A Los Angeles woman was arrested after she offered sexual favors in exchange for chicken McNuggets, Burbank police said.

Khadijah Baseer of Los Angeles reportedly opened customers’ car doors in the drive-thru of McDonald’s on the 1700 block of Olive Avenue about 11 p.m. Wednesday, asking for free chicken McNuggets in exchange for sexual favors, Officer Joshua Kendrick said.

A man told police Baseer approached him but he refused the offer.

Baseer was arrested Wednesday on suspicion of prostitution.

Source: The Burbank Leader.

*Written by Rob Rimes as Bobby Martini for his other blog site: The Life and Times of Bobby Martini – Tales from inside, outside and around the pussy.

I recently got back from Las Vegas. In fact, this time last week I was still partying pretty hard in that goddamned town. I was there for work but it didn’t mean that I didn’t treat the whole fucking city like a cheap prostitute. Granted I didn’t fuck any bitches but I was having too much fun fucking with the ones I wasn’t fucking and just tearing up the town with my real hardcore peeps. Bobby Martini entered the neon desert as a man and left as a more educated man. What knowledge did Mr. Martini gain during his exploits to this once mafia ruled party town? Well here are twenty five things, in no particular fucking order, that Bobby Martini walked away with.

1. “Jackpot” isn’t just a gambling term. You see the word “jackpot” can also refer to a woman’s head. I’ll let you figure out how but I’ll tell you that it involves a goddamned penis and a hearty appetite.

2. Japanese tourists cannot walk by snow globes without shaking them. When I went to the Walgreens attached to the Venetian, it was like walking into a foreign land. It was confusing; I wasn’t sure if I was in a Walgreens in Baghdad or Tokyo. It was a mixture of primarily Iraqi and Japanese tourists. I know the people in muslim garb were Iraqi because one of them said, “There are a lot of us Iraqi in here, huh?” The Iraqis were pretty much grabbing knick knacks and slushies while the Japanese were thumbing through Vegas calendars and shaking literally every fucking snow globe in the store. These snow globes were like crack to the Japanese tourists. I watched one walk by the display and he tried to fight the urge but ultimately gave in to his bullshit temptation and frantically shook three or four of them within a five second span! I swear I heard the motherfucker laugh maniacally when he did it too. Jackass sounded like an anime villain!

3. Birth control pills are often taken with alcohol. This came as a surprise to me but it probably shouldn’t have. I can’t tell you how many times I was at one of the many casino bars just hitting on some random pussy and the girl got titillated enough to pop a birth control pill right in front of me. I have to admit, when they took a big sip of their cosmopolitan right after, my dick got real hard. In some cases it was hard for me to properly articulate my lustful feelings because in Vegas, my speech was ridiculously slurred.

4. There is never a free bench! This really pissed me off because I had to do a lot of walking from casino to casino. Just to give you an idea, if you’re familiar with the layout of Las Vegas, I had to walk from Treasure Island, across the Strip through the Venetian and all the way to the Sands Expo Center multiple times a day. My damn feet fucking hurt! So all I wanted to do every now and again was to take a seat on a bench. However, no matter where I was, inside or outside, motherfuckers were just sitting on benches with big ass “fuck you” smirks on their faces.

5. Strippers try and follow you home. Man, all I did with a few of my boys was walk by a goddamned strip club. Suddenly this half-dressed porn star wannabe was following us. I thought nothing of it as there are lots a big ass titties and people walking around in Vegas. Man we went for blocks and blocks and split off in different directions. The last friend I was with wanted to go into the Venetian. We walked inside, went to the bar and this stripper sat next to us. The trick was asking us if we wanted to bring her up to the room. We were hesitant as I didn’t need some loose ass trick jacking my MacBook Pro and my dirty underwear. After leaving the bar, she followed us for another twenty minutes and finally gave up. Bitch caught an attitude when we refused to buy her a drink when she requested one. Buy me a drink biotch, I’m the one getting macked on!

6. Why buy a hooker when there are plenty of hot non-hookers willing to have sex with anything free of charge? Now I personally didn’t purchase a woman of the night but a few of my homies were game and were willing to spend some serious cheese. I thought to myself, “Man, there has to be an easier cheaper way.” Well, there is. What I learned is that a lot of the people in Vegas on vacation just want to get fucked and fucked hard, I’m talking about women too. I can’t tell you how many wanted to get pregnant with the Martini seed just by sitting at any random bar and shooting the shit. What I realized through this experience of aggressive flirtation and over-the-clothes genital rubs is that I need to move to Vegas and open up a fucking condom store!

7. Gambling is the lamest thing to do (besides going to see the Blue Man Group). That’s about all I have to say on that.

8. Rita Rudner is never funny. This is a goddamned fact. I’m sure she is a nice lady but every time I walked by that theatre in the Venetian where they have the comedy shows, I was bombarded by videos of Rita Rudner telling her jokes. I’m assuming the two clips they run are her funniest moments, why promote her with her worst moments, right? Well, the clips weren’t funny. They were pretty awful actually. For a fifty-something chick, I’d drop a nut in her but damn, she needs to not call her show “Now Funny”.

9. One’s comedic timing is enhanced (except Rita Rudner’s apparently). I noticed that for whatever reason my hilarity was at an all time high. My comebacks, insults, wittiness, general joking and tomfoolery were all at peak levels. I had myself in hysterics pretty much the entire trip. Some of this has to be attributed to the fact that I was drunk for nine straight days and I was feeling some elation from the oxygen being pumped into my room every night but goddamn! I was like Chris Rock buttfucking Carrot Top with Richard Pryor filming it and George Carlin holding the boom mic while Denis Leary was handing out disposable cameras and snacks.

10. Downtown trumps the Strip. I can’t really explain it but Downtown Vegas felt real while the Strip just felt like touristy bullshit. The style and the atmosphere were legit and I enjoyed walking around this area even though motherfuckers kept hitting me up for change to buy beer or to have one more shot at winning it all back. Plus it was like 80′s night when I was there, not sure if it’s 80′s themed all the time but the DeLorean in front of one of the casinos mixed with the sounds of the Talking Heads gave me a serious hard on.

11. Friends don’t let friends drink and pick prostitutes. I’m not getting into the details on the fiasco that taught me this lesson. You’re just going to have to trust your boy on this one and be thankful that none of us got cut by a crazy bitch lactating all over the goddamned casino. My stomach churns even thinking about it but I’m alive, no thanks to my friend’s stupidity and bad choice in seedy women.

12. Dennis Rodman digs my artwork. I found this to be a great honor because Rodman is the most stylistic cat in the history of the NBA. For him to give props on something I created was pretty badass.

13. C+ level food can be sold at A+ level prices if it is covered in enough B level sauce. Man, the food in Vegas is expensive but it isn’t as good as it looks and especially isn’t worth the price range, except for a few places. Out of all the meals I had in the nine days I was there, only two meals were all that memorable. Most of the food is mediocre and smeared in good sauces to cover up the lack of anything spectacular. Trevi in Caesars Palace provided the best meal I had in the neon desert.

14. Frankie’s Tiki Room is as good as it’ll ever get for anyone. I have to go on record and state that this is quite possibly the greatest bar or lounge I have ever been in. The place feels authentic as fuck. It’s like it has been sitting on some Vegas side street for 50 years undiscovered. The truth is, the place was established in 2008! The music, the drinks, the atmosphere, everything is perfect. The bartender was cool as fuck. I was so blown away by the awesomeness of this majestic place that I vowed to return home and open up a place as close to this as possible, except my Tiki Room will serve burgers and tots. I left this bar with a huge list of new bands to check out off of their jukebox. It was a surf rock and tiki bar fan’s heavenly haven.

15. You can get a draft beer and a blowjob at Ellis Island for $41! I didn’t get to go to Ellis Island, which is one of my biggest regrets on this trip, but I did learn from multiple people that they have dollar drafts and one can easily get a blowjob for forty bucks behind the dumpster out back. Granted I wouldn’t want a blowjob from a forty dollar hoochie but I know a lot of people that would, so I am sharing this with you. Go get some sucky sucky boys!

16. Supply and demand is a motherfucker in Las Vegas. I first realized this on my first day when I was thirsty as shit walking around the desert atmosphere. I went into a pizza place and grabbed two bottles of Aquafina. The cashier charged me $8.11! Talk about no condom shit-pushed-in prison rape! Then one of the more popular bars charged me $32 for two shots of Jameson! I quickly learned where not to buy stuff in Vegas.

17. People in Vegas believe that pirate ships had DJs. Well, at least the people who run the attractions and shows at Treasure Island believe this. I watched their pirate show and I was a bit perplexed at how they had a DJ on the pirate ship not to mention the fact that there is nowhere at sea to plug in an amp. Also, half the pirates were women which was against pirate code. Plus, these women obviously shop at Rave, which wasn’t around back then, and they danced and sung Pussycat Dolls sounding pop tunes. I guess historical accuracy isn’t important in Las Vegas.

18. The Bellagio and the Cosmopolitan are the only casinos with any real style. I stick by this statement, although the Tropicana, Bill’s and the Imperial Palace all had some unique shit. Everywhere else is exactly the same. I couldn’t tell which casino was which if I wasn’t in any of the ones already mentioned. The Bellagio is just off the charts and absolutely fucking beautiful. The Cosmopolitan is on some next level shit. The lounge Bond in the front of the building was one of the coolest places I ever sat in while drinking a Pabst (although it was $7!). I also had a Tom Collins and a bourbon sour. The best part about Bond was that there were multiple go-go girls dancing over my head! Needless to say, I fell in love with both of these awesome fucking casinos.

19. Celebrities are much cooler in Vegas. Well, at least the handful that I met were cool as balls. I won’t name them because I ain’t out to give free publicity and I’m not trying to wow anyone with a list of people who’s hands I shook. In any event, every celeb I saw was mad cordial and cool with shooting the shit for a few minutes. One celeb I got to hang out with at the casino bar for a good hour. He was a dope motherfucker.

20. Cab drivers are the coolest motherfuckers in town. That may sound crazy and you may think that they are all foreign dudes with little to no knowledge of the English language. In some cases this is true but the few who I really talked to were badass. One guy I met used to fight off elephant poachers in Africa. He was like the African Teddy Roosevelt. I should have got his autograph because my time with him trumped any of the celebrity bullshit.

21. Casino security won’t stop a pimp from hunting you down. This is a scary thing because when a friend of mine dissed a hoe, the pimp came hunting. When the pimp tried to follow him, security didn’t even attempt to stop him. Luckily for my friend, he got away safe. The lesson learned here though, is that pissing off a pimp in Vegas is a bad idea, especially when security isn’t going to protect you from getting a brick bounced off of your eye.

22. After 4am, most high class prostitutes run 2-for-1 specials, as in you can get two hoes for the price of one hoe! If you are down to pay for your pussy, this is a great deal! Just don’t get swindled and make sure your important shit is in the safe before bringing these pro-sluts up to your room. Then again, you’re probably not getting sloppy seconds or treacherous thirds, you’re getting frothy fourths or filet-o-fish fifths (and we’re talking extra tarter sauce if ya feel me). So play it safe!

23. Blueberry pancakes and Mai Thais compliment each other like “whoa!” That is all. Just go try it!

24. If a girl tells you that she has been drugged and that the couple who are buying her drinks are trying to have a threesome, she is probably trying to recruit you for an orgy full of old fat Canadians. I started to think this girl needed to be protected from these vile creatures but then instincts prevailed and I realized that it was a ploy to get the Martini seed. Nope, not happening trollop!

25. Nine days in Las Vegas is probably too long because then you start seeing things you can’t unsee. Just a word to the wise.

My Two Cents: Man, George Stephanopoulos is an idiot and partisan hack to the nth degree. End Two Cents.

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*Taken from the Sun Sentinel.

A homeless man with a long criminal history broke into a Christian radio station in Pine Hills today and performed a sex act in front of the program host while threatening to rape her, deputies said.

Donald Destin, 30, was arrested about 4:30 p.m. on charges of attempted sexual battery, burglary of an occupied structure and battery. He was being held without bail late today in the Orange County Jail.

“I didn’t want to rape her, but I was attracted to her,” Destin told reporters as deputies led him away.

The incident happened about 6 a.m. while listeners tuned in to the live religious programming on La Voix Evangelique D’Orlando, 98.9 SCA.

The host told investigators she was on the air when a man entered the station without permission. She said he exposed himself, performed a sex act and threatened to rape her. A listener heard the threat and called 911.

The host remained calm and lured the man outside the building, the Sheriff’s Office said. Then she got him to go back inside while she locked herself inside her car and waited for deputies.

Destin’s first local brush with the law appears to have been nearly a decade ago, when he was convicted of possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia. Convictions for assault and criminal mischief followed in 2002.

Destin was released from prison in March 2008 after serving time for grand theft of a motor vehicle.

In April 2009, he was convicted of possession of drug paraphernalia, exposure of sexual organs and entering a place for prostitution. In July 2008, he was convicted of exposure of sexual organs, a misdemeanor.

He served more than two years in prison for burglary with assault and was released in August 2006, state records show.

In March 2010, he was convicted of misdemeanor stalking. In August 2010, he was convicted of trespass.

Last February, he was convicted of loitering or prowling and resisting arrest.

*Taken from Reason.

Last month’s Nanny tackled the scourge of distracted walking, and this month’s runners-up have their sights set on banning big-leaguers from dipping and toddlers from talking.

But top dishonors go to the nanny from Nevada who’s picking a fight with prostitutes.

Presenting Reason.tv’s Nanny of the Month for February 2011: Sen. Harry Reid (D-NV)!

Approximately 90 seconds

“Nanny of the Month” is written and produced by Ted Balaker. Associate Producer: Alex Manning.

The government are our friends! They solve all of our problems! We can count on them to take care of those of us who can’t rise to the occasion and take care of ourselves! They allow us to be entitled and lazy because, in this country, everything has to be fair. Isn’t that nice: all men created (and treated) equal? Businesses have to be forced into fairness as well. So does every other facet of life that government puts their hands in. When something isn’t fair, turn to the government, they’ll certainly fix it! They’re the experts anyway. Hell, their pockets are bottomless, so just go ask for money! At least, this is how most of the country seemingly sees things. I guess if you keep your head buried in the sand, the utopia you have so thoroughly convinced yourself exists will just never crumble.

Here’s a foreign concept to most: why don’t we turn to ourselves and pick ourselves up with our own bootstraps?

Is life really that hard for all of you? Nearly everything the government touches, turns to shit. Look at the banking system, education, welfare, social security, medicaid, medicare, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac,  FEMA, Homeland Security, NASA, the drug war, the war on poverty, income tax, agriculture, affirmative action, etc. etc. etc. So why exactly is “going to the government” people’s first response to any problem bigger than getting out of bed in the morning? This federal dependency is sickening and it shows how close our culture is to just giving themselves over to the State completely. Things have to change or we are going to quickly come to the end of this horrible road we’re traveling on.

Government no longer just takes over programs and businesses, they also, in the interest of fairness and equality or for other bullshit reasons, tax certain items in an effort to “positively” effect something completely unrelated. They attack cigars with hefty taxes so the children of illegal immigrants can have medical care. They tax soda so a city can build a new stadium, whether people in that city want that new stadium or not. They plan to tax the shit out of us over the fairy tale that somehow our creation of carbon is killing the planet. Every time you exhale, you are to be charged for it! They want to tax you on tech usage. Touch your iPad, pay a tax. There are countless other unjust and ridiculous taxes that we have to pay everyday or will have to pay everyday. The government needs our wallets in an attempt to fix our problems with these consistently ineffective programs. Again, why do we cry for help?!

Not only are the taxes out of control, the government and (typically liberal) busybodies want to control what we put in our own bodies. The government wants to control how much salt is in our food. Some would like to pretty much ban it altogether. There are some idiots trying to ban raw milk and other natural foods. Businesses are told whether or not they can have smokers in their establishments. You can’t get a fish pedicure in certain areas now because this strange practice is considered dangerous, even though, as strange as it sounds, no one has ever gotten hurt, sick or injured from it. They want to ban natural remedies and supplements, mainly because they can’t regulate them and the drug companies (and the government) hate competition.

Government decides what is prohibited in our lives, such as drugs, prostitution, gambling and other stuff. Gambling may be their biggest hypocrisy, as the government sponsors the lottery system: a gambling program with odds a thousand time worse than any game in Las Vegas all in an effort to raise money for their atrocious education system. Prohibition of prostitution is just ridiculous. If two adults want to exchange sex for money and they both consent to it, than who’s business is it to come between that? Well, the government, being as instrusive and controlling as ever, makes it their business: wasting tax dollars combating it and ruining people’s lives by giving them a criminal record or putting them in jail. To read more in depth on my thoughts on prostitution prohibition, click here. When it comes to the drug war, don’t even get me started on that bullshit program. A blog will be written on that fairly soon but in a nutshell, it’s a horrendous and counterproductive program that wastes billions, if not trillions, of dollars and ruins countless lives.

To put it bluntly, the government is out of control! They are larger than ever and they are growing exponentially everyday. This problem does not lie on the shoulders of just Democrats, as conservatives like to believe. Republicans are just as guilty. ‘Bush’ and ‘Bush 2: The Revenge’ grew government to unseen heights. Granted they sandwiched Clinton, but all that meat needed some hefty bread to hold it’s weight. Both parties are really just one party with two branches when it comes to fiscal responsibility and intrusion into our lives. Both parties want to own you. I think the Republicans are closer to libertarian principles but unless they get their act straight and stay the hell out of my life, I’ll never fully support them. Honestly, I can’t support any candidate, no matter what their affiliation, unless they support libertarian principles and true freedom.

Prostitutes, hookers, call girls, women of the night, hoes, streetwalkers and loosie Lucy’s have been around since the beginning of time. Well, at least since the beginning of mankind. I highly doubt there was prostitution going on between prokaryotes but I could be wrong. Anyway, bitches have been hookin’ for mad years and it has been a part of our culture since there was such a thing as culture. So why is it considered such a seedy and dirty thing? Why is it now illegal in our country and many others? Why does a simple service exchanged for money have such a negative stigma attached to it? Is prostitution really a bad thing? I mean, swashbucklers used to bang hoes all over the planet!

To start, I think prostitution prohibition is pretty fucking stupid. No I am not saying this because I want to go out and get a couple bitches off of Craigslist without getting arrested, I’m saying this because it should be a person’s right to exchange money for a service, as long as that service doesn’t hurt anyone and it is consensual between the parties involved. Now some of you nay-sayers are probably already shaking your head and thinking to yourself or cursing out loud that I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about: that prostitution exploits and destroys women, blah blah etc blah. You people are just jumping on the bandwagon of misinformation that the religious right has indoctrinated you with. Frankly, I don’t expect my words to change any of your sort, so you might as well hit the back button. For the rest of you, read on.

The only way that prostitution degrades, exploits, destroys and harms women is in the fact that it is illegal. It is part of the underground economy and women align themselves with pimps for protection and promotion, as they do not have those luxuries themselves in a criminal environment. Existing under the legal radar, prostitutes are often times put into dangerous situations by their pimps and their customers because by committing an illegal act, they know that they cannot just run to the cops. Also, they are much more apt to catch an STD.

If prostitution were made legal and regulated, all this would go away. Brothels or “love houses” would be able to protect their girls with the best security, as well as creating a safe and welcoming atmosphere for their customers. Girls would be tested for disease regularly, customers would have to wear condoms and the girls could potentially work at their own pace, not the pace of the pimp. Realistically, pimps would, for the most part, cease to exist. Granted, as with anything, there would still be low level pimps and hoes trying to work the corners but it would be nowhere near what it is today and the average guy would much rather go to a real reputable brothel where he knows that he is much safer from contracting a disease or getting punched out from a psycho pimp. In the end, those pimps would not be able to compete in the same way that mom and pop video stores couldn’t compete with Blockbuster.

There are a lot of other benefits as well but I’m not going to focus on that, instead I’d like to turn the attention to the reasons why prostitution carries such an evil stigma.

The main reason it is frowned upon is the seedy nature of it, which is pretty much for the fact that it is illegal. It has been forced underground for a few centuries now and because of that has drawn the ire of the religious right, politicians and serial killers. The politicians are just hypocrites that fuck prostitutes and then scorn anyone else who does, mainly because they are being financially backed by the religious right. Politicians love to run around in the woods with gay prostitutes while sacrificing fake babies to owl gods. The religious right hates prostitution because anything that feels good is bad. Well, unless you’re feeling good because of Jesus. Plus, religion forces monogamy, which is really just a concept that is only a few hundred years old (kinda like prostitution prohibition.. hmmm). Serial Killers hate prostitutes because they are usually losers with mommy issues and/or sick of being rejected by women who know that they are losers. Serial Killers are lame.

Anyway, the prohibition of prostitution is an attack on liberty. If both parties agree to exchange sex for money, than why should it be anyone else’s business? In countries where prostitution is legal, sex crime is down. That’s a pure fact and you can chop that up and analyze it anyway that you want. Maybe it’s just me but I don’t see anything wrong with a person who just wants to pay for sex because either they can’t get it on their own, they have no interest in dealing with the bullshit that comes along with it or because they just want to fuck a hooker.

People need to lighten up and just let some things go. Prohibition of any kind is a violation of liberty and only done so for control. People will continue to do what they want whether it’s legal or not, so why waste tax payer money and jail cells on trivialities? I can think of better ways to spend my taxes or better yet, just cut government spending altogether.

Leave the hookers and their clientele alone; there’s bigger fish to fry (pun intended).