My Two Cents: Is this a pick the biggest neocon douchenugget competition? End Two Cents.

*Written by Rob Rimes.

I described the last Huckabee fourm as “..about as fun as using a power drill on one’s own head.” With that said, I doubt that this second attempt at trying to grab ratings for Huck’s lackluster Saturday night show was any better. Considering that the first forum was so awful and that Ron Paul didn’t even participate in this one, I opted out of watching it and instead went out and had some sushi, ribeye and drinks with some friends to celebrate one of their birthdays. Sometimes life is more important than politics for a political commentator and since this was just a circus of five statist shitcocks claiming to be conservatives, I couldn’t bear to sit through another shit show trying to take itself seriously.

So what could I possibly write about the debate, considering I didn’t even see it? Well, I think it is important to acknowledge it and important to explain why I didn’t watch it, as I already have. Truth be told, it isn’t hard to know exactly how this night went without even witnessing it.

I’m sure Mitt Romney gave us the same old crap about being the King of Job Creation and his claims weren’t attacked by the other candidates, as this was probably like the last Huckabee forum where candidates weren’t allowed to share the stage or talk about each other. Doesn’t Huck know how lame that is? No one wants to see these people not rip each other’s throats out! We want blood! That’s the only way you can separate the bitches and bastards from the generals. Anyway, Romney pimped his job creation skills, talked about how much of a dickhead Obama was and warned that China was going to murder American puppies. I also assume that he was wearing Garnier Volumizing Anti-Humidity.

Newt Gingrich probably ranted about the Romney-Bain issue and spent most of that time defending himself from looking like an asshole for continually harping on ol’ Mittens about it. Newt probably name dropped Ronald Reagan six dozen times. Huckabee probably had Newt explain why he is the thirty-seventh version of the second coming of Reagan. Gingrich most likely pandered to the South Carolinians regarding parts of his platform that might be frowned upon by the people of the South. Newt most assuredly filibustered about everything from his controversial illegal immigration stance to allowing the Confederacy to rise again.

I’m sure Jon Huntsman went on to talk about how no one but him understands China. He also would have talked about bringing our troops home. He probably talked down all of our wars and offered up some good foreign policy points that differ from everyone else in the forum quite drastically. He may have talked in Mandarin or Klingon at some point in an effort to confuse the South Carolinians. He also would have played up his success in New Hampshire as some sort of great win, even though he was in third place. I would gather that he probably said “truth deficit” nine-hundred times give or take a few dozen.

If history is any indicator, Governor Perry talked about sanctions on everyone and pushing our troops back into Iraq to continue on some pointless conquest. Perry probably used a lot of fear-mongering to sell South Carolinians on the idea that every other country in the world wants to steal our wives and sell our children to Martians. He went on to ramble incoherently but got applause for it nonetheless. He was also blind to the fact that he is not just at the bottom of the barrel, he has been nailed, glued and stapled to it.

Gay-hating penis muffin Rick Santorum went on to talk about how awesome Jesus Christ is and how he was going to give him the power to cure fags and revive dead fetuses. With the first power, he would most assuredly put Marcus Bachmann out of business but then again it would be a true cure to the gay disease and Mr. Bachmann and Mr. Santorum wouldn’t have to worry about hiding their ravenous sexual appetites, as they would only be interested in women after the cure. With the second power granted by Jesus, Santorum would build a small army of undead baby zombies that he could use to achieve several evil deeds. For instance, they could be used for espionage work, as they could hide in small areas and move around undetected. They could also be used to clear mine fields before our military moved in to claim another country. Hell, they could even be used as a pack of piranha-like undead parasites that Santorum could unleash on his political enemies, where they would be devoured or zombified – either way making them a part of Santorum’s undead fetus army.

What did Ron Paul do? He sat this one out and probably didn’t even bother watching it as it was just a forum to display the same old establishment bullshit and propaganda. Now I am not sure if Dr. Paul chose to sit this out or if Huck was just a dick and didn’t invite him. Typically, even at shit events like this one, Ron Paul takes advantage of any free time given to him. The only way I could see him not participating, if he was invited, would be due to being locked in to a prior engagement. Whatever the reason, he’s the real winner here for not even being a part of this mess. Besides, the first forum was just a waste of his time.

In the end, I couldn’t care less about this forum. This should be obvious after reading through this bullshit article. I’ve also learned that most of these candidates have nothing more to say. At this point they just need to go after each other in a free-for-all brawl leaving no punches pulled! To take these people, at this point, and put them in a scenario where they can’t talk about each other or even share a stage is just stupid and careless. I know Mike Huckabee wants to be above the bickering and name calling but that’s all we’ve got left! Let them bleed out! It’s time to release the sharks!

There is no grading scale for this debate. Just assume everyone in it got an “F” and Ron Paul got an “A” for not taking part.

*Written by Rob Rimes.

