*Written by Rob Rimes.

I was late watching this debate, as I had to check the replay. Unfortunately, I wasn’t home and I was unable to take serious notes on it. I was at my boss’ house due to it being the annual national sales meeting for my real job and between the alcohol and festivities, this thing was hard to watch in any serious sort of manner. I regret not being able to give it my full attention but the whiskey and wine were flowing, the girls were distracting to say the least and the copious amounts of food transplanted from several of the world’s most exotic regions somehow took precedence over watching the most recent episode of ‘Three Tyrants and a Wizard’. I do apologize as I have been trying to chronicle every damn one of these things but there are just so many, seven this month alone, and turning down a chance to literally spend the night at a party thrown at the mansion of the Indian version of Caligula is incredibly hard to pass up. Bourbon soaked tits are better to stare at than three dudes arguing over their dicks and the fourth shaking his head because America’s fallen so far that we’re literally having a debate about three dicks.

Now I did go back and read the transcripts from the debate and I did watch Ron Paul’s highlights – the only important parts, as the other three’s highlights would’ve put me to sleep in my hungover stupor. If it wasn’t for my boss’ brother handing me a Bloody Mary when I walked through the office door this morning, I’d probably be curled up in a ball under my desk hiding from the flickering power-draining headache-inducing fluorescent lights over my head. Needless to say, I am not a Bloody Mary fan by any stretch of the word, as it just conjures up the thought of drinking vodka with some ketchup spilled in it, but that fucking cocktail hit the spot today and I’m about 70 percent recovered from guest-starring in the Bollywood version of ‘Eyes Wide Shut’.

I know I’m rambling about my drunken escapades and that might disinterest you, as you came to this article to experience my certain style of critique on these things, so for that I’m sorry. I will do my best to give you the rundown of the debate, as I saw it between nude champagne showers and Chilean sea bass dodgeball.

So I’m just going to go down the line and analyze the candidates one-by-one starting with Rick Santorum. He started by talking about illegal immigration, border fences and telling the story about his immigrant family for the umpteenth time. He got into it with Ron Paul on foreign policy and failed miserably as he tried to cover up the fact that he’s a goddamned idiot on the affairs of Central and South America. I’ll write more on this when I get to Ron Paul, who owned Santorum like a twenty dollar prostitute. Santorum goes on to bitch about Fannie and Freddie and in turn blasts Newt and Mitt for playing personal politics and distracting everyone from discussing the real issues. On the subject of space, Santorum said that America is a frontier country and space is the next frontier to conquer. He calls for the private sector to be more involved with NASA but doesn’t fully support government being out of it. On health care he goes on and on about how awesome he is for trying to create health savings accounts. If you were so awesome, you would’ve got it done pal! He then gets into a health care argument with Romney that is neither interesting or worth writing about but what the hell, I’ll give you the nutshell version. Basically it went something like this:

Rick Santorum: “Fuck Romneycare”
Mitt Romney: “But it was only at the state level Ricky Baby!”
Rick Santorum: “I don’t care Mitt! You’re a bitch and you gave Obama the blueprints to evil!”
Mitt Romney: “Ricky Baby, you’re so silly!”
Rick Santorum: “Jesus Bible! No health care for the gays!”

Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich spent most of their time arguing about who was a bigger bastard while both looked like big bastards. Mittens talked about “self-deportation” again. If these guys believe in such a thing as an effective way of handling a situation, can we get them to believe in “self-governance”? If they trust those illegal immigrants to leave on their own accord after sneaking in here in an effort just to come back in a way that is much more difficult, they’ve got to believe that we’re all capable of managing every other aspect of our lives? I mean, they are putting blind faith into something so farfetched that they’ve got to be down with just saying “fuck it” and letting us run our own shit, right?

On the immigration subject, Newt says that Romney is the most anti-immigrant candidate out of the four. Romney gets all pissy and pulls his two Latino cards. The first he pulls is Marco Rubio, the Cuban American senator that came to his defense on immigration. The second card Mitt pulled was Mexico, as his father was born there. I was born in a hospital bro, that doesn’t make me a doctor!

Romney and Gingrich argue about immigration for awhile and then they argue about Fannie and Freddie and who is the biggest crook. Newt, once he gets away from the lame feud for a minute, goes on some tangent about making a moon base. Newt later said that Jacksonville was going to get big pimpin’ because the Panama Canal was widening and would bring them more boat traffic. Shortly after that we were treated to a Santorum-Gingrich-Romney three-way which was like stumbling upon a middle-aged homosexual version of Cinemax at three in the morning. It was a bitch and rant fuck fest that no one in their right mind needed to see, unless of course you’re into middle-aged gay men. If you are, I mean absolutely no disrespect. Do ya thang homegirl!

Fuck all these queens, let’s get to Ron Paul, the only adult in the room. On immigration, he says that if we had a working healthy economy we wouldn’t be so worried about the immigration issue as we’d be looking for workers to fill jobs. He adds that the way we are handling our borders is actually harming our economy. He points out that we don’t have the right amount of resources on the border and that we should pay more attention to our border instead of the border between Pakistan and Afghanistan.

On the Latin America issue, Ron Paul says, “Free trade is the answer.” He throws in the fact that we’d be a lot better off if we practiced free trade with Cuba. He adds that he doesn’t like the idea that America thinks that they can go down to Central and South America and try to dictate which kind of leaders they need down there, as it is none of our business. He says that the best way to influence other nations isn’t by telling them what to do, it is by practicing friendship and free trade. Paul then references Santorum who said that we have to stand up for these nations. Paul explains that standing up for nations often times comes with us imposing ourselves on the people of these countries while picking their dictators, undermining their government and sending them a lot of money. He warns that this sort of tactic always backfires and the people we are “supporting” end up hating us. Ron Paul calls Rick Santorum’s ideas on foreign policy the “bully way”. Paul adds that he knows a better to way to work with people other than using force. Santorum shakes his head, mumbles some stupid crap and then changes his tampon while wiping his bitch tears. Checkmate Paul!

Ron Paul is asked if Mitt and Newt should return the money they’ve made off of Fannie and Freddie and he responds to thunderous applause when he says, “That subject doesn’t interest me a lot.” Paul says that Fannie and Freddie should have been auctioned off right after the crash came. He said that if it was sold, the problem would’ve been “cleansed” by now. Ron Paul says that he’s been trying to prevent this stuff which is why we need to end the Federal Reserve.

CNN’s Wolf Blitzer asks says that Ron Paul, if elected, would be the oldest president ever. He asks Paul if he would make his medical records public to show the people that he is healthy. Blitzer basically wants to paint Ron Paul as a geezer who could croak tomorrow and I find the question to be repugnant, just as I found it distasteful when the same issue was brought up with Ronald Reagan years ago. Paul said that he’ll prove how healthy he is by delivering an open challenge to all the other candidates to face him in a 25 mile bike ride in the heat of Texas. Ron Paul face-palmed the shit out of Wolf Blitzer and the other candidates with that answer. He also took a shot at Wolf himself when he jokingly pointed out that there are laws against age discrimination and that Blitzer should be careful. Wolf, after getting bitchslapped, tries to cover up the stupid question by asking the other candidates if they’d release theirs. What a tool.

On space spending, Ron Paul says that he would only approve funding on stuff that fits under defense. He says that going to the Moon and Mars is fantastic but that it could be done better by the private sector if their hands weren’t tied. Ron Paul then takes a shot at Newt, saying that he has stretched the truth with all his “balanced budget” claims from the days when he was Speaker of the House. Ron Paul is taking solid shots backed by facts and there is nothing that can be done about it when he brings these guys a dose of the truth. Strangely, Newt Gingrich was very polite and gracious to Ron Paul all night and gave him props for his ideas in several areas.

In the end, the debate was lightyears better than the NBC debate a few days prior. CNN does the best job, in my opinion, and I’ve watched every single one of these debates. Kudos to Wolf for rocking the house, even with a few prickish questions. Ron Paul owned the motherfucker, Santorum did decent if you are into his religio-fascist bullshit while Newt and Mitt looked like a few bickering Tinas arguing over the last pack of Lee Press-On Nails at K-Mart.

And that’s all I got because I immediately returned to my whiskey-scented orgy on the south lawn.

Grading Scale:
Grade A+: Ron Paul
Grade C-: Rick Santorum
Grade D+: Newt Gingrich
Grade D: Mitt Romney

*Best debate moment in recent memory:

*Written by Rob Rimes.

Let me start by saying that even though I’ve referred to other debates as the worst, this one definitely took the cake and showed us just how godawful these things can be. This debate came to us from Tampa, Florida and was hosted by NBC. Brian Williams was the moderator and he was a shitty one at that. To start, there were no intros and the audience was not allowed to participate in any way. This means that the crowd could not applaud, boo or get fired up like they have in most previous debates. While I understand that this is done to speed up the process and fit in more quality time with the candidates, it creates bad television and boring debates, especially when the candidates argue incessantly for long periods of time and the moderator is too chicken shit to break it up and stick to his own rules regarding time. My biggest regret about watching this goddamned thing is that I only had one beer in the whole fucking house. I was also too lethargic from a 20 oz. New York strip to get up and mix a stronger drink. At least the ecstasy I got from my giant piece of premium American red meat kept me from losing my shit and going completely insane throughout this episode of ‘Three Statists and a Constitutionalist’.

So we start with Newt Gingrich being asked to respond to Mitt Romney recently calling him “erratic” and a “failed leader”. Woohoo! Here we go already starting with the personal attacks over policy issues. Gingrich immediately dropped several Reagan references and was shocked that he didn’t get any applause. Oh yes, the crowd must stay silent or be forced to stare into the droopy eyes of Brian Williams who has been known to turn people into hipster liberals with just a quick glare. This didn’t bode well for Newt as he was waiting for the crowd to react to his empty one-liners. Gingrich said he was like Reagan, who ignored Carter and went on to win the election. Really Newt? You’re ignoring the attacks against you? Funny, because every show I’ve seen you on, you’ve just gone on and on about all the attacks against you.

Gingrich is immediately given a second question, as Williams asks him how he has changed since being Speaker of the House. Gingrich says that as Speaker he had four consecutive balanced budgets, which he says is unheard of. He also brags about how many jobs he created and how he reformed welfare. This is also funny because in a recent interview he took the Romney approach and said government doesn’t create jobs the private sector does. So which is it Newt?

Brian Williams then directs his attention to Mitt and I can already tell that Paul and Santorum are probably going to get the shaft on time this round. Romney is asked if he is electable, which is a dumb fucking question. It’s a dumb question when anyone is asked this, really. Romney talks about how he saved the Olympics and created tons of businesses. He doesn’t actually answer the question he just runs through his already well-known yet well-rehersed talking points. He then switches to attacks on Gingrich and disses him for talking bad about the Paul Ryan Plan and for aligning with Nancy Pelosi on several occasions.

Newt Gingrich says that he isn’t going to spend the entire evening “chasing Mitt’s misinformation.” Yes he will, just keep reading. Gingrich says that the American people need a discussion on how the candidates are going to beat Obama and that they need to move passed the bullshit. Romney jumps in and points out that 88 percent of the Republicans in the House of Representatives voted against Newt, which caused him to resign from his position in disgrace. Mitt also points out that Newt’s approval rating when he left Congress was 18 percent. Romney then takes a stiff shot at Gingrich when he says that we can’t retake the White House if the person leading the fight was in the pocket of Freddie Mac. This fight then goes on forever and Brian Williams just lets them duke it out regardless of time restraints and the fact that there are other candidates who haven’t even talked yet. Gingrich tries to explain how he left Congress, which is all bullshit and just leads to him arguing with Romney over who has the most inaccurate attack ads. I thought you were ignoring the attacks and weren’t going to spend the evening “chasing Mitt’s misinformation”? Can we please discuss the real issues?!

Rick Santorum finally gets asked a question and as much as I loathe the guy, I’m glad to see him at this point. Of course he is asked to comment on the Romney-Gingrich spat because Brian Williams wants the two feuding idiots to be front and center to help discredit the GOP as a whole. Santorum rambles some nonsense about painting a positive vision for the country and adds that he creates a real contrast to Mitt and Newt. Um, not really homeboy unless you’re referring to the religio-fascist part. Santorum then claims to “..have a track record of being a strong conservative.” Well that depends on what your definition of a conservative is, as it varies greatly from candidate to candidate.

Brian Williams then takes a shot at Santorum and says that he lost his seat in the Senate by 18 percent. This was of course after Santorum bragged about winning the seat in a liberal state. Santorum responds to the criticism by saying that the Republican governor in Pennsylvania lost worse than he did that same year. What the fuck does that have to do with anything? Santorum also physically crouched down when he was rambling incoherently and actually said the word “crouch down”. Thanks for the visual buddy.

Finally Ron Paul gets brought into this thing! Williams reminds us that Paul once said that he never visualized himself as winning the nomination so why does he think he can win now. Paul says that he doesn’t sit around and dream about being in the White House like everyone else on stage. He points out that, according to polls, when he is put head-to-head with Obama he has a better chance at beating him than anyone else in the GOP. Paul also clues the masses into the fact that Iowa was just a straw poll and the real winner hasn’t yet been decided, as it will be the person who acquires the most delegates. He’s asked if he will run third party because every goddamned moderator has to seemingly ask this question. Once again, Ron Paul says that he has no intentions to do so. He is then asked if he would ever support Newt. Paul gives Gingrich props on his stance with the Federal Reserve and the gold standard but adds that he needs to change his stance on foreign policy. Newt responds by giving Paul some props on economic issues.

They then get into the boring topic of Mitt Romney’s tax returns which just shifts all the attention back to Tweedledum and Tweedledumber – that being Romney and Gingrich, you can choose which is which. Romney says that his income tax info will show how he made profits and rewards. He then goes on to claim that he’ll drop corporate tax rates while reshaping the entire tax code in an effort to simplify it. Gingrich jumps in and channels Mitt’s dad, who released a dozen years worth of tax information. Newt then says something about a Hong Kong tax model. This guy’s always pulling obscure shit from other countries. Romney jumps back in and says he and his father disagreed on many things and unlike his dad, he will only release a few years worth of his personal tax data. Romney then goes on to say that he inherited nothing and made his own mark in the world. He name drops Staples, Sports Authority and Steel Dynamics as ten minutes have passed without mentioning them. Truthfully, I think everything Mitt says is a pre-recorded statement and he just moves his lips to the words.

The mic in this rap battle is then passed back over to Santorum. He takes a shot at Newt and Mitt when he says that they claim to support capitalism but how can they make that claim when they supported the bailouts. Santorum says that we should have allowed these moronic financial institutions go through bankruptcy. What some people might not know though is that Rick Santorum wasn’t in office at the time of the bailouts so he couldn’t vote on TARP; so it is easy for him to say he didn’t support it. When looking a little deeper however, Rick Santorum did support the bailout of the airline industry. So would he have really rejected TARP? Based off of the $15 billion dollar airline bailout and his past voting record with other things, Santorum looks to be a pro-TARP motherfucker. Lucky for him he lost his seat in the Senate and didn’t get stuck with TARP on his record.

Newt is asked about more criticism from Mitt, who apparently claimed Gingrich “peddled influence” with Freddie Mac. Why couldn’t this be addressed the first time in this very same debate when Newt was asked to comment on Mitt’s criticisms? Time wasting bullshit! Newt said he never “peddled influence” and added that Romney’s approach about the Freddie Mac situation is nasty. Gingrich claims that he never lobbied for them and actually says that he brought in experts to teach his staff how to not lobby. Sorry, I just find that laughable. Romney quickly lashes back at Gingrich saying that Freddie Mac doesn’t pay “historians” as much as they paid Newt. Romney also points out that Gingrich was pushing GSEs every chance he got, which is a form of lobbying. Newt said he only made $35,000 per year, which is a lie. Why do people like either of these shady bastards? Aren’t Americans sick of criminals in power?

The Mitt-Newt show goes on for a long time as these two duke it out with no buzzer going off and Brian Williams sitting quiet – wasting our precious fucking time on this bitch fight. Williams, after minutes of this nonsense finally cuts in to stop it but only because NBC has to go to commercial break. Brian Williams has the spine of a squid.

After the commercial break, the issue of the housing crisis comes up. Santorum is the first person asked to address it. He claims that he saw the crisis on the horizon and tried to stop it. Yep asshole but you were about a decade behind Ron Paul on seeing it. Santorum, while explaining his fallacious knowledge on the subject, actually utters the phrase: “Let capitalism work.” Hilarious! This guy doesn’t know what capitalism is! Santorum immediately follows up his pro-capitalism line by saying that the government needs to step in and help the people who have lost their houses. Here we go with the doublespeak! Santorum continues by saying that people need the freedom to get out from under these houses and get relief. Really dude? Just “let capitalism work”?

On the same issue, Paul is asked if the government owes the people anything. Paul says that they owe the people a free market and sound money. He says that the interest rates were kept too low for far too long. Ron Paul says that he introduced legislation to help prevent the housing bubble from bursting years before it actually did. He declares that the bubble and the consequences of these actions were easy to spot but no one in Washington did. Paul says that the government needs to get out of the way. He then closes by saying that the Federal Reserve dumped so much debt on the taxpayers after wiping the slate clean with banks and corporations they bailed out.

Brian Williams, who apparently wants to suck Mitt’s dick, gives us another Mitt-Newt session when he brings them in on the housing issue. Romney says that the government has to help the people they fucked but immediately after that says that the government has to get out of it. Which is it bro? Gingrich says we need to repeal Dodd-Frank as it would improve the economy overnight. He says that the bill led big banks to get bigger. Newt is asked if the financial system is overregulated, which just proves how stupid Brian Williams is. Romney jumps back in to monopolize more time and says that the markets need regulation to work. What? What happened to capitalism? He then adds that we need up-to-date regulation not that old shitty regulation.

Williams, who wants to keep Romney in the spotlight, switches the subject and asks him about opening up Cuba. Mitt actually says that he’d be glad if Fidel Castro died and went to see his maker.. WTF?! Romney says we can’t talk about opening up Cuba but we need to support those in the country who want freedom. Okay, so how are we supporting them by contributing to making their economy shit? Why do you think that it is so easy for Castro to convince his people that America is bad? This is why! Romney wants to help Cubans by punishing them and not “giving in”.

Gingrich adds to Romney’s “glad when Castro’s dead” comment by saying that he won’t meet his maker but that he’ll essentially go to Hell. Newt starts talking about a “Cuban Spring”. He says that we need to reach out to younger Cubans who want freedom. Of course he, like Mitt, wants to do this without working with them in a productive and positive way. These guys must believe in magic.

When the discussion shifts back over to Ron Paul, he says that he has a lot to teach these guys on foreign policy. Ron Paul calls Newt and Mitt’s tactics “isolationist”. Funny watching Ron flip the script when every idiot out there calls him an “isolationist” as the idiots don’t really get what it means. Paul points out that the Cold War is over and the Cuban Missile Crisis was 50 years ago. He adds that we prop up Castro with our sanctions and embargo as it helps him stay in power by gaining support through pointing the finger of blame at the United States. Paul reminds the candidates that we used to talk to the Soviets and currently talk to the Chinese while we’ve had major problems with both. He even adds that we went in and talked to the Vietnamese after the disastrous Vietnam War. He says that we are living in the dark age if we are going to refuse to talk to Cuba.

Santorum, who apparently ignored Paul’s great insight, calls for us to use sanctions against Cuba until the Castro brothers die. He says that for right now we have to keep the current policy active and we shouldn’t embrace Cuba until the dictators are dead. Santorum then goes on a dumb tangent about how Cuba works directly with jihadists. Here we go with the fear mongering!

On Iran, Romney says we need to build a super strong military to scare the fuck out of everyone. Gingirch says that we are a country that likes peace and stability. Apparently he means between all the wars he wants to bring forth. Gingrich adds that he feels that we should defend the freedom of the sea. He then shares his thoughts on Obama, saying that Iran keeps testing us because our president is weak. Ron Paul gets in the Iran talk and says that our blockade of Iran’s strait is an act of war and tells us to imagine if the roles were reversed. Paul points out that Iran needs the Strait of Hormuz as much as we do. He warns us all that we have too many wars and the thought of invading Iran is ridiculous as we don’t have any money.

Santorum is asked how he would attack Iran when they have such a large target list. Santorum doesn’t answer that, he immediately goes right into the fear mongering he is so good at. He says that if Iran gets a nuke, the whole world will change. He then says that Obama’s Iran policy is a failure and feels that no one in power is serious about the Iranian threat. He then claims that Iran’s leadership is the equivalent to having a country ran by Al-Qaeda. He hammers the point that it is reckless to not try and stop Iran from building a nuke. He then flips the script and starts rambling about manufacturing and energy in Florida.

The candidates are then asked why it is okay for them to court voters in Spanish while they are all in favor of English as a national language. Gingrich says that the common bond that unites a country is one language. He says that there will be 300-400 languages used in the U.S. very soon so we need to unify the people with just one. Romney agrees with Newt before rambling about Massachusetts teachers teaching in other languages. Ron Paul steps in and says that we need to have one language at the national level but adds that if states want ballots in Spanish, such as Florida, it is their right to do so. Paul says that you can make English the official federal language without interfering in what the states want to do.

On illegal immigration, Newt says that the children of illegals should be allowed to join the military so they can go off and die for his senseless wars. Romney says he would not sign the DREAM Act in its current form but he would if it included military service. Romney then goes on a weird rant that illegals should “self-deport” themselves, go back to their country of origin and apply for legal citizenship. Santorum, who didn’t think the “self-deportation” comments were obscure, says that people have been self-deporting for awhile now due to our shitty economy. Santorum keeps referring to illegal immigrants as “they” as if they are something other than individuals.

Newt is asked about sugar and goes on to ramble about sugar types. Romney, who gets a bunch of money from Florida sugar farmers, says that we need to kill sugar subsidies. He then goes on a rant about homes in Florida, diverting his attention away from sugar. Romney says that too many homes in Florida are underwater. OMG! Global warming is drowning us! Oh.. wait.. that was a figure of speech.

Ron Paul is asked some dumb question about saving the Everglades and then we go to a commercial break. Why couldn’t they ask that dummy Santorum about the Everglades? He’s a snake, he’d have more invested in the issue. We also get Williams asking abut the Terry Schiavo case, which happened years ago and has nothing to do with anything that is going on right now. Gingrich and Paul address it but it is just a time-waster.

Romney is asked if space is a priority. He says “yes” but adds that Obama doesn’t have a real vision for NASA and because of that, Florida is suffering. Actually dude, I live in Florida and I’m doing okay, so don’t speak for me. Mitt says that the right mission for NASA needs to be determined by the president. Um.. I thought you were a capitalist guy? Romney then adds that NASA shouldn’t be solely funded by the government but that it should be funded by a collaborative effort of the military and companies that have ties and can benefit from the institutions work.

Keeping with Romney, he is asked what he’s done to promote conservatism. Mitt gives the stupidest answer when he says that he has created a family and worked in the private sector. Really, that’s your answer? Gingrich is then brought in and asked to comment on Mitt and replies with, “I don’t want to spend my time commenting on Mitt.” Well what the fuck was he doing the first half of this goddamned debate?! Santorum jumps in and rants and whines about a bunch of shit regarding Gingrich and Romney not being as conservative as he is.

Brian Williams then asks Ron Paul if Gingrich and Romney are insufficiently conservative. Why didn’t Williams ask if Santorum was? Ron Paul says that it all depends on what your definition of conservative is. He points out that conservatives have lost their way completely and asks how can a person be conservative when they’ll cut food stamps but won’t stop wasteful spending overseas. He adds that you can’t have smaller government if you keep creating all these wars. He also adds that you can’t promote personal liberty and then try to legislate all the crap that the GOP wants.

Mittens says that he has a solid conservative record, just look at it. Okay dickbag. He then diverts and brags about how Ted Kennedy had to take a loan out on his house to beat him in the governor’s race back in the 90′s. Yeah, he still beat you dude. He finishes his soulless rambling by saying he will repeal Obamacare and leave health care up to the states.

Gingrich is asked about his numbers being on the rise and what scares him the most about possibly becoming president. He just says that the next president will face enormous problems. No shit cuntpickle! He then warns that there are too many huge special interest groups working against the country and only for their own benefit. Somehow he expects to defeat that. This ends the debate, twenty minutes early and Brian Williams introduces NBC’s crack staff to analyze the debate for the remainder of the time. I turn off the TV.

God this shit was awful.

Grading Scale:
Grade B: Ron Paul
Grade D+: Newt Gingrich
Grade D: Rick Santorum
Grade D-: Mitt Romney

GOP candidate Newt Gingrich, who has said he never lobbied on behalf of his consulting clients, reported to a top lobbyist with Freddie Mac as part of a $25,000-a-month contract,according to records released late Monday.

The one-year contract overseen by Freddie Mac executive Craig Thomas represents only a portion of the former House speaker’s long relationship with the mortgage giant, which spanned eight years and resulted in at least $1.6 million in fees for Gingrich’s empire.

The partial documentation also appears unlikely to quell escalating demands from GOP rival Mitt Romney, who has sharply criticized Gingrich for his lucrative career collecting tens of millions of dollars in fees from Freddie Mac, health-care firms and other clients.

The attacks, repeated in Monday night’s presidential debate, are part of an attempt by Romney to blunt Gingrich’s momentum after a commanding primary victory in South Carolina on Saturday. A new ad from the Romney campaign alleges that Gingrich “cashed in” on the housing meltdown by taking money “from the scandal-ridden agency that helped create the crisis.”

The 15 pages of documents released late Monday consisted primarily of contractual boilerplate, along with signature pages laying out the $300,000 annual fee. The “scope of services and fees” consists of a single paragraph with no details.

The Gingrich campaign did not respond to a request for comment on whether it planned to release any more Freddie Mac records.

Gingrich has offered varying explanations for his ties to the mortgage company, initially claiming he was hired as a “historian” and later characterizing himself as a strategic adviser. Gingrich and his supporters have repeatedly denied that he acted as a lobbyist for Freddie Mac or any other client.

“If you read the contract,” Gingrich said in Monday’s debate, “. . . I was supposed to do consulting work. There is no place in the contract that provides for lobbying.”

Thomas, who at the time was director of public policy at Freddie Mac, was identified as the “project director” in the Gingrich contract. Thomas was listed as a lobbyist for Freddie Mac in 2000, 2005 and 2006, according to disclosure records.

The Freddie Mac contract is part of a series of tit-for-tat releases between Gingrich and Romney, who is releasing his 2010 tax returns after withering attacks from Gingrich on the issue. Gingrich released records last week showing that he and his wife paid an effective federal tax rate of about 32 percent on income of $3.14 million.

Gingrich has been dogged for months by questions about his lucrative consulting contracts with Freddie Mac, a government-sponsored mortgage company that is viewed by many conservatives as a prime cause of the housing crisis. Gingrich has said he warned the company about its “insane” lending practices.

Bloomberg News reported that Gingrich had earned up to $1.8 million from Freddie Mac from 1999 to 2008 to build support among Republicans for its private-public business model. The Gingrich campaign disputed portions of the report, but resisted releasing any documents from the arrangement until now.

In an explanation on its Web site, the Gingrich campaign says that “at no time did Gingrich lobby for Freddie Mac,” nor did he “ever advocate against pending legislation affecting Freddie Mac.” The campaign said Gingrich “offered strategic advice” to Freddie Mac and a “very wide range of clients” through his consulting firm.

Gingrich also repeatedly sought to play down his personal role in the contract, suggesting in one interview that he only spent about an hour a month talking with Freddie Mac officials.

The Freddie Mac contracts were just a small part of a vast financial empire, often dubbedNewt Inc., assembled over the past decade. The private and nonprofit groups led by Gingrich brought in an estimated $150 million since he left Congress.

One entity, a think tank called the Center for Health Transformation, collected dues of up to $200,000 per year from insurers, hospitals and other health-care firms in exchange for “access to Newt Gingrich” and political advice, according to records and interviews.

Source: the Washington Post.

*Written by Rob Rimes.

I’m still hungover from the South Carolina results, then again seven big cans of Foster’s Premium Ale before bed last night might be a contributing factor in how I’m feeling right now. Regardless, I’m still pretty pissed off about the stupidity of 87 percent of South Carolinians and am hoping that Florida, my home state, gives us some better results. Unfortunately, Gingrich is killing it in the polls right now but at least Rick Santorum is in last place and not Ron Paul. However, as with all these pivotal stops on the campaign trail, the numbers will shift and things will change. I just hope that my state shows Ron Paul as much love as New Hampshire did. Where I live locally, I have seen more Paul signs than any other candidate, especially in front of big local businesses. A well-known seafood joint in town has huge Paul banners in front of it and since it is on a major road and probably feeds over a thousand people per week, hopefully these loyal regulars will jump on board. Then again, my pocket of Florida certainly doesn’t represent the whole state and I do know that some of the local Tea Party leaders are endorsing everyone but Paul. That just goes to show how shit the whole Tea Party thing has become, at least in Southwest Florida.

Apparently the Paul fans are out in droves, which is always a good thing if you actually love liberty. Just yesterday they bumrushed a Rick Santorum event in Coral Springs, turning it into a sign waving war. Why anyone would want to go to a Santorum event other than to antagonize him is beyond me. The Daily Caller did a good job of covering the event, as most of the mainstream media ignored it. In their story, they quoted a Paul supporter who said, “I would have stayed in the same spot if it wasn’t for people coming up right in front of me and putting their signs in front of me. I wasn’t really going for anything specific. I just wanted to vocalize and say — ’cause I knew there would be other conservative here — I wanted to make sure they knew that Ron Paul was still in the running.” One of the seven irritated Santorum supporters interrupted the interview and said exactly what you’d think an uneducated Bible-thumping Santorum supporter would say, “(Ron Paul supporters) are usually known as being somewhat on the fringe, a little bit on the nutty side just like Ron Paul himself.” Wow, what a jab! What is this, 2008?! The only reason a Santorum fan can call Ron Paul nuts is because you’d have to be certifiably insane to be behind Santorum. Santorumites are like crazies locked up in the asylum trying to convince the doctors that they’re the ones who are nuts.

Mitt Romney, who lost some steam after Iowans re-tallied their votes and took away his victory and after losing to Gingrich in South Carolina, came out and suggested that Newt Gingrich was a criminal. Now considering that Newt has been all over Mitt regarding the whole lame ass Bain Capital issue, it is only natural for Romney to put Gingrich on blast for his involvement with Freddie Mac, who caused the housing crisis. With the media saying that unemployment and immigration will be the big issues for Florida, Mitt’s pushing of the Newt-Freddie Mac alliance could shift the discussion towards the bursting of the housing bubble. Since Florida was one of the biggest states hit by the crisis, tapping into this issue right now might prove successful for Romney and detrimental for Gingrich. Then again, both of the weasily bastards have been so dastardly the last few weeks that this all may just backfire. It could blow up in Romney’s face or it could just turn into pointless bickering between the two and open the door for Ron Paul (fingers crossed). With Gingrich pressing the issue about Romney not releasing his tax info, Romney returning and asking Gingrich to release the info on his dealings with Freddie Mac is completely justified, in my honest opinion. In the end, Gingrich can’t run and hide from this if he is accusing Romney of the same thing. Now if Newt does drop the info and there is nothing incriminating, Mitt will have to release his tax info or face extreme scrutiny from the other candidates and the media, which will in turn bring a strong level of distrust in the voter. Politics is a fucking game and these guys are taking some pretty big risks but it’s crunch time! Truthfully, I don’t trust either of them as far as I could kick them.

Now Ron Paul has come under some scrutiny, which is understandable, about not being in Florida on the night when the primary is decided. I find it disheartening to a degree that the guy I’ve supported and donated a lot of money to won’t be on hand, somewhere in the Sunshine State, to give another fabulous post-primary speech but when looking at how Florida operates, I don’t really disagree with Paul’s decision. First of all, it is incredibly expensive to run a statewide campaign in Florida without a real payoff unless you finish first. You see, Florida has the strange rule where the “winner takes all” in regards to delegates. Basically, if you come in second, even if you are just a few votes behind, you are awarded zero delegates! It’s a pretty fucked up way of doing business in my opinion. Also, Florida is the first state on this journey that has closed primaries. Therefore, only Republicans can vote in the primary. Unlike Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina, Ron Paul can’t pull in the votes he’d get from either independents or Democrats who may be sick of Obama. In all honesty, this is the only reason why my voter registration card says “REP” on it. In a few weeks, I’m switching it back to the Libertarian Party. The bright side of this situation is that Paul will indeed increase the amount of votes he got in the state just four years ago. In 2008, he only walked away with 3 percent of the votes in Florida. As with all the other states that have voted thus far, it can pretty much be expected that Ron Paul’s numbers will multiply significantly and in the end, this race is about the message. As long as Paul stays in the hunt, the message will grow.

As with every stop on the campaign trail, Florida will be really interesting to watch. I hope my state does the right thing and votes for the guy who truly represents what conservatism is supposed to be about. Most likely the state will hand their delegates over to Gingrich or Romney. I just hope my guy gets a strong finish in second but will probably wind up in third place. If Paul ends up getting in the fourth and final spot, not only is this country doomed but his chances of recovering will be incredibly hard. If Florida fails, Paul’s best chance at shocking the world will come on Super Tuesday in March.

*Written by Rob Rimes.

Now I have often times given Newt Gingrich props in my critiques of the numerous debates that have been hitting television screens nearly once a week, and in some cases more, since earlier this year. I’ve often referred to him as the “Honey Badger” due to the fact that he was at the bottom of the barrel when he entered the race but through his ferocity, fire and heart has clawed his way through the competition and proved that he is probably the best debater in the game today. Newt is a fucking wordsmith and perfectly capable of handing Obama his ass if they were ever to go head-to-head. However, as exciting as he is to watch and as bad ass as he can seem when smacking some toad moderator for belching a “gotcha” question at him, Newt does have a track record that is horrendous and many of his positions, when really looked at, paint the man as a wannabe dictator vying for the American throne so he can impose his tyrannical will on us under the false guise of liberty, freedom and security. This guy has grown on me, as far as his debate skills go, but I still would never vote for him or brush aside his incredibly awful baggage. Newt who likes to throw the term “enemy combatant” around must fail to realize that he is an enemy combatant of the Constitution.

Now I know one of the biggest criticisms of Mr. Gingrich is his infidelity and the fact that he served his wife with divorce papers while she was in the hospital. As I’ve stated elsewhere, I don’t really care about such things when it comes to the job of being a political leader. It doesn’t excuse Newt’s actions and he is still a bag of shit for it but as long as he can do the job, I’m not too concerned with his slippery prick. Besides, honey badgers are animals and therefore cannot help behaving like animals. Newt is, in many ways, the worst kind of animal. Besides, focusing on his dick’s misadventures is what the mainstream media is doing because they are pulling at the morality strings of the undersexed over-religious GOP voter base and thus distracting from the real issue: Newt’s bi-polar record.

This establishment bastard has been in the game for so long, I don’t feel like I need to really dig all that deep in finding questionable acts to stick to this man. Unlike my critiques on Herman Cain and Rick Perry, this piece doesn’t need to pull back the layers and expose the leech covered sores. Newt wears these disgusting lesions proudly and so many people don’t even seem to care! Some of these people that are defending and supporting this monster are the very same Tea Party people who claim they are against Newt’s specific type of evil. I guess this is what happens when you allow your movement to be overcome and dictated to by primetime talking heads who spew nothing less than concentrated idiocy and establishment gibberish under the guise of freedom, liberty and “fiscal conservatism”. And when these overpaid overly-opinionated ass clowns are the top spokespeople for the cable news network that employs Newt Gingrich, you can expect a special sort of bullshit being rolled up and served to the easily influenced Tea Party majority.

Not to go off on a separate tangent but I truly miss the Tea Party that was created by Ron Paul’s 2008 campaign. Yes, Ron Paul created the Tea Party. The same Tea Party that pretty much loathes his ideas in favor of the same old, tired, never-worked establishment Republican policies that got us into this fucking mess to begin with. Yes, a mess these people bitch about yet continue to perpetuate by supporting anyone else in the GOP primary that isn’t Ron Paul, Gary Johnson or Jon Huntsman. Johnson got so sick of this goddamned idiocy that he left the party and has now joined up with the Libertarian Party. If Paul doesn’t get the GOP nomination, Johnson will be the one getting my vote in November. I refuse to choose the lesser of two bastards any longer. Hell, I refuse to even entertain the idea that political parties even mean anything or stand for something anymore. All they stand for is toeing the line and maintaining power, by any means necessary. Well, when you have a large pile of red shit and a large pile of blue shit, it’s time to wipe your ass and flush them both.

Getting back to Newt, someone recently posted a comment on a poll I put up on my website TheSwash.com. The comment listed dozens of negatives that Newt Gingrich has on his record. Now I am not going to run through all of them but I will mention some. I truly hope that most of you reading these words that I am frantically typing like the over-caffeinated jackrabbit I am right now, already know the majority of this information. As I’ve said, this dickhead has been in the spotlight for far too long and his shitty record is widely known. For those who aren’t aware, prepare to swallow some bitter pills, especially if you are a supporter of this two-bit cockroach.

Going back to 1987, when Mr. Gingrich was just a congressman and not yet Speaker of the House, he co-sponsored the Fairness in Broadcasting Act of 1987 (H.R. 1934). This bill wasn’t just unconstitutional, it was anti-constitutional. The original Fairness Doctrine was introduced by the FCC in 1949 and its purpose was to force the holders of broadcast licenses (according to Wikipedia) “..to both present controversial issues of public importance and to do so in a manner that was, in the Commission’s view, honest, equitable and balanced.” In essence, radio and television stations were made to follow these guidelines regardless of whatever it was that they wanted to present. This was an attack on the First Amendment. In fact, even the FCC saw this eventually and they voted 4-0 to abolish it in 1987. Unfortunately, Newt Gingrich co-sponsored the bill that would bring this tyranny back to broadcasting and in the end Congress passed the bill. Luckily for us, Ronald Reagan grabbed his pen and vetoed the shit out of it. Then in 1991, the first Bush vetoed another attempt at bringing back the Fairness Doctrine from Newt and his anti-Constitution cronies.

Also in 1991, Newt Gingrich voted for an amendment that would have created a national police force. Newt has always been a pimp for the police state. Between this attempt at disregarding the Constitution, once again, and his undying love for tyrannical nonsense like the PATRIOT Act, Mr. Gingrich wants us all to be ruled over by an iron fist. It also doesn’t help that he continually preaches to us about all of the “threats” out there who want to kill us because we’re free. Newt’s fear-mongering insanity knows no bounds and it is all really just a smokescreen to coerce the easily duped public into thinking that we need to live behind a giant “protective” wall.

A few years later, in 1993, he voted for the North American Free Trade Agreement Implementation Act or NAFTA. This is a bill that also slaps the Constitution in the face as it wraps its clenched fist around the throat of American sovereignty. This bill essentially created a union between the United States, Canada and Mexico in a similar way to the European Union but not as widely known or publicized. First of all, the government can’t legislate free trade. That idea is Orwellian doublethink and doublespeak at its absolute finest! Free trade CANNOT be legislated, it has to be free of law to be free trade, that is common sense. No laws, restrictions or regulations over trade IS free trade. The whole NAFTA issue is something that deserves its own article as I do not have the time or the space to fully dissect it here without getting completely sidetracked and writing a piece that completely gets away from the point of this article. I will say this however, between the NAFTA madness, the police state insanity and the broadcasting bullshit, it isn’t hard to see what Mr. Gingrich’s true agenda is. For those unable to connect the dots thus far, Newt wants to control us all through fear so he and his crony colleagues can elevate themselves as our masters and rule over us lesser beings who need to be provided for and looked after. Newt Gingrich believes himself to be smarter than every last one of us and he believes that it is his destiny to manage us as he sees fit because we are too stupid and naive to be free.

In 1994, He supported the GATT Treaty which gave sovereignty to the United Nations. Aha! Newt is a globalist shitcock! Now his previously mentioned power grabs are starting to make even more sense! You see, GATT or the General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade attempted to create the International Trade Organization (ITO) but ultimately failed. Unfortunately for us, and UN countries all over the world, the ITO was the framework that in just a year’s time became the WTO or World Trade Organization: same damn thing, just better sounding name. At it’s core the WTO is unconstitutional, in fact it more or less vetoes the Constitution in that it is made up of multinational corporations out for their own interests at the expense of the citizens of all the nations forced to be involved in this charade. As with NAFTA, this whole bullshit mess needs its own piece written on it. The fact of the matter is, the four biggest legislative nightmares that Newt supported before even becoming Speaker of the House, are all attacks against the Constitution. Newt is NOT the Tea Party candidate, well unless the Tea Party is now just a marketing and propaganda tool of the establishment GOP. At this point, it is. Swallow that pill and accept it kiddos because that ship has already left the fucking harbor. You may have seen it floating by with Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, Newt Gingrich, Herman Cain, Michele Bachmann, Rick Santorum, Tim Pawlenty and Sarah Palin all waving from the stern as it went off into the sunset. Rick Perry and Mitt Romney were in a little dingy frantically rowing after them.

What are some other tyrannical and questionable things that Newt has done? Well, in 1995 he said that drug smuggling should carry a death sentence. He later said that someone charged with having marijuana should be executed! In fact, he introduced H.R. 4170 which demanded a life-sentence or execution for someone bringing just two ounces of marijuana across the border! Is he fucking insane?! Between this and wanting to bomb everybody, Newt is so quick to want to murder people. Honey badgers must eat their own shit when they can’t find bees and cobras to dine on. In 1996, he tried to create his own CIA mission to kill off the Iranian leaders. You see, Gingrich has had it out for the Iranians since day one. Maybe he just isn’t a fear-monger, maybe he actually believes the bullshit he espouses. Then again, it was probably just for an oil grab. Also in 1996, he voted for and supported the largest increase ever on Federal education spending. Around this time he wrote the foreword to a book by Alvin and Heidi Toffler called “Creating a New Civilization: The Politics of the Third Wave”. That book’s premise was about how technological advancement would change civilization and because of that we needed to basically throw out the Constitution and the old ways and move forward into the future in new ways. It sounds compelling if you are an idiot. The new way proposed in this book is essentially the blueprints for a fascist world government. No thanks assholes.

Southern Avenger Jack Hunter actually talks about the issue of Newt and the Tofflers in this great video.

Always hating pro-constitutionalist Ron Paul, Newt actually used his power to help popular Democrat Greg Laughlin switch parties in an attempt to beat Republican Paul in the 1996 primaries for a congressional seat. The attempt failed but that doesn’t excuse Newt of trying to sabotage a fellow Republican by siding with a rival and abusing his power to help that rival against his own party. Newt is a fucking scumbag, only out for his own gain and if any of us oppose him, he will stop at nothing to try and destroy us. Truth be told, leading up to this incident, Newt Gingrich urged fellow Republicans to tone down their conservative views and to modernize going into the future. Newt has never really been a Republican or a conservative and, in his heart, apparently hates his party. Then again, so do many Republicans, which is why the party has turned into a shell of what it once was decades ago.

Some other things worth mentioning about Newt after he was embarrassingly forced out of office for unethical penile conquests that cost him a record breaking $300,000 are some of the bullshit things he has said. In 2006 he said that, “Free speech should be curtailed in order to fight terrorism”. He also added that he wanted the terrorists to be blocked from using the Internet and said that we needed to have a “..serious debate about the 1st Amendment.” Gingrich then went on to call for a Geneva Convention for terrorists so that it would be clear and concise on who the Constitution did not apply to. He supported Bush’s proposal for mandatory carbon caps and went on to make a climate change commercial with Nancy Pelosi, one of the most vilest women the world has ever seen. He also lobbied for ethanol subsidies and suggested that Flex-Fuel vehicles be mandated for Americans.

Gingrich has supported the TARP bailouts in the past. He was paid $300,000 by Freddie Mac to halt Congress from bringing necessary reform and thus, he benefitted from the tyranny that caused the housing bubble to burst. He calls for Singapore-style drug tests for Americans. He calls for us to attack Iran, North Korea and other nations. Newt wants us in perpetual war which sounds like he comes from the same mold as Big Brother in George Orwell’s “1984″. He opposes property rights, especially for the owner of the infamous mosque being built near Ground Zero in New York City. In fact, Mr. Gingrich has compared the mosque supporters to Nazis. Newt has even defended Romneycare in the past! He has said that a website owner, reporter or a blogger that promotes transparency at the expense of secrecy (in this case Julian Assange of Wikileaks) is an enemy combatant that needs to be hunted down and executed for publishing leaked government memos. There he goes trying to murder someone again! Maybe Newt hasn’t heard of the Pentagon Papers case that went before the Supreme Court in the early 1970′s which protects journalists from this sort of tyranny. Then again, Newt said very recently that, as president, he would ignore the Supreme Court if need be.

Just this year alone, Newt has said that we are “losing the War on Terror” and that the conflict will last as long as the Cold War. He has flip-flopped on the Libyan situation again and again, depending upon who he is talking to and who he feels is listening. He says that America is being attacked by Islamic atheists.. huh?! He has taken credit for helping develop the model for Homeland Security. Yeah, that’s something to be proud of dude. He has criticized the United Nations several times recently because it is the popular thing to do now. Unfortunately, his record shows that he has done nothing but support the UN and their world government agenda since before he was even Speaker of the House.

On medical issues, he claims to have no regrets in supporting Medicare drug coverage and he said that the GOP’s plan to cut back on Medicare, in an effort to control spending, was “too big a jump.” He supported individual health care mandates even more than Mitt Romney. He has even backed Obama’s individual mandate by saying, “All of us have a responsibility to help pay for health care.” In 1993, he endorsed individual mandates when the Clintons pushed for their brand of universal health care.

As far as his campaign goes, one of his major video ads said that he wants to “find solutions together, and insist on imposing those solutions on those who do not want to change.” What?! His staff quit his campaign en masse several months ago. Amazingly he has bounced up to the top of the pack, although he is now falling back down. Maybe it is because his poorly managed campaign is over $1 Million in debt! The most laughable thing about his campaign is that he hired a company to create a fake Twitter profile to appear as if he had a solid following. But out of all his promises and crazy schemes, nothing is more scarier than the fact that he plans to sign as many as 200 executive orders on his first day as president! That would be the biggest abuse of power in a single day.. ever.

Newt Gingrich is the last man that should be running for president. Personally, at this point, I could give two shits about the Republican Party. However, I do care about conservatives and libertarians. This guy is neither of those, he is at the very opposite end of the spectrum and to entertain the idea that he isn’t is foolhardy, careless and naive beyond any measurable calculation. Mr. Gingrich can talk his way out of any situation but so can the Devil. Whereas the Devil quotes scripture to dupe the masses, Gingrich talks of liberty and freedom. However, the reality is that Gingrich has no intention of promoting liberty and freedom, his only intention is to impose his will on all of us and to squash any of us who may speak out against him. Newt Gingrich wants us all to live in fear of all these “threats” but the biggest threat to our lives, our liberty, our freedom and our future is Mr. Gingrich himself. Don’t buy into the hype and keep this bastard at bay!

*Written by Rob Rimes.

1. Introduction:

It has been a long fucking journey but here we are! This is the last debate of the year as well as the last one before the first voting starts. This Fox News hosted debate was probably the most notable one for those of us who are supporters of Ron Paul. Not only did it happen at a pivotal moment during the primary presidential race but it was also Dr. Paul’s best performance yet, as far as I am concerned. Considering that some polls have Paul in second place to Newt Gingrich by only a point, there wasn’t a better time for Ron Paul to turn up the heat and make an impact: an impact so hard and solid that the Fox News fear turtles had to ignore him for the last half hour because anymore time given to Dr. Paul would have most assuredly provided him with a win over their two current golden boys: Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney. God forbid someone that doesn’t suck pulls out in front, right?

It’s okay though, Fox News pundits and neocon radio hosts like Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity spent the days leading up to and the day after this debate bashing Ron Paul. The fact that they are dedicating so much time to demonizing the guy is a very very good thing. Considering there is nothing you can throw at the guy, as he is probably the most consistent candidate in at least half a century, these attempts at discrediting Ron Paul just makes these lying bastards look like idiotic assholes blinding themselves to the reality that Dr. Paul’s message is spilling over and spreading out beyond his “crazy” followers. Oh how the establishment hates not getting their way. It’s time for the brats to go to bed so mom and dad can get busy.

2. Hour 1:

At the start of the debate, I find it amusing that Bret Baier tells us that this debate is being sponsored by Fox News as I am watching it on Fox News. Um, no shit buddy. He then goes around and introduces all the candidates to the Iowa crowd. Newt Gingrich got the loudest pop but Ron Paul’s was almost as loud. Unlike other debates, everyone here got some cheers from the crowd, showing us that Iowans are pretty respectful even to the idiots. I’m not a Chris Wallace fan and Baier is okay but I am glad that Megyn Kelly, who is excruciatingly gorgeous on this night, and Neil Cavuto are on the panel of moderators. I really wish Fox News would let Judge Napolitano and John Stossel sit in with the moderators on one of these eight dozen debates. Shouldn’t the libertarian pro-constitution people be represented and allowed to ask real questions? Apparently Fox News doesn’t think so, which is why, even though they allow these guys to have shows, they keep them over on the “B” network.

The first question is already a shot at Ron Paul because they bring up the issue of electability and who could actually defeat Obama one-on-one. The thing is, contrary to what Fox News and Rush want you to believe, there have been several polls taken of GOP candidates going head-to-head with Obama and according to these various polls, Ron Paul is the only one who can convincingly beat the current president. But whatever, truth isn’t news apparently.

Anyway, after the issue of electability is brought up, Newt is basically asked to dispel concerns that people have about him not being conservative enough and not being able to topple Barry O. Newt talks about how Reagan was way behind Carter in 1980 but through debate and his message, he was able to defeat the peanut prince. Gingrich said that Reagan won on truth and honesty and that he will as well. Gingrich claims to be able to destroy Obama in debates and says that there is no way that Obama can defend his horrible record. But wait.. isn’t Newt’s record pretty fucking horrible too? He goes on to brag about balancing the budget and tells us that he gave us the largest capital gains tax cut in history back when he was running Congress. Gingrich closes it out by explaining that his record may confuse people because he changes when conditions change. Sounds like a guy that doesn’t have a real set of principles to me. It also sounds like a crock of shit so he can just brush off all the questionable non-conservative stances he’s taken over the years. I don’t know what type of car insurance Newt owns but his policies are definitely “progressive”.

Megyn Kelly asks Ron Paul to convince the crowd that he is electable and also asks him if he will support the winner of the GOP primary. So Megyn assumes Paul won’t win and she wants to basically make sure he doesn’t run as an independent. Also, as far as electability, she is obviously unaware or ignoring the polls that have said that Paul can beat Obama and she must also be ignoring the fact that this guy has been elected to political office more times than any other candidate on that stage.

Ron Paul replies by saying anyone on the stage can beat Obama. He points out that Obama is beating himself and is essentially making the race to the White House much easier for whomever ends up challenging the liberal king. Paul says that compared to the other candidates, he has something different to offer. He cites his policy positions that vastly contrast those of the Republican establishment. He mentions his stance on monetary policy, which has influenced most of the candidates on stage, and he says that he addresses the major issues that the other candidates don’t talk about.He also states that he is the one candidate that is truly pro-Constitution and pro-liberty. He finishes by reminding us that he plans to cut a trillion dollars in spending his first year in office.

Rick Santorum is asked why he isn’t surging with all the time he has spent in Iowa. He responds by saying that he is counting on Iowa to catch fire for him. Yeah bro, I’m waiting for this chick’s pussy to get wet for me but it ain’t working. You gotta make it happen man or don’t bother trying. Three hundred dollar dinners and Russell Stover samplers aren’t going to get you laid, you’ve got to play the game homie. Santorum who feels he has played the game well says that he has done 250 town hall meetings and visited all 99 counties in Iowa. Ricky Boy sounds like my old roommate who always spent money on chicks, completely missed the point and ended up marrying the first diabolical succubus that saw an opportunity to exploit his idiocy. Santorum, stealing a talking point from Ron Paul, says that he is a clear contrast to everyone else. Yeah, he’s a religiously intolerant dickbag that wants to make our country a fascist Jesus-loving dictatorship ruled over by his soft bitch fists. Racquetball Rick says that he fought for conservatism whether it was popular or unpopular, I respect his drive and his fortitude but he is wrong in almost every way and in the end, he is a clueless dolt that knows he has done everything right, even though he hasn’t, and can’t figure out why he is still sitting at the kids’ table without the respect of his peers. After all those town hall meetings in Iowa alone, the people aren’t receptive to his message. It’s time to hang it up bro.

Ron Paul-hater, Chris Wallace asks Mitt Romney what he thinks about people saying that Newt is a stronger candidate than Mitt. Romney describes people’s struggles and says that they want a president that can get America right again. He says that he understands what will and what won’t work when it comes to job creation and the economy because he has been in the private sector and ran so many successful companies for so long. He then cites the time that he passed on investing in JetBlue and calls it a mistake. He says that he has learned from his mistakes however and he knows how to apply the lessons learned from his successes and failures.

Michele Bachmann is asked how she would counter the Obama campaign if she won the nomination, as they would paint her as “too conservative”. She goes on an all-too-typical rant about how great she is and how she continually wins elections in Minnesota which is a strong liberal state. She says that even though people don’t agree with her all the time (you don’t say?) that they at least respect her sincerity and the fact that she works to serve and she is always taking action. She then says that she spent her first 50 years as a real person. Wait.. huh? Is she admitting she is not human? A reptilian, a terminator, an alien hologram or a wind-up toy maybe?

Neil “Keep it Real” Cavuto flat out asks Rick Perry how he can expect to beat Obama, when he is such a bad debater. That shit was harsh but it is a damn good question and Perry impresses me as he doesn’t get too flustered by it. Perry admits that he isn’t the best but that he has gotten to where he likes the debates and has now gotten more comfortable with them, where he was just so awkward and strange in the beginning. He then goes on some weird tangent about Tim Tebow and how they are similar because Tebow is the comeback kid and he’s a former two-time national champion, where as Rick Perry considers himself to be the “national champion of job creation”. Yes, this really happened!

Watch the video:

Jon Huntsman is asked about his record. Huntsman says that he is a consistent conservative and that he will not pander to anyone or sign silly pledges. He also says that he won’t show up at a Trump debate. He uses that to make his point that the nation has been toyed around with this entertainment politics bullshit. The office of the president isn’t something to just throw around in a silly reality show arena. He then talks about how America has been downgraded and is on the cusp of its third government shutdown. Huntsman says that we have an economic deficit and a trust deficit. He goes on to tell us that people do not trust their elected officials and therefore we need to establish term limits for Congress. He points out that Wall Street has also lost the trust of the people and says that there are too many banks that are too big to fail.

All are asked for a quick answer on how they would lead. Rick Santorum jumps back in and says that he would do what great leaders do and would solve our economic woes. He calls for free markets and free people, yet this tyrannical PATRIOT Act pimping bastard has no idea what any of that shit means. Santorum’s first executive order as president, backed by the PATRIOT Act and the new evil NDAA law, would be to label gays as terrorists and ship them off to Gitmo for the rest of their lives. Rick Perry says that after 3 years the president should have learned how to do the job. He says that we need someone with executive experience. Citing the Super Committee, Perry adds that Obama has walked away from responsibilities and dumped them on others. Mitt says that he learned how to get the respect of Democrats in Massachusetts by learning how to find common ground during a crisis. Mitt says that we need a leader that can actually lead. Newt reinforces Mitt’s points and calls Obama a “Saul Alinsky radical”. He goes on to cite his work with Reagan again. I feel like Newt is taking credit for Reagan’s leadership, which is pretty shitty. Ron Paul says that government is too big, the debt is too big and we have to cut spending NOW! He also says that there are two factions in charge of the economy: warfare and welfare. He talks about how they argue over the money and who gets it and that now it is time to end it and kill the leviathan. Michele Bachmann says that she would’ve made Congress come in and talk to her about the debt crisis. Does she think that Congress is made up of her foster kids? Is she going to ground them? Maybe she wouldn’t be able to hear them as her ears might be too far away (that is a problem for her). She says that she would put her foot down on increasing taxes. She also promises to cut spending and to support the Constitution. Well, except for those bits she doesn’t think are important like the 10th Amendment. Jon Huntsman says that leadership is action, not words. Huntsman pushes for a flat tax and talks about how it created a great business state in Utah. He says that after implementing the flat tax he got 80% of the vote in his second run for Governor because he delivered on what he promised to do.

Chris Wallace starts a segment about DC culture. He goes to Mitt and tells him that Newt believes that Romney should return the money that he took from people or something like that. The question was hard to follow but it is funny that Newt wants Mitt to return money when Newt was getting fat checks funded by American tax dollars when he was rolling with Freddie Mac. Mitt responds saying that Obama will use the same attack on him as Newt. He adds that not every business that he invested in worked out but the ones that did succeed created hundreds of thousands of jobs. Romney talks about his success with Staples and the steel company he built up. Mitt takes a shot at Obama when he says that he will ask him how well he ran General Motors after the government takeover of their business.

Newt is asked about the pro-Freddie Mac comments he made a few years back. He is also asked about how he could say that Barney Frank should go to jail when he too was involved with the same people that caused the housing bubble to burst. Gingrich says that Frank was holding elected office at the time, where he (Newt) wasn’t. Newt tries to make it clear that he was a private citizen engaged in the housing business like any other business. Newt just can’t dig himself out of this hole without sounding stupid. He claims that he always said that Freddie needed more regulations.. that’s not helping your case dude! It also doesn’t sound very conservative. Newt said that we should have a goal of helping as many Americans as possible buy homes. Jesus, Gingrich sounds like a fucking welfare state pushing progressive liberal! When it walks like a duck and talks like a duck it is probably an asshole.

The moderators ask Ron Paul about his negative campaign ads against Newt. He is also asked what his thoughts are on the comments Newt just made. Paul points out that Freddie Mac was a GSE (government sponsored enterprise), which is different than a regular business or a private enterprise. Paul says that Newt was deep in a mixture of big business and big government. He needs to be held accountable for that and own up to it, it is what it is. Frankly, super debater Newt just got got. Ron Paul states that government sponsored enterprise is NOT free enterprise.

Newt poorly defends himself by saying that GSEs do a lot of good. ROFLMFAO! Gingrich cites Medicare and Medicaid as good examples. Damn, that’s hilarious Newt! I didn’t know you were doing standup at the Bijou this weekend! He also says that he doesn’t lobby for anything. Shit, the jokes keep on coming!

Michele Bachmann is asked if she has any evidence to support her recent Newt bashing. She says that her evidence is simply that she knows he cashed Freddie checks. Okay, just because you say it doesn’t make it real. Where’s the solid proof, shit I know it exists but I want to see it! Bachmann says that there is a big difference between Freddie Mac and banks, adding that Newt took $1.6 million to influence senior Republicans in Congress to keep the madness going. Haha, and Newt says he wasn’t lobbying; what do you call aggressively pushing your influence on politicians then? Bachman says that Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae need to be “shut down not built up!”

Responding to the crazy woman’s attacks, Newt says that her claims are not true and that he never lobbied in any way. He tells Bachmann to have facts straight and to not throw around allegations. Bachmann snaps back saying that PolitiFact backs up her claims and she says that you don’t have to be a “lobbyist” to “peddle influence”. Newt says that his policy is to break up Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae. He also claims that he has never once changed his positions over a payoff. Newt says that he has only worked with people who share the same values he has. Okay, so you work with snakes? Doesn’t Honey Badger eat snakes? I guess this one rolls with them.

Newt is getting a lot of time but that doesn’t stop Neil Cavuto from asking him about his negative comments regarding Paul Ryan’s plan and how he now apparently likes the plan he was critical about. Cavuto is digging into Newt’s all-too-common inconsistency on the issue. Newt says that he never referenced Ryan when he made the comments that were perceived as negative. He says that a free society needs the support of the people and he feels that when there is a potential major change on the horizon, like the Ryan Plan, that the people need to be consulted. I can’t disagree with that point.

Romney says that the spending crisis is extraordinary. He then goes on an anti-Obama rant. Closing out the rant, he says that we need to stop giving away funds when we don’t have any left to give. He continues by saying that there are 62 trillion dollars in promises that need to be quashed.

Neil Cavuto tries to “gotcha” Ron Paul when he asks him how he can be a vocal opponent of earmarks when he fights to bring money to his district. It is a good question and out of everything asked the congressman out of all of these debates, this was the best researched and thought out. Cavuto is attempting to put him on the spot and show that maybe he isn’t so consistent and might even be just a little hypocritical. However, Paul then responds and says that he has never voted for an earmark but if the government forcibly takes money away from his district (as they do all districts), then they have a right to apply for it to come back. Touché Dr. Paul, touché! Ron Paul continues by pointing out that earmarks are out of control and that the government earmarks every penny. Paul adds again that he NEVER voted for an earmark but he will fight to get back his constituents’ money back from the tyrants whenever possible.

Cavuto, apparently not getting it, presses on the issue again. Paul says that he doesn’t complain about earmarks and says that if everyone followed the Constitution like he does, then there would be no earmarks. Ron Paul says that as president he wouldn’t look for more power. He doesn’t want to police the world or the economy and says that too many people want a super powerful president and that that mentality is just wrong.

Moving on, Cavuto basically asks Perry if he’s a hypocrite. I don’t really get Cavuto’s point and neither does Perry as he just praises himself. He says that his programs have worked and that he didn’t bail them out. He then says that we need to talk about overhauling DC and cut Congress’ time back so that they can go home and live within the same walls that the American people do. When asked about how many days Congress should work Perry says, “140 days every two years like they do in Texas.”

Jon Huntsman is asked how he would respond to childish moves by China on trade rules. The former ambassador to China says that he would work towards building relationships and respect. He says that he already did a great job with it as ambassador. Huntsman says that we need shared values infused in our relationship with China based in democracy and human rights. He then calls for a greater tolerance of other religions on our part.

On foreign business affairs, Santorum is asked if he would give companies a tax holiday for staying in the United States. Santorum says that if outside companies bring money back and invest it in America, he’d charge them zero tax. He adds that we are no longer competitive. He blames corporate tax saying that there is a big differential between us and our top 9 economic competitors. Santorum says he would use his executive power to repeal anything he sees as anti-business. Yep, he’s still a power-hungry douchenugget.

Trying to tap into his business knowledge, Mitt is asked what industry will create the most jobs in next ten years. Mitt says that the free market will decide that. Sure, if we stay out of it. He goes on to talk about the fact that when the government picks the winners, we all lose. “Let the markets decide!” I don’t know if Mitt is capable of a hands off approach however. Mitt believes that manufacturing in the U.S. will come back again. He also says that our energy capabilities are extraordinary and tells us that Obama prevents that industry’s growth with his idiocy over the BP oil spill issue issue as well as the recent pipeline controversy.

Megyn Kelly asks Newt about his plan to subpoena judges who make decisions he doesn’t like. She asks if it removes checks and balances. She tells him that his critics consider such a proposal to be “dangerous” and “ridiculous”. Newt says that that sort of talk is arrogant and ignorant, uh.. okay buddy. He also says that judges against “One Nation under God” should not work in the courts. He calls that motto “the core base of American exceptionalism”. Newt adds that we do not have a judicial dictatorship and points to Thomas Jefferson and Abraham Lincoln to give examples as to why his stance is okay.

Newt-hater Bachmann is asked if the 9th circuit should be abolished and if it was, what would happen if a Democrat came into power after a Republican president. Bachmann replies by saying that the judges have to follow the Constitution. She says that the president and Congress need to take their authority back from the courts. Bachmann says that the Founding Fathers wanted the courts to be the least powerful governing body in the system. She then gives props to Iowa for attacking gay marriage. She loves how Iowans got rid of pro-gay rights judges. What a bitch.

Ron Paul is asked if Newt is right in his stance regarding judges. Paul says that if a judge is unethical, the proper procedure is impeachment not subpoenaing judges in front of Congress. He also says that it is frustrating but we can’t just get rid of courts because we don’t like how they rule on something. He believes that Newt’s viewpoint on the issue is like opening a can or worms. Ron Paul reminds us that the Founding Fathers wanted a seperation of powers.

The moderators move to Mitt, who is asked about why he nominated Democrat judges in Massachusetts and because of that, how can Republicans trust him to make the right decisions on nominating Supreme Court justices. He clarifies that he didn’t appoint the Democratic judges but that he nominated them. Since the board that appointed the judges was made up of only Democrats, he says that they selected the Democratic choices over the Republican ones.

To close out the first hour of the two hour debate, Megyn Kelly asks each candidate to name their favorite current Supreme Court justice. Santorum rambles about some bullshit abortion mumbo jumbo and doesn’t really answer. When pressed to answer, after making what should’ve been a short answer into a long rant, he said, “Thomas”. Rick Perry also rambles but his rant is about ending lifetime terms for the robes. He says that his favorites are Alito, Roberts and Thomas. Mitt says a bunch of names, he may have named them all. Gingrich says that Scalia is the most intellectual of the supreme justices. Ron Paul says that they are all good and all bad in different ways. Bachmann, like Romney, names a bunch. Jon Huntsman selects Roberts and Alito as his favorites.

3. Hour 2:

Starting hour number two, Bret Baier asks Ron Paul that if he had hypothetical intel that was certain that Iran had nuclear missiles, would he invade them. He also adds that Ron Paul’s stance on foreign policy is “left of Obama”. Wow, Fox News is really trying to influence their malleable viewers. Paul unfazed says that he’s running with the people, who feel as he does. He points to the fact that there is no UN evidence that supports the idea that Iran has or is building a nuclear bomb. Ron Paul tells us that this Iran talk is just war propaganda similar to the bullshit that led us into war with Iraq a decade ago. Paul says that his greatest fear is that we have a president that will overreact (like the majority of the GOPers on stage). He says that a former Israeli statesman said that it would be incredibly stupid to attack Iran over this sort of unfounded paranoia. Paul reminds us that we survived the Cold War without jumping the gun and going to war.

Baier cuts in saying that the question specifically asked what he would do if there was solid hypothetical intelligence that showed that Iran did have a bomb being built. Ron Paul says that all we are doing with our careless paranoid actions is promoting their desire for building a nuke. He clues Baier and the other candidates in on the fact that Iran is surrounded by bombs, so why wouldn’t they want one for themselves to eliminate their vulnerability? Ron Paul also points out that we respect those with bombs better than those without them. He brings us back to when we convinced Libya to get rid of their bombs and once that was done, there was nothing to stop us from invading them, which we did.

Bret Baier, getting flustered, asks Dr. Paul his thoughts on Iran threatening to close the Strait of Hormuz. Paul says that all we talk about is “When are we (the West) going to bomb Iran”. He continues by essentially asking why wouldn’t they close the strait to screw us on oil if we just keep threatening an attack against them. What Paul is saying is that they have a right to defend themselves however they see fit and if we are going to keep bullying them and threatening them from afar, why shouldn’t they take action and prepare for the possibility of our threats becoming promises. Speaking to his sanction-happy colleagues and the moderators, he calls their proposed sanctions an act of war. Ron Paul finishes up with his Iran points by saying that it is time for us to use diplomacy for once.

Still aggravated by Ron Paul, Bret Baier goes to establishment “bomb’m all!” cockpuppet Rick Santorum. Ricky Boy goes on and on about “Damn mooozlums! Damn Eeeranians! Radical theocracy! Al-Qaedaists! Destruction! Anti-Jesusers! Martyrdom! Bleh!!!” That’s basically all I heard.

Mitt is asked about his comments on Obama where he said that the president was weak in his handling of Iran capturing one of our drones. Romney explains that weakness invites aggression. He says a strong America is the greatest ally of peace. Mitt also adds that Obama believes we are entering a post-American century, where Mitt believes that America is going to continue to lead and shape the world.

Michele Bachmann is asked if she would ever send troops back to Iraq if Iran moved in. She says that Obama pulling troops out shows that he has given up on peace and is allowing Iran an open door to exploit. Bachmann then disses Ron Paul on his Iran stance. She tries to scare the shit out of our asses by saying that Iran WILL KILL Israel and us! OMG! Michele Bachmann is genuinely freaked out by everything except herself apparently. Then again, I bet whenever she sees her own shadow, she does a double take because she is paranoid that it is the ghost of Osama bin Laden trying to go somewhere her husband has never been (because he is gay if you didn’t know). She also talks about how the terrorists want to kill us because we are free. I’m so tired of that damn argument. Oh wait!

Defending himself and slamming Bachmann’s idiocy, Paul says that the terrorists don’t want to kill us because we are free. He asks why they don’t attack Switzerland and other free countries. He points out that they even explain that they want to harm us because we are bombing them. I mean, why are these conservative fucktards unable to understand this? Paul asks why are we flying drones and bombing these countries. He says that we need to stop overreacting and that we need to stay out of all these countries’ problems.

Harpie-ass Bachmann yelps like a kicked puppy and calls Paul’s stance an “underreaction!” Bleh! Ron Paul then owns Bachmann for buying into the establishment propaganda when she paints herself as a TeaParty small government conservative. Bachmann interrupts because her skin is so thin it is really just tissue paper smeared with Oil of Olay. Paul gets back on it and says that he lived through the Cuban Missile Crisis and tells us how it was ended with diplomacy between John F. Kennedy and Nikita Khrushchev. Paul keeps slamming all the people slamming him and he keeps throwing out facts and examples that these people can’t combat! Ron Paul killed it on this night! Paul actually killed it so decisively that it must have scared the living shit out of Fox News because the moderators went on to ignore him for the remainder of the debate until the closing statements. No matter how hard they try, the mainstream media can’t beat Dr. Paul because you can only pile shit on top of truth for so long before it stands up and tosses that shit back at you. On this night, Ron Paul was chucking shit back at the lying bastards who were out to destroy him.

To stack the deck against Ron Paul, Newt is brought in by the moderators to back up the wound-licking Bachmann and the bullshit Fox News agenda. Even the great debater Newt Gingrich knows that he can’t combat Paul on this so he goes on a rant about diplomacy and communication problems and attempts to make a lame joke. The assholes in the crowd laugh.

The only other sane man in the room, Jon Huntsman says that we need to get out of this paranoid Cold War mindset. He says that we are now weak and suggests that we need to fix our shit at home. He goes on a long explanation of his point and Baier gets all pissy when the buzzer goes off. Huntsman, who isn’t going to stop talking because Baier was lenient on the time rule with the establishment candidates, continues to speak. He says that we need to adopt a foreign policy that focuses on economics, as none of these other people (excluding Paul) understands the bigger picture. The buzzer goes off again and Baier starts getting more prickish. Huntsman finishes his points.

Rick Perry is asked when he thinks America should intervene in Syria. God, Fox News is so pro-war! The whole phrasing of the question basically implies that we have to go in no matter what. Idiot Perry says that we have a muddled foreign policy and Syria needs to be knocked out of the way as they spend so much time stroking Iran’s cock.

The saving grace, Neil Cavuto moves this debate on to energy, thus freeing those of us with brain cells from hearing anymore idiocy on foreign policy. Newt is the first to get in on the energy portion of the debate. He bitches about Obama blocking the pipeline. He then shows his true dictator colors when he says that he will not back down from acheiving his objectives when they are right and the people are wrong. M’kay, so he just told of us “fuck you”.

Jon Huntsman is asked if protecting land is more important than creating jobs. He says that there has to be a balance. He also adds that we need to have a good energy relationship with Canada and that we need to disrupt the oil monopoly or else we cant have enrgy independence. Huntsman points out that we have more natural gas than the Saudi’s have oil. He promises to bring forth an aggressive energy plan that will benefit us and our allies while pushing us towards being more self-sufficient.

Bachmann is asked to explain her vocal criticism against Obama’s BP shutdown. She is also asked what would have been an acceptable period of time for drilling to cease for her to have solved the problem. That’s a dumb question that no one could answer without being in the situation and even if this happened again, the situation would be different. Bachmann says that Obama’s moratorium hurt the economy more than the disaster did. She then rants about Obama’s handling of the recent pipeline issue.

Rick Perry looking drunk or high and acting weird, talks about “laboratories of innovation”. He’s always got some great combination of words when the drugs kick in. Perry says that he helped all alternative energy industries in Texas by not picking winners and losers. He says that we need 50 states competing with each other on energy solutions as opposed to government intervention.

On the issue of the border, Perry says that if he was president, he would force his attorney general to resign immediately if he pulled some shit like Eric Holder did with Operation Fast & Furious. Perry says that Obama claims that the U.S.-Mexican border is safer than it has ever been. Perry says that his words are bullshit. Perry, based off of his personal experience, hammers down on the fact that the borders aren’t secure. He also calls for a modern version of the Monroe Doctrine. On a side note, Perry says “Hezbollah” really funny.

Santorum agrees with Perry on firing Eric Holder. He then says that we need to pay more attention to our own hemisphere. What? Really?! This warmongering bag of dicks that wants to bomb every country that has “mooozlums” and “damn gays” is saying that we need to pay more attention to our own hemisphere? Santorum needs to pay more attention to life after this race because he sure as shit ain’t going nowhere.

The moderators then pounce on Mitt and want him to explain his stance on illegals aliens, who he has said he would not hunt down and round up. Mitt says that he would create a special ID card. He says that employers would have to verify these cards before hiring. C’mon idiot, you aren’t that dense, are you? This guy thinks that businesses that hire illegals already will suddenly comply with these new laws? Hahahaha! Ever heard of paying people under the table? I’ve never met a big private sector guy that hasn’t hired illegal immigrants to move their shit to a bigger office.

Newt is asked if Mitt’s stance is realistic. Newt says that Rep. Steve King introduced something similar and then goes on to talk about using E-Verify. Newt rants about his stance and not rounding up Mexicans. He also adds that he would drop all of the federal government lawsuits against the states who are fighting immigration how they see fit. Gingrich says that he would cut off federal aid to sanctuary cities violating federal law.

Jon Huntsman says that we need to stop pandering on immigration and just do what needs to be done. He says that we have to secure the border but to not lose sight of legal immigration being an engine of economic growth. Huntsman points out that many of the Fortune 500 companies were started by former immigrants.

Chris Wallace asks Mitt Romney about his flip-flopping. He specifically points to abortion and asks Mitt why he has changed his opinion on it. Mitt says that a stem cell bill came over his desk and it made him change his stance after really studying it. He says that he was wrong and he has since tried to correct himself. Wallace tries to stump Romney like a dick by asking the original question again but this time mixing it up somewhat. It doesn’t work and really, Wallace just looks like the dumb dick that he is. Mitt is then attacked on his questionable gun rights stance for banning assault weapons. Mitt assures everyone that he is very much pro-gun. Wallace then pushes the gay rights issue on Mitt trying to “gotcha” him a fourth time. Mitt says that he doesn’t discriminate against gays. He claims that he had a gay dude in his administration when he was governor. Mitt says that he opposes same sex marriage but says that he is not against gays. That damn Orwellian doublespeak!

Ricky Santorum is asked if he believes Mitt Romney. Jesus Christ in a frying pan, Wallace is really trying to start a fight tonight! This little weasel is fucking scum. Santorum, like the bitch he is, takes the bait and says that Mitt issued gay marriage licenses as governor. Rick would know because he once inquired about it for himself. Santorum than has the goddamned balls to say that he doesn’t discriminate! Well, I guess you can say that when you don’t look at “mooozlums” and “damn gays” as human beings. To counter Rick’s argument, Mitt says that he tried to create an amendment in the Massachusetts state constitution to define marriage.

Michele Bachmann is asked about her comments on Newt being inconsistent on “life”. She says that the GOP can’t get the issue of “life” wrong in this election. Yeah, because out of everything, that is the big issue here. Bachmann doesn’t know though because she still lives in the stone age. I’m not knocking pro-life or pro-choice people but this issue has been beaten to death for decades and it needs to go on the back burner until we sort out the economy. I know that will piss off “true conservatives” and I don’t care. Just like with the immigration issue, most voters just aren’t worried about it. Glory hound whack job Bachmann finishes by saying that Newt could’ve once defunded Planned Parenthood but he didn’t. He could have also said “no” to that Filet-O-Fish he ate last week but he didn’t. Bachmann’s presence in these debates is pointless unless she is just trying to push her opponents up in the poll numbers. I don’t know how she even has 4 percent. That in and of itself is fucking scary!

Newt, after Bachmann’s crazy attack, just looks at her like she’s nuts. Newt, once again, says that her facts aren’t accurate. He explains his stance and says that he believes that life begins at conception. He adds that he was just proposing a commission to look at embryo research back in the day, which wasn’t in anyway an attempt to be pro-abortion. It was actually just an attempt to understand stem cell research and other things. Bachmann steals more time to incoherently Newt bash. Bachmann says that Newt is “outrageous” for saying her facts aren’t right. She demands to be taken seriously because she claims she is a serious candidate. Lulz.. My gin just came out of my nose. Thanks for telling us that but you’re not a serious candidate lady. Newt responds to this twit with, “Honey Badger don’t care!”

To close out the debate, the candidates are asked how they are going to try to win the nomination without weakening the other nominees. Really? Another dumb question here because these debates have been going on for over seven months! This is the last time these people will meet before the first voting begins and they are asking them this? Have they not been paying attention? These candidates have been doing their damnedest to undermine each other while pretending they are all really on the same page and just out to stomp Obama. I guess some people want you to think this is some sort of united front against Barack but it is no such thing by any stretch of the imagination.

Answering the dumb question, Santorum says, “Lets find out who has the best record and can stand up.” Um, not you dude. The guy you are referencing is Ron Paul. Rick Perry says, “Your tail needs to get kicked sometimes.” Uh, okay? Mitt says, “We can handle it” when referring to the attacks they are all giving and receiving. Newt says that he has “solutions” and everyone up there is his “friend” and would be “better” than Obama who is the real opponent. Ron Paul says that the media has a responsibility and that they are messing up this year. Bachmann talks about Reagan Vs. Carter. Ugh, whatever bitch. She says that she will be the best as she gives no props to the others. Thanks asshole. Jon Huntsman, who is the last to speak, says, “We need heightened trust and this type of debate is elevating us all.”

4. Conclusion:

The worst offense of all, to me, about this debate and the few before this is that the issue of the NDAA (National Defense Authorization Act) hasn’t even come up. This is the most tyrannical piece of legislation to rise since the PATRIOT Act. For those that don’t know, in a nutshell, this new law allows for the detainment of American citizens without a trial. Essentially, any American the government deems a threat, under their extremely broad criteria, can be arrested and sent away to some place like Gitmo, where they will never be heard from again. 93 out of 100 senators passed this fucking monster bill yet no one is talking about it. This is much worse than ObamaCare! Conservatives don’t care though because they want us all to be jailed and chained to Bibles. Well, that is except for guys like Ron Paul who is the ONLY candidate to speak out against this evil law.

Fox News fails in their not mentioning it and in their general lack of coverage of it on their regular programming. Apart from that, my biggest complaint about the debate itself is that the moderators continually asked really long questions, as they had to give a backstory as to why they were asking each question. This wasted time and in comparison to the answer time the candidates were allowed, it seemed like the moderators were talking just as much if not more than the people running for office. I don’t remember the other Fox News debates being chock full of long-winded multilayered questions.

In the end, Paul owned this debate like a fucking gangsta and everyone else either sucked or just remained the same. Even with Fox News ignoring Dr. Paul for the last quarter, I don’t feel that it really hurt his performance. In fact, the polls right now have Ron Paul leading. Unfortunately, the shitcock establishment zombies are already out there saying that if Ron Paul wins Iowa, it will discredit Iowa. Right! So, this pivotal stop on the campaign trail that has been pounded into our heads for months and months as the biggest possible win a candidate could get on the road to the White House is now considered insignificant if the one who wins it isn’t who the establishment wants? Are you fucking kidding me? Fuck these people. In addition to that, fuck anyone buying into their bullshit! For as much as Fox News and other conservative media giants bitch about liberal bias in the media, they sure as shit are guilty of it themselves even within their own party! At least the liberals stick together like glue. Just like the old adage, if you point your fat bastard finger at someone else, you’ve got three more fat bastard fingers pointing back at you.

The establishment has never been this scared.

Grading Scale:
Grade A+: Ron Paul
Grade B: Jon Huntsman
Grade D+: Newt Gingrich
Grade D: Rick Perry
Grade D: Mitt Romney
Grade F: Rick Santorum
Grade F-: Michele Bachmann
Grade I: Gary Johnson

*Taken from the Daily Caller.

Since leaving office in 1999, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich has spent much of his time convincing conservatives to support government subsidies for large corporations, reports the Washington Examiner.

In addition to his work as a “strategic consultant” for government-sponsored mortgage lender Freddie Mac, the Examiner reports that tax filings show Gingrich received money from the ethanol lobby.

Green Energy, a lobbying group that works to secure and create government subsidies for the much-criticized ethanol industry, paid the Gingrich Group more than $300,000 as recently as 2009. Unlike most conservative experts on the industry, Gingrich is a staunch advocate of ethanol, an expensive corn-based alternative fuel opposed by many conservatives due to its price tag and incompatibility — at high concentrations — with some modern automobile engines.

CONTINUED..

*Taken from Yahoo Finance.

Lower interest rates don’t automatically mean cheaper mortgages.

On Wednesday, the Federal Reserve will conclude its latest policy meeting and may announce further measures aimed at lowering long-term borrowing costs. One option is called “Operation Twist:” the Fed would sell some of its short-term holdings and buy longer-term U.S. debt to push yields—which are already at historic lows—even lower.

Why? One clear aim of Fed policy, as Chairman Ben Bernanke wrote in an op-ed last year, is to bring about “lower mortgage rates [that] will make housing more affordable and allow more homeowners to refinance.”

The trouble is, the relationship between Treasury yields and mortgage rates isn’t perfect. And in recent weeks, the difference, or spread, between the 10-year Treasury yield and Freddie Mac’s average 30-year fixed-rate mortgage has widened considerably.

As of last week, the difference between these two was more than two percentage-points. That compares with a low of about 1.3 percentage-points as recently as April.

CONTINUED..