The Brat Prince of the GOP

*Written by Rob Rimes.

Finding myself flying down U.S. 41 in Naples, Florida yesterday had my mind racing. As VNV Nation’s song “Control” was blasting throughout my stock speakers and I was weaving in and out of a sea of giant Canadian turtles out for a Sunday drive, I found myself thinking about a lot of the news reports on Rick Santorum that have come out over the last few days. This whole Etch-A-sketch farce is laughable, as Mitt Romney’s aide’s now infamous gaffe, has been criticized by everyone from the lowest bottom-feeding liberal pundits all the way up to conservative presidential candidates Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum – who both brought Etch-A-Sketch toys to their most recent rallies. Personally, I don’t care about the mistake made by Eric Fehrnstrom, who has been by Romney’s side for decades now. People make mistakes and focusing too deeply on this is pointless. It was a stupid mishap on his part but when guys like Santorum and Gingrich are so desperate to overtake Romney, they of course have to make a big ass deal about it. As if these two haven’t put their big elephant sized feet in their mouths again and again. None of us are immune to making mistakes, however some of us continue to make blunder after blunder and with that said, Rick Santorum is the blunder master!

Hell, Rick Santorum, in trying to lambast Mitt for his campaign’s simple slip up, has actually committed worse gaffes than the Romney staff. However, the blind religious zealots, the Fox News zombies and the Tea Party hypocrites are seemingly blind to this man’s stupidity and his bratty whiney infantile nature. Rick Santorum, when under fire, is like the kid who lied to his parents and throws a fit when he’s caught – refusing to admit that he is a punk ass hellion. Emotionally, the man is a child and that alone makes him unqualified to hold any sort of public office, let alone the Oval Office.

In attacking the comments by Mr. Fehrnstrom, Rick Santorum came out and alluded to Barack Obama being better than Mitt Romney would be as president! Yes, this Republican idiot bashed the frontrunner of his own party in an effort to build himself up while tearing down his party and helping Barack Obama in the process. Rick Santorum truthfully doesn’t care about the GOP, he just cares about Rick Santorum and like the brat bastard he is, publicly throws tantrums to get his way. Unfortunately, unlike the typical brat bastard who throws a fit in Wal-Mart because mommy won’t buy him the new Green Ranger action figure, no one is there to put this ungrateful delinquent over their knee for an old school ass whoopin’. Shit, I’d make that pretentious little rascal climb the damn tree and pick out his own switch like my uncle used to do to me. For reference sake, here’s is Santorum’s exact quote:

Pick any other Republican in the country, he (Romney) is the worst Republican in the country to put up against Barack Obama.

It may not seem that bad at first glance but the underlying tone to the comment is pretty straightforward. Now while some in the liberal side of the media have been having a field day with this and rightfully so, the conservative side of the coin has basically ignored it. The Fox News jokesters continue to perpetuate this 2012 circus and probably can’t even see how their contribution to this presidential race is pulling apart the GOP and the country by the seams. So ignoring Fox News’ carelessness and incredibly biased “fair and balanced” reporting – not saying that other networks are fully off the hook here, at least some of the other mainstream media outlets have questioned Santorum’s remarks. And really, Santorum endorsed Romney in 2008! All this knowledge about Romneycare and Mitt’s questionable record were well known back then, so why the change and the anger and the rage? It’s because Rick is losing and he is panicking like the prettiest girl in school coming to the realization that she might not be prom queen.

So how has Ricky Baby responded to the criticism? Well, he has thrown even more tantrums! Do the conservative and religious sects of the voting public seem to notice? Nope, they still support the douchebag, which is confirmed by the fact that amongst all of his bitching, whining and temper tantrum madness he magically won the primary in Louisiana! How does this keep happening? Do people really want a weak infantile bastard leading them through some of the toughest times this country has ever faced? Was Mike Judge right and the events of ‘Idiocracy’ were some sort of prophetic vision of what’s to come? A person of sound mind would certainly have to think so, as the dumbing down of American society has never been more apparent. This country falling behind this man’s leadership would be like having Eric Cartman for president! If that thought doesn’t scare the shit out of you, congratulations – you are a fucking idiot.

Over the last few days, since making his stupid comment, Santorum has tried to backtrack and reiterate it into something else. In doing so, it just makes him look like more of a bratty bitch and less like a man who can own up to his own mistakes and move forward. In a fantastic turn of events, for those of us who would love to never see this moron’s mug again, he went off on a New York Times reporter just yesterday. When asked about his Romney comments which were correctly quoted, Santorum put on his angry baby face and threw a typical spineless and emotionally weak fit where he cursed publicly at a New York Times reporter. Santorum told the reporter who questioned him:

What speech did you listen to? Stop lying!.. ..Quit distorting my words. If I see it, it’s bullshit! C’mon man!

Here’s a clip of it:

I guess even compassionate Christian mouthpieces can have anger issues. Then again, his compassion is pretty much anti-gay and anti-everything that isn’t in line with theocratic fascism. I guess Kevin McCallister is still pissed that his parents left him “home alone”.. twice.

The point is, this guy is really the worst Republican candidate in the country. The man shouldn’t even be in this race and never has anyone, in my lifetime, been this ill-equipped to handle the pressure that is going to come with the job of POTUS. Santorum is already cracking and has been a punk ass bitch since he emerged from his mother’s womb and graced the world with his everlasting thin-skinned toddler rage.

Responding to Santorum’s recent conniption fits, Romney spokesperson Ryan Williams hit the nail on the head:

Rick Santorum is becoming more desperate and angry and unhinged every day…He’s panicking in the final stages of his campaign.

Williams is right and as this race winds down, it is apparent that Romney is running away with this thing and Santorum is being left in the dust. Thank the stars for that but as history has shown again and again, after four more years of Obama, it will be Santorum taking the GOP nomination in 2016. If that sounds crazy, just remember that the guy in second place always becomes the Republican Party’s candidate four years later. I hope that this is a trend that changes and truthfully, for Republicans to survive – it has to! Otherwise, the likelihood of a President Santorum could very well be a reality four years from now.

Don’t say that this whiskey-sipping fiend behind his MacBook Pro screen didn’t give you ample warning.

Bonus – Santorum at his most intellectual: