*Written by Rob Rimes.

We have finally reached the final primary debate of the 2012 election cycle. There were three more scheduled but one was cancelled by MSNBC – who were hosting it, another was cancelled after three of the four candidates pulled out and the third one is highly questionable due to the fact that a dozen states or more will cast their votes before its date. The only way that that debate will still happen is if the race is still close between two candidates and they have the balls to go head-to-head. Considering that Romney will undoubtedly be one of those two men, consider at least one half of that equation to be nutless. No matter what happens after this, this is the final debate before Super Tuesday, which is the most important day in this primary race.

This debate was hosted by CNN, who does the best job in my honest opinion. The moderator for this round was John King, who I have given shit in the past. I wish CNN would hand the reigns over to Wolf Blitzer and just let these debates be his deal but I guess they feel the burning desire to keep pushing John King on us again and again. Why can’t they let Erin Burnett host one of these things? She’s pleasant to listen to, incredibly easy on the eyes and it would save us all from having to stare at a bunch of dickheads (Ron Paul excluded).

So here we are in Mesa, Arizona where everyone apparently loves Mitt Romney and hates Rick Santorum, as Ol’ Mittens got a huge ovation and Ricky Baby got dead silence, which in most cases is worse than boos. It’s funny how that went down, as CNN’s pre-game show spent a lot of time trying to convince their viewers that Santorum is a real contender for the presidency of the United States not just the presidency of the Southeastern Allegheny County Catholic Racquetball League. Whatever, the fact that homeboy is center stage is maddening enough, as it just proves the insanity of America, since enough of us have voted for this fiscally irresponsible fascist bastard regardless of the fact that he is a well-documented hypocrite and an incessantly whiney dork dick.

Now I’m going to just cover a few of the highlights of the debate, as this just played out like a rerun of a show that you’ve already seen nineteen times. There wasn’t much in the way of new material provided by the candidates. This was basically just a refresher in all the issues they have already talked to death over the last year. To be completely honest, I just couldn’t sit through this thing without being bored shitless at parts. Even my 750 ml bottle of 10 Cane rum wasn’t enough to keep me focused on the job at hand, that being the need to take extensive notes in order to write this very critique you are reading now. I apologize for my lack of interest but I also don’t want to bore you with the same superfluous details I’ve already covered multiple times.

So the first 8 minutes of this broadcast gives us no questions to the candidates. Instead, CNN decides to do the national anthem, which is a time waster. If that came off as offensive, get over it! They haven’t done the national anthem or the Pledge of Allegiance at most of these things, so why start now? Why not do it off camera before the debate, so we can just get down to quality time with the candidates at 8:01 instead of 8:09?

In addition, they wasted time going through the typical introduction spiel. If you don’t know who these guys are by now, you should probably just stay away from the voting booths. Ron Paul owned the intro section though by calling himself “The Defender of the Constitution!” and “The Champion of Liberty!” If anyone else said this, it would be a dick move but Paul ain’t lying, he knows that he is the only real candidate on that stage and everyone else is faking the funk. Santorum’s intro was dumb as hell as he just said some bullshit about our troubles being the Middle East. Romney said some garbage about restoring America, which is Ron Paul’s catchphrase by the way. Gingrich basically said, “Fuck the Saudis let’s make our own gas!” At least they all get to sit down during this debate; their legs must be tired after about two dozen of these two-bit shit shows.

So here we go, time’s been wasted but we finally get a question. Some old dude from the audience asks the candidates, “What are you going to do to bring down the debt?” CNN, already spending the hour before the show building up Ricky Baby, goes straight to him to kick things off. Santorum says that he has a plan to cut spending, taxes and all that other jazz. He gets the sheep to cheer regardless if his claims are true or not. He says that he will shrink the budget and then brags about how he has always fought spending. Okay, that is complete bullshit, as has been proven time and time again, not just by the writings of myself but through countless reports and studies done by watchdog groups and Mr. Santorum’s opponents throughout this long race. He calls for a time limit on all forms of welfare and then goes on to praise the Paul Ryan Plan. Man, Mr. Ryan gets just as much airplay these debates as the candidates themselves and Ronald Reagan.

Mitt Romney is asked if he sticks by his claims that Santorum is not a conservative. Mittens talks about Ricky Baby’s love for bacon a.k.a. pork. He also mentions that Santorum voted to raise the debt limit a whopping five times! Romney claims, that as a business man, he has lived a life full of balanced budgets. He goes on to explain that he will divide up all government programs and look at them line by line to determine if the benefit is worth the cost. He promises to send most of the programs back to the states and declares that government workers shouldn’t be making more than the taxpayers who pay them. Of course, starting by asking Mitt about his negative comments regarding Santorum was just to start a heated exchange between the two, which just allows them to monopolize the time per usual.

In fact, Santorum gets an obligatory response but makes himself look like a total moron with thin bitch skin. He whines about Mitt saying that the Massachusetts governor admitted that he too would have voted to raise the debt ceiling. He also says that he never raised taxes but Romney did in Massachusetts. He admits to voting for No Child Left Behind but said that he regrets the decision. Of course he does, now that he has been continually put on blast for it! Racquetball Rick then takes a cheap shot at Romney and says that he has adopted Occupy Wall Street rhetoric because he talked about raising taxes on the top one percent.

Mitt of course gets his obligatory response, as Ron Paul and Newt Gingrich sit off to the side battling each other in Words With Friends until John King acknowledges them. Romney more or less accuses Rick Santourm of being full of shit, as if that’s any sort of surprise. Romney reminds the people that Santorum was a pivotal part of a Congress that grew government exponentially. While this is seemingly valid, pretty much every Congress since the Woodrow Wilson era has grown government exponentially. As Mitt bashes Rick, the cheers get louder and louder. This was certainly a pro-Romney crowd; the Arizonans in attendance were like famine-afflicted great whites chomping at the piss-soaked boxer-briefs of Mr. Santorum.

Gingrich gets in the discussion and uses his time to boast about how, as Speaker of the House, he led the charge in bringing four consecutive balanced budgets to the table. He then makes a big deal about how this debate is on Washington’s birthday. I guess Washington is the new Reagan in Newtworld. He goes on a tangent about opening up federal land and offshore areas to bring forth more energy options. He then states that his policies will save America $500 billion per year. Sorry bro, Dr. Paul is going to cut a trillion dollars in year one and Gary Johnson is going to top that with $1.4 trillion! Newt needs to up the ante if he is going to live up to his honey badger persona.

John King finally gets to Ron Paul but just asks hom a question about Santorum. What the hell man, CNN really wants to give a lot of airplay to the GOP’s resident Catholic. Don’t get it twisted though, it’s not because they like him, it’s because they know he’s an embarrassment and has no chance at beating Obama, so they want to push him and get him over enough just to ensure that their liberal buddy gets re-elected. Anyway, King asks Paul about his attacks on Santorum, as one of his ads called him “a fake”. When asked why he ran the ads, Paul simply says that Santorum “..is a fake.” The crowd goes nuts, as Paul lands a killing stroke on the religio-fascist bag of weasel testicles. Santorum just sits there nervously with his dork dick smile and tries to cut in on Paul but is cut off by boos. Paul says that Santorum is a classic example of someone who does things in office that contradicts the rhetoric they used while campaigning. He calls Rick’s record “bad” and adds that when someone claims that they are going to be fiscally conservative when they never have been in the past, shows that they don’t have any credibility. The crowd explodes for Ron Paul.

Santorum responds by saying that there was some “study” done that compared him to other senators and that it ranked him as the most fiscally conservative. He even refers to himself as a “hero” that took on “tough issues”. He claims that he was a “leader” that took on “Social Security”. He then says that some other “study” ranked Ron Paul 145th as a “real conservative”. Is it just me or do these studies sound like complete bullshit? Did one of Ricky Baby’s kids do these studies for their 3rd grade political science project?

Waiting for the crowd to stop booing, Ron Paul responds to Santorum by saying that comparing yourself to other members of Congress is a cop out; Paul gets cheers. Ron Paul blasts Rick’s “studies” by reminding everyone in the room that he always votes for the least amount of spending and taxes. He then adds that conservatives have gotten to this point where they are quite pleased with wasting money over seas and that if they were actually real conservatives, they wouldn’t vote for things that perpetuate that madness.

Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum get into another bitch spat and this time it is over earmarks. Eventually, after a bunch of wasted time, Santorum diverts the attention to Ron Paul and essentially accuses him of being the king of earmarks. Paul explains,as he has in the past, that if his constituents are going to be robbed through taxation, he is going to fight to get their money back anyway that he can. He says that we need to vote against spending and we need to fix the corrupt earmark and taxation systems. In fact, in his own words, Dr. Paul says, “Getting rid of earmarks simply gives the executive branch 100 percent control over the funds. What we need to do is vote against the spending bills.”

The debate carries over to the subject of bailouts then contraception and then illegal immigration. None of it is all that interesting and most of it has been discussed to death. The only other real notable thing to come out of this debate is this quote from Rick Santorum, who was defending himself from attacks by Romney and Paul on his atrocious voting record:

While yes, I voted for a large appropriations bill that contained items I didnt like, I counteracted it by adding another program that I did like to it.

Holy Jesus on a Frisbee! This guy doesn’t just put his foot in his mouth, he eats his whole goddamned shoe and probably most of his foot! The best part about this whole debate is that Rick Santorum looked like absolute crap! He came in with all this fanfare and high hopes with the media on his side but in the end, he couldn’t bring it in primetime. This was the most watched debate on cable this year and my personal favorite punching bag of the GOP field got hit hard from both sides but ultimately proved to be his own worst enemy. Santorum burned under the bright lights and magnifying glasses like an ant on the sidewalk in the hot Mesa sun. If this debate wasn’t the nail in the Santorum coffin, then Americans really are as stupid as the rest of the world thinks we are.

Grading Scale:
Grade B+: Ron Paul
Grade C-: Mitt Romney
Grade D+: Newt Gingrich
Grade F-: Rick Santorum

And here’s a video of that soft thin skinned bitch Santorum shaking Paul’s hand like a f’n douchebag:

*Written by Rob Rimes.

I’ve lost count of all the debates that we’ve had thus far but thank god we only have another half dozen or so, unless of course they decide to work more into the schedule somewhere. This one was thrown by Fox News and held in South Carolina as their primary is less than a week away. Fox News gave us Bret Baier and Juan Williams with Kelly Evans and Gerald Seib from the Wall Street Journal as moderators for this round. I should mention that answers in this debate have been expanded to ninety seconds, as the GOP field is now narrowed down to five. Yes, five.

The reason being, is that Jon Huntmsman dropped out of the race earlier in the day. Huntsman, who was great on foreign policy, jumped ship and announced his endorsement for golden boy Mitt Romney. What’s disappointing about that is Huntsman was incredibly critical of Romney even less than a week prior. Huntsman went as far as to call Romney “unelectable” but now he is supporting him as he sees him as the best chance at beating Barack Obama. Huntsman lost a lot of credibility with me due to his blooming Romney love. Maybe it’s a Mormon thing or maybe it’s because they are both actually cousins, which has been ignored by the media mind you. Whatever the reason, Huntsman is out and he’s now on the Romney train like so many other so-called “conservatives” that aren’t able to see their own progressive ways. At least Huntsman can go back to his regular job of walking around on eight legs and scaring the shit out of Australians.

Newt Gingrich gets the first question and he is asked about his ads that attack Mitt Romney’s business record and if he thinks they are justified. Newtie Bootie says that it is important to look at and analyze job creation. He then quickly gets in a Ronald Reagan name drop and follows it up with a second Ronald Reagan name drop when he said that he and Clinton came up with a Reagan-like program for job creation in the 90′s. Newt points to the fact that Mitt raised taxes in Massachusetts and was actually ranked 47th out of 50 states in the realm of job creation. He stole that talking point from Jon Huntsman. Gingrich adds that if Romney promotes his business skills as part of his campaign then he, as a rival candidate, has the right to question it. He is then asked what he thinks about the Wall Street Journal criticizing him and saying that he is “embarrassing himself” with his attack ads against Mitt Romney. Gingrich responds by saying that he isn’t intimidated by the media just because he is asking questions about candidates.

In an effort to respond, Mitt Romney says that he has real experience in job creation due to his time in the private sector. Mitt says that he learned a lot from working in the private sector, as opposed to the other candidates who have spent much of their time in the public sector. He talks about how four of the companies he helped establish have gone on to create hundreds-of-thousands of jobs. Mitt adds that his record is public and available to anyone that wants to analyze his job creation skills. He claims that he has continually demonstrated a record of success. Romney points out that the unemployment rate in Massachusetts when he left was 4.7 percent. He also throws in that he balanced the state budget every year.

Rick Perry, in an effort to make this debate all about Mitt, is asked about his comments where he referred to Mitt Romney as a “vulture capitalist”. Perry is also asked what he would put in place to curb vulture capitalism. Perry says that his record proves that he is a real capitalist. Really? Tweaking the law and protecting a company that you own a stake in from getting in trouble for distributing porn illegally is the actions of a real capitalist? You mean taking money from Merck and then attempting to force young girls to be vaccinated with Merck products is also the action of a real capitalist? Looks like Perry is a fucking vulture too from where I sit. He then goes on to bitch like a liberal about how Bain destroyed jobs. He then tells us that his record and income tax has been public for years and uses that to call out Mitt and then asks him to release his income tax information so that the public can see how he really made his money. Perry then rambles about killing Dodd-Frank and talks about how regulations are strangling America. He adds that he will get rid of some of the financial regulators. He didn’t say “all of them”.

Responding to Perry, as this is the Romney variety hour, Mitt blames the Chinese and their cheating ways for closing down the steel mills Rick Perry was blaming Mitt for closing. Romney says that he agrees with Perry about regulations but never really defends himself in a proper fashion other than pointing his finger at China. Romney, on the regulations issue, claims that he will end all Obama era regulations. I guess the regulations from the Bush era, the Clinton era and all other eras aren’t important.

So just when you think that’s over, Gerald Seib asks Romney a question! Fucking hell! Romney answers the question, which was abut his experience at Bain. He says that they often times consolidated plants and factories and if they closed one down, the workers were free to move to the new plant or factory. He points out though that many workers didn’t move as the new jobs didn’t come with union support.

Ron Paul is asked about his “scathing” attack ads and whether or not such ads should be abandoned. Well, considering he’s running them, I doubt he’ll feel that they should be abandoned, duh! Paul responds by saying that he is exposing voting records and in that case, his “attacks” are proper. He goes on to say that he couldn’t fit everything he wanted to in his anti-Santorum ad as there wasn’t enough time to get it all in. He then goes on to list all the dumb crap that Santorum voted for.

Thin skinned piss boy Rick Santorum says that Paul is quoting Soros-like leftist groups which discredits his facts because leftist groups attack conservatives. Santorum basically says that being attacked by leftist groups is a badge of honor and he’s proud of the distinction. What a stupid fucktard! It doesn’t matter what the source is, the fact is the facts are FACTS! You can’t just ignore your own voting record and try to spin it to the public as leftist propaganda! Santorum who voted for No Child Left Behind says that he would veto it now. Of course he would, he’s pandering to South Carolinians. He then defends his vote against “right to work” as he says that Pennsylvania wasn’t a “right to work” state. Santorum who is outraged over the attacks on himself is then put on the spot by Juan Williams who asks if Santorum’s own attack ads should be pulled. The crowd boos Juan because they are idiot assholes and Santorum goes on to says that his attacks are “positive”. He then gets all bitchy with Mitt about his attack ads while citing the fact that it is Martin Luther King Day to make some dimwitted point. Why do people support this whiney juvenile brat?

Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum get in a spat about whether or not people who have committed violent crimes should be allowed to vote. I get bored to tears listening to them bicker as basically each candidate is trying to steal time from the other in order to make their lame ass points. While I’d like there to be some blood in these things, pink ass bitch blood isn’t as cool to see as the reddish bad ass real American blood. I was really just staring in awe waiting for these two Tinas to breakout with some limp-wristed slap fighting. And just when you think it’s over, Rick Perry jumps in the battle over who has the filthiest tampon.

Time monopolizer Mitt Romney is asked about Jon Huntsman’s recent criticism even though he came out and endorsed him. He is also asked how he can convince the voter that he won’t change his views in the future as he has a career as a flip-flopper. Mittens rambles on and on about how he was a pro-life governor contrary to popular belief and that he has always opposed gay marriage. However he adds that he is for equal rights for everyone including gays. Okay, so how is denying them marriage equal? Damn these Orwellian characters! Romney ends his soulless rant by saying that everything he has ever done and will do is about “strengthening America.”

In an effort to make himself relevant again, Rick Perry said that Texas was under assault by the federal government and then added that South Carolina was at war with Obama. The cheap pop attempt works and the crowd goes crazy. Too bad Perry is crazier than the crowd, he’s still deader than shit in this race. Perry talks about how the federal government is taking states to task on voter ID laws and immigration. He then says that Obama is at war with organized religion. Damn, Perry likes throwing the word “war” around. I’m starting to think he either doesn’t know what it means or it is just the answer to everything. “Obama is at war with peanuts! Send troops to the peanut farm! Obama is at war with puppies! Secure the entrance to PetLand!” Perry finishes by saying that Obama is out of control yet he fails to realize that he is foaming at the mouth and tweaking like an infant after two double espressos.

Santorum is asked if he would extend benefits for unemployment. Ricky Boy says that we need a reasonable time table for people to find a job but points out that 99 weeks is just too much. He goes on to say that this should be handled by the states and not the federal government. He calls for a job training program to be a part of unemployment benefits. Okay broski, how much will that shit cost? I’d imagine such a program would be expensive and even if we shortened the time one could collect benefits, the cost of this program could make all that moot. Truthfully, with the government being as wasteful as it is, this may cost us a shitload more than our current dilemma of 99 weeks. Also, when the hell has government done anything well? They certainly can’t offer a jobs program that will benefit anyone.

Gingrich jumps in the mix and agrees with Santorum that there should be a job training program. Okay idiots, what jobs are they training for and what happens when someone is six weeks into a program and decides that whatever they are training for is stupid and they want to get training in something else? Are people allowed to drop out and start over elsewhere and if so, how many times could they do this? Maybe once they start in something they are forced to finish it in order to get their benefits. Realistically, all this will do is waste more money as they will obviously stay in the program, collect the benefits and rack up more debt due to the cost of training them. What happens when they get out of the program? Well, I doubt they’d look for a job in the field they trained in if they grew to dislike it. Essentially this is a lose-lose for everyone but these statist shitcocks are blind to that reality. Newt Gingrich closes his statements on job programs by saying, “I’ll help you if you think helping yourself is good.” I shouldn’t even have to spell out what is wrong with that statement and I’m not going to.

Mitt Romney gives us another soulless rant. In this one he bitches about Obama’s business practices and use of crony capitalism. Romney says that the system of laws we have now work and that we don’t need government regulation. Is he living under a goddamned rock? The system of laws we have now IS government regulation. He adds that we need to open up markets and stop bailing people out. Right, he really wants to have free trade after all the smack he’s talked about China.

The idiot from Wall Street Journal Mr. Seib asks Ron Paul to explain his stance on cutting defense and more importantly on how his military plans would not cost South Carolinians jobs. Really? Is this a real question? Is this the best guy they could find to sit on the moderators’ panel? Ron Paul says that the moderator is confused about his position. He adds that he wants to cut military spending not defense and once again finds himself having to explain to the establishment conservatives for the umpteenth time over the course of these debates what the difference is between the two. Ron Paul says that cutting back on bases overseas would actually affect other countries not the United States. In fact, the U.S. would benefit greatly by bringing our troops home. Paul adds that the idea that this would make us weaker is “absolutely wrong”. Ron Paul is right on this because our presence is spread too thin throughout the world. He then points out that he raises more than twice as much money from the active duty military than all the other candidates combined! Slam dunk bitch! Watching this exchange is like watching Dr. Paul educate ADD-afflicted kindergartners in a college poli-sci class. Ron Paul finishes by quoting Eisenhower who warned about the “military industrial complex”. Paul slam dunks again when says, “We’re supposed to be conservative and that means spend less money!”

All the candidates are asked what the tax rate would be under them. Rick Perry says he will shoot for a 20 percent flat tax rate. Rick Santorum gives a weird answer because he’s probably never thought about this. Romney says that he would get us down to 25 percent but that is still too much. Newt calls for a 15 percent flat tax. Ron Paul then says that he would try to get us down to zero percent! He points to the fact that we didn’t have income tax before 1913 (well, excluding the Civil War era). His proposal is a reflection of how much he wishes to cut spending but the morons in the room can’t put two and two together and probably just think that Ron Paul’s still that crazy kook at the end of the bar. Paul also says that inflation is a tax and if he stopped inflation, we would be freed up from its hidden taxation.

Mitt Romney is asked if he will release his tax records soon. He gargles something about McCain and Bush and says that he hasn’t planned on releasing them. He says that he isn’t opposed to doing it however. He is then asked about his ties to Mexico and the crowd boos at the question. He is asked that if he has close ties to Mexico, why doesn’t he work towards helping Latinos and does he feel like his actions are alienating the Latino voters. Mitt says that Latinos, like all people, are interested in America because it is an “opportunity nation”. Mitt adds that he must communicate to all people that America can be better. He says that illegal immigrants shouldn’t be showed favoritism over those who have been waiting in line legally to enter this country. He then throws in that he would veto the DREAM Act.

Santorum starts pushing some mumbo jumbo about how if people get married before having children it’ll keep them out of poverty. He then blames Obama for everything and bitches about how public schools can’t promote marriage anymore. Santorum says that Obama is “..deliberately sabotaging young girls.” And Ron Paul is the crazy kook?

The moderators then ask Dr. Paul about racial disparities in drug related arrests and convictions. Paul says that it is very clear that racial disparity exists in both those convicted of drug charges and those sentenced to the death penalty. Paul points out that murderers often times get out of jail before drug offenders. He says that the drug war is bringing violence to our border and that it is the real border security issue of today.

Newt Gingrich is criticized about recent comments he made about blacks needing to ask for jobs instead of food stamps. He’s asked if he sees this sort of rhetoric as insulting to blacks, if not all people. Of course Gingrich says it isn’t insulting. He tells some weak story about how his daughter was a janitor at thirteen and how she loved making money and therefore black people should like it too. Juan Williams presses Newt further but gets booed by the South Carolinians in the crowd. What the fuck? Between this and the Romney-Mexico issue, these people are coming off as backwoods bigoted rednecks and people wonder why Republicans have that sort of stereotype! Newt adds that Obama has put more people on food stamps than any other president. While this may be true, it was the Bush administration that really got that ball rolling for Obama. In the end, Newt Gingrich doesn’t explain how his ideas help blacks, he just brushes it off and doesn’t bother dispelling the concerns brought up by the only minority on the stage or on the panel as a chorus of boos continue to be directed at that minority.

Ron Paul is then asked about comments he never made that he supposedly didn’t want to track down Osama bin Laden. Dr. Paul informs the moderators that he never said such a thing and that he voted for the military to apprehend the Al-Qaeda leader. Paul says his frustration was in how the situation was handled as we had the guy cornered before and didn’t go after him, instead we fucked around for a decade and then finally nabbed him almost ten years after 9/11. Paul adds that he wanted a properly executed mission but the whole situation was handled awfully. He then says that we need to respect other nations’ sovereignty and we need to follow proper procedures and not dig bigger holes for ourselves. Bret Baier takes a jab at Ron Paul and says that his stance on taking down terrorists is “to the left of Obama”. Ron Paul points out that we went in and got Saddam Hussein quickly. He then questions why acting quickly, capturing the enemy and detaining them to ask them questions is a bad thing yet waiting a decade and then flat out killing them is perceived as great.

Gingrich is asked if he would go into Pakistan to kill terrorists without getting permission from Pakistan first, even if doing so would end our relationship with Pakistan. Newt doesn’t answer the question, he just immediately attacks Ron Paul and says that Dr. Paul’s stance on foreign policy is “irrational”. Gingrich continues to ignore the question and goes on to just talk shit about Pakistan for continually reaping the benefits of foreign aid but not helping us militarily. Yep, because giving foreign aid apparently isn’t an act of kindness it is a transaction where we buy the countries we “aid”. Gingrich then channels Andrew Jackson and says, “Andrew Jackson had a clear cut idea about Americas enemies…KILL THEM!” This soundbite was met with thunderous applause because just like the establishment dickheads on stage, the majority of the South Carolinians in that building would rather murder someone who doesn’t like us than attempt to work towards a peaceful resolution.

Ron Paul then responds to Newt by saying that if other countries did to us what we do to them, we wouldn’t be cool with it. He then goes on to use the “golden rule” example and the rude crowd starts booing Ron Paul loudly! These people are sick! They are very vocally supporting murder and want to hear nothing of peace. This is the Republican stereotype that will continue to keep sane people away from their party. Paul doesn’t falter like other candidates however. He powers through his points, despite the evil jeers of the scumbags booing. Those of us that don’t condone unjustified cold-blooded murder and imperialism cheer from our living rooms because the oldest man in the room stood strong against the vehement hatred and hunger of hundreds of establishment zombies who only call a man crazy because they don’t have the brain power to understand him. I think it was Dave Chappelle who once said that people use the word “crazy” to describe things that they don’t understand. At this point, it doesn’t matter how many times Dr. Paul tries to educate the idiots, eventually you’ve got to just accept the fact that some people are ignorant and move on. Hopefully Dr. Paul learned this lesson but kudos to him for not faltering before these assholes. Another lesson learned, South Carolinians are rude as fuck.

So immediately after the sane man made his statements, Mitt Romney essentially went on a rant that we’ve got to “Kill! Kill! Kill!” and he actually said, “A bullet in the head is the right course of action.” Yep, this also got thunderous applause from the pro-murder sect of the Republican Party. Romney then went on to say that he would build a military so strong that no one would test the United States and thus, it would keep us out of war. He does realize that we go to war with everyone else first, not the other way around, right? I know.. I know, I’m giving this haircut too much credit.

Rick Santorum gets in ”Kill! Kill! Kill!” mode as well and starts bashing Obama for being what he deems as pro-Assad because we put an embassy in Syria. Yeah dude, why reach out and try to build a relationship when you can just shove bombs down their throats?! Santorum spins it into Obama being anti-Israel as Syria is in bed with Iran. Of course the racist “bomb the world” crowd cheers and cheers.

Perry has to get some ”Kill! Kill! Kill!” action too! He says that he wants to send a powerful message to Iran, Syria and Turkey. He takes a little bitch shot at Ron Paul because he’s a pandering redneck dickweed. He then goes on to defend the Marines that pissed on the dead Taliban soldiers which gets the asshole crowd on their feet. I get this feeling in my gut that the Sith have finally come out of hiding. Perry rambles on and on about decapitated soldiers in an attempt to excuse the heinous acts of our Marines. He then tries to explain that Obama is to blame as his bad policies affected the military. Huh? What? Is this dude drinking all the left over vaccinations he couldn’t force into young girls’ arms?

Here’s the kicker of the night however. Mitt Romney was asked about NDAA and he actually says that he would have signed it into law as Obama has! Romney gets a chorus of boos from the asshole crowd but this time I agree with them. Mitt demands more time so he can explain himself; time is granted and then he just rambles incoherently about it and about expanding military power. Okay, so unless you have been in the dark for months, Mitt Romney is for a Nazi-like law that allows the military to arrest and detain American citizens without due process! This guy is leading in the polls people!

Oh wait! Rick Santorum is also on board and he even tries to dispel concerns about the law proving that he is completely ignorant on the subject and incompetent as a decision maker. What does that tell you when a guy who has been a Washington insider, as long as Rick Santorum has, can’t understand a law that he is reading. Then again, the prick never even probably thumbed through the evil bill.

They quickly move over to Ron Paul and change the subject. Paul, who has been a big critic of the NDAA bill, requests time to talk about the issue. Paul is given the opportunity by the moderators. He talks about how the bill is tyrannical and how it destroys the 4th Amendment and our constitutional rights. He says that Americans being held indefinitely without habeas corpus is a horrible thing.

On sacred cow entitlements, Romney says that he would adopt the Paul Ryan Plan in regards to dealing with the Medicare problem. He goes on to say that he would provide “..higher benefits for lower income people and lower benefits for higher income people.” Yep, he’s not a progressive shitbag. Newt calls for the Chilean model on Social Security and adds that Social Security under his plan would be voluntary.

Rick Santorum is asked if his jobs plan is crony capitalism as it seems to pick winners and losers. Ricky Boy says that he would cut corporate taxes for everybody, so it’s fair. He then rants and raves about foreign competition. When the hell did our leaders turn into such pussies, so afraid of foreign competition? Man the fuck up and compete bitch! He then goes on to whine about regulations. Wait, isn’t he responsible for a lot of those? Baier signals that his time is up and Santorum snaps at Baier like the little Yorkshire lapdog bitch that he is. No one wants to hear your boring rant dipshit! Not even Fox News who has been the only force pimping you out! Santorum’s tantrum then turns over to Newt and they bicker back and forth and I zone out and go to the kitchen for a granola bar.

Juan Williams questions Mitt Romney’s consistency and asks him how he is pro-gun rights when he was the first governor to ever sign an assault weapons ban. Mitt tells Juan that he worked with both pro-gun and anti-gun groups on the legislation and they all agreed on it. He even mentions that he took a picture with the leaders of both groups when the bill was signed. He then talks about hunting elk and pheasants. Wow, you’re a tough cookie Mittens!

Santorum is asked about his anti-gun history and he goes on to say that all his votes were supported by the NRA. He said that they supported him signing certain laws because if they didn’t something worse might come down the pipeline. Oh c’mon! What a crock of shit! So you eat a small piece of poop today because you fear that if you don’t there might be a big piece of poop tomorrow?! No dude, you stand by your convictions and you kick both piles of poop and call it a day. Santorum is such a weak pushover hoe. He lets fear dictate his life, whether that’s fear of hypothetical future legislation or fear of a God he doesn’t even understand. Rick Santorum is of the old establishment mentality that you have to take away some rights in order to protect other rights. This guy is beyond stupid.

This discussion about guns carries over to Ron Paul who says that gun laws should be left to the state. Santorum then has to make it known that Ron Paul tried to do away with the 2nd Amendment! Really? God, doesn’t the Bible talk ill of liars? There goes Ricky Boy disappointing Jesus again! Ron Paul says that he would repeal anything that would ban guns. He then points out that Rick Santorum is just nibbling away at the Constitution for his own means.

Newt Gingrich goes on to defend himself from being accused of supporting China’s “one child policy”. He says that he never, in any way, supported that policy. He and Mitt then get into a pointless quarrel over Super PACs. Mitt days that he would get rid of Super PACs as they are corrupt and wrong. Rick Perry then closes out the debate talking about troops on the border and “aviation assets”. In his funny Texan accent he promises to “..lock the border down within a year after taking my hand off of that Bible.”

This debate was hard to watch. The audience was absolutely awful and even though I talked some shit about South Carolina, I hope that their attitudes and behavior doesn’t reflect that of the rest of the state. I guess we’ll find out as the next debate is also in South Carolina. If the crowd at that one is just as ridiculous, it’ll deter me from ever wanting to set foot in that state again!

In the end, Ron Paul did well, even with the whole world seemingly against him. It wasn’t his best performance but it was solid enough. I believe that Romney walked away weak, especially after his NDAA comments. Plus he just pandered and filibustered most of the debate. Newt did really well despite the Fox News and Wall Street Journal moderators trying to “gotcha” him to death and hang him out to dry. Rick Santorum is going to end up sucking gay dicks in Hell so I don’t care about him. Perry is probably going to drop the fuck out because again, he’s deader than shit in this race.

I tried to keep this one short and sweet but these idiots just give you so much material to rip apart and bash.

Grading Scale:
Grade B-: Newt Gingrich
Grade B-: Ron Paul
Grade D: Rick Perry
Grade D-: Mitt Romney
Grade F: Rick Santorum

*Written by Rob Rimes.

Santorum: 1. The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex. 2. Senator Rick Santorum. – Definition take from the Urban Dictionary.

Politics are amazing. I mean, with certain candidates people are so quick to jump on every potential fault they come across but with other candidates, people are blind as fuck and only see what it is that they want to see. In the case of Rick Santorum, who is now technically a frontrunner, people are either blind or just absolutely fucking insane! I mean, how has this guy come from out of near obscurity to become a GOP frontrunner in just a couple of weeks? Those goddamned Iowans and their stupid caucuses have unleashed a beast on us and if this beast isn’t stopped dead in his tracks now, we will all pay greatly for this Iowan insanity.

Rick Santorum is the worst choice for president out of all the GOP candidates that have come and gone this election cycle and that’s a hard feat to pull off, as most of them are severely flawed. Santorum is a bigoted prick that wants to force us all to live within his corrupt Christian vision. His perfect America would be a Catholic dictatorship with him as de facto ruler. Abortions for rape victims would be outlawed, gays would be in prison or most likely slaughtered and we’d all be forced to stay married to assholes and raise our children as Bible-loving zombies who have to bow to Santorum first and God second. Maybe this seems extreme but after reading through a huge list of quotes from the man, this most assuredly would be his perfect version of the United States.

Hell, Santorum wants to force his brand of Christianity on the world. In fact, he is ready to go to war with pretty much every Islamic nation in an effort to prove his point. It’s actually better if I just let his words do the talking here:

“The idea that the Crusades and the fight of Christendom against Islam is somehow an aggression on our part is absolutely anti-historical. And that is what the perception is by the American Left who hates Christendom. … What I’m talking about is onward American soldiers. What we’re talking about are core American values.”

First of all “core American values” aren’t violence and aggression, his stance on that is “anti-historical”. Secondly, you can look at this and analyze it a few different ways but the point is, he does hold a lot of resentment towards Islam. In almost every single debate where any nation that is primarily a Muslim one has come up, he has preached for aggression towards them. He is so eager to go to war and drop bombs and throw sanctions on everything in an effort to perpetuate a religious war that should have died centuries ago. Rick is of the belief that these people simply want to kill us because we are a free white Christian nation. Santorum, like anyone else that shares this incredibly flawed and dangerous logic, is a fucking idiot that could benefit from picking up a book other than the Bible.

Now I am not trying to attack his Christian views, as I have no beef with any religion, but I am attacking the fact that if he actually read his sacred book and believed the words written across its pages, he would realize that his actions and his motivations are very unchristian. Anyone who believes that Santorum is right and that we should just aimlessly bomb all these “threats” is an accessory to murder. When looking at the bigger picture, the actions Santorum and several of his colleagues want this country to take aren’t that different than the cowardly actions of Al-Qaeda. One nation’s freedom fighters are another nation’s terrorists. Rick and those with his school of thought could benefit from actually listening to the words of Osama bin Laden and other terrorists who have explained over and over why they attack us. Apparently no one is getting the message because the actions that have caused these groups to take up arms against us are still being committed by our government everyday all over the world.

Stateside, his religious intolerance of things he doesn’t understand and doesn’t want to learn about have dug him into some pretty deep holes throughout the years. He has bashed homosexuality and has probably been the most anti-gay candidate since the horse and buggy days. As I did with the last subject, I’ll let Santorum’s idiot mouth spell it out for you:

“Is anyone saying same-sex couples can’t love each other? I love my children. I love my friends, my brother. Heck, I even love my mother-in-law. Should we call these relationships marriage, too?”

He also said this:

“If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual [gay] sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything. Does that undermine the fabric of our society? I would argue yes, it does. … That’s not to pick on homosexuality. It’s not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be. It is one thing.”

And:

“A lesbian woman came up to me and said, ‘why are you denying me my right?’ I said, ‘well, because it’s not a right.’ It’s a privilege that society recognizes because society sees intrinsic value to that relationship over any other relationship.”

God this guy is a fucking moron. I’m sorry and maybe it is my libertarian stance but I just can’t stand people, especially politicians, that are this vehemently opposed to gays. I could argue that this is modern times and not the 1700′s but fuck, everyone was gay back then. Dudes would marry their wives, not because they loved them but because it was a business transaction, and then they would go off with their friends and fuck young boys all night. As twisted as that may sound to some, this was common amongst the aristocracy of the day back then. Hell, the ancient Greeks who gave us democracy as well as major advancements in philosophy, maths, science, astronomy, law and language were some of the gayest people ever. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of pieces of art from that era that depict gay sex. It’s not some new freak thing that just happened in the last few decades. If Santorum had his way however, they’d all be sent to concentration camps or killed and used for dog food.

Santorum’s bigotry doesn’t just end with gays and lesbians, he actually said this about black people:

“I don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them somebody else’s money; I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn the money.”

Why did he single out black people? Aren’t whites, latinos and all other races on welfare? I guess Ricky Boy just sees this as a black thing. It doesn’t stop there, on President Obama’s race and pro-choice beliefs, Santorum said:

“I find it almost remarkable for a black man to say ‘now we are going to decide who are people and who are not people’.”

Jesus dude, this guy can’t be serious, right? Well, it doesn’t just stop with black people, gays, lesbians and Muslims. He said this about Mormons:

“Would the potential attraction to Mormonism by simply having a Mormon in the White House threaten traditional Christianity by leading more Americans to a church that some Christians believe misleadingly calls itself Christian, is an active missionary church, and a dangerous cult?”

Mormonism a dangerous cult? Funny, they’re not the ones wanting to bomb the everliving shit out of the world! They just want to have mad wives and lots of kids. If it is all consensual between the adults, what is wrong with that? Who the fuck is Rick Santorum to say what is and is not acceptable? What gives him that authority? Well, where he sits, it’s his complete misunderstanding of the Bible that gives him that authority.

You know, fuck all this social madness. I think it is pretty clear that this bastard is full of hate and intolerance and would just rather kill you than look at you if you aren’t living up to his moral code. So how does this piece of shit hold up as far as being a politician? Well, several watchdog groups throughout the years have added Rick Santorum’s name to the list of “Most Corrupt Members of Congress”. You see, Santorum is a big government asshole that shows no concern over our country’s economic woes. Truth is, he is a big reason why we are dealing with these economic woes right now.

Rick Santorum’s own book “It Takes a Family: Conservatism and the Common Good” really spelled out his philosophy on government and our daily lives. Basically, the book goes on to argue for more government intrusion into our lives at home. Santorum believes that it is the government’s role to dictate to parents and families how they should live. Of course, Rick wants the government to push a Christian agenda on everyone, which completely goes against everything that the Founding Fathers wanted for America. In his book, he supported several big government programs, such as national service, publicly financed trust funds for children, community investment incentives and economic literacy programs to be put in every school in America. That’s kind of funny though considering that Santorum had this to say about our education system:

“It’s amazing that so many kids turn out to be fairly normal, considering the weird socialization they get in public schools.”

Right, is what he is proposing not a form of socialization? This guy is a classic doublethinker or he just doesn’t think the rules apply to him because he is in the service of a higher power. Yep, that same higher power that told Michele Bachmann to run for president. Maybe people should stop talking to that higher power, he gives shitty advice. Then again, these are idiots trying to decipher something greater than themselves.

Rick Santorum also supported No Child Left Behind, the Medicare prescription drug benefit and other very costly pieces of legislation that were all a form of socialization and a contributor to our budget being out of control. He has always been a big supporter of earmarks and not just in his own state. Santorum was one of the idiots that was heavily in favor of the now infamous “Bridge to Nowhere”. The truth is, Rick Santorum is one of the biggest benefactors of earmarks in congressional history! According to a Rick Perry attack ad against Santorum and verified by Taxpayers For Common Sense, Santorum has received over a billion dollars in earmarks during his time in office!

In 2005 alone, Santorum received $483 million dollars in earmarks for 872 different projects! Defending himself on Fox News, Santorum said:

“I’m proud of the money that I did set aside for things that were priorities in my state instead of having bureaucrats do that.”

Santorum worked closely with Tim DeLay in developing the K-Street Project which was an effort by the GOP to put pressure on lobbyists to hire Republicans in their top positions as well as to reward loyal GOP lobbyists with special access to influential officials. Hell, Rick Santorum is a crony capitalist at his fucking core. This corporatist really needs to have his front lawn “occupied” by protestors. Santorum, like many others, used this as a tool to get free money to flow into his state. Of course there is no such thing as free money as it is us, the American citizens, who are paying for it now.

If you are a free trade person, good for you – that’s awesome. Unfortunately, Rick Santorum has been a long time opponent of free trade and true capitalism. He has spent his entire career backing higher tariffs on goods from other countries. He always has and still supports government intervention in the manufacturing industry. Rick Santorum feels that it is the government’s job to pick the winners and losers. Apparently this guy has never read anything from an Austrian economist or watched Milton Friedman’s series “Free To Choose”. If he had, Mr. Santorum would be very well aware of how his policies damage American interests stateside and abroad and how this just adds to our economic peril and rampant joblessness.

I could honestly go on and on about this worthless piece of shit but I don’t really think it’s all that necessary. Truth is, one could write a book about Rick Santorum and all the bullshit shenanigans this hate-mogering scumfuck was a part of. He is not what this country needs now or ever. He is a big reason why this country is in the shitter and electing him to be president would be the biggest mistake this country could make right now. In all honesty, I don’t see how this guy could be any better than Obama. In fact, I guaran-damn-tee that Rick Santorum would be much worse. You know how you see those signs with George W. Bush that say “Miss Me Yet?” on them? Well if Santorum became president, you’d see the same slogan attached to a picture of Barack Obama. Then again, being caught with such pictures in Santorum’s America would end with you being sent off to be a guinea pig in his Jesus indoctrination camps.

Hell, when your own nephew writes and publishes a piece urging people not to vote for you and instead to vote for Ron Paul, that’s saying a lot. When your own campaign staff is caught at a rally supporting Ron Paul, that should also tell you something. Rick Santorum is a statist shitcock that isn’t above turning the United States into a religious fascist dictatorship that will spend itself into oblivion. Those closest to him have warned us, yet people keep sending this douchebag money. The fact that he has made over two million dollars in the last two days is absolutely frightening.

It’s time to pay attention America!

Here’s a video showing how statist and liberal, yes liberal, this guy is. I didn’t even touch on his love of the Federal Reserve and dislike of the gold standard but this video hits it:

In the 1990s, Gingrich endorsed a book that called for our governing system to ‘die and be replaced.’

 *Written by Cody Bennett.

I’ve learned more about history in the four years after I graduated high school than I learned in all my twelve years of public education. I have no formal education outside of high school except for independent research that I’ve done out of curiosity and skepticism. The result is that I am better informed and more knowledgeable about a wider range of subjects than most college graduates. Not to sound my own horn, but toot, toot.

Anyway, my schooling experience was one of repressed curiosity and compulsory indoctrination—a constant struggle of trying to discover an identity and a creative voice in an environment that encouraged neither. I’m sure most people remember the angst and the awkwardness.

Well, I graduated in 2007. High school is four years behind me, and it’s probably a considerable amount of years behind all of you. It’s difficult to even maintain any sort of concern for the conditions we managed to escape, much less try to do anything about them. Except, right now as you read this there are millions of American teenagers putting up with the same system.

Standing up for the pledge…make sure to put your hand over your heart. Remain standing for the national anthem… Now for the morning announcements…for lunch we’ll be having flavorless slop…blah, blah, blah.

The toes tapping on linoleum floors. Pencils sliding across paper. The smell of dry-erase markers. The ringing of the bell at the beginning and end of every period. The same methodical march to-and-fro, day in, day out.

Oh, yes, and don’t forget to do your homework. It would be a shame if you didn’t do your homework.

The system we have now is archaic. It was designed for a different time. We keep trying to patch it up, to push it one more mile, to standardize just a little more. But it is unworkable. We are trying to give a tune up to a vehicle with blown head-gaskets. The approach modern progressives are taking toward education is one founded not upon reason, but insanity. The conservative approach isn’t much different. George W. Bush was responsible for the No Child Left Behind Act, which expanded standardized education on a national basis.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. If someone is overdosing, you don’t give him more drugs, because that’s insane. Correct this problem, and the rest of America’s problems will be solved consequentially. By creating freedom and more choices in the realm of education, we can improve the economy, the environment, and our own individual lives. The answer is to get rid of standard-based, pass-fail regulations. The answer is to not look to the state for your education. The answer is self-education. It’s done wonders for me.

Look: here is some history that I learned all by myself.

Until the middle of the 19^th Century, education was mostly localized and available only to the wealthy. However, rapid westward expansion, hoards of immigrants, and the Industrial Revolution began to make it apparent that the nation needed some sort of model for educating the children being born into this brave new world.

Horace Mann, in the 1840’s, began a campaign for what were called “common schools”. These schools would teach children basic skills such as reading, writing and math. Our grade schools today still carry similarities to the common schools of which Mann was so fond.

By 1851, Massachusetts passed legislation including compulsory attendance and standardize teacher certification tests. Within twenty years, 7.6 million kids were enrolled in common schools and the number of teachers in the nation had risen to 125,000. Less than a decade later, the number was up to 340,000.

The first Department of Education was established in 1867 after the National Teacher’s Association lobbied congress to establish a presidential cabinet office dedicated to national education concerns. The very next year the department was demoted to an office, becoming just a small bureau in the Department of the Interior.

With this kind of expansion going on, public schools turned into education factories, taking on the same functionality of the newly industrialized nation. To sum it up, kids were being taught in a merely intellectual manner based on the principles of the Enlightenment, but under a model that resembled the changes brought about by the Industrial Revolution. The principles of the Enlightenment, which tout liberty, reason and individual responsibility, would be in direct contrast with the pragmatic, collectivist, rank-in-file attitude of industrialization.

This is how America’s schools, nearly overnight, became authoritarian institutes requiring the standardized, compulsory education of all citizens. In other words, you don’t have a choice in the matter, because the federal government knows what is best for you. Since the beginning of the 20^th Century, our federal government has expanded public education to the point of crisis. And even though we’ve made advancements in the classroom as far as technology and curriculum, we still use the same sort of classroom model as we did over a century ago. All education reform that has had any major effect on the nation has always been in the direction of more standardized testing and more centralized political control of our schools. Yet, the system is still failing.

One reason I believe the system is failing is because the people who design the legislation aren’t the people in the classrooms. But the biggest reason it is failing is because we are using an out-dated model that doesn’t mix well with our fast-paced, information based culture.

Those are the problems. Here are the solutions.

Abolish the Department of Education. This is not a radical idea. It was a Republican Party policy for many years.

This can be done by local community activism, and hounding our representatives to actually put this issue on the table again. In Florida, a campaign for the federal deregulation of public schools, repeal of the No Child Left Behind Act, and an exemption from the Sunshine State Standards should be embarked upon. With those shackles released, I propose school vouchers in order to create competition between schools.

Check this: instead of what district you live in determining where you go to school and who gets the funding, parents will be given vouchers for the net-cost-per-year it takes to put a student through school. The parents can then choose their children’s school. If a school could operate under the cost of the voucher, the balance would roll over into the next year for that family. With the roll over money from the vouchers, parents could create a college fund for their children.

If adopted by the entire State of Florida, this model could eventually decentralize education for the entire nation. It would simultaneously create competition among the states for everything from colleges to pre-schools. The states with flawed models would ultimately fail, and through common sense they would adopt the models that succeed.

There is one thing that must be understood. My model doesn’t say anything about what standards schools should teach, nor do I mean to suggest any. For me, a teacher is merely someone who bestows knowledge upon others. I am a teacher. You probably are, too. We educate, and are educated every day. The truth, though, is that everyone is responsible for his own education at some point. If we want to change the way we educate the country, we have to change our attitudes. As individuals, we must take hold of our own minds and make our own decisions based on our own judgment. That is the capacity of an educated mind.

We must teach our children to do the same.

*Written by Rob Rimes.

There’s been too many debates this month! I’m not necessarily tired of writing about them but a little break would be nice. Hell, I can’t even imagine how tired the candidates must be from all the travel to and fro, as well as all their other events and straw polls sprinkled in between all the televised debates and interviews. In any event, the wear and tear showed in this particular debate. Not to say it didn’t have it’s good moments but everyone seemed to have a little less fire this round and it kind of came and went with a bit of a whimper.

This debate was held by Fox News and Google, which was awesome because typically Fox News has the best debates. Their quality is higher and their shows are just put together like a well-oiled machine. This time was no different except for a few things and the inclusion of Google added an interesting new twist to the debate. Google spent time collecting questions from the candidates from the general public using several of their online services. Many people sent in videos via YouTube which was really cool, as other YouTube users got to vote on which questions were the best. This format was pretty refreshing and well-executed.

One great thing about this debate is the fact that Gary Johnson was invited! I’ve been bitching about his apparent exile from the debates with the princess-like fierceness of a scorned little girl but now I can turn off my diva mode and enjoy the fact that the lesser-known libertarian in the race was given a platform to shine. I would really like to see Thaddeus McCotter in the debates too, as I haven’t even heard from this guy at all yet. Let everyone have the opportunity to shine! As Billie Jean said, “Fair is fair!”

Fox News of course goes to Rick Perry first, Bret Baier says that everyone else has outlined their economic and job plans but that Rick Perry hasn’t clearly defined what his plans are. Rick Perry diverts the question very quickly and says that his plan is coming. M’kay dude, you’ve been in this race for almost two months and participated in about four debates and your team hasn’t prepared an official plan or even a statement on one of your most important platform points?

Fox News then goes to Mitt Romney in an effort to give the two golden boys the advantage right out of the gate. Mitt talks about job creation and cites his awesome business record. He promises to cut taxes for the middle class while promising to protect them. When questioned by the moderators where the income line is for what Mitt considers to be rich, he can’t answer the question or at least refuses to.

Megyn Kelly is beautiful.

A question from an audience member last debate that went unanswered by Jon Huntsman is now recycled and given to Michele Bachmann. That question was “How much of my paycheck should I be allowed to keep?” Bachmann, who is wearing a shirt so red it makes her look like an apple with a creepy head on top, doesn’t really answer the question either. She basically says that your money is your money but then says we have to give some of it to the government. Um.. so which is it lady?

“Mr. Racquetball” Rick Suckscrotum is asked about his thoughts on a possible federal right to work law. He says a bunch of crap and no one listens. Newt then steps in and says that there should be some sort of business training program attached to unemployment benefits. Yeah, sounds expensive buddy! Who’s going to pay for it? I can only assume it’ll be ME! Fuck that, how ’bout no benefits and thus no training program? I mean, is this training program going to be run by the government? One can only assume the answer to that is “yes”. Therefore, how can we be assured that such a program, which will be expensive, will even be effective? Maybe Newt has a lot more faith in the federal government than I do. This idea is stupid lame.

Herman Cain comes into the debate like, “Yeah! Nine nine nine motherfucker!” His plan sounds interesting, I still need to read it but since he has been pimping the plan, there has been no mention of the FairTax. What’s going on dude? You were like a FairTax champion! Cain does have one of the best lines of the night however when he disses Mitt for being a fan of the current tax code. Mr. Cain tells Mitt, “That dog won’t hunt!” Touché Mr. Cain, touché.

Romney has no comeback for Cain, he just reminds us that the middle class is hurting. A middle class that cannot be defined as he can’t figure out where the income line is for those who are considered rich.

Ron Paul finally gets into the debate and kicks it off by telling us he will veto any bill that violates the 10th Amendment. Oh hell yes! For those not in the know, which should be none of you, basically Ron Paul will not allow the federal government to overpower state and local governments. Ron Paul is a firm believer in states’ rights and on his watch, he will fight for them.

The other libertarian candidate Gary Johnson gets some airtime for the first time since the very first GOP debate way back in May. Gary Johnson immediately promises several things. He vows to submit a balanced budget, he promises to veto bills that are wasteful and unconstitutional and he also pimps out the FairTax with colorful flare. Uh oh, Mr. Cain someone’s tugging at the FairTax fan base while you’re mum about it in favor of you’re 999 Plan.

The next part of the debate goes on forever and is just about unbearable to watch. Mitt Romney and Rick Perry go back and forth over and over, quoting each other’s books while trying to throw each other under the proverbial bus. This is a yawnfest and just bad television. Mitt disses Perry, Perry rebuttals with a diss, Mitt rebuttals with a diss, Perry rebuttals with a diss, Mitt rebuttals with a diss and we’ve got a broken record where the moderators are allowing these two shitcocks to purposely take shots at each other in an effort to monopolize the TV time. It was a clever ploy and it was seemingly obvious that Fox News and these two candidates were in on it. Maybe I’m getting too conspiratorial here but why else would the moderators turn this into a two man tennis match, ignoring the other seven on stage, just so that these primadonna boy toys could reenact a spat from “Girls Behaving Badly”.

Huntsman is up next after that long ass lovers’ quarrel. He tries to channel Ronald Reagan as I tune out and try to channel a pint of PBR. He does call for tax reform and an end to ObamaCare as well as Dodd-Frank.

Cain is asked that if he had to eliminate at least one government agency, which would it be. Cain says the EPA because they are wasteful, tyrannical and they drastically need to be reformed. He wants to break apart and rebuild the EPA from scratch. Personally, I was hoping he would say the Department of Homeland Security but I feel that Cain subscribes to the fear-mongering. I mean, he supports the War on Terror, so why not the tyrannical offspring of the PATRIOT Act as well? I’d like to personally question Cain on DHS and TSA and where he stands on both agencies.

Gary Johnson gets more airtime and promises to cut government spending by 43%. He also promises to abolish the Federal Department of Education. Man, if this guy starts picking up steam, he’s going to piss off a lot of people on the left and the right. I support that. Ron Paul backs up Gary Johnson and says he wants government out of education completely. He opposes No Child Left Behind and feels that people should be able to opt out of it.

Rick Perry is for school choice but then switches the subject to call out Mitt again which turns into another dick wagging contest. I take a break and go off to make a fajita and grab another beer. During the homoerotic exchange, another candidate starts to speak up about all the time Fox News is wasting on the Perry-Romney lovefest but Bret Baier actually says that he wants to give Mitt Romney more time. C’mon Bret! You don’t want to join the fray with those two queens do you?!

Michele Bachmann wants local control of education with strong parental involvement. She also reminds us of her 12,749 kids. Herman Cain wants to cut all the strings between government and education. He wants to empower the students. Get the federal government out! Huntsman steps into the argument but he was so boring I played solitaire until he finished talking.

The next big topic is immigration. Bachmann is for states’ rights on the issue and is pissed at Obama for suing Arizona over what they thought was best for their state. Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney support E-Verify (read about it here if you don’t know what it is). Newt also wants English as the official language of America. Odd, as far as I know, it is. Mitt slams Perry (surprise! surprise!) for allowing illegal immigrants to collect up to $22,000 a year in tuition paid for by the state. Perry and Mitt then go into another spat to monopolize the limited TV time. Rick Santorum jumps into the bitch and whine session trying to wedge himself back into the debate. Somewhere in this petty immigration argument Rick Perry actually says, “You put boots on the ground. You put the aviation assets on the ground.” Uh, what? Don’t you want aviation assets in the air? It must’ve just been a Bush-like mistake. Oh no, wait.. he said it again and then again. Perry must snort sea monkeys.

The conversation shifts to Israel, the Middle East and the War on Terror. Mitt says that he doesn’t want “an inch of space between friends and allies”. He then goes off on Obama’s shitty treatment of Israel and Netanyahu. Herman Cain says that, “If you mess with Israel you mess with America.” Rick Perry wants to make India an ally to help us deal with Pakistan. Rick Santorum wants MORE troops in Iraq! No really, he wants more troops in Iraq! Newt Gingrich says he is willing to go through our foreign aid program and eliminate aid to those who aren’t our friends, especially those who are outspoken against us. It’s always “us versus them”. Newt then gets all fear-mongerish with talks of WMDs and whatnot. Gary Johnson says that we need to promote liberty and peace through free trade; I agree. Johnson is for opening up free trade with Cuba and supports flights from America to Cuba. Bachmann retorts by calling Cuba a terror sponsor. Um.. so is U.S. foreign policy lady. Huntsman wants to bring the troops home. Santorum cries more and mispronounces Afghanistan as “Afghanistein”, as if the country is either a giant metal beer mug or the Middle Eastern version of Frankenstein’s monster. Huntsman then says something awesome when he tells the other candidates that “Only Pakistan can save Pakistan”, as in it is a country’s job to find it’s own path and to map out it’s own destiny, it is not America’s job. Amen homeboy, amen.

As the debate starts to come to a close, we learn that Bachmann opposes the idea of a national church, which was a fucking strange question by the way. Rick Santorum opposes gays in the military and gets loud applause for his stance, proving that my fellow Floridians are fucking idiots. Good jobs fucktards, keep living up to the worst qualities the left says you GOPers possess. Ron Paul, going against the GOP grain, says that abortion is a state issue not a federal one. Fuck man, everything is really a state issue, the federal government just wants to strangle everybody.

Herman Cain then tells us the story about his cancer and how he feels he wouldn’t have beat the narrow odds had he gotten cancer with Obamacare implemented. His story gets a ton of applause from the crowd and even though it was really in-circumstantial to the debate, it won Mr. Cain a shit ton of brownie points and a huge straw poll victory in Florida following this debate. In any event, Cain’s story does add an aura of badassery to his already solid character and charisma. As I’ve said many times, I differ on several things with Cain but I personally like him and out of all the candidates he is my number three (although there is no number four or anyone else after Paul, Johnson or Cain that I would vote for).

Bachmann is questioned about her remarks that the HPV vaccine causes mental retardation. Bachmann says she never made such a statement. Well she did make the statement but to be objective she was paraphrasing what she claims a mother told her about her daughter who was on the vaccine. No kudos for Bachmann for not at least paraphrasing a doctor. Her whole comment could be bullshit and was just an irresponsible thing to say either way. Bachmann flips the script quickly however and reminds us about the connections between drug giant Merck, who made the vaccine, and Rick Perry, who tried to force vaccines on the children.

Perry then tells us a sad story about why he used the tactics he used. However, after the debate it came out that the story he told actually happened AFTER he used his executive order powers to force little girls to be vaccinated. Perry is a fucking scumbag liar! But somehow, way too many of you fucking morons out there are still supporting this devil in hair gel. Rick Perry said he “erred on the side of life.” Fuck you dude, you erred on the side of fucking greed.

The Lyin’ King Perry then touts his fictitious record again but at this point, anything the guy says is probably a lie. He then gets into it with Romney again in an attempt to monopolize even more time. Sorry homies, just because I’m all for gay rights doesn’t mean I want to see you two fuck each other in the mouth 69-style while your testes slam into each other’s noses. While there is a market for that, this is supposed to be a family friendly show!

The two highlights after the gay porn romp, is when Ron Paul tells the other candidates that they basically suck because he is the only one who foresaw and understood all the recent bubbles that burst. He then calls for an end to the Federal Reserve and a new era where free markets can rule supreme again. Gary Johnson drops an awesome joke about how his neighbor’s dogs have created more shovel ready jobs than Obama. This got thunderous applause but at the same time, that very joke was used earlier in the day by Rush Limbaugh. Johnson said his staff gave him the joke and he didn’t realize it was Rush’s. Realistically, who gives a fuck? Jokes are meant to be told and passed on. Gary Johnson once again pimps out the FairTax really hard. At least someone’s mentioning it, right Mr. Cain?

The moderators then officially close out the debate by asking all the candidates who they would pick out of their colleagues on stage as their VP running mate. What a waste of time. I won’t bore you with the lame details. In the end, this debate was subpar and not much came out of it, except for Herman Cain somehow evolving into a rockstar after dominating the Florida Straw Poll.

Grading Scale:
Grade B: Ron Paul
Grade B: Herman Cain
Grade B-: Gary Johnson
Grade C-: Newt Gingrich
Grade D+: Jon Huntsman
Grade D: Michele Bachmann
Grade D-: Rick Santorum
Grade D-: Mitt Romney
Grade F: Rick Perry
Grade I: Thaddeus McCotter

*Written by Rob Rimes.

1. Introduction:

So, just like with the last GOP primary debate of the 2012 presidential election cycle, I figured I would share my thoughts, my rants and my ravings about the latest debate last night. I am a bit fired up over a situation regarding how Ron Paul was treated after the election but I will write a separate article about that immediately following this one. On a side note, Bill O’Reilly wants you to go to his website because he promises the “best election coverage”. Bullshit! Fuck Bill O’Reilly! TheSwash.com is the greatest site for election coverage and pure unadulterated truth! That fucking hack doesn’t even know what Keynesian economics is! No really, he doesn’t (see for yourself here).

As far as the debate itself goes, this was by far the best one yet, minus the exclusion of Gary Johnson once again! Anyway, Fox News puts on a much better show than CNN and last night was no different. After being subjected to John King’s weird noises and horrible pop culture laced questions last round, this debate was refreshing. The best part of all was that the candidates FINALLY stopped playing nice and started taking some serious jabs at each other. The three biggest battles of the night were Bachmann v. Pawlenty, Paul v. Santorum and Gingrich v. Fox News (his employer).

In any event, the debate was much better than watching the alternative last night. All my friends were more interested in the first NFL preseason games than watching the GOP contenders fight for the top spot in a war against our current president and a culture of corruption that has given us an economy comprised of a bipolar stock market and a downgraded credit rating. But yeah, in America that shit isn’t important because a bunch of whiney overpaid prima donnas in tights and pads were playing a game that doesn’t even count for the fucking record books. People wonder why we are so fucked.

So fuck all that and let me break down the debate itself because that is what is truly important here.

2. Hour 1:

The debate immediately starts off with a question for Fox News’ second front-runner Michelle Bachmann. Her answer is typical as she is fishing for cheap pops from the crowd to start the night. Her short answer was laced with colorful regurgitated rhetoric like, “Let’s make Barack Obama a one term president!” Yay! Sorry lady, I like some of what you say but overly used catchphrases are only effective in sitcoms and comic books. Now I am not beating up on Bachmann here, she held her own for sure and did really well, especially against the attacks of Tim “Vanilla Beans” Pawlenty. I’ll get into the big battles of the night deeper into this article.

Fox News then immediately went to their handpicked primary front-runner Mitt Romney. Not only did Fox show that they were focused on pimping out Bachmann and Romney but they gave Mittens three fucking questions in a row! Three! Um.. homies, there are eight people on that stage. You should probably stop sucking Mitt’s balls out of the gate and give some time to the other candidates.

One thing I’ve noticed during this game of favoritism is that Romney and Bachmann are both placed at the very center of the stage. I’m not lobbying to be the new host of ‘Conspiracy Theory’ but I do find that a little odd with the way things have gone thus far in the debate. Moving on.

Fox News finally gets with it and moves around to ask some other candidates some questions. After the first round of uneventful answers and introductions the two guys in the lead where I sit are Ron Paul and Herman Cain. I just like what they had to say to start the night because they say things that fucking resonate. While I came to this assessment I also realized that Newt Gingrich still looks like Chucky, Rick Santorum looks like a racquetball player from a Speed Stick commercial, Jon Huntsman looks like a dapper Barney Fife and Tim Pawlenty likes to offer free services like cooking and cutting grass.

Speaking of which, T.Paw asked the audience in the arena and at home, “Where are all of Obama’s plans to fix stuff?” He said that there was nothing on his website and that the current POTUS isn’t offering any real solutions. He says that if anyone can tell him where Obama’s solutions are that he’ll either cook them dinner or cut their grass. M’kay dude, they’re in Karl Marx’s “Communist Manifesto”. Question answered! Now get working on some Chilean sea bass because I’m hungry.

The next big thing to happen was the moderator trying to stir the pot between T.Paw and Bachmann. T.Paw was asked about a negative statement he made about Bachmann but he immediately dodged the bullet, playing it safe as he always does, and flipped the script to bash Obama. There were a few cheap pops but the crowd wasn’t really pleased with the spineless swerve. Bachmann responded by running down T.Paw’s track record as governor and essentially slapped him around like a two dollar hoe. This created a mini shit storm between the two where T.Paw finally started taking shots and Bachmann just swatted him like a little fly again and again. Many pundits after the debate felt that this was bad for Bachmann, as she seemed to be stooping to a lower level, but I loved her fire and cojones. She ain’t taking no lip from some Vanilla Bean shitcock.

I do have to point out the lowest blow of the Bachmann-Pawlenty exchange though. It was definitely when T.Paw put the blame of the failed Democrat-led Congress on Bachmann’s shoulders. He essentially painted the picture that the debt crisis, Obamacare and everything else Skeletor Pelosi’s House did was somehow Bachmann’s sin to bear. Needless to say, everyone in the arena and at home saw through that bullshit. What little respect I had for Pawlenty was gone after that. The gloves were definitely off at this point and as hard as some of that rhetoric was to swallow, this sparked a change in attitude for the debate that brought out some of the candidates true colors. As far as Bachmann and Pawlenty go, I never knew Canadians could turn up the heat so much.

Chris Wallace, one of the Fox News moderators then turns the attention to Newt Gingrich and really sets off the former Speaker of the House. Wallace essentially asks Newt how he can swim when he lost the major players on his campaign staff, that his campaign has amassed a million dollars in debt and that the public perceives his campaign as a “mess”. Newt tells Wallace to stop with the “gotcha questions” and then gives him a serious earful that leaves the Fox News Sunday host nervously trying to defend his question. I’ve never seen Chris Wallace bow down like that, he’s usually able to get in there with the best of them. Newt wasn’t having any of it and for as much shit as I have talked about Newt for years, I had no choice but to respect him after the exchange with Wallace. Newt also laid the smackdown on Bret Baier and anyone else that asked him other “gotcha questions”. Newt showed that he has leadership qualities and that he wasn’t going to backtrack like a little bitch ala Pawlenty. Newt Gingrich put a smile on my face for the first time last night. Gingrich’s best line to the “gotcha” serving moderators was:

I’d love to see the rest of tonight’s debate asking us about what we would do to lead an America whose president has failed to lead, instead of playing Mickey Mouse games!

Chris Wallace then moves on to Jon Huntsman and keeps up the “gotcha questions”. He mentions that Huntsman was Obama’s Ambassador to China, that he claimed Obama’s stimulus package wasn’t big enough, that as governor he supported cap & trade and that he supports civil unions between same sex couples. Wallace then asks Huntsman if he is running for president under the wrong party banner. Huntsman doesn’t have a real answer, he just talks about his service to his country and how proud he is being the only person who perceives himself as awesome. His self-love fest is met with dead silence and absolutely no applause.

Shortly after that, Huntsman is asked about illegal immigration and goes on a rant about securing the border. Yeah dude, I want to build a spaceship out of pistachio ice cream. Nothing wrong with being a dreamer homie. All I will say about Huntsman is that he is the dumbest superhero ever! Ketchup manipulation is a lame power!

Herman Cain is then asked about questionable statements he has made in the past. His response to that is a mystery to me. Not to knock the guy, I was just distracted by how smooth and col he was. He’s twice as raw as Big Daddy Kane and as eloquent as the world’s greatest poet laureates. Cain has a way with words that most of the other candidates don’t. Essentially, Herman Cain made the silly media’s questions look like they were being asked by Dum Dums: my favorite flavor is coconut pineapple.

We then go through a rather boring phase where Ron Paul is nowhere to be seen. I am assuming he’s in the bathroom. Mitt Romney then talks about punishing businesses that hire illegals. That leads to everyone then randomly talking about moats and alligators. Lastly, Newt Gingrich proposes that we throw a bunch of Homeland Security people on the Mexican border.

Ooh.. Ron Paul is back in the mix on the illegal immigration issue and he makes some solid points. One point is that he doesn’t believe that the burden of being the immigration police shouldn’t be on the shoulders of businessmen. He then mentions that if a church feeds and helps illegals, we don’t blame the church but if a business owner does, we blame the businessman. Dr. Paul hits the nail on the head as far as I’m concerned. He then flips the script on the establishment Republicans on the stage and the panel when he asks why we are more concerned with controlling borders overseas and not our own. This leads to Ron Paul pleading to the American people that it is time to bring our troops home.

After bouncing around between candidates a bit, round two of the Bachmann-Pawlenty bout kicks off. When Bachmann is confronted about questionable decisions and votes in her past, she explains that she has learned from those mistakes and that moving forward, she is sticking to her platform. While every candidate preaches this, Bachmann seems incredibly sincere and even though I am a huge skeptic when it comes to political rhetoric, for some reason I do believe her. Pawlenty jabs and jabs but comes out of this round looking like a fucking toolshed. Michele Bachmann has the ability to bring out T.Paw’s inner weasel.

During the second round of the Bachmann-Pawlenty main event, Santorum starts whining that no one is paying attention to him. He is quickly blown off and ignored again. He uses that free time to post an ad for his exercise bike on Craigslist.

The subject of the new unconstitutional Super Congress is brought up. Newt Gingrich hates the idea, as do I. Being a former Speaker of the House, there are very few people that could understand the lunacy of this idea as much as Mr. Gingrich. He goes into a great explanation of how idiotic and asinine the idea is. Newt is winning some points, as far as I see it. He’s doing pretty damn good for a guy that lost most of his posse a few months back.

T.Paw then gets back in the fray and is asked about his “Obomneycare” comment from months back that he originally caved on when in front of Romney the last debate. T.Paw then tries to take it to Mitt, feeling the testosterone from the Bachmann battle but Vanilla Bean is just too nice. It’s like he’s afraid he’ll lose a friend if he says too much. Is that a leadership quality?

This naturally flows into asking Romney about health care and his Romneycare plan versus the Obamacare plan. Of course Mittens tells us that they were different and avoids really having to break it down. He claims that he will repeal Obamacare and that it really comes down to states rights via the 10th Amendment. Romney goes on a 10th Amendment rant which is great because the 10th Amendment is fucking dope! However, hypocrisy is on the horizon as later on in the night, Romney flip-flops on the ultimate awesomeness of the 10th Amendment.

Ron Paul steps in and educates the establishment dicks on health care and it’s relation to corporatism and how that is the root of the real problem. It’s not like they are even paying attention or getting it. I mean he’s fucking nuts, right? Free market solutions to health care are just crazy. Oh wait.. the crowd roars with cheers and thunderous applause.

Rick Santorum opens his mouth and shit literally falls out. No, for real! He doesn’t “get” the Constitution and starts getting all religious and shit. This is why he won’t even come close to winning this election. He disses Ron Paul’s stance as he tries to justify his unconstitutional ideals by referencing America’s biggest tyrant of a POTUS Abraham Lincoln. Then, acting quickly, like the mainstream midgets they are, Fox News cuts to a commercial break leaving Ron Paul without the opportunity to respond to Santorum’s call for “moral enterprise”.

3. Hour 2:

We come back from commercial break and hey! Where’s Michele Bachmann? Oh, there she is strolling back on stage late. Women are never punctual! I hope this isn’t a sign of how she will run things as president. My inside source informed me that she was tearing up a dope ass crescent roll! No worries Bachmann, I can’t walk by one without having to throw down on it either.

So immediately Bret Baier decides to waste time by asking every single candidate how they feel about a potential candidate that isn’t even there, Rick Perry. Why even ask that? Well, Rick Perry is Fox News’ dream candidate, even more so than Romney. They’ve been pimping him out for months now and there isn’t a single day that goes by where someone at Fox News doesn’t give us a Rick Perry update. Fuck that douche! Ron Paul and Herman Cain ain’t worried ’bout no Rick Perry and Huntsman took a nice jab at him.

Now they name drop Sarah Palin to waste time getting the candidates take on another hypothetical. Michele Bachmann gets goofily excited and talks about how they are best friends and trade My Little Pony accessories. Newt Gingrich reminds us of another hypothetical in Rudy Giuliani. He then talks up Perry. C’mon Newtie Bootie, you were doing well thus far!

For the next segment the moderators take us into the War on Terror and foreign threats to the United States. T.Paw tries to get some cheap pops spewing the same tired rhetoric. I almost sensed that he was going to drop the word “evildoers” but lucky for us he held it back. Romney proved that he has no idea how the War on Terror works or what is really going on. He says that the people want freedom. M’kay, if that’s the case let’s get the fuck out of there and let them be free! Oh, but the Taliban will waltz right in eight seconds later. Whether that’s true or not, does that justify anymore dead soldiers? Well, most of you voting for most of these candidates seem to think so.

Newt Gingrich gets irritated with yet another “gotcha question”. He then says some stuff but I got up to get a glass of bourbon and a quesadilla. He sounded like he was bringing the fire again, which I like. Homeboy is not going to roll over and die like everyone thought he would.

As I sit back down with my 100 proof beverage and my cheesy Mexican treat, Huntsman is taking about how a cyberattack is an act of war. Shit man, hackers going ape shit means we have to blow some people up? Shit’s gonna get messy! I’m sure they are referring to Iran and China and shit but LulzSec and Anonymous are blowin’ up right now!

Now we get to some good shit, as Chris Wallace tries his “gotcha” tactics with Ron Paul in bringing up that he stated that Iran has the right to build nuclear weapons to defend themselves in a world where so many other countries have their own nukes. Ron Paul mentions that even the CIA has come out and said that there isn’t any real evidence that Iran is working on building nukes. He then uses the Cold War as an example while informing us that he served in the Air Force during the height of the Soviet threat. In regards to this he says:

We were standing up against the Soviets. They had like 30,000 nuclear weapons with intercontinental missiles. Just think of the agitation and the worry about a country that might get a nuclear weapon some day. And just think of how many nuclear weapons surround Iran. The Chinese are there. The Indians are there. The Pakistanis are there. The Israelis are there. The United States is there. All these countries … why wouldn’t it be natural if they might want a weapon? Internationally, they might be given more respect. Why should we write people off? In the Fifties, we at least talked to them. At least our leaders and Reagan talked to the Soviets. What’s so terribly bad about this? And countries you put sanctions on you are more likely to fight them. I say a  policy of peace is free trade, stay out of their internal business, don’t get involved in these wars and just bring our troops home.

The crowd pops like a motherfucker! Of course this was probably over the heads of most people on that stage and the moderators. In fact, Chris Wallace had to question Ron Paul on what he had just heard because in his mind, Dr. Paul must be crazy and he needed clarification. Ron Paul continued with:

Why would it be so strange if the Soviets and Chinese have nuclear weapons? We tolerated the Soviets, we didn’t attack them and they were a much greater danger. They were the greatest danger to us in our whole history. But you don’t go to war against them.

Rick Santorum is apparently offended by Paul’s statements because Santorum is a whiney hoe. He then interrupts a question for Herman Cain to respond to Ron Paul. Of course he flat out lies and claims that the Iranians have killed more Americans than the Iraqis and Afghanis in both Iraq and Afghanistan. As a part of his bullshit lie, he states that we’ve been at war with Iran since 1979. Um.. no we haven’t. So Ron Paul has to quickly remind this fucktard weasel that our history with Iran goes all the way back to 1953 when we intervened and assisted a coup in Iran which eventually backfired and created the problems we have today. Santorum is a fucking moron and even with his blatant lies, he couldn’t trump the master of foreign policy, who is also the biggest anti-war voice on stage. And why does Santorum call them Erranians? Learn how to talk you simple fuck.

Michele Bachmann who is the Tea Party darling and libertarian leaning shows her true colors when she perpetuates the War on Terror hysteria that the Republicans always use. Just when you think she’s going to cross the Rubicon over to the shores of reality, she puts her foot in her mouth. Too bad for her.

All these candidates except for Paul subscribe to the theory that if we are carrying the big stick, no one else can. If you can’t see how that is the opposite of freedom and liberty than I can’t help you.

Wallace then refers to a comment made by Santorum where he said that Eric Holder must be “smoking mushrooms”. Okay dude, you really are a simple fuck Santorum! You don’t smoke fucking mushrooms! Man, I should just chill out and go drink a big glass of marijuana.

Now the moderator from the Examiner keeps saying “mooslims”. They’re not fucking cows, they’re people dummy! Then he presses Herman Cain on how he always has something to say about other religions, like Mormonism and Islam. He diplomatically explains that he wants to understand how Mormonism fits with Christianity. With Islam he states that he is against Sharia Law as the Constitution is the law of the land and we can’t strip it away in an effort to be sensitive or politically correct. Kudos sir, kudos.

Michele Bachmann then finds herself to be the victim of the strangest question of the night when the Examiner moderator asks her if she would be “submissive” to her husband. After thirty seconds of boos from the crowd and awkward silence from Bachmann she states that she respects and loves her husband. This moment was fucking weird but it gave Bachmann a window to mention her 127 kids.

Now remember when I warned you that 10th Amendment champ Mitt Romney was going to fly the hypocrisy flag earlier in this article? Well, that flag was flying high when the subject of gay marriage came up. We see through you ass clown! Now you think that this issue should be decided at the federal level? Really? Here goes another establishment dickbag trying to justify the stripping of OUR constitutional rights so he can force us to live within the rules of HIS religious faith. Typical. Fucking. Republican.

Huntsman then lets us know that he supports civil unions between gays and lesbians. He then immediately tries to trump Bachmann when he mentions his huge legion of children. After that, Ron Paul pimps out the 10th Amendment like Romney should’ve and he then warns about the actions people like Romney would like to implement. That being the action of forcing everyone to comply with their belief system and their “morals”.

Of course bitch ass whiner Santorum is disgusted and tries to drown us in more of his deluded self-righteous holier-than-thou bullshit. He brags about how he came to Iowa and got rid of three justices who supported gay marriage. Rick Santorum saved the state from man-on-man buttsex. Guys like Santorum are usually the first to sign up for amateur night at the drag show. He hates gays because he hates the part of himself that he can’t show the world. Santorum is a walking fucking tragedy. He should also put down Racquetball Weekly and read some Murray Rothbard.

Pawlenty then gets the abortion question and he states that he would punish abortion doctors but not patients seeking abortions. Yeah man, that makes perfect fucking sense. T.Paw is referred to as “the most pro-life candidate”. I think they fucked up reading their notes and they meant to say “the most pro-lame candidate”. Vanilla Bean is nowhere near as whacked as Santorum but he’s drowning in this race very quickly.

Pawlenty’s lameness is then followed by more lameness when Romney and Huntsman just give us empty insincere filler for several minutes. Off screen, Santorum is having trouble changing his tampon while he’s covered in tears.

Bachmann then gets a chance to express why she voted against the Boehner bill to raise the debt limit. Ron Paul and Herman Cain obviously get where she’s coming from as she explains why raising the debt ceiling is madness. She cites the downgraded credit rating by Standard & Poor’s as proof that she made the right decision. Cain admits that he was also against it.

Next up, Newt declares his love for having a central bank. What the fuck dude?! You were doing so goddamned well and you really just fucked up in my book. Where the hell is Andrew Jackson’s ghost to cook this turkey?! Oh wait! Ron Paul serves up some heat and educates Gingrich on why the Federal Reserve needs to be destroyed. We all know that Newt ain’t listening though.

Oh fuck! Santorum is still there? He’s against the gold standard and then takes more cheap shots at Ron Paul. Santorum is feasting on sour bitch grapes. Man the fuck up and stop being a little bitch dude! This guy looks like absolute shit at this point. People pulling for Santorum in this election need to check their ass. He’s against the gold standard?! Really?!

The debate concludes with a short exchange about education where Huntsman and Cain say that they are against No Child Left Behind. After that we are subjected to the generic closing comments we always get. Luckily we weren’t bombarded with URLs this time. Maybe they held back because Pawlenty and Santorum’s campaign managers thought it would be a waste of money to renew the domains for another year.

4. Conclusion:

This was the best debate so far in the 2012 presidential election cycle. Some people shined, a few sunk. Sure I am biased towards Ron Paul but he was under fire a lot and he continually brought it hard against all comers and made all of his points clearly. Bachmann did really well in my opinion. Gingrich didn’t make me a believer but he did win a lot of points overall. Herman Cain was good but he needs to turn it up a few notches. However, I was pleased that he wasn’t repeating his catchphrases over and over or counting down his solution talking points numerically. Because of that, Cain’s performance was an improvement over the last debate. The other four candidates can suck a dick, especially that jackass fucksack Santorum.

So without further ado, as this article’s title asks, “Who won the debate?” I do have to give you an answer. Well, after watching this damn thing three times and after taking a fuckload of notes, I gave each candidate a letter grade. Here they are from best to worst:

Grading Scale:
Grade A: Ron Paul
Grade B+: Michele Bachmann
Grade B: Newt Gingrich
Grade B-: Herman Cain
Grade C: Mitt Romney
Grade D+: John Hunstsman
Grade D:Tim Pawlenty
Grade F: Rick Santorum
Grade I: Gary Johnson

*Taken from CNS News.

State and local education officials have been begging the federal government for relief from student testing mandates in the federal No Child Left Behind law, but school starts soon and Congress still hasn’t answered the call.

Education Secretary Arne Duncan says he will announce a new waiver system Monday to give schools a break.

The plan to offer waivers to all 50 states, as long as they meet other school reform requirements, comes at the request of President Barack Obama, Duncan said. More details on the waivers will come in September, he said.

CONTINUED..

*Written by Rob Rimes.

Disclaimer: This will most likely come across as a brutal rant and I am fine with that. I’ve dealt with and heard a lot of double standard bullshit and shenanigans from the partisan hacks of the left since this whole War in Libya popped off. So anyway, you have been warned. If you’re a little bitch, stop reading now and go watch some ‘Glee’ because shit’s about to get real, so man the fuck up!

1. Introduction:

Well, it is fucking official. One of Bush’s loudest critics due to his unconstitutional declarations of war against Iraq and Afghanistan has now just committed the same unconstitutional atrocity. Essentially, America’s biggest hypocrite and stinkiest shitpickle, President Barack Hussein Obama has now become just as bad as Bush, if not more so. In fact, everything he was critical of in regards to Bush, he has done himself. I didn’t vote for John McCain because I thought he would basically be Bush III: Bush Hard With a Vengeance. Hell, Obama expressed the same thing when running against McCain in 2008. One thing I did not expect though, was that socialist dictator Barack Obama would fill that tyrannical role himself. I mean, I knew he’d be a fucking asshole tyrant but I didn’t expect to have him turn into a warmonger. Who knew that Bush’s shoes would fit on Obama’s feet? Well, at least his war kicks anyway.

To put this into greater context, here is a quote from Obama in 2007 while he was on the campaign trail:

“The president does not have power under the Constitution to unilaterally authorize a military attack in a situation that does not involve stopping an actual or imminent threat to the nation.”

Pretty stunning, eh? It is not often that I agree with his royal doucheness but that quote resonates with me and mirrors my personal philosophy on war. Too bad Barry O was full of more shit than a carnival Port-O-Let. President Barry is not Candidate Barry. Additionally, this new war in Libya is not the only area where Obama policy comes across as a doppelgänger to Bush policy. Really, in most areas, it is Obama who is “more of the same” than creepy John McCain. Funny that the hero from the left is so closely mimicking the ideals of the prime target of all their hatred over the last decade. A Bush by any other name is just as thorny.

2. The Libyan War:

So with war now raging in Libya, Obama is now overseeing three wars at the same time. That tops Bush’s two wars by fifty percent. Shit, I wouldn’t be surprised now if this is just the first of many “justified” interventions the commander-in-queef will force us to be a part of. I mean, he says that this is a humanitarian mission and that it is our duty to help the rebels who are being oppressed and killed by their tyrannical dictator. Funny, we’re being oppressed by a tyrannical dictator but Obama isn’t at war with himself. Anyway, if this is all that he needs to justify war, couldn’t he use this broad bullshit explanation to force us into Yemen, Syria, Bahrain, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Rwanda and pretty much anywhere else for that matter? I mean, if we are global humanitarians, then why aren’t we at war with all those regimes too? I mean, if Libya is good enough to bomb the shit out of, why not the others? Let’s take this bitch global!

Obama declaring war is unconstitutional. Hell, he knows that. Hell, you should fucking know that! Remember the quote a few paragraphs up? You see, it is Congress that has the power to declare war, not the president. However, if the president declares it, the military has to listen, as he is the commander-in-chief. So even though the president declared war, did he at least run the idea by Congress? The answer is “no”. In fact, he completely disregarded Congress and took the issue to the globalist cockpuppets at the United Nations. So, after sucking globalist cock, Obama declared war with the blessing of the UN, NATO, the United Kingdom and France. Obama is a globalist at heart and not working for our national interests, let’s get that fucking straight right now. Obama is pushing for that infamous “new world order” uttered from the lips of the original Bush back on September 11th, 1991. Hey, that was exactly ten years to the day before the 9/11 tragedy. Let’s see the conspiracy nuts go crazy with that nugget of info.

Anyway, fuck the new world order. The point here, is that Obama is leading us into another pointless and wasteful war that just solidifies the arguments and claims of all of America’s critics. Obama, who still blames Bush II: Money Never Sleeps for everything he can possibly pin on him, even today, just came out and proved that he is no different. Well, except for the fact that he obviously knows he is wrong, based off of his stance years earlier. Does that matter? No, because Americans thought Obama was their messiah and Obama still believes that he is. Where he stands, he is right and we are the children that need to be led around by his paternal knowledge. In reality, the people are much smarter than this dickweed and it is time to put his massive ego in check. The people don’t want this war, neither does Congress and it is time to do something about it since chickendick cowards like the GOP led House of Representatives won’t do a goddamned thing apart from searching for some fantastical ideal known as “compromise”. Fuck Boehner! Hell, keepin’ it real, Cantor is proving to be just as useless as well, just sayin’!

What Congress needs to do, if they actually have the nuts to do so, is defund this goddamned war. Cut the money and let Obama and his UN fuck buddies stand around with thumbs up their arrogant globalist asses. If there is no money to pay for this gayly named Operation: Ostrich Dawn or Operation: Odyssey Dick or whatever the fuck it’s called, then the mission can’t take place. Well, if the UK or France wants to pay for it, be my guest. Hell, they can take over the fucking mission (which has been promised, mind you) and the American troops can come back home. Shit, Germany already sees how fucking stupid this whole thing is so they cut and ran just a few days in. You’d have to be a moron to think the Libyan invasion is a good idea. I guess that means that our president is a moron by that logic. I can live with that description of the man himself, but I can’t live with the fact that our president truly is a moron. And you thought we were the laughing stock of the world when Dubya was in power. Now the laughs are louder and longer.

3. Gitmo Bullshit:

So, I mentioned earlier that there were other areas where Obama policy jacks the ideals of Bush policy. One of the biggest examples, apart from this fucked up war, is in Obama’s support of Gitmo. Barry O was also a huge hater of the whole Gitmo thing and bashed the fuck out of the Bush administration for what he perceived to be going on at our terrorist prison resort in Guantánamo Bay, Cuba. In fact, Obama promised to close Gitmo within his first year as president. It was one of his big promises to appease the turdmunching leftists and self-important “humanitarians” who were in an uproar over the supposed torture of scumbags who were responsible for the murder of thousands of American citizens. As far as I am concerned, saw their balls off and staple them to their foreheads. If these sorts of motherfuckers want to impose Sharia law, give’m fucking Sharia law and start snippin’ testicles. But I know, I know.. we’ve got to set a better example than that (as we unconstitutionally bomb yet another country).

Anyway, hypocrite fucksack Obama was all “bout it, bout it” when it came down to shutting down the tropical torture shack. So, while criticizing Bush about it, Barry O made it abundantly clear that he wouldn’t stand for such vile and evil practices being done by our government. Well, his first term (and hopefully his only term) is more than halfway through and El Presidente hasn’t done a damn thing to shut down Gitmo. Is he backtracking, was he lying or is he more Bush than Bush?

Truth be told, Barry Ting Ting is leaving Gitmo open and adopted Bush-like policies when handling the prison camp in paradise. Just a few weeks ago in fact, Obama issued a new executive order that allows for the continuation of military tribunal prosecutions of Gitmo detainees. Essentially, Obama has extended the Bush era Gitmo policies and his promise to close down the prison is looking more and more like complete and utter bullshit.

4. Fiscal Idiocy:

Apart from Gitmo and this stupid ass new war Operation: Octagonal Duck or whatever it is called, Obama also bites Bush’s style on fiscal policy. He supports the tyrannical and expensive PATRIOT Act, he has continued the bailout bullshit and he even supports the No Child Left Behind Act, albeit with some sort of reforms written in. Obama is no fiscal wizard and he lacks economical common sense: probably more so than the Mighty Bush.

In regards to the PATRIOT Act, Obama and the once critical Democrats are all gung ho on the new age tyranny, now that Bush is out and they are in. Obama has given ultimate power to the Department of Homeland Security and fully supported the tyrannical actions of the Stasi-like TSA. Apart from just blatant tyranny, these two federal organizations will cost us a shitload! DHS (Homeland Security) is projected to cost $56 billion in 2011 alone! Keep in mind that this is a projection and government projections on cost are always much smaller than the real numbers. The TSA in addition to DHS, is projected to cost.. I don’t fucking know. I can’t find the figure anywhere which isn’t surprising since the TSA is continually wasting money on body scanners and other crap on top of paying union salaries to ex-cons and rapists. Shit, libtards love making rapist priest jokes, why don’t they make rapist TSA officer jokes? Fair is fair.

With the bailouts, they didn’t just end with the Bush administration. Nope, they continued on in the Obama administration making them one more aspect of Bush era policies that were adopted into Obama era policies. While Bush championed in Republican socialism, Obama took that model and reformed it into just regular old leftist socialism. However, Obama’s spending in general, in addition to the bailouts, has eclipsed Bush’s by a huge margin. In fact, government spending under Obama in just the month of February 2011 was greater than the entire annual budget of 2007 under Bush! Yes, one month under Obama generated more spending than an entire year under Bush! Facts and data are hard for liberals to fucking swallow. Liberals just suck and spit like lil’ jit amateurs.

Looking at the horrible, yet seemingly noble bill, the No Child Left Behind Act, Obama is also adopting it as part of his policy. Being a throwback from the Bush era, Obama wants to reform the law a little bit and change a few things. In any event, he still supports it and is keeping another Bush era policy alive in the era of Obama. Anyway, spending more money on education is ineffective. This has been proven and is displayed in a whole slew of documentaries about public education that have come out over the last year or so (e.g.: “Waiting for Superman”, “The Cartel”, “The Lottery” and others). Obama, by his own design, will most likely spend more on these educational policies than the Bush administration while generating even worse results. The problem with education isn’t money, it is the fucked up system and the union thugs who milk it dry while crying for more. Until we actually look at the real problems in our public school system, as opposed to just throwing money at it, we will never be able to compete with the other countries who are quickly surpassing us in education. We will continue to get dumber and poorer but maybe that’s what this globalist dipshit apologist wants.

5. Conclusion:

So, as I wrap up this brutal assault of truth, I find myself wondering if the liberal cuntfarts who want to have orgies with other brainwashed Obamanoids are starting to actually open their eyes? Well, are you? Or are you still in complete denial, cursing my blasphemy against the messiah and only being able to make sense out of my words by labeling me a racist? It is a fair question considering how your kind has handled things in the past. I mean, anyone who challenges you is either a racist or a hate monger. The truth is, if your liberal disease hasn’t yet taken over someone, you attack and devour that person like the zombie you are: either destroying them or making them like you. Well, just so you are aware, there are survivors to your disease out there. We’re armed (with knowledge assholes, so fuck your violent rhetoric rhetoric) and we’re prepared to go to Hell and back. It’s clobberin’ time!