This is an actual whiskey flavored lube from the gluttons over at Epic Meal Time. Apparently they’re convinced whiskey is a desirable smell to have smeared all over your privates. SPOILER: It’s not. Unless you’re in a relationship with another manly dude (I’m thinking a gay biker/bear type here), chances are your lover doesn’t want your junk smelling like f***ing whiskey. Piña colada, absolutely, but only because piña colada is the best smell in the world, especially for car air fresheners.

Source: Geekologie.

Jest.com came to one of the sets I was shooting on and enlisted me, Allie Haze, Chastity Lynn, and Jerry to do a funny political commentary video. The result was our tirade against Rick Santorum and his porn hating ways.

Pornographic toys, magazines and videos were stolen from a Linda sex shop, but the store’s owner is surprised by what wasn’t taken.

Kevin Couch owns Fantasy Factory across the street from a strip club, and Monday night someone broke into his adult store. But the culprits never touched the cash register.

“They just took the toys and left,” he said. “They didn’t take the money or anything so I was lost. The sheriff’s department was lost. When he saw all the stuff in here and he goes ‘that’s all they took?’ and I was like ‘yeah.’”

So Kevin thinks it was kids just trying to make a little mischief in forbidden territory.

“They see the adult store here, they can’t come in here they can’t purchase this stuff so they are bored and they break in and come in and take it at night when no one is here,” he said.

So far, there are no suspects, just a suspected age range: boys probably about 13 to 17 years old.

“If I was to do it I’d probably go for cash, not adult toys,” Linda resident Rodney Foster said. “I don’t really understand why somebody would take that, that’s kind of gross and weird.”

The thieves busted in by using a chunk of asphalt to crash through the door. It will cost Kevin about $800 to fix the door and he’s out about $150 worth of merchandise.

It’s the second time his store has been broken into in a year.

Source: CBS Sacramento. Video at link.

*Note.. that is not a picture of the store front, it’s just funny.

My Two Cents: Why is this sick bitch the douchebag of the week? Well, killing and gutting a horse and climbing inside it for nude photographs isn’t art, it’s just disgusting. It’s like those scumbags who step on kittens heads with high heels and call that art. You’re all douchebags. Original story posted here. End Two Cents.

*Taken from MSNBC.

A Portland woman who bought a horse, killed it, gutted it and posed naked for photos inside the carcass broke no laws, Oregon authorities decided.

And she says she can’t understand people’s interest in her. “No idea why people care,” Jasha Lottin, 21, told Seattle Weekly, which published photos that she had posted on the Internet.

Lottin and her boyfriend had taken over care of the 32-year-old horse, which they said was in declining health, KOIN-TV reported. They told Washington County sheriff’s deputies that they shot it near Portland with a rifle and gutted it, then Lottin stripped and climbed inside. She also posed outside of it, covered in its blood, and with parts of the horse’s organs.

CONTINUED..

*Taken from the Telegraph.

Actress Scarlett Johansson has reportedly become the latest celebrity to fall victim to apparent leaked nude photos from her mobile phone, which appeared on a website on Wednesday.

*Written by Rob Rimes.

1. Introduction:

Is this an unwarranted  smear piece? I know that it may be perceived that way and it is completely justifiable to accuse it as such but I am only stating facts here. The point is, the facts are that bad. Granted my opinion and a bit of name calling will saturate this critique of the GOP’s frontrunner to run against Obama in 2012 but at the end of the day, Rick Perry is still a lying scumbag fuck that needs to be exposed for his lies, his deceit and his apparent lack of humanity. This guy is a vile tyrant and it is no surprise that he is the establishment’s handpicked successor to Barack Obama: almost guaranteed to take the American throne.

Fox News has been sucking this guy’s cock so fucking hard that it is almost sickening to watch. If Perry had foreskin he doesn’t anymore because every time my channel-surfing finger has stopped on Fox News, no matter what time of day, the topic has been Rick fucking Perry. It has gotten so bad that I heard that Fox News is changing its name to the Rick Perry Network. I mean, let’s call a spade a spade because that’s basically what the channel has become.

This Perry love started well before he officially entered the presidential race but it has been insanely magnified the last week since he announced his candidacy. The problem is that all this attention to this election cycle’s “golden boy” takes away time and coverage from the other candidates. The stone cold truth is that they don’t want you to concern yourself with any of the others now that this redneck dragon has pounced on the scene reeking of Aquanet. Hell, they’re already promoting the war of words between Perry and Obama to the point that it looks like he already won the damn primary. Well he hasn’t but apparently Fox News doesn’t care. Their mind is made up and because of that, it just shows how irresponsible they are and that they completely lack any journalistic integrity. The only thing “fair and balanced” over their is the lack of time being given to the other candidates now (well except for Ron Paul and Gary Johnson who are both being ignored).

Rick Perry is not only a horrible candidate to lead this country, he is also a very bad man. Pundits keep saying he is the next George W. Bush, as if that’s a good thing! Some of them are even claiming that he is Reaganesque. Those claiming that are complete fucking morons that just shoot a bunch of shit out of their ass and have no idea what the fuck they are talking about. Rick Perry is definitely not Reagan and he is much worse than Bush II: Back in the Habit. Rick Perry at his core is nothing more and nothing less than terminal fucking cancer eating away at liberty. As harsh as that sounds, after just the next section of this article, you will see why.

2. The Vicious Vaccinator:

It looks like I’m going to hit you with the worst thing first. Why beat around the bush and waste time saving this for the main event on the card? This is the one thing that definitely needs to be brought out in the open for the masses outside of Texas to see. This isn’t something you will hear about on Fox News; well that’s not counting Michelle Malkin, who was the only person with balls big enough to come out this past week and express her distaste for Rick Perry because of this very reason. Thank god it was live because she probably would’ve been edited out otherwise. Of course the host she was talking to just brushed it off like a little bit of dirt on the shoulder.

Nothing Rick Perry has ever done is as inhumane and purely evil as what he did to little girls in Texas. To put it simply, Rick Perry forced young girls in Texas to get vaccinated whether their parents were cool with it or not. Rick Perry used his power to press this medical tyranny on the innocent children of his constituents! Did Perry get away with it? Fuck no! Luckily for the people of Texas the state lawmakers put a stop to Rick Perry’s emperor-like executive order but it doesn’t excuse the fact that Perry was dead set on employing tactics that were reminiscent of Adolf Hitler. For the record, unlike other opinionated commentators and political writers, I don’t throw Nazi comparisons around lightly. This may actually be the first time because typically, I hate when people do it.

When looking a little deeper at this incredibly insane incident, one is left even further aghast by the facts that the media has brushed this under the rug and completely ignored it. You see, the vaccine was Gardasil which has been known to make some people very sick and has even been the cause of death for a few. In his defense, Perry did allow parents the option to opt out. Of course that was difficult and came with a mountain of forms but at least he was open to the concept of allowing parents to attempt to save their daughters from potential death! What a humanitarian!

It’s funny considering that Rick Perry is so vocally opposed to the individual mandate in Obamacare but yet, he was apparently cool with doing this and the ONLY thing that stopped him was dozens of other lawmakers?! Then again in 1993 he did refer to Hillarycare as “most commendable”. Oh yeah, he wrote that after becoming a Republican. If you didn’t know, he was once a Democrat that worked for Al Gore on his 1988 presidential campaign. So where does he stand on all this shit really?

When it comes down to it, why would this follicly formidable fucksack even take a chance on these young girls’ lives? Well, that is because the drug company behind the vaccinations was Merck. You see, Merck and Perry are really tight butt buddies. In fact, Merck contributed heavily to Perry’s gubernatorial campaign and even had in their employ Perry’s ex-Chief of Staff Mike Toomey. This is proof enough for me that Rick Perry is easily bought and just as fucking corrupt as anyone in the Beltway.

The fact that this is not a gigantic dark smear on his campaign is absolutely fucking irresponsible by the mainstream media. The fact that this hasn’t completely ruined the man is mind boggling! The fact that this act wasn’t career suicide is so fucking twisted that it just doesn’t even make any sort of logical sense. The media went ape shit wasting countless months on Obama’s goddamned birth certificate issue but THIS isn’t fucking news?!?! The fact that it isn’t is proof that Fox or any other media outlet that ignores it has the journalistic integrity of Weekly World News.

If you question this, don’t take my word for it, research it yourself. Because as far as I am concerned, after knowing this, anyone who would vote for Perry or just go on ignoring this incident is just as guilty as he is. How could you vote for and support this power hungry megalomaniac almost murderer?

3. The Crown Prince of Porn:

Not only did Rick Perry want to force your daughters to take harmful vaccines but he also wanted to profit off of them in the porn industry. Having invested a significant amount of money into a company that has produced such titles as “Teens Never Say No”, “Teens with Tits”, “Bisexual Barebacking” and “Big Tit Brotha Lovers” shows that Mr. Conservative Rick Perry is a real winner and an icon of morality that deserves our admiration. Now I truly understand why Sean Hannity wants to roll around in barrels of this guy’s cum.

Now I’m not bashing pornography in general; I watch it, I like it and if that is your source of income then do your thing! However I am against a guy who is supposedly this morally superior god-fearing conservative that is really just a hypocrite making serious cheese off of what many consider a morally questionable industry. Granted, this isn’t as bad as forcing needles into the arms of children but it is still worth pointing out.

You see, way back in 1995, Mr. Perry invested in the company Movie Gallery, which is a rather large video rental chain that I am sure most of you have heard of. I used to rent movies there all the time and on my way out I’d grab a box of Nestlé Sno-Caps and a 1L bottle of Dr. Pepper. Movie Gallery was the fucking shit and I always liked them over Blockbuster. One of the main reasons was because their rental fees were really goddamned cheap. The reason for this was because they made a shit ton of money being the largest distributor of pornography in America at that time. Selling porn made so much money that they could price their regular rentals lower than the competition. It always helps to have a second stream of income, doesn’t it?

While Rick Perry was making serious money off of his secret stash of smut, he was parading around with some of the same Christian groups that were out trying to stop and boycott companies like Movie Gallery for pimping this stuff out. What side was Perry on? On a side note: one of these “Christian” groups is now considered “terrorists” by the way. But hey, Slick Rick had a responsibility to make the voters happy, especially the religious right but he also had to make some money. In the end however, his true colors shined bright! Cha-ching!

Now Governor Perry would go on to pass laws that would protect companies like Movie Gallery from lawsuits after they were allegedly caught violating the law by illegally distributing porn across state lines. He even went on to refer to the lawsuit against Movie Gallery as “frivolous”. I guess when it came down to it, fattening his bottom line was more important than representing the people who voted him in power. Seems like a trend between Movie Gallery and Merck. I’m sure cash and kickbacks are a prime motivator for Rick Perry. Is that the type of guy you want leading this country?

Also, I don’t have an issue with porn. In fact, I worked in the industry briefly as a bodyguard. However, I know that a lot of you voting for Perry are true Christian conservatives and I know that this probably doesn’t sit well with you. Perry, contrary to what the glowing box in your living room tells you, is not a true conservative out to protect your rights and support the things you stand for. Realistically, Perry isn’t going to support anything any of us stand for unless there’s a lucrative incentive.

4. The Anti-Capitalist Capitalist:

Rick Perry and his billion-dollar propaganda department on cable television have most of you believing that he is a free market guy. These mindless pundits are pimping out his pro-capitalist panache with unrivaled enthusiasm. The truth is, it’s all bullshit. Perry is not this great free market wizard that the talking heads on the red channel want you to believe. In fact, his record is more like the so-called progressive heroes that you see on the blue channel. As far as economics go, Perry is pretty much a big pile of dog shit. I’m about to give you a fuckload of reasons why.

To start, Rick Perry loves those motherfucking taxes. In fact, since he took office back in 2000, he has not cut taxes at all. On the other hand, this “fiscal dynamo” has supported several tax hikes, as well as new state business taxes, a business property tax, a cigarette tax, a fireworks tax and a toll road tax. Back in the day, as a Democrat, he supported a 5.7 billion dollar tax hike, the largest in Texas history!

What about cutting spending? Nope! The only thing this turkey cut was the concept of fiscal responsibility from his platform. When Perry took office after George W. Bush, state spending was at 49 billion dollars. Right now under Perry, spending is at 92.5 billion dollars. Well, at least he didn’t double it.. yet. Although Rick Perry has nearly tripled the state debt, as in 2000 it was at 13.4 billion dollars compared to today’s 37.3 billion dollars! The debt to GDP ratio is 22.9 percent, which equates to $10,645 per citizen. Now compare that to the 18.7 percent/$9,932 per citizen in the economically ravaged California. Dude’s a fucking rockstar of crap! I mean the debt in Texas under Perry has grown faster than the federal debt under George W. Bush and Barack Obama! Now that’s a fucking accomplishment!

Rick Perry also supported TARP because obviously he’s a real intelligent guy. He also authored a piece of legislation that tripled the amount of money that state legislators make. He received a bunch of farm subsidies. He signed into law the Texas Emissions Reduction Plan which is just climate change bullshit. He supported Lance Armstrong’s 3 billion dollar medical research center, which was obviously paid for with Texans’ tax dollars. He secured a 300 million dollar business handout slush fund, which was just corporate welfare for his friends and colleagues. 20 million of that went to Countrywide Financial which ended up going bankrupt anyway. He also supported Rudy Giuliani last election, who was the frontrunner in 2008 but eventually fell flat on his face.

When it comes to jobs and unemployment, Rick Perry isn’t as badass and effective as he and all the pundits claim. In fact, there are 23 states that have a lower unemployment rate than Texas and this is taking into account the huge Texas oil boom. Also, weekly wages increased about 5 percent in the United States from 2007 to 2011. In Texas however, they only raised by 0.6 percent. Texas also has the largest percentage of workers in the country making minimum wage. In fact, in 2007 221,000 Texans were making minimum wage or less. In 2011 that number has skyrocketed to 550,000! That’s more than double in just four years!

Rick Perry is a blatant liar about his economic credentials or he is just completely delusional, as is anyone who defends him after knowing the facts. Then again, you shouldn’t be selling this douche to the nation without knowing what the actual facts are. To do so is completely irresponsible and doesn’t fix a goddamned thing. In essence, those pushing Perry down our throats are contributing to the dismantling of liberty and the stupidification of America. Fuck you people.

5. The Illegal Immigration Ignorer:

Personally, I am not all that bothered by the huge debate over illegal immigration in this country. I feel that anyone who wants to come here for the right reasons and make a living and truly contribute to bettering America is more than welcome. Yes, I am aware that more often than not, this isn’t the case with many of the illegal immigrants flocking into our country now. However, the problem isn’t the immigration issue itself, it is the issue of the welfare state that creates this atmosphere of freeloading and entitlement. You can read more on my thoughts on the subject in the article “Conservatives & Aliens”. What I am bringing to the light here is Rick Perry’s hypocrisy on the whole issue.

Perry is a big fucking talker and when it comes to the immigration issue he is all gung ho at trying to convince his constituents that the borders need to be secured and that our national security is threatened with the border being wide-open. He’s doing everything he can or so he says. Essentially, Rick Perry is pandering to that large base of Texas voters who want more immigration enforcement.

The truth is that Rick Perry is doing nothing to prevent illegal immigrants from coming into Texas. In fact, illegal immigrants in Texas have added 17.7 billion dollars a year to the state gross product while benefiting from in-state tuition at public universities on top of other entitlements. While this was going on, it was the local governments and the hospitals that shared the burden in caring for this sect of the population. When fellow Republican Tom Tancredo from Colorado was pressuring other GOP leaders to stand firm on undocumented immigration, Rick Perry called him a “racist”.

In 2001, Rick Perry visited Mexico where he promoted his new law that granted the children of undocumented workers the ability to milk the system for a free ride to college. Under Perry, Texas became the first state to implement such a law. He went on to tell the people there, “The message is simple educacion es el futuro, y si se puede.” That translates to “Education is the future, and yes we can.” He borrowed that last line from Cesar Chavez a socialist and a legendary source of inspiration for union thugs everywhere.

In addition to forcing the taxpayer to pay for the education of immigrant children, Rick Perry also forced them to pay for several services such as drug treatment, mental health care, care for special needs children as well as many more freebies. He also keeps tapping into the taxpayer pot to buy cameras and other devices to attempt to “secure” the border but even with all that he just continues to ask the federal government for help. That just translates to dipping into the taxpayer pot of non-Texans for a Texan problem.

To a lot of conservatives, the issue of securing the border and combating undocumented immigration is one of the most important. To Rick Perry it is obviously a joke and his hypocrisy on the issue is very apparent. To conservatives reading this, you need to be aware where he stands on this issue. Then again, I don’t really think he even knows where he stands on it. Maybe he is just trying to please the huge number of hispanics in the state who have helped to get him elected for three terms.

6. The Bionic Bilderberger:

If you are even aware of what the Bilderberg Group is, the fact that Rick Perry is a member of this elite squad of globalist shitcocks should raise some red flags. For those who don’t know, the Bilderberg Group is an organization comprised of the world’s elite that meets annually to discuss the state and the fate of the world. The group meets in secret and the media is left in the dark about what goes on in these meetings. If the work going on at these meetings is noble, then why is it shrouded in mystery? Why does the organization go to such drastic lengths to beef up security and keep the attendees list out of public view? What is it that the leaders of our nations, the most powerful bankers and even the top media executives don’t want us to know?

I know a lot of you may be rolling your eyes at this conspiracy theory “nonsense” but all you have to do is dig a little bit and you’ll uncover the fact that these meetings do happen, these people do shape the world based off of what happens behind these closed doors and almost nearly every single president and various cabinet members in modern history have attended at least one Bilderberg meeting. It was reported that Rick Perry attended in 2007 (see here).

Since that meeting, Rick Perry has pushed forward with the building of the NAFTA superhighway that is being constructed right through the heart of Texas. This gargantuan road is going to eventually stretch from Mexico all the way up to Canada, intersecting the United States. This project is just the start of the globalist plan to create a North American Union between the U.S., Canada and Mexico. Yeah, this is pretty heavy stuff and some of you may be scoffing at the idea but as I’ve stated before, all you’ve got to do is dig a little and the data that supports this is readily available for you to scrutinize and ignore further.

Basically the NAU is our version of the EU or the European Union. Well, we’ve all now seen how well that idea worked out and do we really want to go that route? I’m sure Perry is all for it however if his economic record is any indicator. Then again, the same people pushing for this and the NAFTA superhighway are the same bankers involved in the Bilderberg Group and they have also contributed heavily to Perry’s third campaign for governor as well as his current campaign for president. Also, the companies behind the superhighway have become big supporters of Perry’s as well but really, those companies and the elite are made up of a lot of the same people. Again, do some digging if you question the validity of any of this.

Rick Perry has turned over Texas roads to the foreign company Cintra Concesiones de Infraestructuras de Transport. In doing so, Perry has stated that he was attempting to save Texans from additional taxation as well as finding a solution that didn’t involve him having to go to “the asphalt fairies” in Washington D.C. for help. Yet he can turn the construction and management of our infrastructure over to a foreign entity? And doesn’t he keep turning to the federal government for border security? I’m confused.

When Rick Perry was pressed about his involvement with the Bilderberg Group in a radio interview he simply said, “I found it to be an interesting group of people. I have yet to find out why they want to keep it a secret. I haven’t been invited back and that was 5 years ago, so I guess I didn’t impress them.” Governor Perry is full of shit and just because he hasn’t been back, if that is even true considering the level of secrecy within the group, it doesn’t mean that they aren’t still pulling some strings. The NAFTA superhighway is a huge string and so is the possibility of the NAU.

I find it kind of funny that Perry was ready to kick the TSA out of Texas but ultimately caved. Could that have been pressure from the mysterious elite? I also find it funny that immediately after the 2011 Bilderberg meeting Rick Perry’s name was suddenly being tossed around by the mainstream media as a potential presidential candidate. Odd that it was Fox News doing the propagandist promo work considering that their owner is none other than Rupert Murdoch, who is a major player in the Bilderberg Group as well as someone who just went through a major scandal with his British newspaper News of the World.

At least this last Bilderberg meeting actually had some press coverage. Media outlets outside the mainstream grasp have started paying attention and reporting on the event. It even made it on the Drudge Report. I guess crazy nutty conspiracy theorists like Alex Jones aren’t so crazy after all, now that major media outlets are starting to shine some light on these secretive annual events. But believe whatever the hell you want. Those of you in the know about this can understand why Rick Perry would be disastrous as our president. His interests aren’t the same as the interests of the American people.

7. Conclusion:

Rick Perry is certainly not a conservative and he certainly doesn’t fit the ideals of what the Tea Party represents. If you are a libertarian like me, he’s pretty much the fucking devil. This guy on the ballot would make me vote for Barack Obama, that is how bad I truly believe he is. It is time to wake up and see the forest for the trees and to stop believing all this manufactured hype presented to us by Fox News and other conservative media outlets that support this guy. Fuck, these damn media outlets are forcing this guy down our throats to the point that we’re all left gagging like porn starlets in the Governor’s self-produced film catalog.

As I stated, I can see where this article will be perceived as a blatant smear campaign against this scumbag but all I really did here was try to inform those of you who only get their information from the mainstream media. Many of the issues I discussed here have been kept out of public view and will continue to not be mentioned unless some brave soul on television is willing to put their career on the line to throw the establishment’s golden boy under the bus. Even then, the clueless plebeians, like O’Reilly and Hannity watchers, will just ignore it because unfortunately, most people don’t want to be informed. Ignorance is bliss and the cookies taste better when you don’t know that the chocolate chips are just rat feces.

Besides, when the media treats even the most plausible conspiracy theory as some nutty scheme dreamed up by some inbred maroon sipping battery acid in a shed, people run away from the idea and shun all others who may entertain it because they don’t want to be associated with the tinfoil hat wearing whackos. When one even mentions that the Gulf of Tonkin incident that started the Vietnam war was staged by our government, people go apeshit and call the person saying it a nutjob. It doesn’t matter that the government came out and admitted it later. This is why the Perry supporters write off anybody trying to educate them on the reality of their messiah. They just refuse to believe it because in doing so, their whole world is turned upside down; it’d be fucking anarchy! Their minds couldn’t handle the brave new world that they’d be forced to accept. Maybe it’s time to introduce a little chaos, it would definitely do this country some fucking good.

Where I sit, I just don’t have the time or the wherewithal to deal with those who keep themselves ignorant on purpose. I’ve said my peace, so you can either ignore it and call me names or you can pass the information on. Rick Perry will be the next President of the United States unless we do something about it. If he wins, I’m not going to even bother saying, “I told you so”. I’m just going to laugh when the country falls to shit and you’re still blaming everyone else for your problems. If you haven’t woken up by today, then you’re already too late. Tomorrow is what we make it today and right now, tomorrow looks like the American nightmare.

*Taken from the Huffington Post. Video at link.

What will Casey Anthony do now? Porn — that is if one major adult entertainment studio gets its wish.

Following a shocking jury decision that could make Anthony a free woman at sentencing on Thursday, Vivid Entertainment has offered Casey Anthony a job in one of its upcoming porn films.

“Whether you agree with the verdict or not, Casey will want to move forward with her life and has a right to make a living,” Vivid co-founder Steve Hirsch toldTMZ. “It’s not going to be easy for her and we believe we can help her make the transition into a new life.”

After a month-long trial, Anthony was found not guilty of murder, child abuse and manslaughter charges in the death of her daughter, Caylee. She was found guilty of misleading to investigators.

Hirsch claims he has put a call into Anthony’s attorney, Jose Baez — but Anthony might not need the job.

The 25-year-old could make big bucks by selling her story to the press, according to Fox News.

CONTINUED..

*Taken from Yahoo News.

A former porn actress who said she exchanged emails and messages over Twitter with New York Rep. Anthony Weiner said Wednesday that he asked her to lie about their online communications.

Ginger Lee said she and Weiner exchanged about 100 emails between March and June, beginning after Lee posted a supportive statement about the congressman on her blog. She said they mostly discussed politics, but he would often turn the conversation to sex.

“‘I have wardrobe demands too. I need to highlight my package,’” Weiner wrote Lee, in an email read aloud at the news conference by Lee’s attorney, Gloria Allred.

Weiner acknowledged last week that he had sent lewd photos and texts to women after a photo of his crotch was posted on Twitter. In an interview two weeks ago, he acknowledged that he had exchanged messages with Lee but didn’t elaborate.

CONTINUED..

*Written by Rob Rimes.

This is pretty much a rant about cocks and pussies, you have been warned. It is probably best if you turn back now. Still here? M’kay.. moving on.

I know I have bitched in the past about the use of “gate” as a suffix to describe any political scandal. It’s redundant, overused, stupid and incredibly fucking lame. However, I do chuckle a little bit every time the word “Weinergate” is uttered. I guess this is the ultimate use of the tired tactic and probably the best one the media has come up with. Anyway, since this is definitely the pinnacle, I don’t think we should continue to use “-gate” anymore. Well, unless there is a “pussygate” or a “cockgate” or something involving a sexual organ or expletive. Fuck all that however, I’m here to talk about the events of Weinergate itself, not the origins of it’s name.

Anthony Weiner is not the brightest cock on the block. I mean, to be a dude in the position he is in and to post cock pics and sexy pecs photos online, whether intended to be private or not, is incredibly stupid. If you are the Lib King of New York, you’ve got to know that you are under a goddamned microscope. Didn’t this guy learn from the mistakes of the Craigslist Congressman or any of the other idiots in Congress who have been caught committing lewd acts? Apparently not. By the way, his bulge was underwhelming. Everyone knows that if you’re going to take pics of your Swiss Roll in your undies, that you stuff a sock in that motherfucker and call it a dick. It’s not false advertising when all the chicks today are wearing Wonderbras and shit. Just calling a spade a spade ladies, don’t get all emo and menstrual about it.

In reality, this whole sexting thing has gotten out of control. Then again, if you want to send me pics of your tits and pussies, feel free. However, only if you are over 18. I don’t need to be pinched for child pornography. But anyway, yes, this sexting craze is ridiculous. Kids are getting arrested for this shit in middle school! As the media says, “it is an epidemic.” Really though, sensationalism aside, I don’t think it is an epidemic. The technology just makes it easier to flash your junk without your significant other even being in the room to enjoy it. Personally, I’m not going to take pics of my cock and send them out, but if I did so what? There was a sex tape of me and a girl I dated back in the day but you can’t tell it is me, as all you see is my ass moving up and down. However, I am coming clean because unlike these idiots in politics, I’m pretty much an open goddamned book and don’t give a shit. If I ever run for office and someone asks about it, I’m going to be like, “Yeah dude, that’s my ass. So what? You mad your boy got laid? Don’t be a hater!”

See, maybe that is the problem. Maybe these guys being so secretive with skeletons in the closet is what bites them in the ass. No one is fucking perfect and everyone has something questionable that can be brought out into the open to discredit them. I’m of the philosophy that if I throw the shit out there myself, it isn’t going to fuck me in the eye down the road. I don’t think this Weiner thing is that big of a deal. Really, I don’t even care about it. That should be evident by the lackadaisical execution of this article. I’m writing about it only because everyone is obsessing over it. Also, I am drunk and taking a break from working on an article that involves a lot of research.

Anyway, the big question is, “should this end his career?” From where I sit, I don’t think so. He lied.. big fucking deal! Find me a politician that hasn’t lied without Paul as their surname and I’ll show you a frog that snorts coke and rides a unicycle. They are all full of shit and who is to say that he didn’t bide his time in an effort to prepare his wife for the inevitable. Weiner claims that his wife was aware of these escapades. Today, Fox News asked, “Is that something we should be concerned about?” Um.. no! Fox News needs to realize that whatever arrangement they have within their own private marriage, is their goddamned business. If I was married and my wife and I had an open marriage or were swingers or brought a third person into the mix, it is OUR business, not the public’s business. Just like if Bill O’Reilly loves to suck dicks, it’s none of my business (I’m not saying Billy O does, it’s just an example). I get it though, Fox News wants to push their moralistic viewpoint down our throats in an effort to demonize a liberal politician. However, this is just to counteract the liberal media for constantly trying to demonize conservative politicians. When the biased battles the biased, we all lose.

Everyone is calling for this guy to be ousted. Hey, fucktards, we live in America. Realistically, I think that his constituents should decide that. He represents their congressional district and if they, the people who voted him into office, think he can still represent them, then Weiner should still be allowed to represent them. If I was in his district, I wouldn’t have voted for him to begin with but I wouldn’t vote against him for showing off his hard man tits and his trouser lump. I just don’t care! There are real issues going on and this is a goddamned distraction.

But anywhoo, supposing Weiner does get the can, what’s next for this loud-mouthed insane hornball? Well, if I were the execs at Fox News I’d hire the guy as a contributor. Imagine this guy on the Great American Panel arguing with Hannity, Coulture and Meat Loaf about the constitutionality of the Libyan War. I think it would be entertaining as hell to have homeboy on there like the liberal version of a Palin, Gingrich or Rove. The Fox News liberals are all typically boring and they need one with some fire and personality. Fuck man, Weiner could be the new Colmes but way more entertaining and less scary looking. King Rupert better pick up the horn and make the call. Frankly, if he went to CNN or MSNBC he’d be overshadowed and diluted by the socialists and partisan hacks competing for the government regulated brass ring. Weiner would be wasted.

Another option for the guy would be reality TV. VH1 could sign him up and come out with “Weiner of Love”. Maybe “Celebrity Sex Rehab” could be an option. I think the best fit would be “Celebrity Dick Club”. Reality star, Donald Trump talked mad shit about Weiner today and I found that hilarious as he is probably the biggest and most annoying piece of shit scumbag ever, well apart from a child rapist or a terrorist. I bet Weiner could be a bigger reality star than The Douche a.k.a. The Donald.

The best option though, would be for Weiner to capitalize and drop a sex tape. Fuck it, he’s got to have a stash of ego-porn lying around the house. He could play it off like it was stolen and sold to Vivid Entertainment like all the other stars do. I’m telling you, Weiner would make mad bank off of this. He could have a whole porn career. Maybe his wife would be cool with it, who knows? They’re best buddies with the Clintons and Hillary didn’t say shit when Bill was dippin’ his dick in another pool.

So by the seriousness of this article, you can see how serious I am taking this issue. For the last time, I. Don’t. Give. A. Fuck. I just figured I’d give what little “two cents” I have on it and offer some ideas for the future of Weiner’s life. However, he’ll probably just fade off into obscurity and one day be arrested for beating off to a picture of himself in a ladies’ bathroom at Shoney’s.

Favorite Weiner Moments: