This is a screenshot from French clothing retailer La Redoute’s website advertising kid’s t-shirts. Aaaaaaaaaand they used a product shot with a dude’s wiener in it. I even found a closeup HERE because I know you’re a pervert!

The image, which appeared for several hours on its website today, showed a group of four children running on the sand.
But, in the background, a naked man can clearly be seen wading behind them up the sea-shore.

Web users spotted the ‘faux pas’, which has since been taken down, and immediately took to Twitter to poke fun at the clothing company.

Admittedly, I don’t really think it’s that big a deal. I mean, Europeans are WAY COOLER with nakedness than we are here in the United States of Embarrassment. Especially France. I just assumed naked wieners were a fact of life over there. “You’re going to vacation there, aren’t you?” I dunno, what’s my ticket say? “One-way.” *wink*

Source: Geekologie.

*Written by Rob Rimes.

This is pretty much a rant about cocks and pussies, you have been warned. It is probably best if you turn back now. Still here? M’kay.. moving on.

I know I have bitched in the past about the use of “gate” as a suffix to describe any political scandal. It’s redundant, overused, stupid and incredibly fucking lame. However, I do chuckle a little bit every time the word “Weinergate” is uttered. I guess this is the ultimate use of the tired tactic and probably the best one the media has come up with. Anyway, since this is definitely the pinnacle, I don’t think we should continue to use “-gate” anymore. Well, unless there is a “pussygate” or a “cockgate” or something involving a sexual organ or expletive. Fuck all that however, I’m here to talk about the events of Weinergate itself, not the origins of it’s name.

Anthony Weiner is not the brightest cock on the block. I mean, to be a dude in the position he is in and to post cock pics and sexy pecs photos online, whether intended to be private or not, is incredibly stupid. If you are the Lib King of New York, you’ve got to know that you are under a goddamned microscope. Didn’t this guy learn from the mistakes of the Craigslist Congressman or any of the other idiots in Congress who have been caught committing lewd acts? Apparently not. By the way, his bulge was underwhelming. Everyone knows that if you’re going to take pics of your Swiss Roll in your undies, that you stuff a sock in that motherfucker and call it a dick. It’s not false advertising when all the chicks today are wearing Wonderbras and shit. Just calling a spade a spade ladies, don’t get all emo and menstrual about it.

In reality, this whole sexting thing has gotten out of control. Then again, if you want to send me pics of your tits and pussies, feel free. However, only if you are over 18. I don’t need to be pinched for child pornography. But anyway, yes, this sexting craze is ridiculous. Kids are getting arrested for this shit in middle school! As the media says, “it is an epidemic.” Really though, sensationalism aside, I don’t think it is an epidemic. The technology just makes it easier to flash your junk without your significant other even being in the room to enjoy it. Personally, I’m not going to take pics of my cock and send them out, but if I did so what? There was a sex tape of me and a girl I dated back in the day but you can’t tell it is me, as all you see is my ass moving up and down. However, I am coming clean because unlike these idiots in politics, I’m pretty much an open goddamned book and don’t give a shit. If I ever run for office and someone asks about it, I’m going to be like, “Yeah dude, that’s my ass. So what? You mad your boy got laid? Don’t be a hater!”

See, maybe that is the problem. Maybe these guys being so secretive with skeletons in the closet is what bites them in the ass. No one is fucking perfect and everyone has something questionable that can be brought out into the open to discredit them. I’m of the philosophy that if I throw the shit out there myself, it isn’t going to fuck me in the eye down the road. I don’t think this Weiner thing is that big of a deal. Really, I don’t even care about it. That should be evident by the lackadaisical execution of this article. I’m writing about it only because everyone is obsessing over it. Also, I am drunk and taking a break from working on an article that involves a lot of research.