The first debate of December brought us something unique. Mike Huckabee, former presidential candidate and host of the aptly named Huckabee on Fox News, decided to host a two hour forum for all the presidential candidates. Well, that is except Gary Johnson, who no ones seems to invite to anything anymore, even though he is a complete bad ass and could run circles around every candidate not named Ron Paul. Herman Cain was not a part of the debate as he tapped out of the presidential race earlier in the day because some fucking vampire bitches were trying to dine on his pizza sauce blood. Also, Jon Huntsman decided not to take Mr. Huckabee’s invitation and sat this debate out because he’s not big on theatrics and lesser debates that aren’t going to influence anyone, one way or the other. Ron Paul, Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Newt Gingrich, Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum were all present however.

The format itself differed from previous debates, as each candidate was given their own time on stage to answer the moderators without their competition in the room. Each candidate was given equal time, or so Mike Huckabee claimed but the time allotted did seem pretty balanced. Also, the candidates were asked not to mention and especially not to bash any of the other candidates. This forum was for them to explain their stance on the issues without interruption from bickering rivals trying to steal away as much time as possible. It is also worth noting that there was no audience, as the Huckster didn’t want his Huckamaniacs at home to be influenced by cheers, jeers and what he hates most.. queers.

Mike Huckabee was pretty much just the host, as he did not actually moderate the debate. The duties of moderator were handled by three state attorney generals. They were Pam Bondi from my home state of Florida, Ken Cuccinelli of Virginia and Scott Pruitt of Oklahoma. The moderators did a pretty good job and asked some pretty decent questions to most of the participants.

As unique as this forum was, I didn’t feel like it really benefitted anyone to take part in it. It was pretty cut and dry and if you don’t know where these people stand at this point, you probably didn’t bother enough to watch this anyway. All it did for me was solidify Rick Santorum’s religious intolerance, Newt’s magical way with dictation, Bachmann’s crazy antics, Mitt Romney’s hair as a force to be reckoned with, Rick Perry’s presence as a poor man’s Dubya and proof that neocons and RINOs will never “get” that crazy Ron Paul guy. However, let me give you the rundown of what happened nonetheless.

The first person put under the hot interrogation lamp was former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, who last debate pissed off conservatives with his humanitarian policy in dealing with illegal aliens. Honey Badger doesn’t give a shit however and anyone trying to ruffle his feathers about it is going to get nut-stomped, simple as that! Funny enough, the first question given to Gingrich asks him to explain his controversial illegal immigration policy. Newtie Bootie explains, for the umpteenth time in just under a week, that he is only proposing that we need to not toss out illegals that have been here for a long time and have established their life here. I totally feel that and I agree that we shouldn’t be tossing out aliens that have been here for a quarter of a century that have contributed to our country. People need to get past the bullshit that all illegal aliens are milking the system. Yes, many are but that is a welfare issue and should be addressed as such, as far as I am concerned. It’s the welfare system that is a major magnet for those people.

When the subject of courts comes up, Newt says that he trusts a jury more than he trusts a bureaucrat and then touts how important it is to have a jury of your peers to avoid corruption and unjust decisions by those in power. Yet, he is a big fan of abandoning this stance when it comes to terrorists, whether legit or potential domestic threats. Ignoring the Constitution, as most conservatives do on this, Newt has no problem with military tribunals and unending detainment of criminals deemed threats to the United States. With the NDAA just passing in the Senate, this line is blurred even more and American citizens can potentially be given the same treatment, if they are deemed a “threat”. The criteria to deem someone a “threat” is very broad and essentially could be used to paint anyone a threat. Let me also point out that the right to a fair trial isn’t something that just refers to American citizens, it actually applies to everyone that commits a crime. There is nothing in the Constitution that points to different treatment for foreigners or even terrorists in war time or peace.

Newt is then asked about the problems in the medical industry. He says that back when he was speaker, the conservatives saw how bad Hillarycare was and therefore he truly understands how bad Obamacare is, especially the individual mandate portion of the bill.

When pressed about a television commercial he filmed with Nancy Pelosi, Gingrich referred to the incident as “the dumbest thing he ever did.” I guess infidelity isn’t as bad when you think about it. He goes on to talk about how he wants the 10th Amendment to be enforced. He also says that he will introduce a balanced budget amendment. Citing his time as the leader in the House of Representatives, he boasts about how he controlled spending and balanced a budget in the 1990′s. He takes a shot at the Tea Party when he says that you can’t change things at the scale that they want and that you have to essentially find a happy medium. Yeah dude, what’s the happy medium? Newt also points out that Medicaid and education should be state issues, not federal ones. He believes that education controlled at a state level would give the power back to parents in regards to their children’s schooling. Newt calls for shrinking Washington and growing citizen control over the government. He says that he wants to establish an environmental solutions agency to replace the EPA.

Rick Santorum finds himself center stage in the chair, as I don’t wait eagerly for his first question. I actually take a quick second to center myself and calm my nerves before having to deal with his complete and utter stupidity spritzed with his special brand of religious fascism. You don’t believe me? Well, the first question he is asked is if the PATRIOT Act runs over American citizens. This fucking shitcock says, “No”! He then goes on to explain, in his completely ignorant and idiotic way that before 9/11 we weren’t dealing with terror (yes we were you fucking moron) and that we need the tools created by the PATRIOT Act to help us find and nail the evil bastards. Well, Rick Santorum is still walking around, so his theory holds no weight since he is an evil bastard that the PATRIOT Act must not have nailed. Rick Santorum agrees with the tyrannous acts that Abraham Lincoln used to prevent the South from seceding, a right that was protected by the Constitution mind you! So in Santorum’s little fucking shit world, it is okay for the president to completely abuse his power in an effort to force his subjects to do whatever he wants, regardless of their rights.

Santorum is asked if the government should dictate family values. He responds by saying that the government undermines family values but “yes” they should dictate them regardless. Racquetball Ass Juice then goes on a rant about how welfare undermines families and even though there is some truth to that, no one with their wits about them is even really listening to this wannabe tyrant anymore. Santorum then tells some long ass pointless story about some group in Tennessee that helps promote marriage. Coming from Santorum, that translates to “protects marriage from those filthy gays!” Anyway, he talked about a bunch of other shit but I missed it as I had to Listerine the fuck out of my mouth because more than two minutes of this guy makes me vomit. I can guess what was said though, “Rant. Rant. Jesus. Rant. Evil Fags. Rant. Rant. Abortion. Control. Power. Rant. Rant. Fascism. Rant. Christ. Rant. Values. Rant. Morals. Rant. Rant. Sanctity. Rant. Waterboarding. Torture. Bombs. Rant. Hallelujah!”

Oops Perry was up next, which is an improvement over Santorum, even though that isn’t saying much. As flat out dumb as Rick Perry is, at least he is entertaining and his comedic timing is worth all the gold in El Dorado. He is first asked about his craziness in wanting to use all sorts of executive orders to force his will on the American people. He doesn’t really give a real answer to the question the concerned moderators asked and instead just panders with empty bullshit and gives them all props. Dude, you can’t bullshit these moderators and the American people like you can a six-year-old child. “Hey look at this Beanie Baby wiggle!” Nope, that won’t work dude.

The question is essentially posed to Perry again and he ignores it to go on a rant about energy, which just annoys the moderators who have to tell him to make his points because his time is limited. Perry goes on to say that “right to work” laws are state issues and that he is a big 10th Amendment guy, well if you don’t count all the times he wants to abuse his executive power. Perry then gets distracted and starts pandering to Huckabee, who isn’t even moderating the debate. Perry is like an SNL character and while he thinks we’re laughing with him, well you know.

Rick Perry says that people moved to Texas because he’s a hell of a guy. He claims that he is the best candidate for border security because he’s the one who has been dealing with it the most the last decade. Yep, he’s been turning a blind eye to it while handing out Texans’ tax dollars to illegal aliens so that they can go to college for free, while the sons and daughters of the taxpayers get stuck with monstrous student loan debt. Rick Perry brags about how asshole Sheriff Joe Arpaio supports him. That’s like saying, “Hey guys, Mussolini’s ghost gave me the thumbs up!” Perry goes on to promise that he will have the border locked tight within 12 months. He also supports states wanting to sue the federal government for standing in the way of real border security.

The moderators ask Perry if the federal government should play a role in education. Perry says that it is the states’ job to handle education because locals will not allow their schools to fail. Perry also suggests getting rid of government assistance on school lunch and other things. Texas Rick says that we need to get rid of the Department of Education.

When it comes to the Supreme Court, Governor Perry wants strict constructionists as judges. While talking about the court room, he keeps pronouncing “legislators” as “ledge-ooh-slay-tores”. Perry then rambles on and on about strict constructionists. Rambles, pandering and diverting aside, Perry does much better in this sort of setting without other candidates to compete with over airtime. He seems more confident, even with his butchery of the English language and apparent OCD.

Bat Shit Bachmann takes the stage with a big ass smile or snarl, I’m not really sure. It just looks like she bit into a really sour lemon. I think she may have been in pain or had botox done five minutes prior. Either way, her crazy eyes were drilling holes into the moderators as she waited for her first question. If there is ever a Michele Bachmann biopic, they had better cast Jennifer Coolidge in the lead role.

On to her madness!

Bachmann immediately goes on a rant about how evil Obama is and how evil Obamacare is and I am immediately pulled into eye-rolling boredom. She calls Obamacare a “social engineering playground”. She also says that Obama has demonstrated how far a president’s abuse of power can go. Using her usual dose of fear-mongering, she warns that this election cycle is the only time that we can elect someone to kill Obamacare.

On the subject of her stupid stance on illegal immigration, Bachmann is asked about how she will pay for the billions it will cost to deport illegals under her “ship them the fuck out” promise. Bachmann says that the cost of allowing them to stay in America is greater than the cost of rounding them all up like the fucking Stasi and forcing them into concentration-like FEMA camps until they can be deported or gassed. Yeah, because they won’t just come right fucking back or anything. Bachmann better have some magic beans that can grow an impenetrable wall because if she doesn’t, these people will be right back. That is, after they cut through whatever wall Bachmann might build like a goddamned can of tuna. Bachmann says, “We have to uphold the law of the land!” Yeah lady, isn’t Obamacare the “law of the land” now? You’re not for upholding that. You’re bat shit logic is flawed.

Bachmann then goes on and on about the fact that she supports tort reform. However, she wants it at a federal level, which means that this self-described “constitutional conservative” is completely ignoring the 10th Amendment. Fuck, I’m so sick of the hypocrisy that these candidates ooze out of their pores.

Bachmann supports the elimination of the Department of Education and cites her seven-quintillion foster kids as some sort of example that is hard to follow. She wants to abolish the EPA because they have “become a government to themselves and they change history almost everyday.” Huh? Please elaborate. Wait, never mind.. please don’t.

Bachmann says that we need to send the power back to the states. Wait, hold the fuck up! You just shitted on the Constitution, especially the 10th Amendment which gives the states the right to make their own laws not covered in the Constitution. Bachmann is a fucking idiot that only supports something when it benefits her: typical religiously intolerant corrupt know-it-all Bible-thumper’s stance. Hungry Hungry Hippo-crite! Bachmann has constitutional schizophrenia. She can shove her stance on the PATRIOT Act up her ass as well. I’m done analyzing this mountain succubus.

Finally some goddamned sanity comes into the room when we get back from commercial break and Ron Paul is sitting in the chair previously occupied by a string of dumb asses. Paul is asked what are the three primary domestic responsibilities of government. He responds to the moderators by telling them that sound currency, secure borders and enforcing the Constitution, especially the Bill of Rights, should be the top three. He points out that the Constitution is the law.

Ron Paul is asked what his alternative to the PATRIOT Act would be, which is obviously a bit of a gotcha question, as stupid of a question that it is. Dr. Paul says that the PATRIOT Act would’ve never passed had they called it what it really is “the Repeal of the 4th Amendment.” He also says that you can’t pass laws to prevent all crime and violence. He goes back to the example he’s used before that you can’t have a cop in every house in an effort to prevent child abuse. Paul points out that there is nothing in the Constitution about a national police force or about the federal government dealing with acts of violence in this way. Paul warns against having federal policemen.

Answering a series of quick questions, Ron Paul says that we should be checking our borders and knowing who is coming in and it is something he will work on. He also says that these police state laws (like the PATRIOT Act) won’t make us any safer. More laws against the people here wont save us from psychos elsewhere. On crony capitalism, Paul states that it is wrong when people write the regulations for their own industries because it causes corruption and keeps the winners on top by eliminating competition unfairly. On the Medicare and Medicaid programs, Paul says that the Constitution says nothing about giving us these sorts of entitlements. To save the country, we have to be serious about cuts and Ron Paul plans to cut one trillion dollars in his first year as president. Paul warns that you can’t quit all these entitlements cold turkey, so he has programs he will set up to transition us out from under them. Ron Paul also ads that the United Nations and NATO should not have the power and influence over the United States that they do. When asked what one book he would recommend for every American to read, Ron Paul replied with “The Law” by Frédéric Bastiat.

The final candidate and obviously Mikey Huck’s main event is Mitt Romney. Nope, it’s not obvious who the brass at Fox News want in power. Romney starts by kissing major moderator and Huckabizzle ass. When asked questions, he answers in a way that is just professionally political in that it doesn’t really answer anything. He just talks about stuff without committing to an ideal. Romney plays his typical game of pandering to the voter base but doesn’t truly commit to any of it.

When Romney was asked about Obama claiming that Romneycare was the model for Obamacare he says that Obama never called him to see what worked and what didn’t. So does that excuse the similarities and the fact that Romney did provide the model for a bill he supposedly hates? What would Romney have said to Obama? Would he have helped him craft a different version or would he have told him it’s a bad idea? I mean, when pressed, Romney admits that there were mistakes made with Romneycare but he still supports it. Romney actually says that he had hoped that his plan would bring down the cost of healthcare but in the end it didn’t. Yet, he still claims that he fucking likes it? So he likes failing?! Un-fucking-believable!

On education, Romney says he supports No Child Left Behind. God, why would any conservative vote for this guy?! Oh yeah, the last two GOP presidential primary winners were Bush and McCain. Romney says that No Child Left Behind was Bush’s way of telling unions to stop fucking up public education. Yeah bro, that worked out real well.

On welfare, Romney says that he will examine programs for the poor. He also states that welfare programs need to be left up to the states. On the subject of the Supreme Court, like Perry, he says he will only appoint strict constructionists. Romney believes that states need to put in place “right to work” laws and he wouldn’t oppose getting rid of all federal labor laws. Romney wants to return power to the states. And that is basically it for Mr. Mittens.

The candidates are all given time to make some final statements but I can’t stomach anymore and I turn off the television. Sure, I’d like to hear Ron Paul’s thoughts but I’ve got just about every policy point of his Xeroxed into my brain. I just couldn’t sit through all the mentally vacant ass clowns to get to Dr. Paul. I also didn’t really care about listening to Mike Huckabee’s post-game wrap-up as he is just going to pimp Mittens and Newtie and find some way to discredit Ron Paul. In the end, this debate was about as fun as using a power drill on one’s own head.

Grading Scale:
Grade A-: Ron Paul
Grade C: Newt Gingrich
Grade D+: Rick Perry
Grade D: Mitt Romney
Grade F: Michele Bachmann
Grade F-: Rick Santorum
Grade I: Jon Huntsman
Grade I: Gary Johnson

-Kicking off the Huckabee forum!
-Candidates appearing individually and given an equal amount of time.
-Candidates also asked not to mention or attack other candidates
-There also is no audience as Huckabee says he doesn’t want them to influence the at home viewer.
-Yo Pam Bondi!
-First up, Newtie Bootie.
-Newt asked about his illegal immigration controversy.
-Newt explains that he is only proposing that we need to not toss out illegals that have been here for a long time and have established their life here.
-Newt says jury is more trust worthy than a bureaucrat.
-Newt asked about individual mandate.
-Newt says that back when he was speaker the conservatives saw how bad Hillarycare was and thus how bad Obamacare is.
-Called sitting on the couch with Pelosi the dumbest thing he ever did.
-Newt cites his record as speaker and the fact that he wants 10th Amend. enforcement and calling for a balanced budget amend.
-Newt says he has controlled spending and balanced a budget before.
-Newt says you can’t get the scale of change the Tea Party wants but you have to philosophically work towards these goals
-Newt asked to name prob govt should solve
-Newt says medicaid and education need to go back to the states
-Newt wants an environ solutions agency to replace EPA
-collaboraTE over dictate
-Newt says state controlled education would give the power back to the ppl over their children
-Newt says we have to shrink washington and grow citizenship control
-Is it wrong for fed govt to intrude on states on education?
-Newt says yes. He says pres can lead and suggest and urge but cant dictate on education
-He says pres can bring forth change w/o dictating
-Newt says Pelosi became radioactive and someone who was unable to be worked with
-Newt’s fav Founding Father is George Washington
-Next up: Santorum aka ass juice
-Santorum asked if the PATRIOT Act runs over citizens
-He says NO!
-Santorum says before 911 we werent dealing w/ terror so now we need PATRIOT Act and its tools for finding info.
-Santorum agrees with Abe’s methods against insurrexion
-Santorum is obviously a tyrant
-Santorum asked if govt should dictate family values
-Santorum says govt undermines family
-Santorum cites welfare as a way of undermining families
-Santorum says ppl dont get married due to welfare benefits.. huh?
-Santorum says ppl are penalized to get married so they dont get married; funny, I thought marriage was a tax break
-Santorum wastes precious time on a pointless story about a group in TN that helped promote marriage
-Rant rant rant.. boring
-Santorum supports amendment to BAN abortion
-Santorum says we need laws to promote values
-Santorum says “We can’t have 50 definitions of marriage.” What?
-moderators had to make Santorum chill on his bullshit fucking morality rant
-Asked about what his enviro policy would be
-Santorum says endangered species act is the heart of a lot of problems
-Santorum says these legislations are deliberately drafted to be broad
-Santorum says the left is the best at making confusing laws
-Santorum rambling, moderators getting annoyed
-Santorum says his solution is that he wont enforce acts that haven’t been reauthorized. He will make congress review all these enviro laws
-Santorum goes on another rant about marriage and how gross gays are, even though he is gay
-Santorum rant, rant, rant, defense of marriage act, rant, rant, abortion, rant, Jesus,rant, rant, lousy gays, rant, yawn.. NEXT!!!
-Rick Perry up.
-Perry asked about his executive order craziness and what allows him to use such power so crazily
-Perry says that “lord willin’ blah, blah, blah”
-Perry avoids real answer and gives the moderators props
-Perry rants about energy w/o answering exec order question a second time, moderators annoyed with Perry now
-Perry asked if he would favor natl right to work law
-Perry says its a state issue, he’s a big 10 Amend guy
-Perry panders to huckabee
-Perry says ppl moved to Texas because he’s a hell of a guy
-Perry says hes the best for border security because he’s the one who has been dealing with it the most the last decade
-Perry talks about how asshole Sherif Arpaio supports him
-Perry says he will shut down the border in 12 months
-Perry says he supports states suing the fed govt for standing in the way of border security
-Perry asked if fed govt should intervene in education
-Perry says no, it is states job to handle education
-says locals will not allow schools to fail
-Perry would get rid of govt assistance on school lunch and other things
-Perry calls for getting rid of Dept of Education
-Perry wants strict constructionalists as judges
-Perry keeps saying “ledge-uh-slate-oars”
-”STRICT CONSTRUCTIONISTS!”
-Perry does much better in a forum w/o other candidates than an actual debate, seems less nervous and more confident. He’s still sucking ass policy-wise and avoiding Q’s.
-Perry thinks union bullshit should be dealt with at state level
-Perry fav Founding Father was Madison because of the Federalist Papers.
-Next up is Bachmann who is smiling like she just sucked on a lemon
-I’m waiting for the movie where Jennifer Coolidge plays Bachmann
-Bachmann on an Obamacare rant because that’s her MO
-Bachmann calls it a “social engineering playground”
-Bachmann says Obama demonstrated how far a presidents abuse of power can go
-Bachmann says this election cycle is the only time we can elect someone to kill Obamacare
-Bachmann says Obamacare will trump state statutes, regardless of states fighting it
-Bachmann doesnt want to see socialized medicine as the law of the land
-Bachmann asked about how she will pay for the billions it will cost to deport illegals with her agenda
-she responds that the cost to keep them here is greater
-Bachmann says we have to uphold the laws of the land.. um, Obamacare is the law of the land lady.
-Bachmann “ENFORCE! ENFORCE! ENFORCE!”
-Bondi throwing down on Bachmann, saying she doesn’t want her state (FL) paying for Bachmann’s dumb deportation plan
-Bachmann wants to purge Mexicans out of America
-Bachmann supports tort reform
-Bachmann supports fed tort reform because she obviously doesnt respect the 10th Amendment even though she says she does and even calls herself a constitutional conservative
-Bachmann supports elimination of Dept of Education
-Bachmann cites her 8 zillion foster children
-Bachmann says she’d abolish EPA
-Are all these candidates not named “Ron Paul” the same?
-Bachmann says EPA has become govt to themselves and they change history almost every day
-Bachmann says we need to send power back to the states.. wait, 5 mins ago she wanted fed tort reform.. HUngry! Hungry! Hippo-crite!
-Bachmann says EPA has to go!
-Bachmann says worst supreme court decision in last 50 years is the kilo decision because it attacked private property rights
-Bachmann says govt needs to stand up for priv property
-Citing COnstitution which gets her stupid followers fired up even though she shits all over it with her PATRIOT Act stance as well as her states rights schizophrenia
-Next up is Ron Paul.
-Paul asked what are 3 primary domestic responsibilities of govt
-Paul says sound currency, borders, enforcing bill of rights (property, free speech, etc)
-Paul says Constitution is the law
-Paul asked what his alternative to PATRIOT ACt is
-Paul says that the PATRIOT Act should be called the “Repeal of the 4th Amendment”
-Paul says you cant pass laws to prevent all crime and violence
-Paul says we need state law for dealing with violence
-Paul says there is nothing in the Constitution about a natl police force or the fed govt dealing with violence in this way
-Paul says we dont need federal policeman
-Paul says 911 was a terrorist attack, when Bondi got all pissy about his stance
-Paul says we should be checking our borders and knowing who is coming in
-Paul says these laws wont make us safer however, more laws against the ppl here wont save us from psychos elsewhere
-Paul asked about less fed regulation
-Paul says its wring when ppl write the regulations for their own industries, it causes corruption and keeps the winners on top
-Paul asked if he would eliminate medicare, medicaid
-Paul says that everyone bitches about Obamacare but this is basically the same thing
-Paul cites Constitution saying it says nothing of these entitlements
-Paul says if we are going to save the country, we have to cut, he plans to cut a trillion dollars
-Paul says govt has no authority to make things like medicare, medicaid
-Paul says you cant quit all this stuff cold turkey though, so he has transition programs set up
-Paul says the UN and NATO shouldnt have the power they have
-Paul asked if he disagrees with any constitutional amendment
-He knocks prohibition mainly
-Paul says that if every American should read one book it should be The Law by Bastiat.
-Next up is Romney.
-Funny that Romney is the final one, like Fox News out him in the main event. Yep, they’re not choosing winners or anything
-Romney starts by kissing ass
-Romney answers questions in a way that is just professionally political in that it doesnt really answer anything he just talks about stuff without committing to an ideal
-Romney asked about Romneycare vs Obamacare
-Romney says Obama never called him to see what worked and what didnt
-Romney says some measures he vetoed but they were overridden.
-Romney says he likes Romneycare but hates obamacare, he’s confused
-Romney says Romneycare only affected business minimally.. HAHAHA!
-Romney says he hoped that his plan would bring down the cost of healthcare but it didn’t.. yet, he still likes it? So he likes failing?
-Romney says he supports No Child Left Behind.. God, why would any conservative vote for this guy?!?!? Oh yeah, the last 2 GOP contenders were Bush and McCain
-Romney sure looks like a dick tonight.
-Romney says No Child Left Behind was Bush’s way of telling unions to STOP!
-Romney says he will examine programs for the poor
-Romney says the programs for the poor need to be left up to the states
-Romney also touting strict constructionists to the Supreme Court
-Romney asked if we need federal labor law
-Romney says states need to put in place right to work laws
-Romney would not oppose getting rid of all fed labor law
-Romney says we need to return power to the states
-final thoughts next.
-I don’t care about any of their closing statements except for Ron Paul’s because they are all bastards except for Dr. Paul

My Two Cents: How’s this for civility? Can there be a game where we slaughter Obama & Pelosi? Oh wait, that would be racist, sexist and uncivil! End Two Cents.

My Two Cents: Since the next debate is on tonight, I figured I’d repost my rundown of the last debate to refresh your memory. End Two Cents.

*Written by Rob Rimes. Last night’s debate was the second GOP debate of the 2012 election cycle. It was also the first debate to include frontrunner Mitt Romney. Unlike the last round, this debate pretty much sucked. There are several reasons for this but to be brutally honest, I think the first debate kicked ass and left me with a lot of hope, where this latest debate left me shaking my head in disbelief, wondering if this was just some sort of … Read More

via TheSwash.com

If you have read anything I’ve written regarding Sarah Palin, it should come as no surprise to any of you that I am not a fan. Then again, my lying morally superior liberal friends who claim to read my wonderful work, but don’t, swear that I am a Palin-lovin’ Tea Party conservative. In their minds, if I am not sucking Obama’s cock, I must be nailin’ Palin: liberal logic at it’s finest. Truthfully, I don’t hate the woman, unlike most of you, but I … Read More

via TheSwash.com

*Written by Rob Rimes.

Last night’s debate was the second GOP debate of the 2012 election cycle. It was also the first debate to include frontrunner Mitt Romney. Unlike the last round, this debate pretty much sucked. There are several reasons for this but to be brutally honest, I think the first debate kicked ass and left me with a lot of hope, where this latest debate left me shaking my head in disbelief, wondering if this was just some sort of horrible establishment joke. Whether it was deliberate or not, the joke was on us. The winner was no one! The losers were the American people. The only thing I learned was that Herman Cain prefers deep dish over thin crust.

So what went wrong?

A lot of things went wrong. Most notably would have to be the moderator, John King. I’m not sure if he is related to Larry King or if he was just hired because of the similar name but I have no urge to ever watch something with him in it ever again. Larry King should’ve showed up last night and taken his surname back because this gurgling weird noise-emitting hack couldn’t run the show if his career depended on it, which it did. No need to worry though Mr. King, you’re on CNN and your ratings are dismal. No one knows who you are. However, last night was your time to shine as maybe a tenth of the country was watching and all you seemed to do was drive the viewers batshit crazy. I know this because I asked other people besides myself about your performance. What was with all the gurgling and weird noises while candidates were talking by the way? You guys over there at CNN wanted to be all different and stuff and decided not to have a buzzer. Well newflash homeboy, there isn’t a person in America that wouldn’t prefer a buzzer over your particular brand of Tuvan throat singing. I don’t mean to be a hater y’all but I gotta call shit like I see shit.

Another problem with CNN was the bullshit “This or That” questions during the debate. What I took away from this is what kind of pizza Herman Cain likes, that Santorum is a tool that doesn’t watch TV, Pawlenty is vanilla, Romney knows the score to the Bruins game, Gingrich likes American Idol, Bachmann has 127 kids and everyone was getting a lot more time than Ron Paul. This was just stupid. If Americans are going to base who they vote for off of a candidate’s preference over shit reality shows, then we’re all fucked. Then again, someone obsessed with such shows probably wasn’t watching the debate, as “So You Think You Can Eat a Dick?” was probably on. Also, I doubt that person is going to vote in a primary because some Hollywood star didn’t tell them to. Point being, these questions were a waste of precious time. What are they going to ask next time? “Hey Mr. Romney, what do you think really brings a room together, track lighting or a koi pond?”

Enough with the tool moderator and CNN, what about the candidates?

Well, Tim Pawlenty gave me nothing. Once again he came off as vanilla and boring and his answers made him seem out of touch and like an archaic form of Republican that should’ve died after the failure of the ’94 class. The same class that was led by Gingrich, who also didn’t give me much but at least some of his answers had fire and because of that, he stood out a bit more than most of the other candidates. Still though, his campaign is doomed and I would never vote for the guy. He is also a chip off of the old establishment block and is a remnant of a time that most of us should be pissed about instead of latching onto and bragging about. Newsflash, there wasn’t a Republican victory in ’94, there was a surge of Republicans in the House but ultimately, they dropped the ball and let the people down. Newt led these men and women and whether it is fair or not, he is the face of that failure.

Rick Santorum did okay I guess, if you’re into his sort of thing. I disagree with him on a lot and he seems deluded and so sure of himself that I could see another potential George W. Bush who just disregards reason, Congress and the people in favor of following his gut. Santorum also comes off as a chip off of the old establishment block and nothing he did or said made him come off any stronger last night.

Now, I have read all the rumors and seen all the Photoshopped pictures claiming that Michele Bachmann is insane. I laughed it off before, but now I realize that there may be some truth to these claims. First of all, this wasn’t the proper venue to announce your candidacy and in doing so, she wasted an answer to a question. Secondly, she barely answered any questions. Each one was met with a story she felt that she had to tell about her 127 kids or with filibustering and rambling that never got to the point. It’s as if she forgot what the question was by the end of each thirty second story-time rant. All her appearance at this debate did, at least for me, is reinforce the fears I already had of her. If she’s the Tea Party’s darling, I’m opting out (not that I was ever actually in).

Mitt Romney just came off as Mitt Romney and didn’t offer much substance. He blamed Obama, as everyone else did, and he still didn’t backtrack on his support of his own Obamacare prototype called Romneycare. This brings me back to Pawlenty however, as he was asked about his comment just 24 hours earlier where he referred to Romney’s health care law as Obomneycare. Pawlenty backtracked and tried to sidestep it and was visibly uncomfortable. If you’re going to call a spade a spade dude, don’t act like a little bitch when confronted about it. Stick to your guns, nut the fuck up and drop the hammer on a motherfucker. Pawlenty dropped no hammer, just the ball, which wasn’t even his ball as he apparently doesn’t have any. Is this who you want leading us? A dude that sips on bitch juice?

This also pisses me off because all the damn candidates were too damn nice. Let’s get down to it people. Let’s show the nation your differences. Let’s get heated and take some shots at each other. This politically correct overly-sensitive bullshit is for the bitchass birds. I blame Larry King’s inept and gurgling little brother for not stirring the pot. We want real debate, not thank you cards and muffin baskets!

Next up is Herman Cain. Mr. Cain is my number three out of all the candidates and I love what this guy has to say for the most part. There are things I disagree with but in a nutshell, he gets it and is lightyears ahead of most of these establishment ass-clowns. Cain however didn’t have the huge surge in awesomeness that he had in the first debate. Maybe there were too many candidates up there and he was overshadowed; I don’t know? He was pretty much on point all night, answered the questions well, hit all his points and came off as someone with their wits about them. He has been consistent and solid. I was glad that he got away from continually repeating what has become his catchphrases. He stuck to answering the moderator and the other people with very precise and exacting responses. Maybe this is because he isn’t a politician in the classical sense? While Cain didn’t gain any more traction, he certainly didn’t lose any and I felt that the others did, so in retrospect, this may have pushed him higher up in the polls. One can only hope.

My personal favorite, which shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone who regularly reads my work, is Ron Paul. Dr. Paul was there and made a few good points but the fire he had in the first debate just wasn’t there. I think the answer time was too short and the moderator was more interested in Romney, Bachmann, Gingrich and Pawlenty. Ron Paul is going to have to make his presence known and turn it up a notch when the next debate rolls around in a month or so. He was consistent, shook up the debate a bit but didn’t really give us the fired up Dr. Paul we all love. I think CNN could’ve done a better job at involving him more but that goes against their agenda.

Speaking of that agenda, that is why Gary Johnson was excluded. CNN didn’t give Ron Paul much time and they completely left the less popular libertarian out. I think they are trying to tame the “radicalness” and spoon feed the public the typical Republican diet of conservative crap. Gary Johnson, who is officially a candidate was banned, yet Bachman, who wasn’t a candidate until yesterday, was allowed to debate. Hell, CNN even invited Mike Huckabee who opted out of the race a month ago! I don’t want to be the Crown Prince of Conspiracy here but c’mon, shit just doesn’t add up. Truth is, a year before they got their party’s nomination, Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter and Michael Dukakis were all at 1% in the polls. That is the same spot that Gary Johnson is in. CNN’s credibility has another big black-eye on it, as far as I am concerned.

This whole debate was a fucking mess. CNN is ultimately to blame for this and while they had a few good ideas, like bringing in regular people and using Twitter and Facebook to ask questions, the event still came off as half-assed and ill-prepared. Whether you like Fox News or not, their debate last month was so much better. Fox News had a great speedy format with longer answers and a buzzer! That’s right! A fucking buzzer! CNN needs to send one of their interns down to Lowe’s to buy a goddamned buzzer next time, because if I have to listen to the Gurgle King of Atlanta interrupt candidates with his throat noises again, I’m going to start doing hard drugs. That shit made me twitchy and irritable and I was frantically digging through my drawers looking for some angeldust.

So the question this article poses is “Who won the debate?” The answer to that is “no one.” As I said in the opening paragraph, we all lost on this one. I hope round three, which takes place in a month or so, comes off as much better than this shit. I planned on writing this a few days ago and was going to go as far as creating a ranking system with a breakdown of each candidate’s performance. Fuck that, it’s not worth the effort. I’ll just say Ron Paul was number one, because I am biased. I’ll give Cain number two and I’ll give Gingrich number three, because I just feel bad for the guy.

Here’s my favorite Ron Paul moment: