This is the Horizontal Shower from luxury bathroomer Dornbracht. You just lay on the stone pedestal like you’re about to be sacrificed for a plentiful harvest, then let the six water jets soak your body, flooding your ass with cleanliness and washing away any rogue buttcrumbs like paper boats in a stream. Holy shit I should start writing product descriptions.

The shower comes with a controller they call the eTool, which lets you direct the flow from the various jets, and choose between various programmed patterns kind of like a massage bath. You can also use the eTool to regulate the water temperature and intensity.

Or you could, you know, lay down in a regular shower like I do. Sure it’s not as glamorous and way more soap-scummy, but so what? IT’S CHEAP. Plus if you plug the drain with a toe and let the bath fill up your penis will float. Medical fact!

Source: Geekologie.

This is an actual whiskey flavored lube from the gluttons over at Epic Meal Time. Apparently they’re convinced whiskey is a desirable smell to have smeared all over your privates. SPOILER: It’s not. Unless you’re in a relationship with another manly dude (I’m thinking a gay biker/bear type here), chances are your lover doesn’t want your junk smelling like f***ing whiskey. Piña colada, absolutely, but only because piña colada is the best smell in the world, especially for car air fresheners.

Source: Geekologie.

Quick, there’s a creeper by the window! Shoot EVERYTHING.

This is the BedBunker, an under-the-mattress gun safe capable of holding 35 rifles and 70 handguns. That…is enough for a small militia. Unfortunately that’s not a big enough bed for a small militia, so you’re gonna need at least another queen to sleep everybody comfortably. The California King model (with the 105 gun capacity) runs $4,200, and weighs 1,500-lbs empty, so it’s not the kind of box-spring you can just strap to the top of your car when you want to move. Not thinking about overthrowing the government? No problem, the BedBunker is available in sizes down to a 650-lb twin for $2,200 that only holds like 40 guns. Me? I want one that can hold a tank AND fighter jet. Fortunately, I don’t have any kids so I like to just hide my weapons throughout the house. I even found one in a cereal box this morning. “You thought it was a prize didn’t you?” I was all, OMG, General Mills is THE SHIT.

Source: Geekologie.

My Two Cents: Please ignore the fact that you’ll look like a complete asshole wearing these. Plus, you’ll probably get chin checked and have your glasses jacked in the first five minutes. End Two Cents.

This is a conceptual video demo of Google’s augmented reality glasses (‘Project Glass’), which they hope to begin testing in the coming months. Think of them as like a see-through smart phone taped to your eyeball. You know, or augmented reality glasses if you’re good at wrapping your head around concepts. Me? I’m only good at wrapping one thing around things. “Your penis?” No pervert, NOT my penis — my arms, I was talking about my arms. It’s true, I’m a hugger! Now get over here ya big lug.

Source: Geekologie.

The Lumia 800 was one of the most beautiful phones ever built in the long history of phone-building. It is widely acknowledged as the best Windows phone around. The next version, the Lumia 900, is bigger, faster, and—maybe most surprisingly—cheaper.

The Lumia 900 is a phone that every single person should consider owning.

Why It Matters

The Lumia line is—let’s face it—maybe the last chance Nokia has to make anyone care about its brand again. Nokia, as a manufacturer, has a legacy of excellent hardware. The company used to make some truly terrific phones—ones lots of us grew up with. Simple and nearly indestructible, these cellular candy bars set lasting standards. They were lovely, square, and ubiquitous. Today, they are endangered.

Nokia and Windows Phone are star-crossed lovers, pulled together by gadget fate. They both have a mutual respect for artfulness, geometry, and clever design. They’re also both screwed if people don’t start caring about each of them very, very soon. Each company knows this, and the price plan for the 900 shows it: The device being sold for a liquidation-level $100 (or even $0!), despite its LTE alacrity and a design reminiscent of an alien treasure chest.

If the 900 bombs, it might not be a blunder Nokia or Microsoft can just brush off. This phone needs many, many people to notice it, adopt it, and truly love having it in their lives.

CONTINUED at Gizmodo. Video at link.

AT&T has confirmed that the Nokia Lumia 900 Windows Phone will be available on April 8th. For $99. No, there is not a number missing.

For a shit-hot LTE smartphone running the objectively beautiful Windows Phone OS, $100 with a two-year contract is an absolute steal.

We first got our hands on the Lumia 900 a few months ago, and we loved it. The big question remained when we would actually see it in the US and what it would cost us. At $100, it’s a ridiculous bargain considering just over a month ago, Nokia started offering the Lumia 800—which isn’t LTE—as a crazy $800 bundle. If you held out for the Lumia 900, your patience has been rewarded. [CNET]

Source: Gizmodo.

This morning Apple announced the upcoming release of its next operating system, OS X 10.8 Mountain Lion. With plans to ship this summer, it includes new features like an integrated notification center, better iCloud support, AirPlay Mirroring for desktops, and more.

While it’s still an early preview, the main new features include:

• Notification Center with access to alerts from Mail, Calendar, Messages, Reminders, and more.
• Better iCloud integration with automatic syncing and updating of files.
• AirPlay Mirroring: You can stream your desktop to an HDTV, play games via Game Center, and watch movies.
• Gatekeeper security that allows you to control how apps are downloaded and installed.
• A number of smaller updates to desktop apps to align them with their iPhone counterparts. These include iCal, Reminders, Notes, and Messages.

Members of the Mac Developer Program can check out a preview release of Mountain Lion right now. Lion users itching to get a small taste can download the beta version of the new messenger client, Messages right now. You can see it in action for yourself on Apple’s website right now.

More at PC Magazine

Giving off that unforgettable pungent odor of soap and youthful sweat combined deliciously together, the Japanese Virgin Girl Sweat Spray will bring all kinds of new smells and experiences. Spray some onto your love doll’s clothing or body for unbeatable verisimilitude and to enhance your hormonal desires. Though originally designed with love dolls in mind, there is of course nothing to stop you using the aroma spray to add extra realism to your favorite onaholes, used panties or other toys and items.

​You can order it here. If you do I hate you.

Source: Topless Robot.

Look out your kitchen window. Your patio furniture is all wrecked to shit, isn’t it? I know, that last BBQ of yours got out of hand. Shots were fired. Enter the $3,500 bulletproof polo from Miguel Caballero’s Black Label Collection, just the thing you need to protect your neck* while flippin’ burgs or refilling the beer cooler. It may look like a regular-ass polo, but oh no — underneath that 100% cotton exterior comes three different levels of bullet protection. Me? I want the one that can stop a cannonball.

OPTION IIA: 9mm / 40 Smith and Wesson FMJOPTION II: 9mm / .357 Magnum / 38 Super / Mini Uzi submachine gun
OPTION IIIA: Uzi machine gun / MP5,MP9 submachine gun / 44 Magnum SJHP / Stab-proof

Haha — there’s even a stab-proof option! Unfortunately, all of them will only stop bullets from the most amateur of assassins. I’ve played Counter-Strike folks, I only aim for the head. “No you don’t.” Okay so maybe I flashbanged my whole team and got us all killed.

*Protection actually starts below the neck.

Source: Geekologie.

THE SIGN SAYS NO TOUCHING, LADY!

This was the coolest thing on display at the recent Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. Granted I didn’t go, but I showed this video (and ONLY this video. Okay, plus a cat one) to a couple friends and they agreed. It’s a smart window from Samsung – basically a one-way window (people on the other side can’t see in) with a full-pane electronic touchscreen display where you can display info, roam the internet, watch adult films, etc., etc. It can even turn into virtual blinds!!!!!1 Just watch the video. The future, ladies and gentlemen — it’s really almost here!

Hit the jump for the worthwhile video. I know I’m a crappy describer but it really is pretty cool.

Thanks to lilco, who once watched a guy pick his teeth for two minutes straight in a mirrored window not realizing there people on the other side. OMG — what an idiot!

Source: Geekologie.