Anyway, the big question is, “should this end his career?” From where I sit, I don’t think so. He lied.. big fucking deal! Find me a politician that hasn’t lied without Paul as their surname and I’ll show you a frog that snorts coke and rides a unicycle. They are all full of shit and who is to say that he didn’t bide his time in an effort to prepare his wife for the inevitable. Weiner claims that his wife was aware of these escapades. Today, Fox News asked, “Is that something we should be concerned about?” Um.. no! Fox News needs to realize that whatever arrangement they have within their own private marriage, is their goddamned business. If I was married and my wife and I had an open marriage or were swingers or brought a third person into the mix, it is OUR business, not the public’s business. Just like if Bill O’Reilly loves to suck dicks, it’s none of my business (I’m not saying Billy O does, it’s just an example). I get it though, Fox News wants to push their moralistic viewpoint down our throats in an effort to demonize a liberal politician. However, this is just to counteract the liberal media for constantly trying to demonize conservative politicians. When the biased battles the biased, we all lose.

Everyone is calling for this guy to be ousted. Hey, fucktards, we live in America. Realistically, I think that his constituents should decide that. He represents their congressional district and if they, the people who voted him into office, think he can still represent them, then Weiner should still be allowed to represent them. If I was in his district, I wouldn’t have voted for him to begin with but I wouldn’t vote against him for showing off his hard man tits and his trouser lump. I just don’t care! There are real issues going on and this is a goddamned distraction.

But anywhoo, supposing Weiner does get the can, what’s next for this loud-mouthed insane hornball? Well, if I were the execs at Fox News I’d hire the guy as a contributor. Imagine this guy on the Great American Panel arguing with Hannity, Coulture and Meat Loaf about the constitutionality of the Libyan War. I think it would be entertaining as hell to have homeboy on there like the liberal version of a Palin, Gingrich or Rove. The Fox News liberals are all typically boring and they need one with some fire and personality. Fuck man, Weiner could be the new Colmes but way more entertaining and less scary looking. King Rupert better pick up the horn and make the call. Frankly, if he went to CNN or MSNBC he’d be overshadowed and diluted by the socialists and partisan hacks competing for the government regulated brass ring. Weiner would be wasted.

Another option for the guy would be reality TV. VH1 could sign him up and come out with “Weiner of Love”. Maybe “Celebrity Sex Rehab” could be an option. I think the best fit would be “Celebrity Dick Club”. Reality star, Donald Trump talked mad shit about Weiner today and I found that hilarious as he is probably the biggest and most annoying piece of shit scumbag ever, well apart from a child rapist or a terrorist. I bet Weiner could be a bigger reality star than The Douche a.k.a. The Donald.

The best option though, would be for Weiner to capitalize and drop a sex tape. Fuck it, he’s got to have a stash of ego-porn lying around the house. He could play it off like it was stolen and sold to Vivid Entertainment like all the other stars do. I’m telling you, Weiner would make mad bank off of this. He could have a whole porn career. Maybe his wife would be cool with it, who knows? They’re best buddies with the Clintons and Hillary didn’t say shit when Bill was dippin’ his dick in another pool.

So by the seriousness of this article, you can see how serious I am taking this issue. For the last time, I. Don’t. Give. A. Fuck. I just figured I’d give what little “two cents” I have on it and offer some ideas for the future of Weiner’s life. However, he’ll probably just fade off into obscurity and one day be arrested for beating off to a picture of himself in a ladies’ bathroom at Shoney’s.

Favorite Weiner Moments:

It’s been a little while since I’ve added to TheSwash.com’s illustrious “Breakfast Hall of Fame”. With six awesome items making it in within the first two rounds, I figured that that just wasn’t enough breakfast food to titillate my senses. I need to add a bit more to the menu. This thing needs to be beefed up. Those ignorant to breakfast and all its greatness need to be provided with more choices. I will be the provider of those choices, I will be your guide, I will give you the keys to the multiverse of breakfast foods! So without further ado, I give you, the public, the third round of TheSwash’s “Breakfast Hall of Fame”!

EGGS BENEDICT: Quite literally the Holy Grail of breakfast food, it is often said that this was what Jesus himself ate on most mornings before making shelves and tables. The combination of the poached egg, ham (or Canadian bacon), English muffin and Hollandaise sauce is what gave Christ the power to perform miracles, never mind that God DNA that was inside him. This is one of my top go-to items for breakfast. It can be prepared in various different ways. I once had a variation that was made with potato pancakes instead of English muffins and it was glorious. Perkins makes a pretty killer eggs benedict and it is the best thing on their menu. If you want to hold it down Messiah style with your God complex, than this is definitely the breakfast food for you.

BREAKFAST SAUSAGE: Breakfast sausage can come in several different ways. There are links, patties, crumbled varieties and even more types than that. Hell, it is the main ingredient in sausage gravy. I don’t have much of a preference over links or patties but I tend to go the patty route when given a choice. Bacon is superior because it is much more versatile but just as a breakfast side, sausage may take the cake. The most important food group ever is meat and when it comes to breakfast, this may be your best choice for a quick fix of dead animal on your plate.

CORNED BEEF HASH: Readers of this blog should already know that I am a HUGE fan of corned beef hash. In fact, I wrote a lengthy blog titled, “Corned Beef Hash: a swashbuckler’s protein shake” which can be found here. It was one of my greatest blogs because it was about one of the greatest, if not THE greatest, food item to ever exist. Corned beef hash has magical properties and was once used by witchdoctors in Brazil to heal the wounds of their gods. It’s ridiculously tasty and can even be used to build huts and pretty solid helmets. It is a multi-purpose breakfast tool and completely under-appreciated and underutilized by most common folk. If you haven’t done the dance of death with corned beef hash, then you have never passed the true trials into adulthood and your tribe has failed you.

So here are three more items now in the Breakfast Hall of Fame here at TheSwash. Add these to your list of things to try if you have not tried them. The power that these three breakfast items can give you will help you conquer your enemies and dance on their stupid faces!

It should be no surprise, at this point, how much I love waffles or breakfast food for that matter. So one particular breakfast item that I’d like to talk about and pay homage to, as my homie Greg calls it, is a “proper” full English breakfast. The Red Coats definitely created one of the greatest feats in the history of mankind when they assembled this ante meridiem culinary miracle.

The “proper” full English breakfast is comprised of many fine treats and can be presented with several different options. Generally, it is served with two eggs (I like 3-4 myself), “proper” English bacon (which is different than American bacon), fried tomatoes, fried mushrooms, toast, “proper” English sausage (which is much larger than American sausage) and black pudding. Some versions come with baked beans in tomato sauce, some variation of potato and other vegetables. The breakfast is usually accompanied by “proper” British tea (hopefully free of tariffs).

After discovering this awesome monster of a breakfast meal, I now realize why the Red Coats were so hard to defeat during the American Revolution. I wouldn’t want to fight anyone with a full breakfast in their stomach. It is no wonder why the British were able to nearly take over the entire world. That’s why I am glad that they are now our ally and we have the luxury of sharing our breakfast food with each other. Between full breakfasts in the UK and Waffle Houses in the US, there is nothing our two peoples cannot accomplish.

I’m sure the British swashbucklers used to eat these everyday, no matter what side of the law they were on. Full English breakfasts have been known to quicken swordplay, increase jumping height, enhance acrobatics as well as making someone literally impervious to musket balls. Merlin actually existed and was powered by full English breakfasts and the blood of trolls, whose blood was used to make black pudding before they became extinct. Now they just make black pudding with the blood of pigs and cows; I guess dragons and orcs are hard to find. King Arthur, the greatest warrior king ever, used to bathe in full English breakfasts for hours. Excalibur was forged in the same fires where the first full English breakfast was cooked.

If only the British could properly harness the power of the “proper” full English breakfast, as they did before troll extinction, they might have the power to destroy big brother from intruding into their lives at the level that they are. England is becoming a scary place in a very Orwellian way. I fear that America is not too far behind. If the British can get their shit together and stand against what is obviously a New World Order, then maybe America can nip this shit in the bud before it’s too late for us. If the whole world ate “proper” full English breakfasts, than we’d all be liberated and powerful yet peaceful due to the spiritual balance that the meal brings to one at the start of the day.