*Written by Rob Rimes.

Last night was full of a lot of fanfare, quick results and mainstream media bullshit. I sat in front of my television sipping on a bottle of Cheerwine and munching on a McChicken just as Megyn Kelly and Bret Baier popped up on the screen at the 8 o’clock hour to announce that they already had the winner with only 11 percent of the precincts voting. This was quite refreshing considering the Iowa fiasco went on into the wee hours of the morning just a week prior; plus the results of Iowa left a lot to be desired.

I’m pretty pleased with the finish in New Hampshire however. Granted Mitt Romney won but that was to be expected. One does have to give Mr. Romney some props though, as he is the first person since 1976 to win both Iowa and New Hampshire. While Mr. Romney has made history in his own way, another man has also made history and that man is Ron Paul. The fact that Dr. Paul finished in second place, quite convincingly mind you, just proves that the message of liberty is growing and people are coming out in droves in support of it regardless of how hard the mainstream media devils and the establish Republican ass clowns try to discredit and write the man off. The other big performer was Jon Huntsman, who did really well, as I thought he would, but probably won’t go much further passed New Hampshire. That is kind of unfortunate, as Huntsman like Ron Paul is quite different from the other candidates in this race.

The field was rounded out by Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum battling it out for an insignificant fourth place while the King of Texas Rick Perry only got 0.7 percent! That’s right, out of the entire state of New Hampshire, Governor Perry only racked up 1,762 votes against Romney’s 97,339 and Paul’s 56,601! I know Perry is holding on because he expects to do well in South Carolina but goddamn his performance was atrocious! Even if Perry can bounce back somewhat in the Palmetto State, he is a dead man walking right now as far as the race to the White House goes. Even if he can convince some of my fellow Floridians to throw him some votes in a few weeks, it still won’t matter. Rick Perry is a dingy without an oar in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

Even better than Rick Perry’s fall from golden boy grace is the fact that Rick Santorum’s short stint of relevance didn’t make it past Iowa. Now I am not sure if he edged out Newt for fourth place or not, I could actually give a shit. However, unlike Newt, Ricky Boy has shown that even though he can inspire religio-fascist nutjobs and raise a shit ton of money after a good showing in a state with more corn than people, he is out of gas. Even that corn ethanol crap can’t help him now. Sure, he may do decent in South Carolina but he has no longevity and after New Hampshire it is pretty certain that our favorite dork dick will soon be out of the hunt – officially. It was fun while it lasted but Icarus has finally gotten too close to the sun and there is no one left to throw him a parachute or set up a safety net.

Newt Gingrich isn’t in the same boat as Rick Santorum however. He’s struggling, that much is certain, but Newt still possesses those honey badger characteristics that could propel him to the front of the pack once again. Do I think that will happen? Probably not but one thing I have learned from this presidential race is that you can’t count Newt out until he’s out and I don’t see homeboy leaving just quite yet. Newt is a threat to everyone in this race despite a few bad performances at the last few debates. Keep in mind that not doing well at a debate isn’t usually Newt’s modus operandi and if he gets his shit straight, he could surge again. I’d prefer that he didn’t but Newt has fire unlike most of the candidates and is able to talk his way out of nearly anything.. most of the time. And whether you agree with the guy or not, watching him debate Barack Obama would be awesome. Hell, I’d pay big money to watch them duke it out on pay-per-view.

As I’ve said, Huntsman did well but probably won’t make it much further than New Hampshire. I’d like to see this guy continue to do well as he offers a significant contrast to what the GOP is offering this election cycle and apart from Dr. Paul, he is the only guy worth a shit that is still waving the Republican banner. The only real hope for Huntsman is that he has to turn it up in the upcoming debates. He did fantastic in both of the New Hampshire debates and as long as he can keep the momentum he’s started to build, he may make it all the way to the final three. In the beginning of this race, he sucked at debates. Over time he has become much better, earned my respect and found the footing he just didn’t have six months ago. The fact that he is different than Mitt, Newt and the two Ricks is also going to be a major factor that determines if he will have ongoing success. Jon Huntsman must capitalize on this hard-earned winning streak and just like the gigantic spider that shares his surname, he has to trap these other candidates in a web, immobilize them and devour them. Huntsman, like Paul, will change the rhetoric if he can outlast Rick One, Rick Two and Newt. The ball is in Huntsman’s court and all he has to do is take the shot. The only real hinderance he may face at this point is his financing. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have the resources that some of the other candidates do.

Mitt Romney didn’t really surprise anyone with his victory. New Hampshire has been in his back pocket for years and really, even though he won, he didn’t do it in a way that was impressive or decisive. Yes, he did win both New Hampshire and Iowa, which is a huge feat but he just barely edged out Santorum in Iowa and he didn’t really dominate in New Hampshire like he should have considering his ties to the state. Romney is certifiably the frontrunner at this stage but he is unable to garner the enthusiastic support of someone like Ron Paul. In the end, Paul’s support could grow and really hurt Romney. As other candidates start to drop like flies, where are their supporters going to go? I think it will be split as you have one school of thought that is desperately looking for the anti-Romney and another school of thought that will jump on his bandwagon because they are scared shitless of the truth and common sense that Ron Paul brings to the presidential race. Regardless of what happens, Ron Paul will most assuredly get the youth vote and with the number of independents and those dissatisfied with the Republican Party growing daily, Mitt Romney could be in for a fate he just can’t envision for himself.

The real story of the New Hampshire primary is that this is really now a two-man race and because of that, the rhetoric will in fact change. The moderators can continue to ask their dumb questions at debates but with Ron Paul not too far behind the mainstream media’s King of Conservatism, he will no longer get lost in the shuffle and be ignored. Dr. Paul will get his time to speak and when challenging Mitt Romney, will expose his statist progressive nature and potentially open the eyes of many more people. Mitt needs to count his blessings and really sit down and figure out how he needs to change his approach to this big shit show now that the discussion is about to shift. The best thing that could happen for all of us is that Mitt could just brush it off and go about doing business the same way he has all along. If he does, he might be sitting at home in November cursing the fact that his name isn’t on the big ballot that really counts.

This is an uphill battle for Ron Paul, don’t get me wrong. The media will be on his ass harder than they have ever been and really, it has already started. Eric Bolling and Andrea Tantaros were on Fox Business’ ‘Follow the Money’ questioning Ron Paul as they always do. Tantaros actually said, “Everyone’s for smaller government, everyone’s for personal freedom and then you peel back the layer and start to see what that really means.” Oh my God, really? Idiot Bolling then cuts in and asks, “Why does he have to go ‘all in’ libertarian? Why does he have to have all of it? Can’t he say ‘smaller government, free markets, lower taxes but oh on that foreign policy I think that we really need Israel as an ally in the Middle East so I’ll keep funding that.’” The reason he doesn’t say that you fucktard is because he is not a hypocrite like all you Fox News buffoons and your GOP establishment heroes. Ron Paul stands for something and to those who stand for nothing, he is just too puzzling. They can’t make sense out of it because they are deep in this bullshit game and Ron Paul is soaring above it.

Another Fox News contributor Stephen Hayes had to immediately point out that Ron Paul did so well because voter turnout in New Hampshire was “way down” compared to 2008. Actually it was down but not significantly. In 2008 there were 239,000 who voted and this year there were 228,000. That’s only 4.6 percent! When looking at how well Dr. Paul did in New Hampshire this year compared to 2008, this argument obviously holds no weight. In 2008, Ron Paul came in fifth place with 18,308 votes at 7.8 percent versus this year’s finish of second place with 56,601 votes at 22.8 percent. I don’t think that the 4.6 percent drop off of in voters this year from 2008 can explain Ron Paul’s 21 percent increase! These are the dirty tricks that the mainstream bastards like to play when they are trying to mold the minds of their viewers in an effort to manufacture the results that they desire.

Now they aren’t just bashing, attacking and spreading misinformation to discredit Paul’s success. They are also doing everything they can to pimp out Mitt Romney, as he is their only chance at capturing the White House throne. Tim Pawlenty, a punk bitch who was in this race but dropped out like the weak vanilla box of rotten assholes that he is, went on ‘Hannity’ last night and was sucking Mitt Romney’s dick so hard that it must’ve been as purple as Grimace this morning! T.Paw came on the television and was going on and on about how Mitt won Iowa and New Hampshire and how it has never been done before. Um.. excuse me dicknose? It has been done before, just not in a long time. Hell, Jimmy Carter and Gerald Ford both did it in 1976. Granted Ford was an incumbent but it is not completely unheard of. Tim Pawlenty is just an establishment cockpuppet and he’s playing the game just as badly as the rest of them.

Another show of Mitt Romney support came directly from Sean Hannity, who continually says on every show that he hasn’t picked his candidate yet. Really Sean? When are you going to endorse your guy? After the primaries are over? I know I’ve said it elsewhere but if you are this deep into the presidential primaries and you don’t know who you are voting for, you’re a fucking idiot and a coward. Truth is, Hannity knows who his guy is and it isn’t hard for the rest of us to figure out. His pick is most assuredly Mitt Romney. For evidence supporting this, just go back and watch last night’s episode of ‘Hannity’ right after the primary. When Rick Perry came on, Hannity spent the entire interview lambasting him for being critical of Mitt Romney. Sean vehemently defended his butt buddy Mitt and did everything he could to discredit and interrupt Perry. Shit, I thought Hannity was that scumfuck O’Reilly for a second.

The media is out of control but being dictators to public opinion is their job and they’re damn good at it. No matter what they do and what they say can’t paint this stop on the campaign trail as anything other than a pivotal victory for those who support the Constitution. Ron Paul and everyone who supports him should be relishing in this win.. yes win! While everyone but the top three in this primary are being crushed by their heavy lies and giant skeletons, this race just got real and the big guns are coming out. As much as it is still an uphill battle for Dr. Paul, it is also an uphill battle for Romney. As of right now, these are the only two who even matter in this race anymore. The others aren’t dead but chances are very much in favor of them all getting gunned down in the oncoming Romney-Paul crossfire.

*Written by Rob Rimes.

I swear, I just can’t get away from writing about the Republican primary. It’s as if it has fucking possessed me and left me ignorant of all other current events and newsworthy tidbits that could use the benefit of my unique critique. I should really be looking into and writing about the whole SOPA tyranny that is going on right now. Whatever, I’m focused on these goddamned Iowa caucuses, as they are just a few days away and they are, as I’ve said in several pieces I’ve written, an extremely pivotal stop on the campaign trail. Besides, all these bourbon fueled rants the last few days have been pretty brief.

Now I’ve spent my last few articles breaking down the establishment’s attempts at discrediting Ron Paul as well as planting the seeds that the Iowa caucuses might be compromised if Paul were to win. Well, I figured I would have to also write about the end results of these tactics, that being the effect this is having on the brains of the morons who take everything these heinous talking heads say to heart. You know, the people who can only form their opinion after Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh or some other intellectually lazy windbag has expressed their faux distaste over whatever it is that will help drive up their ratings if they rant about it.

I was sitting in a local Irish pub, not even an hour ago, enjoying some Irish whiskey, a tall pint of Boddington’s Pub Ale as well as one of the greatest bacon cheeseburgers a man can buy in southwest Florida. Unfortunately, my excursion into utter ecstasy was thwarted by five know-it-all bastards in Brooks Brothers jackets wearing “Vote GOP” pins on their lapels. You know the type, just your typical Republican fat cat whales that make stereotypes hard to ignore and hold the entire party back because they always remind people that this breed of neocon beast will always be pulling the strings regardless of what seems to be influencing the political climate at the moment.

Now these idiots aren’t the sort of GOPers that actually call shots and live up to the hype of looking like they are some sort of campaign boss for some sort of Richard Nixon wannabe pretending he’s Ronald Reagan trying to run for a state congressional seat. No, these are the guys that want to be those guys. These guys know jack shit about politics, other than what has been vomited in their direction so many times that some sort of idea about something has seeped into their jellyfish brains simply because of repetition. These are the worst kind of establishment sycophants and unfortunately there are more of them than people that are actually independent thinkers. This is why the super-pundits can get away with spreading around so much bullshit because there are too many people that are unable to see through it and think for themselves. We’re in a shit load of fucking trouble when people are so goddamned daft that they can be so easily duped by some spastic assclown simply for the fact that they are on the television or the radio spewing their laughable madness.

So anyway, these jackturds at the bar were sitting there, watching Megyn Kelly on Fox News talk about the caucuses. Megyn didn’t say anything that would’ve set these douches off but out of nowhere, one of these slimes started going off about Ron Paul. Now this guy was pretty much yelling at the top of his lungs at anyone that was within earshot and maybe even just a little further. He was slamming Paul and really, just restating what his heroes have been spitting at him again and again throughout the election, especially the last week or so. After his ten minute tirade of bullshit against Paul he then shouted this statement: “The only people that can save us now are Donald Trump and Newt Gingrich!”

The better part of me wanted to just sit there and not say anything, then there is that other part of me, that very opinionated infantile part, that feels that if you are bludgeoning everyone in the room over the head with your asshole argument then you deserve to be castrated and slapped across the face with your mangled nuts. I chose the infantile approach and let this douchebag have it. The other four shitbags that were cheering this moron on, immediately shut the fuck up and just stared down at their drinks: fucking chumps.

I explained to the guy, albeit in a very calm calculated way, how he was wrong about Paul. The guy got incredibly hostile and basically insulted me and called me a “racist” and a “bigot” for supporting Paul. This same guy referred to Herman Cain as a “know-nothing nigger” five minutes earlier. In retrospect, it is this guy’s bigotry that probably really set me off more than than his general idiocy in regards to Ron Paul, foreign policy and economics. Truth be told, I really hate even typing the n-word but as shocking as it may have been for you to read it, imagine how shocking it was to hear shouted out in a bar full of patrons just trying to enjoy their lunch. So yeah, I’m the racist one in the conversation.

The guy went on to call me a “fucking idiot” and a “moron” and insulted me over and over without any type of real discussion on the issue at hand. This asshole could not defend himself against my logical and reasonable argument, backed by facts and knowledge. All he could do is throw a tantrum and go ape shit, further making himself look like a madman. It got to the point when his troupe of joiners had looks of mortified terror colorfully painted across their faces. The asshole lost his audience but all that did was anger him more. In fact, two of his four homies threw cash on the bar and walked out. Hopefully they have the wherewithal to recognize this guy’s idiocy and maybe, just maybe, they might have heard some of my argument and been swayed towards reality. Probably not though, I think they were just scared of the raised voices and heated rhetoric. Cockroaches run when you light up the room.

Before things got even crazier, the cook came out from the back, walked over and told the guy that he had to leave immediately. He told him that there would be no racist remarks and shouting in his bar. The guy resisted and the large Irishman clamped down on the bastard’s arm and neck, dragging him outside like a child about to be spanked. The bartender walked over to me, gave me some props and poured me a Guinness. I drank the beverage, paid for my burger and booze and left the bar.

Like a story with a perfect ending, I pulled out of the parking lot and noticed an accident just up the street. As I approached slowly, due to everyone in front of me breaking their necks trying to see some sort of carnage only to be disappointed, I noticed that there was a guy hunched over the trunk of a police car being handcuffed. When the cops pulled the guy up, it was the damn bigoted bastard who was yelling in the bar! I don’t know if he caused the accident and got unruly with the cops or whomever but he was being taken to jail. We made eye contact as I was passing in my car and the dipshit flipped out and started spitting on the window of the squad car from the inside. I’m sure, seeing as that he had four beverages within the previous hour, he probably got a DUI. At the end of the day, at least this piece of crap is off the streets.. for tonight anyway.

Now I am not saying that this guy sums up everyone that listens to the mainstream anti-mainstream media and takes all their words to heart but he is definitely not the first prick of this sort I have come across. Hell, they’ve been coming out of the woodwork the last few weeks and frankly, I’m tired of these uninformed snakes that are so sure that they “get it” when they are so far from reality that they might as well be riding unicorns and smoking pixie dust out of goblin skulls. I’ve actually done that once but it was brought on by an overindulgence of psilocybin and some really old quaaludes. It also didn’t help that I was rubbing oven cleaner on my gums.

This wasn’t written to discredit anyone with a different opinion than my own, in fact I love a nice healthy debate – especially ones where I learn something and can see something from a different view. This definitely wasn’t that sort of debate. Hell, it wasn’t a debate. With this, I just wanted to share my personal experience in dealing with a militant shithead because as I’ve said, they are everywhere right now. The worst part about this guy is that he kept referring to himself as a “constitutional conservative”. I have come to learn that that description of one’s self has been co-opted by doublethinking dimwitted cretins who actually believe that the Constitution somehow supports the ideas and principles that they moronically and wholeheartedly believe in.

Get away from groups and people telling you how you are supposed to think, stop being too busy to read a book and most importantly start thinking for yourself based off of the knowledge you gain through your travels, not the “knowledge” spoon-fed to you by these wicked trolls that benefit the most from the country being in shambles.

Wake up America.. or don’t. Either way it is probably too late.

*Written by Rob Rimes.

1. Introduction:

It has been a long fucking journey but here we are! This is the last debate of the year as well as the last one before the first voting starts. This Fox News hosted debate was probably the most notable one for those of us who are supporters of Ron Paul. Not only did it happen at a pivotal moment during the primary presidential race but it was also Dr. Paul’s best performance yet, as far as I am concerned. Considering that some polls have Paul in second place to Newt Gingrich by only a point, there wasn’t a better time for Ron Paul to turn up the heat and make an impact: an impact so hard and solid that the Fox News fear turtles had to ignore him for the last half hour because anymore time given to Dr. Paul would have most assuredly provided him with a win over their two current golden boys: Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney. God forbid someone that doesn’t suck pulls out in front, right?

It’s okay though, Fox News pundits and neocon radio hosts like Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity spent the days leading up to and the day after this debate bashing Ron Paul. The fact that they are dedicating so much time to demonizing the guy is a very very good thing. Considering there is nothing you can throw at the guy, as he is probably the most consistent candidate in at least half a century, these attempts at discrediting Ron Paul just makes these lying bastards look like idiotic assholes blinding themselves to the reality that Dr. Paul’s message is spilling over and spreading out beyond his “crazy” followers. Oh how the establishment hates not getting their way. It’s time for the brats to go to bed so mom and dad can get busy.

2. Hour 1:

At the start of the debate, I find it amusing that Bret Baier tells us that this debate is being sponsored by Fox News as I am watching it on Fox News. Um, no shit buddy. He then goes around and introduces all the candidates to the Iowa crowd. Newt Gingrich got the loudest pop but Ron Paul’s was almost as loud. Unlike other debates, everyone here got some cheers from the crowd, showing us that Iowans are pretty respectful even to the idiots. I’m not a Chris Wallace fan and Baier is okay but I am glad that Megyn Kelly, who is excruciatingly gorgeous on this night, and Neil Cavuto are on the panel of moderators. I really wish Fox News would let Judge Napolitano and John Stossel sit in with the moderators on one of these eight dozen debates. Shouldn’t the libertarian pro-constitution people be represented and allowed to ask real questions? Apparently Fox News doesn’t think so, which is why, even though they allow these guys to have shows, they keep them over on the “B” network.

The first question is already a shot at Ron Paul because they bring up the issue of electability and who could actually defeat Obama one-on-one. The thing is, contrary to what Fox News and Rush want you to believe, there have been several polls taken of GOP candidates going head-to-head with Obama and according to these various polls, Ron Paul is the only one who can convincingly beat the current president. But whatever, truth isn’t news apparently.

Anyway, after the issue of electability is brought up, Newt is basically asked to dispel concerns that people have about him not being conservative enough and not being able to topple Barry O. Newt talks about how Reagan was way behind Carter in 1980 but through debate and his message, he was able to defeat the peanut prince. Gingrich said that Reagan won on truth and honesty and that he will as well. Gingrich claims to be able to destroy Obama in debates and says that there is no way that Obama can defend his horrible record. But wait.. isn’t Newt’s record pretty fucking horrible too? He goes on to brag about balancing the budget and tells us that he gave us the largest capital gains tax cut in history back when he was running Congress. Gingrich closes it out by explaining that his record may confuse people because he changes when conditions change. Sounds like a guy that doesn’t have a real set of principles to me. It also sounds like a crock of shit so he can just brush off all the questionable non-conservative stances he’s taken over the years. I don’t know what type of car insurance Newt owns but his policies are definitely “progressive”.

Megyn Kelly asks Ron Paul to convince the crowd that he is electable and also asks him if he will support the winner of the GOP primary. So Megyn assumes Paul won’t win and she wants to basically make sure he doesn’t run as an independent. Also, as far as electability, she is obviously unaware or ignoring the polls that have said that Paul can beat Obama and she must also be ignoring the fact that this guy has been elected to political office more times than any other candidate on that stage.

Ron Paul replies by saying anyone on the stage can beat Obama. He points out that Obama is beating himself and is essentially making the race to the White House much easier for whomever ends up challenging the liberal king. Paul says that compared to the other candidates, he has something different to offer. He cites his policy positions that vastly contrast those of the Republican establishment. He mentions his stance on monetary policy, which has influenced most of the candidates on stage, and he says that he addresses the major issues that the other candidates don’t talk about.He also states that he is the one candidate that is truly pro-Constitution and pro-liberty. He finishes by reminding us that he plans to cut a trillion dollars in spending his first year in office.

Rick Santorum is asked why he isn’t surging with all the time he has spent in Iowa. He responds by saying that he is counting on Iowa to catch fire for him. Yeah bro, I’m waiting for this chick’s pussy to get wet for me but it ain’t working. You gotta make it happen man or don’t bother trying. Three hundred dollar dinners and Russell Stover samplers aren’t going to get you laid, you’ve got to play the game homie. Santorum who feels he has played the game well says that he has done 250 town hall meetings and visited all 99 counties in Iowa. Ricky Boy sounds like my old roommate who always spent money on chicks, completely missed the point and ended up marrying the first diabolical succubus that saw an opportunity to exploit his idiocy. Santorum, stealing a talking point from Ron Paul, says that he is a clear contrast to everyone else. Yeah, he’s a religiously intolerant dickbag that wants to make our country a fascist Jesus-loving dictatorship ruled over by his soft bitch fists. Racquetball Rick says that he fought for conservatism whether it was popular or unpopular, I respect his drive and his fortitude but he is wrong in almost every way and in the end, he is a clueless dolt that knows he has done everything right, even though he hasn’t, and can’t figure out why he is still sitting at the kids’ table without the respect of his peers. After all those town hall meetings in Iowa alone, the people aren’t receptive to his message. It’s time to hang it up bro.

Ron Paul-hater, Chris Wallace asks Mitt Romney what he thinks about people saying that Newt is a stronger candidate than Mitt. Romney describes people’s struggles and says that they want a president that can get America right again. He says that he understands what will and what won’t work when it comes to job creation and the economy because he has been in the private sector and ran so many successful companies for so long. He then cites the time that he passed on investing in JetBlue and calls it a mistake. He says that he has learned from his mistakes however and he knows how to apply the lessons learned from his successes and failures.

Michele Bachmann is asked how she would counter the Obama campaign if she won the nomination, as they would paint her as “too conservative”. She goes on an all-too-typical rant about how great she is and how she continually wins elections in Minnesota which is a strong liberal state. She says that even though people don’t agree with her all the time (you don’t say?) that they at least respect her sincerity and the fact that she works to serve and she is always taking action. She then says that she spent her first 50 years as a real person. Wait.. huh? Is she admitting she is not human? A reptilian, a terminator, an alien hologram or a wind-up toy maybe?

Neil “Keep it Real” Cavuto flat out asks Rick Perry how he can expect to beat Obama, when he is such a bad debater. That shit was harsh but it is a damn good question and Perry impresses me as he doesn’t get too flustered by it. Perry admits that he isn’t the best but that he has gotten to where he likes the debates and has now gotten more comfortable with them, where he was just so awkward and strange in the beginning. He then goes on some weird tangent about Tim Tebow and how they are similar because Tebow is the comeback kid and he’s a former two-time national champion, where as Rick Perry considers himself to be the “national champion of job creation”. Yes, this really happened!

Watch the video:

Jon Huntsman is asked about his record. Huntsman says that he is a consistent conservative and that he will not pander to anyone or sign silly pledges. He also says that he won’t show up at a Trump debate. He uses that to make his point that the nation has been toyed around with this entertainment politics bullshit. The office of the president isn’t something to just throw around in a silly reality show arena. He then talks about how America has been downgraded and is on the cusp of its third government shutdown. Huntsman says that we have an economic deficit and a trust deficit. He goes on to tell us that people do not trust their elected officials and therefore we need to establish term limits for Congress. He points out that Wall Street has also lost the trust of the people and says that there are too many banks that are too big to fail.

All are asked for a quick answer on how they would lead. Rick Santorum jumps back in and says that he would do what great leaders do and would solve our economic woes. He calls for free markets and free people, yet this tyrannical PATRIOT Act pimping bastard has no idea what any of that shit means. Santorum’s first executive order as president, backed by the PATRIOT Act and the new evil NDAA law, would be to label gays as terrorists and ship them off to Gitmo for the rest of their lives. Rick Perry says that after 3 years the president should have learned how to do the job. He says that we need someone with executive experience. Citing the Super Committee, Perry adds that Obama has walked away from responsibilities and dumped them on others. Mitt says that he learned how to get the respect of Democrats in Massachusetts by learning how to find common ground during a crisis. Mitt says that we need a leader that can actually lead. Newt reinforces Mitt’s points and calls Obama a “Saul Alinsky radical”. He goes on to cite his work with Reagan again. I feel like Newt is taking credit for Reagan’s leadership, which is pretty shitty. Ron Paul says that government is too big, the debt is too big and we have to cut spending NOW! He also says that there are two factions in charge of the economy: warfare and welfare. He talks about how they argue over the money and who gets it and that now it is time to end it and kill the leviathan. Michele Bachmann says that she would’ve made Congress come in and talk to her about the debt crisis. Does she think that Congress is made up of her foster kids? Is she going to ground them? Maybe she wouldn’t be able to hear them as her ears might be too far away (that is a problem for her). She says that she would put her foot down on increasing taxes. She also promises to cut spending and to support the Constitution. Well, except for those bits she doesn’t think are important like the 10th Amendment. Jon Huntsman says that leadership is action, not words. Huntsman pushes for a flat tax and talks about how it created a great business state in Utah. He says that after implementing the flat tax he got 80% of the vote in his second run for Governor because he delivered on what he promised to do.

Chris Wallace starts a segment about DC culture. He goes to Mitt and tells him that Newt believes that Romney should return the money that he took from people or something like that. The question was hard to follow but it is funny that Newt wants Mitt to return money when Newt was getting fat checks funded by American tax dollars when he was rolling with Freddie Mac. Mitt responds saying that Obama will use the same attack on him as Newt. He adds that not every business that he invested in worked out but the ones that did succeed created hundreds of thousands of jobs. Romney talks about his success with Staples and the steel company he built up. Mitt takes a shot at Obama when he says that he will ask him how well he ran General Motors after the government takeover of their business.

Newt is asked about the pro-Freddie Mac comments he made a few years back. He is also asked about how he could say that Barney Frank should go to jail when he too was involved with the same people that caused the housing bubble to burst. Gingrich says that Frank was holding elected office at the time, where he (Newt) wasn’t. Newt tries to make it clear that he was a private citizen engaged in the housing business like any other business. Newt just can’t dig himself out of this hole without sounding stupid. He claims that he always said that Freddie needed more regulations.. that’s not helping your case dude! It also doesn’t sound very conservative. Newt said that we should have a goal of helping as many Americans as possible buy homes. Jesus, Gingrich sounds like a fucking welfare state pushing progressive liberal! When it walks like a duck and talks like a duck it is probably an asshole.

The moderators ask Ron Paul about his negative campaign ads against Newt. He is also asked what his thoughts are on the comments Newt just made. Paul points out that Freddie Mac was a GSE (government sponsored enterprise), which is different than a regular business or a private enterprise. Paul says that Newt was deep in a mixture of big business and big government. He needs to be held accountable for that and own up to it, it is what it is. Frankly, super debater Newt just got got. Ron Paul states that government sponsored enterprise is NOT free enterprise.

Newt poorly defends himself by saying that GSEs do a lot of good. ROFLMFAO! Gingrich cites Medicare and Medicaid as good examples. Damn, that’s hilarious Newt! I didn’t know you were doing standup at the Bijou this weekend! He also says that he doesn’t lobby for anything. Shit, the jokes keep on coming!

Michele Bachmann is asked if she has any evidence to support her recent Newt bashing. She says that her evidence is simply that she knows he cashed Freddie checks. Okay, just because you say it doesn’t make it real. Where’s the solid proof, shit I know it exists but I want to see it! Bachmann says that there is a big difference between Freddie Mac and banks, adding that Newt took $1.6 million to influence senior Republicans in Congress to keep the madness going. Haha, and Newt says he wasn’t lobbying; what do you call aggressively pushing your influence on politicians then? Bachman says that Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae need to be “shut down not built up!”

Responding to the crazy woman’s attacks, Newt says that her claims are not true and that he never lobbied in any way. He tells Bachmann to have facts straight and to not throw around allegations. Bachmann snaps back saying that PolitiFact backs up her claims and she says that you don’t have to be a “lobbyist” to “peddle influence”. Newt says that his policy is to break up Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae. He also claims that he has never once changed his positions over a payoff. Newt says that he has only worked with people who share the same values he has. Okay, so you work with snakes? Doesn’t Honey Badger eat snakes? I guess this one rolls with them.

Newt is getting a lot of time but that doesn’t stop Neil Cavuto from asking him about his negative comments regarding Paul Ryan’s plan and how he now apparently likes the plan he was critical about. Cavuto is digging into Newt’s all-too-common inconsistency on the issue. Newt says that he never referenced Ryan when he made the comments that were perceived as negative. He says that a free society needs the support of the people and he feels that when there is a potential major change on the horizon, like the Ryan Plan, that the people need to be consulted. I can’t disagree with that point.

Romney says that the spending crisis is extraordinary. He then goes on an anti-Obama rant. Closing out the rant, he says that we need to stop giving away funds when we don’t have any left to give. He continues by saying that there are 62 trillion dollars in promises that need to be quashed.

Neil Cavuto tries to “gotcha” Ron Paul when he asks him how he can be a vocal opponent of earmarks when he fights to bring money to his district. It is a good question and out of everything asked the congressman out of all of these debates, this was the best researched and thought out. Cavuto is attempting to put him on the spot and show that maybe he isn’t so consistent and might even be just a little hypocritical. However, Paul then responds and says that he has never voted for an earmark but if the government forcibly takes money away from his district (as they do all districts), then they have a right to apply for it to come back. Touché Dr. Paul, touché! Ron Paul continues by pointing out that earmarks are out of control and that the government earmarks every penny. Paul adds again that he NEVER voted for an earmark but he will fight to get back his constituents’ money back from the tyrants whenever possible.

Cavuto, apparently not getting it, presses on the issue again. Paul says that he doesn’t complain about earmarks and says that if everyone followed the Constitution like he does, then there would be no earmarks. Ron Paul says that as president he wouldn’t look for more power. He doesn’t want to police the world or the economy and says that too many people want a super powerful president and that that mentality is just wrong.

Moving on, Cavuto basically asks Perry if he’s a hypocrite. I don’t really get Cavuto’s point and neither does Perry as he just praises himself. He says that his programs have worked and that he didn’t bail them out. He then says that we need to talk about overhauling DC and cut Congress’ time back so that they can go home and live within the same walls that the American people do. When asked about how many days Congress should work Perry says, “140 days every two years like they do in Texas.”

Jon Huntsman is asked how he would respond to childish moves by China on trade rules. The former ambassador to China says that he would work towards building relationships and respect. He says that he already did a great job with it as ambassador. Huntsman says that we need shared values infused in our relationship with China based in democracy and human rights. He then calls for a greater tolerance of other religions on our part.

On foreign business affairs, Santorum is asked if he would give companies a tax holiday for staying in the United States. Santorum says that if outside companies bring money back and invest it in America, he’d charge them zero tax. He adds that we are no longer competitive. He blames corporate tax saying that there is a big differential between us and our top 9 economic competitors. Santorum says he would use his executive power to repeal anything he sees as anti-business. Yep, he’s still a power-hungry douchenugget.

Trying to tap into his business knowledge, Mitt is asked what industry will create the most jobs in next ten years. Mitt says that the free market will decide that. Sure, if we stay out of it. He goes on to talk about the fact that when the government picks the winners, we all lose. “Let the markets decide!” I don’t know if Mitt is capable of a hands off approach however. Mitt believes that manufacturing in the U.S. will come back again. He also says that our energy capabilities are extraordinary and tells us that Obama prevents that industry’s growth with his idiocy over the BP oil spill issue issue as well as the recent pipeline controversy.

Megyn Kelly asks Newt about his plan to subpoena judges who make decisions he doesn’t like. She asks if it removes checks and balances. She tells him that his critics consider such a proposal to be “dangerous” and “ridiculous”. Newt says that that sort of talk is arrogant and ignorant, uh.. okay buddy. He also says that judges against “One Nation under God” should not work in the courts. He calls that motto “the core base of American exceptionalism”. Newt adds that we do not have a judicial dictatorship and points to Thomas Jefferson and Abraham Lincoln to give examples as to why his stance is okay.

Newt-hater Bachmann is asked if the 9th circuit should be abolished and if it was, what would happen if a Democrat came into power after a Republican president. Bachmann replies by saying that the judges have to follow the Constitution. She says that the president and Congress need to take their authority back from the courts. Bachmann says that the Founding Fathers wanted the courts to be the least powerful governing body in the system. She then gives props to Iowa for attacking gay marriage. She loves how Iowans got rid of pro-gay rights judges. What a bitch.

Ron Paul is asked if Newt is right in his stance regarding judges. Paul says that if a judge is unethical, the proper procedure is impeachment not subpoenaing judges in front of Congress. He also says that it is frustrating but we can’t just get rid of courts because we don’t like how they rule on something. He believes that Newt’s viewpoint on the issue is like opening a can or worms. Ron Paul reminds us that the Founding Fathers wanted a seperation of powers.

The moderators move to Mitt, who is asked about why he nominated Democrat judges in Massachusetts and because of that, how can Republicans trust him to make the right decisions on nominating Supreme Court justices. He clarifies that he didn’t appoint the Democratic judges but that he nominated them. Since the board that appointed the judges was made up of only Democrats, he says that they selected the Democratic choices over the Republican ones.

To close out the first hour of the two hour debate, Megyn Kelly asks each candidate to name their favorite current Supreme Court justice. Santorum rambles about some bullshit abortion mumbo jumbo and doesn’t really answer. When pressed to answer, after making what should’ve been a short answer into a long rant, he said, “Thomas”. Rick Perry also rambles but his rant is about ending lifetime terms for the robes. He says that his favorites are Alito, Roberts and Thomas. Mitt says a bunch of names, he may have named them all. Gingrich says that Scalia is the most intellectual of the supreme justices. Ron Paul says that they are all good and all bad in different ways. Bachmann, like Romney, names a bunch. Jon Huntsman selects Roberts and Alito as his favorites.

3. Hour 2:

Starting hour number two, Bret Baier asks Ron Paul that if he had hypothetical intel that was certain that Iran had nuclear missiles, would he invade them. He also adds that Ron Paul’s stance on foreign policy is “left of Obama”. Wow, Fox News is really trying to influence their malleable viewers. Paul unfazed says that he’s running with the people, who feel as he does. He points to the fact that there is no UN evidence that supports the idea that Iran has or is building a nuclear bomb. Ron Paul tells us that this Iran talk is just war propaganda similar to the bullshit that led us into war with Iraq a decade ago. Paul says that his greatest fear is that we have a president that will overreact (like the majority of the GOPers on stage). He says that a former Israeli statesman said that it would be incredibly stupid to attack Iran over this sort of unfounded paranoia. Paul reminds us that we survived the Cold War without jumping the gun and going to war.

Baier cuts in saying that the question specifically asked what he would do if there was solid hypothetical intelligence that showed that Iran did have a bomb being built. Ron Paul says that all we are doing with our careless paranoid actions is promoting their desire for building a nuke. He clues Baier and the other candidates in on the fact that Iran is surrounded by bombs, so why wouldn’t they want one for themselves to eliminate their vulnerability? Ron Paul also points out that we respect those with bombs better than those without them. He brings us back to when we convinced Libya to get rid of their bombs and once that was done, there was nothing to stop us from invading them, which we did.

Bret Baier, getting flustered, asks Dr. Paul his thoughts on Iran threatening to close the Strait of Hormuz. Paul says that all we talk about is “When are we (the West) going to bomb Iran”. He continues by essentially asking why wouldn’t they close the strait to screw us on oil if we just keep threatening an attack against them. What Paul is saying is that they have a right to defend themselves however they see fit and if we are going to keep bullying them and threatening them from afar, why shouldn’t they take action and prepare for the possibility of our threats becoming promises. Speaking to his sanction-happy colleagues and the moderators, he calls their proposed sanctions an act of war. Ron Paul finishes up with his Iran points by saying that it is time for us to use diplomacy for once.

Still aggravated by Ron Paul, Bret Baier goes to establishment “bomb’m all!” cockpuppet Rick Santorum. Ricky Boy goes on and on about “Damn mooozlums! Damn Eeeranians! Radical theocracy! Al-Qaedaists! Destruction! Anti-Jesusers! Martyrdom! Bleh!!!” That’s basically all I heard.

Mitt is asked about his comments on Obama where he said that the president was weak in his handling of Iran capturing one of our drones. Romney explains that weakness invites aggression. He says a strong America is the greatest ally of peace. Mitt also adds that Obama believes we are entering a post-American century, where Mitt believes that America is going to continue to lead and shape the world.

Michele Bachmann is asked if she would ever send troops back to Iraq if Iran moved in. She says that Obama pulling troops out shows that he has given up on peace and is allowing Iran an open door to exploit. Bachmann then disses Ron Paul on his Iran stance. She tries to scare the shit out of our asses by saying that Iran WILL KILL Israel and us! OMG! Michele Bachmann is genuinely freaked out by everything except herself apparently. Then again, I bet whenever she sees her own shadow, she does a double take because she is paranoid that it is the ghost of Osama bin Laden trying to go somewhere her husband has never been (because he is gay if you didn’t know). She also talks about how the terrorists want to kill us because we are free. I’m so tired of that damn argument. Oh wait!

Defending himself and slamming Bachmann’s idiocy, Paul says that the terrorists don’t want to kill us because we are free. He asks why they don’t attack Switzerland and other free countries. He points out that they even explain that they want to harm us because we are bombing them. I mean, why are these conservative fucktards unable to understand this? Paul asks why are we flying drones and bombing these countries. He says that we need to stop overreacting and that we need to stay out of all these countries’ problems.

Harpie-ass Bachmann yelps like a kicked puppy and calls Paul’s stance an “underreaction!” Bleh! Ron Paul then owns Bachmann for buying into the establishment propaganda when she paints herself as a TeaParty small government conservative. Bachmann interrupts because her skin is so thin it is really just tissue paper smeared with Oil of Olay. Paul gets back on it and says that he lived through the Cuban Missile Crisis and tells us how it was ended with diplomacy between John F. Kennedy and Nikita Khrushchev. Paul keeps slamming all the people slamming him and he keeps throwing out facts and examples that these people can’t combat! Ron Paul killed it on this night! Paul actually killed it so decisively that it must have scared the living shit out of Fox News because the moderators went on to ignore him for the remainder of the debate until the closing statements. No matter how hard they try, the mainstream media can’t beat Dr. Paul because you can only pile shit on top of truth for so long before it stands up and tosses that shit back at you. On this night, Ron Paul was chucking shit back at the lying bastards who were out to destroy him.

To stack the deck against Ron Paul, Newt is brought in by the moderators to back up the wound-licking Bachmann and the bullshit Fox News agenda. Even the great debater Newt Gingrich knows that he can’t combat Paul on this so he goes on a rant about diplomacy and communication problems and attempts to make a lame joke. The assholes in the crowd laugh.

The only other sane man in the room, Jon Huntsman says that we need to get out of this paranoid Cold War mindset. He says that we are now weak and suggests that we need to fix our shit at home. He goes on a long explanation of his point and Baier gets all pissy when the buzzer goes off. Huntsman, who isn’t going to stop talking because Baier was lenient on the time rule with the establishment candidates, continues to speak. He says that we need to adopt a foreign policy that focuses on economics, as none of these other people (excluding Paul) understands the bigger picture. The buzzer goes off again and Baier starts getting more prickish. Huntsman finishes his points.

Rick Perry is asked when he thinks America should intervene in Syria. God, Fox News is so pro-war! The whole phrasing of the question basically implies that we have to go in no matter what. Idiot Perry says that we have a muddled foreign policy and Syria needs to be knocked out of the way as they spend so much time stroking Iran’s cock.

The saving grace, Neil Cavuto moves this debate on to energy, thus freeing those of us with brain cells from hearing anymore idiocy on foreign policy. Newt is the first to get in on the energy portion of the debate. He bitches about Obama blocking the pipeline. He then shows his true dictator colors when he says that he will not back down from acheiving his objectives when they are right and the people are wrong. M’kay, so he just told of us “fuck you”.

Jon Huntsman is asked if protecting land is more important than creating jobs. He says that there has to be a balance. He also adds that we need to have a good energy relationship with Canada and that we need to disrupt the oil monopoly or else we cant have enrgy independence. Huntsman points out that we have more natural gas than the Saudi’s have oil. He promises to bring forth an aggressive energy plan that will benefit us and our allies while pushing us towards being more self-sufficient.

Bachmann is asked to explain her vocal criticism against Obama’s BP shutdown. She is also asked what would have been an acceptable period of time for drilling to cease for her to have solved the problem. That’s a dumb question that no one could answer without being in the situation and even if this happened again, the situation would be different. Bachmann says that Obama’s moratorium hurt the economy more than the disaster did. She then rants about Obama’s handling of the recent pipeline issue.

Rick Perry looking drunk or high and acting weird, talks about “laboratories of innovation”. He’s always got some great combination of words when the drugs kick in. Perry says that he helped all alternative energy industries in Texas by not picking winners and losers. He says that we need 50 states competing with each other on energy solutions as opposed to government intervention.

On the issue of the border, Perry says that if he was president, he would force his attorney general to resign immediately if he pulled some shit like Eric Holder did with Operation Fast & Furious. Perry says that Obama claims that the U.S.-Mexican border is safer than it has ever been. Perry says that his words are bullshit. Perry, based off of his personal experience, hammers down on the fact that the borders aren’t secure. He also calls for a modern version of the Monroe Doctrine. On a side note, Perry says “Hezbollah” really funny.

Santorum agrees with Perry on firing Eric Holder. He then says that we need to pay more attention to our own hemisphere. What? Really?! This warmongering bag of dicks that wants to bomb every country that has “mooozlums” and “damn gays” is saying that we need to pay more attention to our own hemisphere? Santorum needs to pay more attention to life after this race because he sure as shit ain’t going nowhere.

The moderators then pounce on Mitt and want him to explain his stance on illegals aliens, who he has said he would not hunt down and round up. Mitt says that he would create a special ID card. He says that employers would have to verify these cards before hiring. C’mon idiot, you aren’t that dense, are you? This guy thinks that businesses that hire illegals already will suddenly comply with these new laws? Hahahaha! Ever heard of paying people under the table? I’ve never met a big private sector guy that hasn’t hired illegal immigrants to move their shit to a bigger office.

Newt is asked if Mitt’s stance is realistic. Newt says that Rep. Steve King introduced something similar and then goes on to talk about using E-Verify. Newt rants about his stance and not rounding up Mexicans. He also adds that he would drop all of the federal government lawsuits against the states who are fighting immigration how they see fit. Gingrich says that he would cut off federal aid to sanctuary cities violating federal law.

Jon Huntsman says that we need to stop pandering on immigration and just do what needs to be done. He says that we have to secure the border but to not lose sight of legal immigration being an engine of economic growth. Huntsman points out that many of the Fortune 500 companies were started by former immigrants.

Chris Wallace asks Mitt Romney about his flip-flopping. He specifically points to abortion and asks Mitt why he has changed his opinion on it. Mitt says that a stem cell bill came over his desk and it made him change his stance after really studying it. He says that he was wrong and he has since tried to correct himself. Wallace tries to stump Romney like a dick by asking the original question again but this time mixing it up somewhat. It doesn’t work and really, Wallace just looks like the dumb dick that he is. Mitt is then attacked on his questionable gun rights stance for banning assault weapons. Mitt assures everyone that he is very much pro-gun. Wallace then pushes the gay rights issue on Mitt trying to “gotcha” him a fourth time. Mitt says that he doesn’t discriminate against gays. He claims that he had a gay dude in his administration when he was governor. Mitt says that he opposes same sex marriage but says that he is not against gays. That damn Orwellian doublespeak!

Ricky Santorum is asked if he believes Mitt Romney. Jesus Christ in a frying pan, Wallace is really trying to start a fight tonight! This little weasel is fucking scum. Santorum, like the bitch he is, takes the bait and says that Mitt issued gay marriage licenses as governor. Rick would know because he once inquired about it for himself. Santorum than has the goddamned balls to say that he doesn’t discriminate! Well, I guess you can say that when you don’t look at “mooozlums” and “damn gays” as human beings. To counter Rick’s argument, Mitt says that he tried to create an amendment in the Massachusetts state constitution to define marriage.

Michele Bachmann is asked about her comments on Newt being inconsistent on “life”. She says that the GOP can’t get the issue of “life” wrong in this election. Yeah, because out of everything, that is the big issue here. Bachmann doesn’t know though because she still lives in the stone age. I’m not knocking pro-life or pro-choice people but this issue has been beaten to death for decades and it needs to go on the back burner until we sort out the economy. I know that will piss off “true conservatives” and I don’t care. Just like with the immigration issue, most voters just aren’t worried about it. Glory hound whack job Bachmann finishes by saying that Newt could’ve once defunded Planned Parenthood but he didn’t. He could have also said “no” to that Filet-O-Fish he ate last week but he didn’t. Bachmann’s presence in these debates is pointless unless she is just trying to push her opponents up in the poll numbers. I don’t know how she even has 4 percent. That in and of itself is fucking scary!

Newt, after Bachmann’s crazy attack, just looks at her like she’s nuts. Newt, once again, says that her facts aren’t accurate. He explains his stance and says that he believes that life begins at conception. He adds that he was just proposing a commission to look at embryo research back in the day, which wasn’t in anyway an attempt to be pro-abortion. It was actually just an attempt to understand stem cell research and other things. Bachmann steals more time to incoherently Newt bash. Bachmann says that Newt is “outrageous” for saying her facts aren’t right. She demands to be taken seriously because she claims she is a serious candidate. Lulz.. My gin just came out of my nose. Thanks for telling us that but you’re not a serious candidate lady. Newt responds to this twit with, “Honey Badger don’t care!”

To close out the debate, the candidates are asked how they are going to try to win the nomination without weakening the other nominees. Really? Another dumb question here because these debates have been going on for over seven months! This is the last time these people will meet before the first voting begins and they are asking them this? Have they not been paying attention? These candidates have been doing their damnedest to undermine each other while pretending they are all really on the same page and just out to stomp Obama. I guess some people want you to think this is some sort of united front against Barack but it is no such thing by any stretch of the imagination.

Answering the dumb question, Santorum says, “Lets find out who has the best record and can stand up.” Um, not you dude. The guy you are referencing is Ron Paul. Rick Perry says, “Your tail needs to get kicked sometimes.” Uh, okay? Mitt says, “We can handle it” when referring to the attacks they are all giving and receiving. Newt says that he has “solutions” and everyone up there is his “friend” and would be “better” than Obama who is the real opponent. Ron Paul says that the media has a responsibility and that they are messing up this year. Bachmann talks about Reagan Vs. Carter. Ugh, whatever bitch. She says that she will be the best as she gives no props to the others. Thanks asshole. Jon Huntsman, who is the last to speak, says, “We need heightened trust and this type of debate is elevating us all.”

4. Conclusion:

The worst offense of all, to me, about this debate and the few before this is that the issue of the NDAA (National Defense Authorization Act) hasn’t even come up. This is the most tyrannical piece of legislation to rise since the PATRIOT Act. For those that don’t know, in a nutshell, this new law allows for the detainment of American citizens without a trial. Essentially, any American the government deems a threat, under their extremely broad criteria, can be arrested and sent away to some place like Gitmo, where they will never be heard from again. 93 out of 100 senators passed this fucking monster bill yet no one is talking about it. This is much worse than ObamaCare! Conservatives don’t care though because they want us all to be jailed and chained to Bibles. Well, that is except for guys like Ron Paul who is the ONLY candidate to speak out against this evil law.

Fox News fails in their not mentioning it and in their general lack of coverage of it on their regular programming. Apart from that, my biggest complaint about the debate itself is that the moderators continually asked really long questions, as they had to give a backstory as to why they were asking each question. This wasted time and in comparison to the answer time the candidates were allowed, it seemed like the moderators were talking just as much if not more than the people running for office. I don’t remember the other Fox News debates being chock full of long-winded multilayered questions.

In the end, Paul owned this debate like a fucking gangsta and everyone else either sucked or just remained the same. Even with Fox News ignoring Dr. Paul for the last quarter, I don’t feel that it really hurt his performance. In fact, the polls right now have Ron Paul leading. Unfortunately, the shitcock establishment zombies are already out there saying that if Ron Paul wins Iowa, it will discredit Iowa. Right! So, this pivotal stop on the campaign trail that has been pounded into our heads for months and months as the biggest possible win a candidate could get on the road to the White House is now considered insignificant if the one who wins it isn’t who the establishment wants? Are you fucking kidding me? Fuck these people. In addition to that, fuck anyone buying into their bullshit! For as much as Fox News and other conservative media giants bitch about liberal bias in the media, they sure as shit are guilty of it themselves even within their own party! At least the liberals stick together like glue. Just like the old adage, if you point your fat bastard finger at someone else, you’ve got three more fat bastard fingers pointing back at you.

The establishment has never been this scared.

Grading Scale:
Grade A+: Ron Paul
Grade B: Jon Huntsman
Grade D+: Newt Gingrich
Grade D: Rick Perry
Grade D: Mitt Romney
Grade F: Rick Santorum
Grade F-: Michele Bachmann
Grade I: Gary Johnson

*Written by Rob Rimes.

There’s been too many debates this month! I’m not necessarily tired of writing about them but a little break would be nice. Hell, I can’t even imagine how tired the candidates must be from all the travel to and fro, as well as all their other events and straw polls sprinkled in between all the televised debates and interviews. In any event, the wear and tear showed in this particular debate. Not to say it didn’t have it’s good moments but everyone seemed to have a little less fire this round and it kind of came and went with a bit of a whimper.

This debate was held by Fox News and Google, which was awesome because typically Fox News has the best debates. Their quality is higher and their shows are just put together like a well-oiled machine. This time was no different except for a few things and the inclusion of Google added an interesting new twist to the debate. Google spent time collecting questions from the candidates from the general public using several of their online services. Many people sent in videos via YouTube which was really cool, as other YouTube users got to vote on which questions were the best. This format was pretty refreshing and well-executed.

One great thing about this debate is the fact that Gary Johnson was invited! I’ve been bitching about his apparent exile from the debates with the princess-like fierceness of a scorned little girl but now I can turn off my diva mode and enjoy the fact that the lesser-known libertarian in the race was given a platform to shine. I would really like to see Thaddeus McCotter in the debates too, as I haven’t even heard from this guy at all yet. Let everyone have the opportunity to shine! As Billie Jean said, “Fair is fair!”

Fox News of course goes to Rick Perry first, Bret Baier says that everyone else has outlined their economic and job plans but that Rick Perry hasn’t clearly defined what his plans are. Rick Perry diverts the question very quickly and says that his plan is coming. M’kay dude, you’ve been in this race for almost two months and participated in about four debates and your team hasn’t prepared an official plan or even a statement on one of your most important platform points?

Fox News then goes to Mitt Romney in an effort to give the two golden boys the advantage right out of the gate. Mitt talks about job creation and cites his awesome business record. He promises to cut taxes for the middle class while promising to protect them. When questioned by the moderators where the income line is for what Mitt considers to be rich, he can’t answer the question or at least refuses to.

Megyn Kelly is beautiful.

A question from an audience member last debate that went unanswered by Jon Huntsman is now recycled and given to Michele Bachmann. That question was “How much of my paycheck should I be allowed to keep?” Bachmann, who is wearing a shirt so red it makes her look like an apple with a creepy head on top, doesn’t really answer the question either. She basically says that your money is your money but then says we have to give some of it to the government. Um.. so which is it lady?

“Mr. Racquetball” Rick Suckscrotum is asked about his thoughts on a possible federal right to work law. He says a bunch of crap and no one listens. Newt then steps in and says that there should be some sort of business training program attached to unemployment benefits. Yeah, sounds expensive buddy! Who’s going to pay for it? I can only assume it’ll be ME! Fuck that, how ’bout no benefits and thus no training program? I mean, is this training program going to be run by the government? One can only assume the answer to that is “yes”. Therefore, how can we be assured that such a program, which will be expensive, will even be effective? Maybe Newt has a lot more faith in the federal government than I do. This idea is stupid lame.

Herman Cain comes into the debate like, “Yeah! Nine nine nine motherfucker!” His plan sounds interesting, I still need to read it but since he has been pimping the plan, there has been no mention of the FairTax. What’s going on dude? You were like a FairTax champion! Cain does have one of the best lines of the night however when he disses Mitt for being a fan of the current tax code. Mr. Cain tells Mitt, “That dog won’t hunt!” Touché Mr. Cain, touché.

Romney has no comeback for Cain, he just reminds us that the middle class is hurting. A middle class that cannot be defined as he can’t figure out where the income line is for those who are considered rich.

Ron Paul finally gets into the debate and kicks it off by telling us he will veto any bill that violates the 10th Amendment. Oh hell yes! For those not in the know, which should be none of you, basically Ron Paul will not allow the federal government to overpower state and local governments. Ron Paul is a firm believer in states’ rights and on his watch, he will fight for them.

The other libertarian candidate Gary Johnson gets some airtime for the first time since the very first GOP debate way back in May. Gary Johnson immediately promises several things. He vows to submit a balanced budget, he promises to veto bills that are wasteful and unconstitutional and he also pimps out the FairTax with colorful flare. Uh oh, Mr. Cain someone’s tugging at the FairTax fan base while you’re mum about it in favor of you’re 999 Plan.

The next part of the debate goes on forever and is just about unbearable to watch. Mitt Romney and Rick Perry go back and forth over and over, quoting each other’s books while trying to throw each other under the proverbial bus. This is a yawnfest and just bad television. Mitt disses Perry, Perry rebuttals with a diss, Mitt rebuttals with a diss, Perry rebuttals with a diss, Mitt rebuttals with a diss and we’ve got a broken record where the moderators are allowing these two shitcocks to purposely take shots at each other in an effort to monopolize the TV time. It was a clever ploy and it was seemingly obvious that Fox News and these two candidates were in on it. Maybe I’m getting too conspiratorial here but why else would the moderators turn this into a two man tennis match, ignoring the other seven on stage, just so that these primadonna boy toys could reenact a spat from “Girls Behaving Badly”.

Huntsman is up next after that long ass lovers’ quarrel. He tries to channel Ronald Reagan as I tune out and try to channel a pint of PBR. He does call for tax reform and an end to ObamaCare as well as Dodd-Frank.

Cain is asked that if he had to eliminate at least one government agency, which would it be. Cain says the EPA because they are wasteful, tyrannical and they drastically need to be reformed. He wants to break apart and rebuild the EPA from scratch. Personally, I was hoping he would say the Department of Homeland Security but I feel that Cain subscribes to the fear-mongering. I mean, he supports the War on Terror, so why not the tyrannical offspring of the PATRIOT Act as well? I’d like to personally question Cain on DHS and TSA and where he stands on both agencies.

Gary Johnson gets more airtime and promises to cut government spending by 43%. He also promises to abolish the Federal Department of Education. Man, if this guy starts picking up steam, he’s going to piss off a lot of people on the left and the right. I support that. Ron Paul backs up Gary Johnson and says he wants government out of education completely. He opposes No Child Left Behind and feels that people should be able to opt out of it.

Rick Perry is for school choice but then switches the subject to call out Mitt again which turns into another dick wagging contest. I take a break and go off to make a fajita and grab another beer. During the homoerotic exchange, another candidate starts to speak up about all the time Fox News is wasting on the Perry-Romney lovefest but Bret Baier actually says that he wants to give Mitt Romney more time. C’mon Bret! You don’t want to join the fray with those two queens do you?!

Michele Bachmann wants local control of education with strong parental involvement. She also reminds us of her 12,749 kids. Herman Cain wants to cut all the strings between government and education. He wants to empower the students. Get the federal government out! Huntsman steps into the argument but he was so boring I played solitaire until he finished talking.

The next big topic is immigration. Bachmann is for states’ rights on the issue and is pissed at Obama for suing Arizona over what they thought was best for their state. Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney support E-Verify (read about it here if you don’t know what it is). Newt also wants English as the official language of America. Odd, as far as I know, it is. Mitt slams Perry (surprise! surprise!) for allowing illegal immigrants to collect up to $22,000 a year in tuition paid for by the state. Perry and Mitt then go into another spat to monopolize the limited TV time. Rick Santorum jumps into the bitch and whine session trying to wedge himself back into the debate. Somewhere in this petty immigration argument Rick Perry actually says, “You put boots on the ground. You put the aviation assets on the ground.” Uh, what? Don’t you want aviation assets in the air? It must’ve just been a Bush-like mistake. Oh no, wait.. he said it again and then again. Perry must snort sea monkeys.

The conversation shifts to Israel, the Middle East and the War on Terror. Mitt says that he doesn’t want “an inch of space between friends and allies”. He then goes off on Obama’s shitty treatment of Israel and Netanyahu. Herman Cain says that, “If you mess with Israel you mess with America.” Rick Perry wants to make India an ally to help us deal with Pakistan. Rick Santorum wants MORE troops in Iraq! No really, he wants more troops in Iraq! Newt Gingrich says he is willing to go through our foreign aid program and eliminate aid to those who aren’t our friends, especially those who are outspoken against us. It’s always “us versus them”. Newt then gets all fear-mongerish with talks of WMDs and whatnot. Gary Johnson says that we need to promote liberty and peace through free trade; I agree. Johnson is for opening up free trade with Cuba and supports flights from America to Cuba. Bachmann retorts by calling Cuba a terror sponsor. Um.. so is U.S. foreign policy lady. Huntsman wants to bring the troops home. Santorum cries more and mispronounces Afghanistan as “Afghanistein”, as if the country is either a giant metal beer mug or the Middle Eastern version of Frankenstein’s monster. Huntsman then says something awesome when he tells the other candidates that “Only Pakistan can save Pakistan”, as in it is a country’s job to find it’s own path and to map out it’s own destiny, it is not America’s job. Amen homeboy, amen.

As the debate starts to come to a close, we learn that Bachmann opposes the idea of a national church, which was a fucking strange question by the way. Rick Santorum opposes gays in the military and gets loud applause for his stance, proving that my fellow Floridians are fucking idiots. Good jobs fucktards, keep living up to the worst qualities the left says you GOPers possess. Ron Paul, going against the GOP grain, says that abortion is a state issue not a federal one. Fuck man, everything is really a state issue, the federal government just wants to strangle everybody.

Herman Cain then tells us the story about his cancer and how he feels he wouldn’t have beat the narrow odds had he gotten cancer with Obamacare implemented. His story gets a ton of applause from the crowd and even though it was really in-circumstantial to the debate, it won Mr. Cain a shit ton of brownie points and a huge straw poll victory in Florida following this debate. In any event, Cain’s story does add an aura of badassery to his already solid character and charisma. As I’ve said many times, I differ on several things with Cain but I personally like him and out of all the candidates he is my number three (although there is no number four or anyone else after Paul, Johnson or Cain that I would vote for).

Bachmann is questioned about her remarks that the HPV vaccine causes mental retardation. Bachmann says she never made such a statement. Well she did make the statement but to be objective she was paraphrasing what she claims a mother told her about her daughter who was on the vaccine. No kudos for Bachmann for not at least paraphrasing a doctor. Her whole comment could be bullshit and was just an irresponsible thing to say either way. Bachmann flips the script quickly however and reminds us about the connections between drug giant Merck, who made the vaccine, and Rick Perry, who tried to force vaccines on the children.

Perry then tells us a sad story about why he used the tactics he used. However, after the debate it came out that the story he told actually happened AFTER he used his executive order powers to force little girls to be vaccinated. Perry is a fucking scumbag liar! But somehow, way too many of you fucking morons out there are still supporting this devil in hair gel. Rick Perry said he “erred on the side of life.” Fuck you dude, you erred on the side of fucking greed.

The Lyin’ King Perry then touts his fictitious record again but at this point, anything the guy says is probably a lie. He then gets into it with Romney again in an attempt to monopolize even more time. Sorry homies, just because I’m all for gay rights doesn’t mean I want to see you two fuck each other in the mouth 69-style while your testes slam into each other’s noses. While there is a market for that, this is supposed to be a family friendly show!

The two highlights after the gay porn romp, is when Ron Paul tells the other candidates that they basically suck because he is the only one who foresaw and understood all the recent bubbles that burst. He then calls for an end to the Federal Reserve and a new era where free markets can rule supreme again. Gary Johnson drops an awesome joke about how his neighbor’s dogs have created more shovel ready jobs than Obama. This got thunderous applause but at the same time, that very joke was used earlier in the day by Rush Limbaugh. Johnson said his staff gave him the joke and he didn’t realize it was Rush’s. Realistically, who gives a fuck? Jokes are meant to be told and passed on. Gary Johnson once again pimps out the FairTax really hard. At least someone’s mentioning it, right Mr. Cain?

The moderators then officially close out the debate by asking all the candidates who they would pick out of their colleagues on stage as their VP running mate. What a waste of time. I won’t bore you with the lame details. In the end, this debate was subpar and not much came out of it, except for Herman Cain somehow evolving into a rockstar after dominating the Florida Straw Poll.

Grading Scale:
Grade B: Ron Paul
Grade B: Herman Cain
Grade B-: Gary Johnson
Grade C-: Newt Gingrich
Grade D+: Jon Huntsman
Grade D: Michele Bachmann
Grade D-: Rick Santorum
Grade D-: Mitt Romney
Grade F: Rick Perry
Grade I: Thaddeus McCotter

*Written by Rob Rimes.

This is pretty much a rant about cocks and pussies, you have been warned. It is probably best if you turn back now. Still here? M’kay.. moving on.

I know I have bitched in the past about the use of “gate” as a suffix to describe any political scandal. It’s redundant, overused, stupid and incredibly fucking lame. However, I do chuckle a little bit every time the word “Weinergate” is uttered. I guess this is the ultimate use of the tired tactic and probably the best one the media has come up with. Anyway, since this is definitely the pinnacle, I don’t think we should continue to use “-gate” anymore. Well, unless there is a “pussygate” or a “cockgate” or something involving a sexual organ or expletive. Fuck all that however, I’m here to talk about the events of Weinergate itself, not the origins of it’s name.

Anthony Weiner is not the brightest cock on the block. I mean, to be a dude in the position he is in and to post cock pics and sexy pecs photos online, whether intended to be private or not, is incredibly stupid. If you are the Lib King of New York, you’ve got to know that you are under a goddamned microscope. Didn’t this guy learn from the mistakes of the Craigslist Congressman or any of the other idiots in Congress who have been caught committing lewd acts? Apparently not. By the way, his bulge was underwhelming. Everyone knows that if you’re going to take pics of your Swiss Roll in your undies, that you stuff a sock in that motherfucker and call it a dick. It’s not false advertising when all the chicks today are wearing Wonderbras and shit. Just calling a spade a spade ladies, don’t get all emo and menstrual about it.

In reality, this whole sexting thing has gotten out of control. Then again, if you want to send me pics of your tits and pussies, feel free. However, only if you are over 18. I don’t need to be pinched for child pornography. But anyway, yes, this sexting craze is ridiculous. Kids are getting arrested for this shit in middle school! As the media says, “it is an epidemic.” Really though, sensationalism aside, I don’t think it is an epidemic. The technology just makes it easier to flash your junk without your significant other even being in the room to enjoy it. Personally, I’m not going to take pics of my cock and send them out, but if I did so what? There was a sex tape of me and a girl I dated back in the day but you can’t tell it is me, as all you see is my ass moving up and down. However, I am coming clean because unlike these idiots in politics, I’m pretty much an open goddamned book and don’t give a shit. If I ever run for office and someone asks about it, I’m going to be like, “Yeah dude, that’s my ass. So what? You mad your boy got laid? Don’t be a hater!”

See, maybe that is the problem. Maybe these guys being so secretive with skeletons in the closet is what bites them in the ass. No one is fucking perfect and everyone has something questionable that can be brought out into the open to discredit them. I’m of the philosophy that if I throw the shit out there myself, it isn’t going to fuck me in the eye down the road. I don’t think this Weiner thing is that big of a deal. Really, I don’t even care about it. That should be evident by the lackadaisical execution of this article. I’m writing about it only because everyone is obsessing over it. Also, I am drunk and taking a break from working on an article that involves a lot of research.

Anyway, the big question is, “should this end his career?” From where I sit, I don’t think so. He lied.. big fucking deal! Find me a politician that hasn’t lied without Paul as their surname and I’ll show you a frog that snorts coke and rides a unicycle. They are all full of shit and who is to say that he didn’t bide his time in an effort to prepare his wife for the inevitable. Weiner claims that his wife was aware of these escapades. Today, Fox News asked, “Is that something we should be concerned about?” Um.. no! Fox News needs to realize that whatever arrangement they have within their own private marriage, is their goddamned business. If I was married and my wife and I had an open marriage or were swingers or brought a third person into the mix, it is OUR business, not the public’s business. Just like if Bill O’Reilly loves to suck dicks, it’s none of my business (I’m not saying Billy O does, it’s just an example). I get it though, Fox News wants to push their moralistic viewpoint down our throats in an effort to demonize a liberal politician. However, this is just to counteract the liberal media for constantly trying to demonize conservative politicians. When the biased battles the biased, we all lose.

Everyone is calling for this guy to be ousted. Hey, fucktards, we live in America. Realistically, I think that his constituents should decide that. He represents their congressional district and if they, the people who voted him into office, think he can still represent them, then Weiner should still be allowed to represent them. If I was in his district, I wouldn’t have voted for him to begin with but I wouldn’t vote against him for showing off his hard man tits and his trouser lump. I just don’t care! There are real issues going on and this is a goddamned distraction.

But anywhoo, supposing Weiner does get the can, what’s next for this loud-mouthed insane hornball? Well, if I were the execs at Fox News I’d hire the guy as a contributor. Imagine this guy on the Great American Panel arguing with Hannity, Coulture and Meat Loaf about the constitutionality of the Libyan War. I think it would be entertaining as hell to have homeboy on there like the liberal version of a Palin, Gingrich or Rove. The Fox News liberals are all typically boring and they need one with some fire and personality. Fuck man, Weiner could be the new Colmes but way more entertaining and less scary looking. King Rupert better pick up the horn and make the call. Frankly, if he went to CNN or MSNBC he’d be overshadowed and diluted by the socialists and partisan hacks competing for the government regulated brass ring. Weiner would be wasted.

Another option for the guy would be reality TV. VH1 could sign him up and come out with “Weiner of Love”. Maybe “Celebrity Sex Rehab” could be an option. I think the best fit would be “Celebrity Dick Club”. Reality star, Donald Trump talked mad shit about Weiner today and I found that hilarious as he is probably the biggest and most annoying piece of shit scumbag ever, well apart from a child rapist or a terrorist. I bet Weiner could be a bigger reality star than The Douche a.k.a. The Donald.

The best option though, would be for Weiner to capitalize and drop a sex tape. Fuck it, he’s got to have a stash of ego-porn lying around the house. He could play it off like it was stolen and sold to Vivid Entertainment like all the other stars do. I’m telling you, Weiner would make mad bank off of this. He could have a whole porn career. Maybe his wife would be cool with it, who knows? They’re best buddies with the Clintons and Hillary didn’t say shit when Bill was dippin’ his dick in another pool.

So by the seriousness of this article, you can see how serious I am taking this issue. For the last time, I. Don’t. Give. A. Fuck. I just figured I’d give what little “two cents” I have on it and offer some ideas for the future of Weiner’s life. However, he’ll probably just fade off into obscurity and one day be arrested for beating off to a picture of himself in a ladies’ bathroom at Shoney’s.

Favorite Weiner Moments:

*Taken from Prison Planet.

What a classy, brave and thoughtful individual John Green is – father of the 9-year-old girl murdered by Jared Loughner – Green contradicts the distasteful rush to exploit Saturday’s tragic events as a vehicle through which to eviscerate the 1st and 2nd Amendments.

Speaking to Fox News, Green labeled Loughner’s rampage a “random act” and said that the death of his daughter should not be exploited to revoke freedoms.

Speaking on the subject of how travel became a nightmare after 9/11, John Green said, “We don’t need any more restrictions on our society,” as a consequence of the shootings, and said that tragic events such as those that led to the murder of his daughter was the price Americans have to pay for freedom.