, Jon Huntsman refers to Mitt Romney as Kurt Cobain. His pop culture references are twenty years old. He tries to be funny but he fails. He should be on a bad CW buddy sitcom with Rick Santorum called “Just Dicks”.

Santorum speaks, no one cares. Where’s Gary Johnson?

The next part of the debate goes into the budget and general economics. As we face economic peril, these questions are some of the most important of the night. However, most of the answers given were shit.

Newt steps up first and talks about how there is too much waste in government and that by eliminating it we can come closer to balancing the budget. Yeah dude, that’s pretty much common sense and we all already know that. Those of you who aren’t aware of this should probably just go back to bed. Newt goes on to bash the Super Congress, which shouldn’t even exist and he calls for a modernization of the federal government.

Rick Santorum between fixing his racquets says that we need to adopt the Paul Ryan Plan. Most conservatives are on this bandwagon but the truth is, it doesn’t do much to alleviate the problem. Santorum doesn’t live in reality however and neither does anyone else pimping this plan.

Rick Perry is asked if he would cut drug prescription benefits and he says “no”. He obviously likes government spending the way it is. Rick Perry says whatever he needs to say to stay afloat. He is a professional panderer.

Romney promises to cut and cap spending and even wants a balanced budget amendment. Without an amendment the government can’t be fiscally responsible. I’m going to quit paying my bills and just use the excuse that I personally need an amendment to force me to stop buying whiskey, ties and pipe tobacco. Mittens also promises to completely restructure the economy and create jobs in the process. Sounds like sorcery!

Ron Paul says that he is looking for a lot of places to cut. He then goes on to pimp out his anti-war message and receives loud pops from the crowd. He talks about cutting funding to education, national security and energy. All these areas need to be looked at and seriously analyzed, as they suck up a huge portion of our budget. Bringing our damn troops home would also help the budget immensely.

Rick Perry starts regurgitating Tea Party talking points that he stole from a pamphlet he found lying next to the Port-O-Lets at the Tampa Fairgrounds. Huntsman promises to reform the tax code within his first 100 days. Bachmann pats herself on the back per usual and promises to repeal everything. Can we repeal ‘Avatar’ from being made? Can we at least repeal funding going to the production of any sequels? Herman Cain tells the world to go check his 999 Plan but he doesn’t mention the FairTax. I wonder if that is a part of his 999 Plan; I will have to give it a quick read over.

Mitt Romney then comes out and says that, “We are an energy rich nation living like an energy poor nation.” He also says that we’re in a smartphone world and not a payphone world and that Obama is still putting quarters in the payphone or something like that. All I can say is, “Fuck payphones!” Those things are dirty, grimy, germy and stinky. They also smell like hobo nut sweat. All this does though is lead to another spat between Romney and Perry and this one is full of weird poker references and extreme awkwardness by both candidates. Wolf Blitzer blushes when Rick Perry winks at him. Maybe I imagined that part. In any event, Wolf has some obvious man-love for the Texas Gub’ner.

Ron Paul destroys the man-love by pointing out the reality of Rick Perry’s record (I wrote about his record here). Dr. Paul points out that Perry has implemented higher taxes and created more debt in the process. Ron Paul peels back the layers and Perry, looking visibly uncomfortable, just makes wise cracks about Ron Paul. Truth is, the record Perry touts is bullshit. The media doesn’t care though, he’s dreamy!

The next subject to come up is the Federal Reserve. Oddly, not a single fucking question about the Fed or Ben Bernanke went to Ron Paul, who is the chairman of the U.S. House Financial Services Subcommittee on Domestic Monetary Policy. Basically, Ron Paul deals with Bernanke and the Fed on a daily basis! Yet, not a single fucking question went to the expert on the subject.

Former Federal Reserve employee Herman Cain was asked a question however. He was asked if the Fed should be audited. Cain who used to be against auditing the Federal Reserve now says that we should. He says that he doesn’t want to end the Fed but he does want to fix it. That’s not good enough for me, sorry homie.

Michele Bachmann says she would fire Ben Bernanke. Of course she would and so would everyone else up there because to say that you would keep him would be career suicide at this point. Everyone else pretty much says the same thing. Romney insists he will look into the Fed: no he won’t. Rick Perry does backtrack on his remark from two debates back where he called Ben Bernanke “treasonous”. Perry is backtracking and flippin’ the script like a little bitch this round. Starting to see a trend yet?

A young Tea Partier in the crowd asks “How much of my paycheck should I be allowed to keep?” It is a great question that should be asked to every single candidate on that stage, however Wolf Blitzer just asks Jon Huntsman: what a waste. Huntsman, the living embodiment of the politician stereotype, beats around the bush and never truly answers the question. One of the best questions of the night is thrown away like a used condom after sex with a Carson City hooker under an overpass.

A Tea Partier on the giant TV then asks about the FairTax and the question is given to Mitt Romney who doesn’t support it and tries to explain why. The problem is that Mitt obviously doesn’t understand the FairTax and how it works. He claims that it punishes the middle class. Nope dude.. it doesn’t. Go read one of the Boortz books or read any of the countless FairTax articles that are posted on FairTax.org and TheSwash.com. Wolf Blitzer is really good at picking the wrong people to ask specific questions. The audience members that got to participate in the debate were cheated.

Things really start to heat up in a good way when Ron Paul speaks out against the use of executive orders. Dr. Paul says that executive orders should never be used for legislation and that anyone who uses them to make law is not working within the frame of the Constitution. Ron Paul then points out that it was Rick Perry who abused the executive order power in trying to force teen girls to get vaccinated. Rick Perry once again looks uncomfortable and can’t effectively dig himself out of this hole. How could he? There is no excuse for this even though too many people are turning a blind eye to it or somehow accepting it and forgetting it.

Perry tries to get out of the hole by saying he’d use his executive order powers as president to repeal Obamacare. This fucksack just can’t face the goddamned music. Bachmann gets really pissed and informs the idiot Perry that you can’t just repeal it with an executive order, he needs to learn how this shit works. She then goes on and on about parental rights and how Perry violated them and is pretty much an evil fucking bastard.

Of course Wolf Blitzer continually allows Perry to respond to every criticism, which isn’t a luxury that he has been giving to anyone else on the stage. Bachmann isn’t having any of Perry’s shit and she points out that he has close ties with Merck, the drug company behind the vaccination. I remember when I used to tell people this and they called me a “conspiracy nut”. Bachmann is bouncing back in this debate and showing that she’s not ready to leave the hunt.

Suddenly, Rick Santorum starts ripping Rick Perry a new asshole too! This is great. Santorum is an idiot douche but Darth Perry getting slammed has got me cheering on any and all comers that want to challenge the Sith bastard. Perry is crawling in his skin and it’s awesome to watch. Rick Perry literally pulls a shit sandwich out of his jacket pocket and takes a bite. Nomnomnom!

Health care is the next big issue and Herman Cain starts the discussion by saying that he wants to implement a “loser pays” law, as it would help eliminate bad lawsuits against doctors, thus eliminating the high cost of their liability insurance and thus the high cost of health care in general.

Ron Paul says that, “Freedom is about risk”. When it comes to health care it is a person’s responsibility to take care of themselves, just like anything else. However, he points out that the charitable nature of man wouldn’t just let people die in the streets. Being the only doctor on stage and having practiced medicine before all the medical entitlements, he tells us about how even before Medicare and Medicaid all the hospitals he worked in never turned people away. He also talked about how churches and other organizations would work to help the less fortunate as they do now, except they would be even more charitable if their hands weren’t tied due to the cost of health care and the restraints of the over-regulated system.

Some guy from Cincinnati asks the candidates what we should do ’bout all dem Messicans. The first to get on that is Rick Santorum who literally calls for “Stormtroopers” on the border! No, he really called for “Stormtroopers”! Apparently he also wants a super fence and a Death Star pointed at Mexico. Man, I thought Darth Perry was the Sith.

Rick Perry blames the federal government for slacking in taking care of the border issues. Wait, hold up.. this guy calling for states’ rights is now bitching that the feds haven’t taken care of business. The reality of this is that Perry is a lazy fuck when it comes to dealing with the GOP solution on immigration. Homeboy needs to check his record and then he needs to check his ass. He throws in there that a fence won’t work; he’s right about that.

Rick Santorum doesn’t like Perry’s insight about the fence though and he jumps down his throat. Santorum goes on a tirade about speaking English and how he came from immigrants. Yeah dude, we all did except those of us living on reservations.

Bachmann steps into the immigration debate and, as is the trend, she jacks Ron Paul’s platform. Bachmann believes that the real problem is the welfare state and that it needs to be severely reformed to prevent illegal aliens from benefitting from it. Actually honey, it needs to be abolished.

Rick Perry says that he is against amnesty for illegal aliens but is quickly attacked by Jon Huntsman who calls Perry “treasonous” for saying that the border cannot be physically secured by a fence. Perry is right here and Huntsman is just picking a fight to be relevant in this debate. I sort of like Jon Huntsman, simply for the fact that he is a total dick. Huntsman gets some extra points for dissing Homeland Security.

Herman Cain then tells us that he wants to create a “regulatory reduction commission” to overlook government agencies such as the EPA. I like this idea as long as it doesn’t cost a lot of money. Then again, if used correctly, it could save us tons of money and justify the cost of its existence. Then again, when does government do anything right?

Ron Paul is confronted with his vocal opposition to military spending and explains to Wolf Blitzer and the people watching that there is a difference between military spending and defense spending. Yes, there certainly is. Unfortunately the average American citizen and politician can’t wrap their head around that simple bit of logic. This of course angers pretty much everyone in the room and Ron Paul has to explain that jihadists are pissed about our involvement in their lives and the fact that we occupy their countries. He goes on to explain Osama bin Laden’s reasoning for attacking us on 9/11 by using Osama’s own words. The crowd boos because the crowd can’t accept the fact that we have an imperialistic military that steps on nuts all over the world. No! no! no! They just hate us because we’re white and different! We never did anything to piss them off!

Ron Paul’s insightful lesson is followed up by Huntsman saying that we need to get out of Afghanistan. Rick Perry then steps up to the mic and says that it is important to have a military presence in Afghanistan to help them form a civil freedom-loving society. I guess he believes the myth that warring tribes can be civil.

Wolf Blitzer then asks the final question of the night to all the candidates. He asks what each and every one of them would bring to the White House. Santorum says he’d build a room for his kids.. yawn. Ron Paul says he’s bringing Austrian economics and common sense. Newt says something about ballet. Perry says he’s bringing the best First Lady ever. Huntsman says something lame. Bachmann says something crazy. Romney fixes his hair. Cain says he’s bringing a sense of humor. I’m bringing cotton candy.

This debate ends and we’re all left with just a little bit more of the same. I think the most important thing of the night was Rick Perry getting called out on his bullshit and being exposed as an evil Sith bastard. Bachmann earned some respect for going off on the Texas Governor. I also have to give props to Paul for trying to educate the lesser beings to no avail. Don’t worry Dr. Paul, after their campaign staff explains your talking points to them, they’ll steal some of your platform for the next debate.

In the end, this was one of the better debates. I wish certain parts of the debate were better managed and that Wolf Blitzer used better judgment on who to ask specific questions. Ah well, at least we didn’t have that pervert John King making unsexy throat noises. At the end of the day, this is just one of several debates and the road to 2012 is far from over. In fact, we still have a year before we even find out who wins the primary. There’s also another dozen or so debates on the horizon. It’s going to be a long year but at least it has been entertaining. At this point, anything can happen.

Grading Scale:
Grade A: Ron Paul
Grade B+: Herman Cain
Grade B: Michele Bachmann
Grade C-: Newt Gingrich
Grade D: Mitt Romney
Grade D: Rick Santorum
Grade D-: Rick Perry
Grade D-: Jon Huntsman
Grade I: Gary Johnson
Grade I: Thaddeus McCotter

*Taken from NPR.

With the sovereign debt crisis deepening, the leaders of France and Germany announced that they would seek a “true European economic government” made up of all the heads of state of eurozone countries but led by European Union President Herman Van Rompuy.

The AP reports that French President Nicolas Sarkozy and German Chancellor Angela Merkel, who met in France after a turbulent week in the world markets, also want the 17 nations to make a balanced budget part of their constitutions.

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*Taken from Majority Leader.

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA) today issued the following statement regarding House consideration of a balanced budget amendment, H.J. Res. 1, sponsored by Congressman Bob Goodlatte:

“We are being asked by the Obama Administration to approve a debt limit increase. While President Obama inherited a bad economy, his overspending and failure to enact pro-growth policies have made it worse and now our national debt is currently more than $14 trillion. House Republicans have made clear that we will not agree to raise the debt limit without real spending cuts and binding budget process reforms to ensure that we don’t continue to max out the credit card. One option to ensure that we begin to get our fiscal house in order is a balanced budget amendment to the Constitution, and I expect to schedule such a measure for the House to consider during the week of July 25th. I have no doubt that my Republican colleagues will overwhelmingly support this common sense measure and I urge Democrats to as well in order to get our fiscal house in order.”

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