I probably haven’t watched any type of Hollywood awards ceremony since I was five, but after seeing YouTube clips of British comedian Ricky Gervais’s performance hosting the Golden Globes last year and bashing those in attendance, I figured it may be worthwhile to watch his encore performance this year.

How wrong I was.

Gervais didn’t bring his A-game tonight, but here are his five best quips anyway:

5)  ”For our next category we have two presenters. One is in a huge international hit, ‘Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol.’ The second, as we’ve heard, made her mark in comedy this summer by defecating into a sink. Amazingly, that’s still less demeaning than what most of you have done to make it in show business.”

4)  “Our next presenter is the Queen of Pop. Not you, Elton [John]. Sit down. She’s all woman.”

3) “Tonight you get Britain’s biggest comedian, hosting the world’s second biggest awards show, on America’s third biggest network. Sorry, is it? Four. It’s four.”

2)  Speaking of Colin Firth: “What you don’t know about him is he’s very racist. Very. I mean, really nasty stuff. Also, I’ve seen him punch a little blind kitten.”

1) “Who needs the Oscars? Not me — and not Eddie Murphy. He walked out on ‘em. He said ‘no.’ Good for him. But when the man who said ‘yes’ to ‘Norbit’ says ‘no’ to you, you know you’re in trouble.”

Source: The Daily Caller.

My Two Cents: I already know what his response will be when confronted with this. He’ll say, “Like I’ve said, America needs a sense of humor!” No dude, you need to speak carefully and make your points and stop trying to use the excuse that you’re a bad comedian to justify your careless and idiotic remarks. The jokes on you Cain. End Two Cents.

*Taken from ABC News.

Herman Cain says his changing positions in recent days, such as equivocating on abortion rights and flip-flopping on negotiating with terrorism, are proof he has what it takes to be president.

“The thing that’s going to convince people that my campaign is credible is if I make a misstatement, I’m going to retract it,” he told reporters in Chicago today. “If I make a mistake, I’m going to admit I made a mistake. The last perfect person was hung on a cross 2,000 years ago.”

Cain, who hosted a $2,500 a plate fundraiser this afternoon, said he was running a campaign and not just on a “gigantic book tour” to sell his most recent memoir.

CONTINUED..

*Taken from Deadline.

It has been a wild night at CNN. First, Christine O’Donnellwalked out on Piers Morgan in the middle of an interview. Then fellow anchor Anderson Cooper channeled his inner toddler when he giggled for about a minute over a poo-poo joke. The instigator was a RidicuList item about French actor Gerard Depardieu’s alleged public urination on the floor of a plane as it was getting ready for takeoff. Cooper cracked up several times while reading the commentary, oversaturated with pee-related puns, until he lost it after the line that the the airline cleaning crew “should thank their lucky stars this wasn’t DeparTwo.” (For the uninitiated, the last part of Depardieu’s name sounds like the French word “deux”, or No. 2, as in pooping.) Struggling to regain composure after the juvenile and silly joke, Cooper said, “Sorry, this has actually never happened to me. You always see this sort of thing on YouTube, and you never think it could happen to you.”

*Taken from Fox Nation. Video at link.

President Obama’s Council on Jobs and Competitiveness met today in Durham, NC at Cree Inc., a company that manufactures energy-efficient LED lighting. One of the Council’s recommendations to President Obama was to streamline the federal permit process for construction and infrastructure projects. It was explained to Obama that the permitting process can delay projects for “months to years … and in many cases even cause projects to be abandoned … I’m sure that when you implemented the Recovery Act your staff briefed you on many of these challenges.” At this point, Obama smiled and interjected, “Shovel-ready was not as … uh .. shovel-ready as we expected.” The Council, led by GE’s Jeffrey Immelt, erupted in laughter.

The Obama administration promised the Recovery Act (“the stimulus”) would prevent the jobless rate from going over 8%. It now stands at 9.1%.

*Taken from the Huffington Post.

If true, Tracy Morgan’s latest standup set is no laughing matter.

Kevin Rogers attended Morgan’s standup show last Friday and reported on his Facebook page that Morgan let loose a viciously homophobic rant that, as far as he could tell, was a dead serious attack on gay men and women. Rogers, who is gay, wrote:

I figured at some point the gay jokes would fly and I’m well prepared for a good ribbing of straight gay humor. I have very thick skin when it comes to humor; I can dish and I can take. What I can’t take is when Mr. Morgan took it upon himself to mention about how he feels all this gay s*it was crazy and that women are a gift from God and that “Born this Way” is bulls*it, gay is a choice, and the reason he knows this is exactly because “God don’t make no mistakes” (referring to God not making someone gay cause that would be a mistake).

CONTINUED..

My Two Cents: As far as I’m concerned, Obama has free reign to throw shots at Trump. I think it is hilarious that the self-proclaimed Mr. Poll-Leader can’t handle a couple of kids making fun of him on the playground. Grow up dude, you’re def not presidential material. You’re a jackass with a dead cat on your head. Look at the pic below, what a fucking poser! End Two Cents.

*Taken from The Hill.

Real estate mogul Donald Trump called jokes made about him at the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner “inappropriate in certain respects.”

Speaking on Fox & Friends on the Sunday morning after the dinner, Trump responded to jokes directed at him from President Obama and comedian Seth Meyers.

“Well, I really understood what I was getting into — I didn’t know that I’d be virtually the sole focus,” Trump said. “I guess when you’re leading in the polls that tends to happen. But I was certainly in a certain way having a good time listening.”

While a fair amount ofObama’s repertoire was directed at Trump, as wasMeyers’, there were plenty of other Republicans and Democrats who got teased. Obama also had some zingers for the rest of the likely Republican presidential field, but a lot of his jokes were directed at Trump, who is considering running for president in 2012.

For example, one of Obama’s jokes had to do with the decisions Trump has to make on his show “Celebrity Apprentice.”

“These are the kind of decisions that would keep me up at night,” the president quipped about choosing the fates of Meatloaf, Lil Jon and Gary Busey.

While much of the room was laughing during the acts, Trump smiled only a few times and an open-mouthed grin never seemed to actually cross his face.

More on the White House Correspondents’ Dinner from The Hill:
Obama takes on allies and opponents
Meyers skewers Obama, Trump and DC
Photos from the event

On Sunday Trump said that all the jokes were inappropriate given the problems facing the American people.

“I don’t think the American people are having a good time paying $5 gasoline and their clothing prices doubling and all of the other problems that they’ve got,” Trump said. “You look at what’s happening with food, so I was thinking to myself as they were doing this, the American people are suffering and we’re all having a good time. I think it’s inappropriate in certain respects, but I thought the delivery was good.”

Trump said he was expecting a few jokes directed at him but not as many as actually came.

“I had no idea it would be to that extent where it was just joke after joke after joke,” Trump said.

Trump became one of the loudest voices encouraging the argument of so-called “birthers” who claim that President Obama was not born in the United States and is therefore ineligible to be president of the United States. Last week Obama released his longform birth certificate to finally put the rumors — which had already been disproven — to rest. In response Trump took credit for making Obama release the birth certificates.

On Sunday Trump continued to take credit for the release.

“The fact is I’m very proud of what I did with the birth certificate,” Trump said.