McDonald’s restaurants (if you can even call them that) in Australia, having suffered from a recent spat of robberies (who the f*** robs a McDonald’s? Taco Bell or GTFO), have teamed up with security firm SelectaDNA to install sprayers above its doors that will douse robbers with an invisible mist of DNA. Why? To make them glow under blacklight for police identification. Wait, WHAT?

The newly introduced DNA will then seep harmlessly into his or her skin for two weeks (and clothes for six months) allowing the police to reveal the culprit using UV light.
The spray is both invisible and odorless, but even if the hapless highwayman notices the deoxyribonucleic acid rain cloud, SelectaDNA assures that its chemical concoction is “virtually impossible to remove.” Making matters worse for the offender is that each DNA sequence is unique to the location to which it was installed, meaning a successful forensic identification is 100% admissible in court. Basically, if you get caught in this stuff, you’re screwed.

No word if the DNA will cause you to mutate into a supervillain, but brobro in the picture there does look kinda like a Star Wars character, so that’s something. Not something I’d be willing to rob a McDonald’s to achieve, but I’m also smart enough to only rob Burger Kings. *putting on cardboard crown* NOW LEAD ME TO THE ROYAL TREASURE ROOM.

Source: Geekologie.

Pornographic toys, magazines and videos were stolen from a Linda sex shop, but the store’s owner is surprised by what wasn’t taken.

Kevin Couch owns Fantasy Factory across the street from a strip club, and Monday night someone broke into his adult store. But the culprits never touched the cash register.

“They just took the toys and left,” he said. “They didn’t take the money or anything so I was lost. The sheriff’s department was lost. When he saw all the stuff in here and he goes ‘that’s all they took?’ and I was like ‘yeah.’”

So Kevin thinks it was kids just trying to make a little mischief in forbidden territory.

“They see the adult store here, they can’t come in here they can’t purchase this stuff so they are bored and they break in and come in and take it at night when no one is here,” he said.

So far, there are no suspects, just a suspected age range: boys probably about 13 to 17 years old.

“If I was to do it I’d probably go for cash, not adult toys,” Linda resident Rodney Foster said. “I don’t really understand why somebody would take that, that’s kind of gross and weird.”

The thieves busted in by using a chunk of asphalt to crash through the door. It will cost Kevin about $800 to fix the door and he’s out about $150 worth of merchandise.

It’s the second time his store has been broken into in a year.

Source: CBS Sacramento. Video at link.

*Note.. that is not a picture of the store front, it’s just funny.

My Two Cents: This is a bit dated but I find it hysterical. End Two Cents.

*Taken from Free Republic via Craigslist.

I hope you somehow come across this message. I’d like to apologize. I didn’t expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol afteryou took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn’t that cold outside.

You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh?

It’s a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn’t it? I know it probably wasn’t a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you’d come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I’m sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. I couldn’t have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again.

I took the liberty of calling your mother, or “Momma” as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself and four other people in the gas station this morning a tank full of gas on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with all of the cash in your wallet.

I threw the wallet in a fancy pink “pimp mobile” parked at the curb after I broke the windshield and side window out and keyed the drivers side. I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. They’ll be on your bill in case you’d like to know which ones. Ma Bell just shut down the line, and I’ve only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don’t know what’s going on with that. I hope they haven’t permanently cut off your service.

I could only get in two threatening phone calls to the DA’s office and one to the FBI with it. The FBI guy was really pissed and we had a long chat (I guess while he traced the number).

I’d also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I’m hoping that you’ll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky ….

- Alex

P.S. Remember this motto…… an armed society is a polite society!

Ahttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzSAjNlOfaI